Salme @ Saranzaya

Mostly wanted to make a secret request for help with putting together a wardrobe once we get to Queenstown, but also wanted to give you the chance to talk too.

I was curious how your gnosis worked too—it seems to be … oriented toward calligraphy? If you think that’d be more useful to tell everyone at once that’s fair.

Also didn’t get a chance to say this, but. There was a long time where I couldn’t act either. I’m very … I have a lot of volition, so much so I’m still learning to temper it. But I’d buried that part of me and I’m still realizing how much that fucked me up. You seem a little more resilient, but I did want to say that … I absolutely understand how even the most fucked-up truth that allows you to actually do something can be a relief.

Oh. One other thing. You don’t have to bargain or trade to get me to answer shit. You don’t have to do that with any one of us. Just ask.

Hi, Salme! I’ve not been properly digging into everything this thing makes available until the train ride back to Queenstown (I’ve got to have SOMETHING to distract me from bothering you and Luce the entire way), but I’ve been keeping an eye here and I’m glad for it. Yes, I absolutely can help with that! I’m already picking up something for Archie here in Rifton but I think for you we should get the best the Bazaar has to offer. What you’re wearing now works well with the styles here, honestly; if you draw any eyes it won’t be because you’re wearing something particularly outlandish.

Calligraphy and brushwork - one of my fathers is an expert calligrapher and the other does brush painting, so I’ve always been surrounded by brushwork and ink. When I was seven years old, I filled the Clan house with tiny red monsters… I suppose to me there’s nothing particularly special or unique about it, but I guess that’s not actually true, is it?

As for your last point - I know. It seemed like a fun game, but I wasn’t taking the rules too seriously. I love answering - and asking - questions far too much for that.

You could bother me and Luĉja the entire way, you know. But also I get it if you want a moment of quiet on the train.

Oh I’m not worried about my clothes being too outlandish; this is entirely an indulgent luxury. I traveled a lot on Almachadta, and I think my clothes from there are reasonably practical and I’m, you know, a human, and I’m pretty sure most of the planes are lousy with humans. The goal for me is actual to catch some eyes. Two sets of pretty particular eyes. So the best the Bazaar has to offer is exactly what I want.

Tiny red monsters! That’s amazing! You know, I didn’t learn how to read or write until I was … hm, I was 16 when I started? And I think … there’s always something magical about it? The written word in general, but also the act of calligraphy itself. Using it as the basis of your praxis with gnosis makes sense, but I would say it’s fairly special, yes. Especially considering the size of the working you made.

Glad you also enjoy the answering-and-asking of questions. If Aury told you anything about me, he’d have told you that probably.

Oh. Maybe a bit more seriously, maybe a bit not, but. I’m happy to hear anything about Annarr that you’d like to share. Your memories, I mean. It won’t bother me.

And I’m. Well. I love talking about Aurelius, but. Anything you want to know that I don’t think would violate his privacy … it’d be my joy to tell you.

Then the best the Bazaar has to offer you will have!

I agree that there’s something magical about the written word, about the way ink flows on a page. When I was very young I’d demand to sit in Papa’s lap as he worked - he does work for the Queen, when she’s drawing up a formal agreement with a Clan head and wanted it to look all fancy, or something like that. It turns out my talents are better-suited to working at a larger and more dramatic scale than that, but I managed to turn that into some significant practical use with the application of gnosis.

Does Aurelius get animated in a hunt or a Rite? I know we briefly discussed this when we spoke earlier, but I’m– It’s not the case that Annarr lived for the Rite, by any means. He was much more brilliant than most people gave him credit for, he was a skilled fiend-craftsman. But very little on the Beast made his eyes light up than squaring up against a monster fifteen times bigger than he was, and gnarly as hell. It was a joy to watch him fight, and I can’t help but wonder if Aurelius carries that with him as well.

This … may sound strange, but we actually haven’t performed many Rites since the beginning of this journey, and half of them happened very, very early on, when I couldn’t read him at all (as opposed to now, when I only struggle to read him half the time). I had to think about it, to really consider the memories, but I think the answer is yes.

There’s something about the mix of bravado, competence, and physicality that—the first time we fought side-by-side, there was a moment, when he had defeated a monster so brutally and thoroughly that I (even before I knew him at all!) had to concede he was very attractive. Uh that’s maybe not exactly what you meant, and while I’ve been accused of being smitten I don’t constantly stare foolishly at him, but. It was striking and strange.

There’s a joy to it, though, yes. