Salme @ Saranzaya

Mostly wanted to make a secret request for help with putting together a wardrobe once we get to Queenstown, but also wanted to give you the chance to talk too.

I was curious how your gnosis worked too—it seems to be … oriented toward calligraphy? If you think that’d be more useful to tell everyone at once that’s fair.

Also didn’t get a chance to say this, but. There was a long time where I couldn’t act either. I’m very … I have a lot of volition, so much so I’m still learning to temper it. But I’d buried that part of me and I’m still realizing how much that fucked me up. You seem a little more resilient, but I did want to say that … I absolutely understand how even the most fucked-up truth that allows you to actually do something can be a relief.

Oh. One other thing. You don’t have to bargain or trade to get me to answer shit. You don’t have to do that with any one of us. Just ask.

Hi, Salme! I’ve not been properly digging into everything this thing makes available until the train ride back to Queenstown (I’ve got to have SOMETHING to distract me from bothering you and Luce the entire way), but I’ve been keeping an eye here and I’m glad for it. Yes, I absolutely can help with that! I’m already picking up something for Archie here in Rifton but I think for you we should get the best the Bazaar has to offer. What you’re wearing now works well with the styles here, honestly; if you draw any eyes it won’t be because you’re wearing something particularly outlandish.

Calligraphy and brushwork - one of my fathers is an expert calligrapher and the other does brush painting, so I’ve always been surrounded by brushwork and ink. When I was seven years old, I filled the Clan house with tiny red monsters… I suppose to me there’s nothing particularly special or unique about it, but I guess that’s not actually true, is it?

As for your last point - I know. It seemed like a fun game, but I wasn’t taking the rules too seriously. I love answering - and asking - questions far too much for that.

You could bother me and Luĉja the entire way, you know. But also I get it if you want a moment of quiet on the train.

Oh I’m not worried about my clothes being too outlandish; this is entirely an indulgent luxury. I traveled a lot on Almachadta, and I think my clothes from there are reasonably practical and I’m, you know, a human, and I’m pretty sure most of the planes are lousy with humans. The goal for me is actual to catch some eyes. Two sets of pretty particular eyes. So the best the Bazaar has to offer is exactly what I want.

Tiny red monsters! That’s amazing! You know, I didn’t learn how to read or write until I was … hm, I was 16 when I started? And I think … there’s always something magical about it? The written word in general, but also the act of calligraphy itself. Using it as the basis of your praxis with gnosis makes sense, but I would say it’s fairly special, yes. Especially considering the size of the working you made.

Glad you also enjoy the answering-and-asking of questions. If Aury told you anything about me, he’d have told you that probably.

Oh. Maybe a bit more seriously, maybe a bit not, but. I’m happy to hear anything about Annarr that you’d like to share. Your memories, I mean. It won’t bother me.

And I’m. Well. I love talking about Aurelius, but. Anything you want to know that I don’t think would violate his privacy … it’d be my joy to tell you.

Then the best the Bazaar has to offer you will have!

I agree that there’s something magical about the written word, about the way ink flows on a page. When I was very young I’d demand to sit in Papa’s lap as he worked - he does work for the Queen, when she’s drawing up a formal agreement with a Clan head and wanted it to look all fancy, or something like that. It turns out my talents are better-suited to working at a larger and more dramatic scale than that, but I managed to turn that into some significant practical use with the application of gnosis.

Does Aurelius get animated in a hunt or a Rite? I know we briefly discussed this when we spoke earlier, but I’m– It’s not the case that Annarr lived for the Rite, by any means. He was much more brilliant than most people gave him credit for, he was a skilled fiend-craftsman. But very little on the Beast made his eyes light up than squaring up against a monster fifteen times bigger than he was, and gnarly as hell. It was a joy to watch him fight, and I can’t help but wonder if Aurelius carries that with him as well.

This … may sound strange, but we actually haven’t performed many Rites since the beginning of this journey, and half of them happened very, very early on, when I couldn’t read him at all (as opposed to now, when I only struggle to read him half the time). I had to think about it, to really consider the memories, but I think the answer is yes.

There’s something about the mix of bravado, competence, and physicality that—the first time we fought side-by-side, there was a moment, when he had defeated a monster so brutally and thoroughly that I (even before I knew him at all!) had to concede he was very attractive. Uh that’s maybe not exactly what you meant, and while I’ve been accused of being smitten I don’t constantly stare foolishly at him, but. It was striking and strange.

There’s a joy to it, though, yes. He laughs, and he talks, and he is absolutely in control. The ears and tail still rarely move, though. That remains a mystery.

And yeah. People think Aurelius is less than he is very often as well.

No, that’s certainly within the realm of what I meant and was curious about. Here’s where I admit I was curious how you would describe him doing something I had reason to believe would be Pretty Fucking Hot, but asking you in person would probably have been reasonably mortifying in a way that I didn’t intend or want.

Anyways, I hope that you get to face off against some absurdly ferocious fiend here on the Beast, Salme. I suspect you will enjoy it.

Light, Zaya. Entrapment! Unfortunately, I am mortified but also talking about him is one of my favorite subjects so.

This wasn’t a Rite in the same way, but we did spar once. The stakes? He had to tell me something he wanted that I could plausibly give him. We’d been together for some time, and I couldn’t figure out how to give him anything. He never seemed to want anything at all. So I thought a Rite might provide some guidance.

He wiped the floor with me. It was amazing. Not because I liked getting hurt, but I liked seeing him like that—fully and completely and absolutely in control, present, strong.

Incidentally, this was when he was channeling the fighting style of one of his previous selves, and there was a significant amount of ear-and-tail animation.

I might see if he’ll spar with me again soon. I’m not as talented at the Rite as many of my companions, so I know it’s not much of a challenge, but even the act of movement, of doing, is valuable sometimes.

I do absolutely understand what you mean. I’m not a glutton for punishment, but I am someone who can push the Queen to her limits when she spars with me, and it’s– a joy to lose to her, in ways I’ve gotten rather strange looks from people about. But I think you’d probably understand?

I have always felt that the Rite is communication by other means. There are things that you can communicate with your actions in a burning circle that you can’t communicate any other way, and those things are important. It’s why I try to teach people in Queenstown that the Rite is for everyone, not just people who want to defend the city or go out on hunting expeditions. It’s a way we can all make each other stronger and sharper and show each other sides of ourselves that we’d otherwise keep hidden, and for that alone I think it’s immensely valuable.

Yes. That’s it exactly. And that’s … hm. I’m working on refining my ability with the Rite because I’d like to be able to push him to his limits. To offer him a challenge that he’ll enjoy fully. Or to just see him shine.

Oh. You know. I hadn’t thought of it like that but that’s … a lovely way to think about it. Perhaps, if you have the time, we could spar at some point? I’d be curious to see you in the Rite, and I learn best by example anyway.

I’d very much enjoy that! Perhaps when we’re back in Queenstown. There’s a particular burning circle with a truly spectacular view of the city that I’d love to share with you.

I’d love that too.

Zaya, would you be bothered if I accessioned some of the memories of our conversation about what might be hurting the beast into the Library? I would not do so without your permission, and I would avoid anything that would touch upon your emotional state—hopefully these would be purely informative.

If you’d rather wait until you have had time on the train to peruse your tomestone fully before making your decision, that’s fine too.

That’s absolutely fine with me. I don’t mind people knowing if I’m struggling, either, honestly - but I appreciate that you’re looking out for that. Any information that I can provide that would help us figure out what’s happening, I’m more than happy to share.

Thank you. They’ve been accessioned. I hope it’s useful.

Hm. Do you have any advice on. I do mind if people know I’m struggling, and it seems both that nowadays I’m always struggling and everyone seems to just know. Any advice on. Accepting. That people might know?

Salme, do you think less of people when you know they’re struggling? Do you really think your beloveds and companions would think less of you if they knew something was challenging for you?

In my case, I think… the Queen can be very remote. She is not apt to show any sort of weakness to anyone, or to admit to it where anyone can see, except for a precious few people in her life, and even then, it’s. I’ve known for years that I’m only scratching the surface of what’s there.

So, in place of that, I try to show the Bazaar that there’s a person behind the colorful market-stalls and levemetes. I never want to fuck up in public, I try very hard not to! But when I do, I tell myself that it reminds people that I’m a person like they are, so that I’m not so far above them in their own minds.

I don’t think that’s exactly a concern you’re facing, either, but it’s what goes through my head when I think about it. Most importantly, though, you have to be able to believe that people around you won’t despise you just because you aren’t effortlessly the best at everything, and that’s something some very very good people still absolutely struggle with, so don’t feel too bad if it’s a long journey to try and come to terms with it. Okay?

I don’t think less of people. I do think. My great tragedy was what we saw first, and that I was lavished with enough attention for ten lifetimes. I don’t want. To keep asking. For help with. Something I’ve … already. I should have already worked past it. Especially when this should be about Aurelius and Luĉja and, honestly, you. Not me.

I think … I guess I see your point about letting people see that you’re human. When I was the Sword-Saint, it was never … I was never perfect or … without weakness. But. Hm.

I guess I always thought my greatest strength was. Hm. Bearing things that were too heavy to be borne by others. That was my role. Bearing heavy secrets, and performing joy. And there was joy in that. I don’t … know. I don’t think people will despise me. Or maybe I do? I don’t know.

You’re very kind, you know.

I try very hard to be, so I truly appreciate that compliment. You are, also, from everything I’ve seen and read? So try to be as kind to yourself as you are to the people around you.

Will do my best! 🫡

Er—sorry for being really weird at your queen. I. Kinda got distracted because I guess we’ve been talking a lot on the Linkpearl? And I. Anyway I hope you didn’t feel weird and uncomfortable.

In what way were you weird to her? That was… that was the first time I’ve seen her smile and laugh in a long time. It was an absolutely magnificent Rite.

I have been reliably informed my actions were at best baffling and at worst overtly romantic, which was not my intent? I thought I wouldn’t meet AG for a long time yet. I didn’t expect SQ and AG to be the same?

The Rite was amazing, yes.

Are you doing okay?

What in the world? I mean– admittedly when she said she wasn’t flirting with you yet it made me smile, but I didn’t read things that way at all. I was baffled at how you two seemed to know each other, but she’s explained the situation to me at some point. I’m– it makes me really happy to know that there’s someone else she considers a friend.

I still don’t know how she actually communicates on here. I’m mildly tempted to start a DM with her, just to be a bit of a goblin.

I’m very glad to be back in Queenstown, and I’m glad to have seen her laughing and engaged in a Rite like that. Still very much looking forward to giving you a bazaar tour!

Okay well maybe I should stop relying on Jorule to give me opinions about what things looked like, because I’m 0/2 on “people thinking I was about to start making out with SQ.”

I’m glad. She … honestly? Really helped me out. Like. Immensely. In several different ways. And it was kind of trippy to realize who I’d been talking to, both because I didn’t think we’d meet until Mu or Valaïs, and also because, you know, reputation. Anyway, I was just. Getting to meet her so soon after all I’ve been processing? It was really special.

If you want to see where … I think she started to … consider me someone she can talk to (and also a Zaya mention) I’m pretty sure that’s in this thread: what are you idiots up to anyways but I do encourage you to start a thread with her. She deserves some goblin-ing.

I am absolutely looking forward to the bazaar tour too, and I’m glad you’re back in your domain. I hope you’ve had some time with your queen too.

WAIT NO WRONG STRAND it’s this one: Traveler’s Guide.

I have a confession to make. I laughed, very hard, at “Possibly more important, are you the one giving information to the Scorpion Queen?”.

Also, stop me from lording it over her that I’ve seen the pamphlet and she hasn’t.

The imagery of her on the pamphlet was rather striking, don’t you think? I’ll have to make sure she sees that, at the very least.

MAGIC ANTENNAS STRAPPED TO HER TITS. Jae. Oh my stars.

Watching you systematically parry all of her defenses is also rather striking. It’s funny– I’ve watched people try and fail to get close to her. I’ve even been cheering for them, some of the time. They ought to have taken lessons from you.

Honestly, please laugh? It is genuinely funny, and no one was hurt. I had like, one moment where I was worried I’d been disappointing to meet because I’m not particularly good at the Rite, but. That doesn’t seem to have mattered?

Also why would I stop you from lording the pamphlet over her? Zaya. Zaya that woman needs to be teased. That woman needs to lose. You’re her whetstone. Rub her fucking face in it.

And yes the imagery on the pamphlet is striking. Once you’ve lorded it over her, you can reward her with that.

Huh. I don’t even know … what I said or did, really? I wasn’t trying to parry her defenses or anything. She just seemed … lonely and bored? I get it. I’ve been lonely and bored too. And she was kind to me, honestly. And passionate?

You’re together, right? In some way? Or is that … I guess I want to make sure I’m reading that right before I say something publicly and embarrass myself and/or you.

I think the term she used, when pressed, was “it’s complicated”. And it… is? But, yes, she’s my partner. She doesn’t like putting words to the relationship, for whatever reason of her own; it’s on the grand list of things that I have accepted as a true fact about my world where she’s concerned that I may never understand. It’s a decently long list, if we’re being honest?

But I love her, very much. And it overjoys me to see her happy. (And she is, even if she stalked off from the Rite in a weird mood.)

I think your approach worked because you weren’t… trying? To do anything else other than be kind to someone you didn’t know? Also, you’re very good with words. Anyways, I admire you for that.

It does sound like a long list. I’m still. Learning with my partners, myself, when to push and push and try to understand every angle of them, and when to accept I won’t understand. I think I could learn quite a bit from you regarding that.

I also. Hm. Your love for her shines through. I felt. The way you couldn’t go with her after the Rite? I wanted to ask if you were okay? I wouldn’t have been, but … well there wasn’t a moment for it.

I have found that … during this journey, I’m very good at opening myself to strangers and accepting them for who they are. There’s a term I learned on Samudra, a word of the ancients—‘xenia’. It means hospitality. It also means “willingness to love a stranger.” Learning that term … focused something I was already doing, I think?

Anyway after talking with her a while she … is easy to love? Or … I imagine a partnership would be immensely difficult but as a friend? Easy. It reminded me, a bit, of meeting Caion on Samudra? Caion’s Archie’s partner, and I also … almost immediately was friends with him too. I also hope you’ll get to meet him one day. I think you’ll like him a lot.

(And I immediately liked you too but I was also intimidated. You can enjoy that fact: the Scorpion Queen never once intimidated me but I wanted very badly to impress you)

Oh! Also thank you for the compliment on my facility with words.

I do, very much, enjoy that fact. Thank you for sharing it with me. Although I’d hope I’m not intimidating you any longer! I’d much rather be a friend than a source of terror.

No you aren’t intimidating any longer. Admirable, I think, but that’s something it’s normal to feel about your friends, I think.

I should certainly hope so, considering that the feeling is very much mutual!

That is high praise indeed coming from you.

Quick question: The shop we visited, the one through the mirror …? This is going to sound like a bonkers insane question, but did it feel like … we were somewhere else other than The Beast when we walked through it? Like … is it a portal (beyond the sense in which a door is a portal) or is it just something hidden?

Also has Jae ever been there and did she flip her shit? Jorule’s flipping his shit is why I ask. Seems like some of the stuff there reminded him of another world.

That aside, thank you for a lovely trip. I keep staring at the necklace. It really is something special.

My understanding - which is limited, here, and based on an explanation I cajoled out of her once in exchange for facilitating trade with a local artisan dealing in fiend parts - is that she has a way, using gnosis, to hide her shop itself within a mirror. I’m not sure why she does it, or precisely how it works. It’s mostly tentpoles and elaborately-arranged drapes and display cases that disassemble remarkably cleanly, though, when it’s not set up for business.

Jae keeps her distance from the Bazaar in general unless she’s got something she’s looking for, and I don’t think they’ve ever met. The earrings she wears are from that shop, though.

She had quite the selection, we visited at a good time. I can only assume she’d just gotten new stock? I’d never even seen two of those display cases set up, before.

I’m so glad you had a good time. I really did, too. Thank you for spending the time with me, Salme.

Thank you Zaya. I communicated the relevant bits of info to Jorule. Hopefully that’ll help him. Though I don’t suppose you’d be able to tell me which two of those display cases were new.

Though out of curiosity, why does Jae keep her distance from the Bazaar? Is it just not wanting to step on your toes?

Oh. Thank you for spending time with me as well. It was a joy.

Definitely the one we wound up looking at, I know I would have remembered seeing any of those pieces before. I’m admittedly curious why you’re curious, but I’m sure you have a reason.

I suspect it’s because she doesn’t want to draw attention from me in the Bazaar, yes. We’ve never… talked about it, explicitly, but – it’s not like she can hide herself anywhere she goes, so whenever she’s in the Bazaar it’s always a whole production. I enjoy it, mind you, but I think it’s maybe some of the only attention she does feel a bit weird about. Apparently she used to spend a lot of time there, though? I don’t know.

Oh. So. Jorule said the necklace I got, along with the other gemstones in that case, are actually “fucking mana gemstones!” that apparently could grant access to magic spells, at least when he was in “different worlds long ago.” And I’ve really never seen him … get quite like that about anything, so I was trying to follow up on any leads that might help him understand.

(He can basically see everything that happens and, unlike Jae, is nosy enough that he will look, so I guess be warned?)

Ah. She … hm. I wonder if she wants to make sure you shine properly too?

Though, to that end—that woman needs to get out and do something other than Be The Scorpion Queen. Have you ever tried to dress her up like an Endjinn?

Oh, stars. I just started laughing helplessly thinking about what that would look like. I don’t think she could be convinced to… wear a disguise, or ever not be herself, to be honest, but it’d be great fun to make the attempt.

She did say she ran the fuck away from being watched by the Duelist’s Mask, which is all about hiding and playing roles. I guess some people never want to be anything other than exactly what they are. Awa’s like that, a little. I admire him for it, but even with all the progress I’ve made toward accepting myself, I don’t know if I could imagine not wanting to be a different person now and then. Or to embody different aspects of myself, even. Playing a role can be fun. I guess that’s why actors exist.

Oh! Aury said he’d be interested in going on with me to a play while in Queenstown. Do you have any suggestions for what’s showing? And … I’d kind of like to go on a date with Awa too. Any suggestions for unforgettable but bizarre experiences?

Also another idle question: Since Endjinn seem to be able to modify their appearances, have any of them ever got real weird and added extra arms or a scorpion stinger? That seems like a thing that would happen here.

I’ll ask around to see what plays are running! There’s -usually- something good happening somewhere in town, though, that’s a great idea. And I’ll think about places you could take Awa, too.

There’s only so much an Endjinn can do in terms of modification of their appearance. If you see remarkably odd-looking Endjinn wandering about, chances are that’s just… how they came out of the Deepforge looking, more or less. You can do some things - replace some metal sheeting with different kinds of metal, for instance - but generally speaking anything super big like that just wouldn’t… work, any more than it’d work to try to give yourself extra arms.

(People absolutely did try it, I’m told. You’re right about that.)

Oh! I didn’t realize that Endjinn just. Came out looking that way? I guess that’s a bit rude but. Well. I didn’t expect the variety? I kind of expected them all to look more like Luĉja than they do.

And thank you for help with date ideas! Worst comes to worst I’ll get have Awa ride around on the trams with me for a while. That seems like something he’d like, but I would like to do something a bit more special.

The fiends that come out of the Deepforge all look different, even if there are certain commonalities and similarities, enough that we can classify them into monster families in a very rough sense, and have a good intuition about what something’s weaknesses and abilities will be… the Endjinn are even more varied than the fiends, though, it’s true.

The trams are quite nice, aren’t they?

I’m still thinking of suggestions, I haven’t forgotten. I’ve narrowed plays down to two or three options, at least.

Do you happen to have a guide on fiends more generally? Or is that something we can just rely on Aurelius and Luĉja for?

They are! I only got to ride one for a moment, but it was fascinating. How old are they? Who built them?

Take your time, I know you’re busy. I don’t even know what I’d like? Aury just said he wouldn’t mind going to a play and … I’ve never actually been on a date, I don’t think? Like. Not a real one? So. While we’re in Queenstown, it seemed like it’d be nice to. Do that.

I’m sure someone’s written something, I’ll take a poke around. Although between Luce and Aurelius, even if Aurelius has forgotten half of what Annarr knew, you’re traveling with two of the people I’d ask fiend-related questions to if I needed to know.

Some of the trams are really old - and a lot of the newer ones are new because they’ve been rebuilt and rebuilt on top of old tram lines. Apparently Jae drew up the original plans for them, at some point. Which is probably why they’re so haphazard and cut through things in weird ways - if people need to get from one particular district to the other, we just cut a tram line through or explode things trying. It’s not very organized, but it works.

Anyways, just don’t ask Jae for play ideas - she loves schlocky trash with unreasonably high production values (because she keeps funneling Lucre to schlocky trash) and, don’t get me wrong, I love the schlocky trash too, it’s very fun to watch if you’re in the mood for it, and I might recommend it as a bit - watching people play Jae on stage is hilarious and never gets old - but not as an actual serious date night. I’ve got some ideas, though.

As for you and Awoken, there’s… Okay, don’t laugh, but have you seen that one ludicrously large freestanding spoked-looking wheel in the Adaman District? It’s actually - it’s got little gondola situations that you can step into and sit down and wait, and the wheel will turn and you’ll end up with the most incredible view of Queenstown and the environs, and it can be… very romantic, if you’re into that sort of thing, and not afraid of heights. I think the two of you might enjoy that, but if that sounds terrifying instead of hot I’ll go back to the drawing board.

I’d absolutely trust Aury and Luĉja with any questions about fiends, it’s mostly I don’t even know what to ask. On Almachadta we have monsters and creatures, but nothing really like fiends. The first time I saw Aurelius create a cartogrix I … mm. That wasn’t the first time I found him painfully attractive, but it was one of the first.

You know, after going to the palace and seeing how ridiculous and overengineered that place is, the the tram lines being haphazard are kind of surprising. I guess there’s no drama in a well-ordered public transportation system?

Which. I did survive a 1-on-1 Rite against your Queen. Lost, of course, but won in the way I wanted to. She said something about you dying to hear about it. I can accession the memories in the library if you’d like, or the next time we’re in person I can … I have the ability (Wolf can do this too, though he’s better at it than I am) to share memories and thoughts with a link built of flourishing gnosis? I mean, I could also just tell you too, or I’m sure Jae will tell you but thought I could offer?

And I’m not sure how I feel about schlocky trash? Plays on Almachadta are very … simple? Mostly outdoors, either in a small ampitheatre or sometimes on a cart which is a set. I get the feeling theatre in Queenstown is pretty different and I’m not sure how well Aury would respond to Triumph of the True Hero!! Part LXXXIV.

I love the idea of the wheel with the view! I’m not afraid of heights, and I am almost certain Sininen isn’t either. Would you have someplace you’d recommend for food? Street food or something ridiculous and fancy. I think he’d like either.

Zaya, can I confess something? I’ve never actually been on a date. I don’t want to mess this up.

Competence is very sexy, and it sounds like Aurelius, also, is very good at what he does. I’m glad you were there to appreciate it!

Jae told me about the Rite in breathless, play-by-play detail. I wish I’d been there to see it! I’m- I’d very much enjoy that, I think, and I have to say I’m tremendously curious about this ability of yours. It’s something I’ve wished, more than once, that I were able to do. That I’ve– dreamed about being able to do, actually, which feels embarrassing to admit, but every time I wake up and can’t I feel bitterly disappointed. I’m not sure I’ve actually admitted that to anyone before? So hearing that it is possible is – I think that’s something I’d very much like to experience.

We do have actual good drama that gets produced, don’t worry. There’s a revival of a play I remember absolutely loving that just started, actually - let me make sure I can snag tickets for the two of you before making any promises, though.

As for food, take a walk down Spice Row and all of your options will be good. It’s right by the entrance to the Bazaar, so you already know where it is. If you’re a fan of the world’s most impeccable noodles, the Lucky Barncat is Lauritz’ current restaurant - he started it with and for a bunch of Reach refugees who came to Queenstown when the fiend populations shifted dramatically, a few years ago. But also literally everything you could find there is going to be brilliant, including the street carts. I’m biased, of course, but I’m also correct.

Just be -you-, Salme. People want to spend time with you, because you’re lovely, and kind, and hilarious, and a little bit terrifying in a way that entices. I can’t imagine someone going on a date with you and not having a good time. So don’t worry about it!

We really do need to make time for you to talk with Wolf. He also dreams, and … it sounds amazing, honestly? But also like it could be very, very lonely. At any rate, I’m happy to share whatever memories you’d like, especially of something like the Rite, or … well, things that are mine to share. I try to. Be mindful about what isn’t mine, or what might transgress a boundary, so there are limits, but. I’m happy to share.

This seems to be consistently true of you.

Would you … be willing to explain what you mean by “a little bit terrifying in a way that entices”? I mean, it’s obviously a compliment and I’m not offended, but I’ve always thought I was pretty unassuming? I mean, my sigil as a Sword-Saint was a house sparrow for a reason!

Also. If you don’t mind. I’ve been waiting to really ask until Aurelius was sure what he wanted, but he’s also never asked me to wait and … would you be willing to tell me more about Annarr? What he was like? Aury and I went to his house and then … Going to Zaedulf’s workshop made me … I’d just like to know about him?

Salme, I’ve seen you in a Rite; I’ve seen the way you notice everything that happens. Wielding Breath to support your fellow Hunters doesn’t make you any less dangerous. But also- the questions you ask, the way you pursue information you want. You’re like an endurance predator, and I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side. And, yes, here on the Beast that’s definitely a compliment.

As far as Annarr goes… I can’t help comparing him and Aurelius, in my head. I keep trying not to, because it feels wrong to do that, somehow, but– they’re so alike and so different, at the same time.

He was– quiet. He’d fade into the background, a lot, which is not something that seems to be true of Aurelius. Listening, gathering information, observing - people had a tendency to think that he was dumb muscle. There was one time he ended up ingratiating himself with a warlord the Queen was contending with, ended up getting enough tactical information about the entire situation that when he sprung his trap, we resolved the situation without even needing a Rite.

He loved to make things, and he was good at it. You’ve seen his fiendcraft, I think, and now you’ve seen his smithing work - he’d spend days with Zaed encouraging his most outlandish ideas, pushing him to try and do the thing even if it’d end up in a pile somewhere missing a crucial component when push came to shove. I think he liked seeing what he could get Zaed to do.

He kept talking about wanting to make a detailed map of the entire Beast with a small fleet of Cartogrixen, some kind of regular system whereby the maps could be kept up to date, he had elaborate grand plans for an ongoing cadastral survey that we’re going to keep working on. It’d be really useful to have that, and I think his plans would actually work.

Not many people got to see him smile, I don’t think, but we were lucky, who did.

Oh. Well. Thank you. I’ve never really considered myself that way but it’s not … a bad way to consider myself? I’ve actually been trying to tone down the aggressive interrogation stuff. Didn’t realize it was still coming through. As for the rest.

I mean part of the reason I asked about him is … well. Twofold. The first is that I keep seeing Aurelius in what I learn about Annarr. This is such a dumb thing to be fucked up about, but. When I was looking at his corner in Zaedulf’s workshop, the meticulous piles of plans and the fact that his handwriting is so similar, I—I don’t know why it wouldn’t be, I don’t know why that’s what got me, but. I don’t know.

The second is. It’s weird, right? This whole thing. And I think Aurelius is finding his way through, I know he’ll find his way through, but I didn’t know. What you were thinking. And being completely honest, I want to know more about Annarr and I wanted to you. Invite you to share things about him. I don’t know. Maybe it’ll be less weird if we talk about it?

Aurelius … can be quiet. It sometimes unnerves me, because he can get quiet a lot when he’s mostly content. I think, though, he tends to get in his own head unless he’s really engaged. If Aury says the first thing that comes to mind it’s usually something that’s going to get someone huffy at him (sometimes me) but honestly I love that about him too. People do underestimate him as well, but not in the same way I think. Instead of dumb muscle they think he’s careless or self-absorbed, but he’s one of the most thoughtful, intentional people I’ve ever met.

Annarr sounds like he was maybe a little more … active, in what he did and pushed people to do. The idea with the Cartogrixen is brilliant as is the cadastral survey. He was detail-oriented, wasn’t he?

Did he like to laugh? Was he the kind of person who showed his care rather than spoke it?

I think. I was talking a little bit about telling stories with Badri (my mentor and the Sword-Saint before me), and how hard it is to tell a story that’s still happening. I. Well. It’s Aurelius’ choice, how he wants to navigate his relationship with Annarr, but once he’s decided, and if Aury’s okay with it, I think. I would like to get the shape of Annarr’s story so I can honor his memory.

That is what the Sword-Saint does, after all.

Though. It also sounds like the two of you fought a lot. It’s a bit hard to imagine you being at someone’s throat, Zaya. What’d he do that drove you so nuts?

Annarr absolutely would not tell anyone things, no. But then you’d need something, and he’d be there having already solved your problem, or scrapping together some brilliant ad-hoc fiendcraft, or… it was easy to think he didn’t care, or was just trying to show off. That’s, I think, another way people underestimated him.

If you watched, carefully, though - and made educated guesses about small things that would make him smile, though? And met him where he was, on his terms – I learned more about fiendcraft from listening to him wax enthusiastic about something he was trying to get working than from actual fiendsmith tutors I had as a child. I think that’s part of why he and Zaedulf immediately got on so well- Zaed always listens first, second, and third. I keep thinking about– when Aurelius introduced himself to Zaed, in the workshop, and how Zaed reacted.

If you’re looking for stories about Annarr, on that note, you might want to talk to Zaed as well. I’m sure he has any number he’d love to tell.

To be completely honest, I’m not sure where this impression is coming from. It’s not exactly my recollection. Although– well. Some things I’ve learned more recently make me a little more– I think certain things that passed between us might have been emotionally charged for him in ways that I didn’t realise at the time. We’d banter, we’d take shots at each other, we’d– to me, playfully compete in ways I knew that Jae found amusing. I’ll admit I enjoyed trying to ruffle his feathers. I was rarely successful. And now, I… well. There’s no sense in building a grand hall of regrets in which to live, when I’ve already got Queenstown.

Honestly until very recently, I kept. Not seeing Aurelius, and how much he cared. Part of it was my own deep insecurities, part of it was my need for words against his use of actions, part of it was … I don’t even know. I was the one who pursued him, you see, and it was. Easy to think he was just going along for the ride. Sounds like that was true of Annarr. It’s pretty true of Jorule too, honestly, even if Jorule talks a lot.

I keep thinking about that too. How he immediately understood what Aurelius was telling him. That’s something special, I think.

Zaed loved Annarr a lot, yeah? I’d love to talk with him, if it wouldn’t be too hard.

Zaya, you’re treading close to a dangerous answer. You told me you didn’t want to know—that when Aurelius offered to tell you, you didn’t want to know. But it sounds like you know anyway.

Certainly there’s no sense in building a grand hall of regrets, but there can be relief in lancing a boil. And processing a complicated grief is much easier when you’re able to fully see the contours of its complexity.

This is something we can talk about, that I think might be good for us to talk about. But I will drop it if you want.

You don’t have to drop it. When I spoke with Aurelius it– I feel awkward trying to have this conversation without being face to face, so it might be better to save this for– you should come for tea. Or arak. Possibly both.

I don’t think of it as a boil to lance, for what it’s worth, just as an apology I can’t ever give, now, and- am not even sure if I’d want to, or if the apology would be desired or accepted. The world is full of complicated, unfinished stories, Salme. I’m going to take comfort in that Aurelius’ story began as a consequence, and gets to include you in it. But I wouldn’t mind the chance to talk through my feelings about it, I don’t think, no.

Anyways, you should also definitely talk to Zaed. I think he’ll like– all of you, honestly. Including Aurelius, if it’s not too hard on both of them. Certainly he won’t shut up about the Awoken after exchanging, what, ten words with him? He’s also dreadfully curious about the statue trick you pulled on us and how that worked, although I warned him not to expect a satisfying explanation, given the other things I know you all are capable of.

I’m down for tea or arak (is that some kind of alcohol?) or both?

That is true and it is something I’ve been grappling with myself. Might also be worth discussing face to face.

Oh! The actual functionality of the statue trick is still opaque to us, but there’s tons of information about what was happening available in the library (see A History of the Liminal Library). Aury actually intended you and Zaed to follow us. The long and short of it is that touching the tablet takes you into the Liminal Library, which is what you’re accessing when you read Library entries on your tomestone. If you (or Zaed) have any questions please feel free to ask. Aury and I built it together and I love talking about it.

Also I mean to ask Awa exactly what was going through his head when he was staring at that ship, though I have a suspicion. But I think, yes, he’ll like everyone. Though I am biased.

Yes it is! It’s anise-flavoured, so if you’re not a fan, we’ll probably stick to just tea. You mix it with cold water in your glass and something magical happens, it looks like if opals were a liquid you could drink.

Oh! I feel silly now. Despite, I swear, having read that folio, I somehow had it in my head that that was for the six of you, so Zaed and I stood guard outside (although, the door was shut anyways, so that was wholly unnecessary… mostly, I just took the opportunity to check in with him and make sure he was alright.)

I think– I mean, Awa as much as outright said “what do I have to do to make this thing fly” with his actual words, if I recall correctly; I don’t think there’s any mystery about what he was imagining when he looked at it. He and Zaedulf may or may not know it yet, but in that moment, they magically became friends. Mark my words.

I like anise as long as it’s not too sweet. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, generally, and I’m usually down to try anything once. I have some of my favorite tea blends from Almachadta too. We could have an entire sampler of beverages if you’d like!

Honestly, I understand, especially if Zaed needed a minute. I was. There were a lot of undercurrents happening. But no. The library is for the six of us, but visitors are welcome. I’d be happy to show you, or if you get the chance you can ask Wolf, or whoever else you see. I’m planning on enlisting Jae’s help with some of my weaving. If I’m allowed to invite the Scorpion Queen in, you’re certainly invited.

Do you think Zaed might like a tomestone? I can ask Aurelius to set one up for him.

Oh! Yeah, obviously, Awa wants to make that ship fly, and there’s no ridiculous scheme he won’t try to make it happen. It was more … I’ve never seen him go slack-jawed over something like that before. Or I have, but it’s usually me. I’m curious why the ship got him so badly, but I think I know why.

I’m concerned that Zaed might immediately take it apart to try and see how it worked, but if he can be convinced not to do that…

I won’t pry, but I admit I’m also curious what was going on there. It’s not the first time I’ve seen someone have that reaction to Zaed’s work, though. It’s usually either something like that, or some variant of “why do you let him waste his time on this nonsense”, as if even Jae could stop him.

I mean I can ask Caion or Aury about the relative integrity of the tomestones, but I think we do have plenty if Zaed wants to dissect one?

I’m betting Jae wouldn’t stop him. I’m betting she fucking loves whatever weird bullshit he’s cooking up. And it seems like … I mean, he’s brilliant, right? Why not let him try shit. If he fails then he fails and if he doesn’t then you have something amazing.

You’d be correct. Jae usually has a look in her eye rather like the Awoken’s when he shows her a new project. Particularly a new weapon or hand cannon or wall-mounted monster-turret or something like that, but I think she loves everything he does as long as it’s a big swing, and most of his projects are big swings.

And he has a tendency to salvage something useful out of his less-successful projects. I can’t tell you the number of times someone’s needed something and he’s stared off into space for a few minutes and then suddenly ran off to his workshop with no warning like he left a kettle on and forgot about it, and come back with a big chunk of the answer to the problem sitting in a dusty corner somewhere.

“Wall-mounted monster-turret.” I’m. Kind of. Hm. Explain? I am alarmed and intrigued (I’m not sure if it was clear to you but we do not have firearms on Almachadta so all of this is new to me).

Also, here’s a question: Does the name Duškomira mean anything to you?

So– you wouldn’t have seen them on the way in to Queenstown, but for a while there was a Deepforge rift fairly close to the north face of the outermost wall of Queenstown at the time, and there was a Fiend Problem that was ongoing. The Fiend Problem was not actually SUFFICIENT to require a wall-mounted monster-turret, but it was, as I’m sure you can imagine, a good excuse.

Now, there’s an enormous fucking cannon mounted on those walls (which had to be reinforced and built up for the occasion) that can fire giant fucking anti-fiend gnosis shots. It’s quite impressive to watch, even if it’s basically utterly impractical.

The name is familiar but I can’t recall why? Alright, I just asked Jae and apparently Duškomira is one of V’s companions. I don’t think I’ve ever met her - any time V has dealings in the city she uses go-betweens, so I’ve only even seen V face to face once or twice.

You know, I don’t know Zaed very well at all, and I’ve only met Jae face to face twice, but I can just. Imagine. How pleased both of them would have been the first time that thing fired.

Is a wall-mounted monster-turret ever a solution actually? Like it seems as if it was you could probably stick one on a train instead of all the blades and other sundry weaponry.

Hm. Do you want an answer to a mystery you’ve never been able to solve or would you prefer not to know?

We’ve been trying to get them working on a train without completely fucking up the track or derailing the train or something for a while. The kick to them is a real motherfucker, you really need a reinforced structure to manage it. I like the way you think, though. And yes, they were both smug as cats with bowls of cream, it was glorious.

Well, now I’m desperately curious.

Hm. A more useful approach than the canons, in all seriousness, might be a field of gnosis. On Samudra, they have something called a bubble, which is used to keep dark thoughts from escaping out into the wider world and causing thoughtstorms (as thought creates reality on Samudra). I wonder if a similar concept could be inverted to keep fiends out. Something that’s worked entirely or even mostly of gnosis? I’m sure someone’s tried that already but.

The necklace that I was given ended up having … something of a history. It is, itself, a traveler between worlds. Jorule recognized the jewelry immediately—I think I told you that—and Aurelius was able to reach out with liminal gnosis and briefly make a connection with the jewelry seller herself.

Whose name.

Is Duškomira.

And I’m guessing you don’t have two of them flitting around the Beast.

And here I thought the Beast’s terrors were a lot to deal with. That sounds harrowing? I’m glad they’ve figured out countermeasures, and… hmm. I don’t think that has been tried, not directly, no. It’s very much- I’ll be the first to admit it’s not a solution I would have thought of, honestly, and it’s definitely not Jae’s style. But it might help, if the fiend patterns keep changing.

I… what? It’s certainly not a name I’d ever heard before hearing about her from Jae. So that’s– but why? What in the world?

Zaya, Samudra was so hard on me. I went a little insane. I’ll tell you about it when we have tea. But! If the bubble idea has any merit and Jae isn’t a fan, you can always probably goad her into going along? (That’s what I’d try).

And yeah! No fucking clue what’s up with Duškomira selling otherworldly jewelry in your bazaar. She seemed lovely, though, so it’s probably not much to worry about, Hero.

Oh, even if she thinks it’s boring, if it wins she’ll run the play. She’ll just grouse in my ear about it endlessly.

Now I’m… even more curious why she keeps calling me that. The term’s got some kind of history on the Beast - I know Reachers don’t like Jae taking the title for herself, but out of respect for her and a desire to get along, they don’t like to talk about why.

Truly you are the Hero for putting up with Jae’s grousing.

Is Duškomira a Reacher? Archie mentioned we’d be headed that way. Do you know if anyone else has held the title of “Hero”?

And actually … is there anyone who’s studied the history of the Beast? We’re trying to figure out more about Zosimos, but I’m curious about a lot of things—The Deepforge, the Mother of Monsters, the Endjinn, maybe someone named Khejvard? Luĉja and I haven’t spoken since they recovered their memories, but I figured I’d ask about resources generally.

Also I’m going to ask you about Luĉja too, but over tea.

She’s… I mean, as far as I can tell, based on what I know, and what I’ve read in your folio, she’s Not From Here, the same way as V isn’t, and most of you aren’t. It’s possible she’s spent some time in the Reach, though, or among their people.

There’s… so much we don’t know about the place we live, unfortunately. I mean, Jae might know, but she– you know she tends to live very much in the moment. And keeping long-term records has never really been a priority, here, outside of fiend population and movement patterns and Bazaar ledgers. Which you can get some useful information out of! But.

Khejvard, at least, is a name I do know. He was a Hunter, decades ago. Infamously flashy and bold, in everyone’s face all of the time, until he ran into V and calmed down, and then mostly wound up traveling with her wherever she went for the rest of his life.

Well yeah, Duškomira isn’t from the Beast, but she’s lived her long enough that I was thinking she might have loyalties to certain places? I feel like I would, if I’d been someplace for … hm. Thirty or forty years at least?

Yes I know Jae … probably knows quite a lot. Getting her to tell me requires … you used the term “crowbar” but I feel like “several impossible tasks” is my lot. Especially because. Hm.

I don’t want to hurt her? I know that’s a silly thing to say, like I could hurt The Scorpion Queen, but I think I probably could. She’s strong as fuck, but she’s also … hm. I often win my battles because I’m using different criteria for winning than many others. I think the way I’m used to fighting has the potential to wound her.

She might want to punch me for saying that but. I’m not interested in wounding her unless it’s to remind her she’s alive.

Uh. Sorry that might be kind of weird to say.

I think… everyone -could- be hurt, even Jae. I’ve seen her doing… not well, more than once. As much as she puts on a façade of being untouchable and impervious, and she’d scowl deeply at me for saying this… I guess what I’m saying is, thank you for caring about her like that. It means a lot to me.

You’re welcome. I care about her a lot. A … it’s weird, already caring for someone before you even meet them? But I did, and then I met her and it was very much like meeting a friend you’ve known for years.

I care about you too you know. I guess “caring” is kind of my thing, at least a little, and if you ever want to talk about what it’s like for you, loving her … I guess I’m here for that too.

It’s not the same, and I won’t insult either of us by claiming we’re average, but we both love complicated people. And I’m not going to act as if my new friendship with Jae compares to your years of partnership, but we both love her too. I’m happy to support you in navigating that if you ever want support? Or just. Listening without assumptions about who you are or who The Scorpion Queen of the Beast is, you know?

I think I knew within a few minutes of meeting you all that you were a person who Cared Deeply? I’m not sure what clued me in, exactly. Maybe the way you kept watching Aurelius. I knew that whoever Aurelius was, he was a person you cared about, at the very least, and that you were watching out for him. It made me happy to know Aurelius had that in his life, if that makes sense?

And it makes me happy to know that you care about me, too. I think in the end ledger when everything’s tallied up, the ways in which we care about each other and hold each other up are the only thing that really matters. And it’s never a competition, or ever something that can even be measured, in a way that matters, so you don’t have to worry about that, or about me taking it the wrong way. I’m just glad that you’re a person who cares, Salme. And I’ll probably take you up on that offer some day?

Yeah that all makes sense. I think … I’m more of an “everything matters” kind of person, for better or for worse, but care is really high up there.

Anyway, less esoteric question for you: I’ve encountered some of the novels available in Queenstown, and … well. The wonder of paper being readily available enough that you’re just printing stories into entire books is something. The content of those stories are something else. If I were to pick up some reading material and wanted something a little less smutty and a little more literary, do you have any suggestions?

(I’m not sure if it’s been explained but … on Almachadta, we do write, but most of our stories are transmitted orally and performed. Most of the books we do have are made of parchment, and tend to be important records or … some people who worship certain deities will have sacred texts. Samudra used memory crystals, and I honestly didn’t encounter many stories there. I should ask Caion about that. Here there’s so much. It’s amazing. It’s also. Several other adjectives come to mind).

Queenstown has a library! The Queen funded it herself (she funds most things) and even though she will riotously and joyfully concede that she loves to roll around in trash (perhaps the only thing she would ever concede, if we’re being honest), she does really value storytelling. If there’s a pattern in our stories of storytellers extolling her virtues to a degree that’s, perhaps, somewhat exaggerated and unrealistic, it’s largely on account of people having fun with it because she’s given them the space to.

I’m glad you’ve found yet another thing about my home to love! (And laugh at. That’s also what it’s there for.)

[Zaya attaches here a list of some book recommendations the titles for which are not available to the present narration, but which are a) Actually Good b) and skew heavily towards Haunted Lesbian Pining.]

Thanks for tea and talking. I enjoyed it immensely and I hope to do it again soon. I’ve picked up a couple titles from your list already. Sorry we ran out of time before I was able to show you the library, but there will be other times. Anyway, the lyrics to your song:

Eternal Flame

Dormant muscles twitch beneath the metal skin.
All see, but only I observe and take note.
I hold the eternal flame in my hand and in my heart.

I’ve told every story this world has to tell,
but there is no word for this truth.
I watch the Scorpion Queen, on her throne of blades.
My enemy, my beloved friend.

My bazaar, the people’s refuge.
If I am gone, who will maintain it?
The Beast wakes. Twelve moons grow dim.
I see the pattern, and the look in her eyes.

Understanding, alone, is not enough.
The Unburnt Book in my hand, ideas rising from the ashes.
I will go, seek knowledge, and return, my flame unextinguished.

Oh, I see. And you… heard this when you met me for the first time? How strange, to think that the world would lay my heart bare like that. Well, you were worthy of the world’s trust, and absolutely worthy of mine, so I’m certainly not going to complain. I do feel rather seen by something I cannot in principle see, which is an unsettling feeling! Not entirely unpleasant, but certainly unsettling.

I’m glad you had a lovely time. I did as well, and I’m looking forward to seeing the Library very much.

I understand why you’d feel unsettled even if the feeling is not an entirely unpleasant one. I know I shared Jae’s song with you, which does not have lyrics, but I thought I could share with you the lyrics to my own song. Fair is fair, after all. There are some lovely parallels with your own song, I think. (This is not the song of the Duelist’s Mask; that song is itself very different and I didn’t play it for you. I have … mixed feelings about it, though if you ever do want to know, I am happy to tell you). Anyway:

I Am Fire

to leap without looking
unanswering the ground

this is: fear, freedom,
falling and flying

a pine-cone, closed to all weathers and ways
which only opens in soft embers

i am she and,
also, i am fire herself

the grove knew not what it wanted,
i knew not what i was.

fear not the fire,
write the next page in its flame

a sparrow falls, wings spread wide, answered
by sudden susurrus in inky black

a song rhizome-rhyme-rilling, a hand outreached,
now never alone and still-unsung

i wish to know
that which i wish

as that song-seed
waits for its fire

Oh, that’s… that’s beautiful, yes. And it suits you very well, I think.

Zaya, would you be so kind as to circulate that our clan is henceforth known as “Clan Emberlight”? Luĉja picked it (I suppose you can see the discussion!) and while “Clan Saving Worlds” is straightforward, I would like the chosen clan name to circulate.

Absolutely! I know just the people to talk to. It’s a lovely name, and I think it suits you all very well!

Before I run my mouth and share something that isn’t mine to share, does Jae know about your dreams, Zaya?

Also you may want to check out the latest posts in the “Ancient Names” thread of you’re curious about dreams and dreamers. It’s not much, not yet, but it’s something.

Yeah, I’ve talked to her about all of them. One of the few people other than you and Wolf I’ve shared that part of myself with; she never seemed to think it was strange or unusual. Just… another part of my life she likes listening to me talk about.

I’ve been following that thread, and I’m… I’d like to meet an Irós some day, I think.

I’d really like you to meet an Irós too. I think Wolf engaged in methexis with Silver-Throat on Samudra. I’m sure he’d be happy to share that experience if you asked.

I think. Hm. I’m not sure how much you’ve intuited about my role as the Sword-Saint, but … for me, speaking with Jae about her role on the Beast is—they’re not the same, obviously, but it’s like meeting someone who intrinsically understands something one has never been able to articulate, despite one’s rather impressive facility with words. Finding that in her has meant the world. I wish that same recognition and familiarity for you in finding that with Wolf, and with the Irós, when you do meet them (because I believe you will).

It’s funny, she’s… said something very similar about her engagement with you, almost in the exact same terms. It made me smile very much. I don’t and probably can’t understand the full scope of what it is that the two of you are sharing, but I’m very glad that you’ve been able to– to let her share some kind of burden that she’s carried with someone else, for a change? If that makes sense to say? She’s never been very good at that. (She had to be bad at something, I suppose.)

If you ever want to know any part of my story that I think resonates with hers, I’m happy to tell you. I will admit I just sent her a message that might have been too pushy. I hope I don’t push her away, but also I think … it was a true message, and she told me not to bank my fire, so.

We’re headed back from our shark-hunting trip with, of course, more questions than answers—as it ever was. There are some interesting library updates if you have the time. I … also. Wanted to let you know that … I can’t ever understand what it’s like to dream the way you do, but if you ever wish to talk about it, I’m happy to listen as well. Even if you don’t meet someone that perfectly understands and aspect of yourself, having more and more friends that love you and want to listen never hurts, I don’t think.

If I know her, and I think I do pretty well, she’ll appreciate that you had the fire to push the boundary, even if she stubbornly decides to maintain it. You may not get what you are asking from her, stars know I haven’t done often enough to know, but she won’t be upset with you for asking for it if it was something you cared about enough and were brave enough to ask.

It might be possible for me to… share some of my recollections of my dreams, if not the experience itself, with you, using your techne? If that’s a thing you’d be interested in. Perfect understanding is a land-eel; reach out to grasp it and it’ll always slither out of your hand. But incomplete, partial understanding? I could curl up on a couch and drink tea with you and talk about things all day, most days, I think, and I’m glad for the companionship, even when it’s here and not in person.

Yeah it turned out fine. All of these relationships are so new and precious I start thinking they’re also fragile (as precious things often are) and I really should. Trust more. Thanks, Zaya.

I’d love to experience your dreams! Anything you’d like to share really. And I feel the same about the tea and talking. Honestly it’s … sometimes I wish I had more time to just be. I’d never want to be idle, but having a few days to just drink tea and talk would. Help, I think.

Though “land-eel” is. Is there any sea life that doesn’t have a land equivalent on the Beast?

Zaya is there a name for the fixed star up in the sky? The one that’s not a part of any constellation? Are there any stories about it?

I think it’s terribly important to just take time and simply Be. I remember feeling like I needed to convince Jae of this, early on. She always wanted to do everything and see everything with me, all at once; show me particular spots on the Beast that she thought were interesting, but she’d try to reach out with all four hands at once– not literally, of course, but I think you’ll know what I mean.

I don’t think I could possibly know the answer to this without a compendium of information from Samudra! If you’ve got one handy, of course, I’d love to compare what I know of our wildlife here, though. We’ve got land-eels and land-sharks and a variety of land-fish, though. And something we call monks, which are… they’ve got eight tentacles and they’re so ugly they’re cute? They always struck me as something that’d seem a little less ungainly underwater, like the land-sharks and land-fish.

Her name is Auxanyr, the Steadfast. She’s– you know how at a festival, there’s usually one person around whom the whole thing spins, who keeps it on its level, who makes sure that each participant gets a turn at the dance? The Reachers see the stars as a celebration, and Auxanyr is the one managing the invitations and making sure everyone goes home happy. I’ll admit that the imagery appeals to me after a day working at the Bazaar and making sure everyone feels like they’ve been heard, so she’s always been one of my favourites.

You’re actually the person who kind of … I am very much someone who does. I try to be thoughtful about what I do, but I’m bad at being idle. It was honestly sitting and having tea with you that made me realize that was very much something I was missing. And it might have to be something I continue to miss, at least for a while. But knowing I’m missing it is valuable in itself.

Oh I suppose that was a silly question. I didn’t even really … I can’t say I’m well-acquainted with sea life honestly. We have river-eels on Almachadta and … I just … I don’t know why I thought “sharks are obviously sea-life;” I’m not sure I encountered any on Samudra, unless Archie mentioned them. Hm. Sometimes I know odd things I shouldn’t know. I try not to … worry about that, because it’s not something I can do much about and it’s usually more useful than not. I think the specification of “land-“ implies the default is … not-land? Interesting that that’s carried over.

I have no idea what a monk might be though. They sound fascinating.

That’s. Lovely. It really, really, really is. Are there … stories about the stars that aren’t the constellations? Almachadta, definitionally, does not have stars. We know the constellations as patterns, but stars like Auxanyr—that’s something entirely new and lovely.

That sounds very much like you as well. You … Light, this is going to sound ridiculous, but sometimes you remind me of Aurelius? I can get wound up inside my own head very easily, in worry or anxiety, and both of you have this ability to just unpick that tension simply by being … yourselves? Wolf can do it too, but it’s the difference between … active intervention in his case as opposed to simply modeling a different way to be with the two of you.

I’ve been—this is not a struggle but. I’ve been wanting to … I’ve noticed people carry little sigils or symbols around sometimes, and I want something for Awa and Aury. And I started calling Awa “bluejay” early on, and it fits him, and sometimes I refer to Aury as a fox, but while the bluejay works for Awa I … sometimes feel frustrated with finding a symbol for Aurelius. He’s a fox metahuman, yes, and it works well enough but it never feels like him. But something that … orients when you’re on the edge of being unbalanced? That’s what he is to me. I don’t know how to represent that. When I first saw Auxanyr I thought of him.

Oh, that’s such a lovely thing to say about him (and about me, as well; I feel honored.) I can absolutely see what you mean, I think, just from some times I’ve watched all of you interacting, and from what you’ve told me about him.

The Reachers have so many stories about stars, often conflicting ones about the same stars that they then have endless arguments, Rites, reconciliations, and attempts to converge the narratives about, which means they’re all incredibly tangled and stepping on each others’ toes narratively in- well, I find it delightful to listen to but I think some people just stop listening and stare off into space. There are a few, though - like Auxanyr, everpresent if you look up to find her - that everyone agrees on. I think there’s a comfort in that, that no matter where you are, even if you don’t know her name, you can look up and know she’ll be there.

I think I’d like to go the Reach sometime, or speak with someone who knows the stories of the Reachers. On Almachadta … I am the Sword-Saint, right? The story-keeper. But there are other people who tell stories. There are so many stories, and they often do contradict. We—instead of trying to resolve the tensions, we often approach with what is this story saying? What about this one? There’s a million different ways to tell a single story, right? And there are many different kinds of truths. I’d like—I love that sort of thing. I always have. I think I’d find it delightful too.

As for Auxanyr, though … we need anchors, right? Even in all this uncertainty, we need anchors. I understand exactly what you mean by “comfort” I think. And stars, Zaya. Being able to see them is—I feel like a little girl every time I look up at the sky. I miss the Centrelight so badly, but I think I will miss the stars just as badly when I leave.

Also I gave Jae a few gifts last I saw her—one is a composition I wrote based off our duel. I think, with you having seen the memory, you might enjoy the poem as well. Ask her to show you!

I don’t think it’ll surprise you to hear that I love that sort of thing, too. I think– sometimes people here don’t really have the patience for it. I think that people where you’re from are much more patient, in general. That sounds very nice to me; I think I’d like it there.

It’s hard for me to imagine not being able to look up and see the stars. What would that even be like? It’s like trying to think about there not being ground under my feet - but it sounds like that’s also not an invariant in the worlds, at all, so. I guess, experiences one would have to have in order to understand. I hope you remember our stars fondly, wherever you go!

I’ll ask her to show me the poem - she’s mentioned it, she’s talked about it, she’s being playful and keeping it all to herself for the time being. It’s really, really cute, honestly; I can tell how much it meant to her. Thank you, for that.

I suspect people are much more patient on Almachadta at least in part because Spoken Wood and Lightdrinkers are both somewhat circuitous in how they communicate. I think you’d like it there too, though there’d probably be downsides, like the lack of stars. Hopefully we’ll figure it out and no one will have to choose.

As for Jae and the poem—well, I did give the folio to her as a gift, so it’s up to her to do with it what she will. I’m play she’s being playful and goofy about it. I’m happy for whatever role I played in helping her be that again. We spent some time together today in the butterfly garden—saying goodbye, at least in part. I asked her to remember that she’s just a person, and … I didn’t press her about making sure specifically to be a person around you, but I hope she takes that away as part of the message.

Which, speaking of saying goodbye and remembering stars, I would like to get tea or lunch or something before we leave for the Deepforge. I suspect if there is a gate to another world, it will be there. Perhaps we’ll be back, but. I want to make sure I spend the time I know I have with my friends.

Also, Aurelius and I are going to make good use of those tickets to see “Rymma + Julija” tomorrow night, I believe.

I’ve been wanting to say for a while that… you coming to the Beast and coming into her life made a difference, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you, for it. She had grown so distant, and now– she’s not quite ‘back to her usual self’, I wouldn’t say, but she’s her, again, and I’m cherishing every moment of it.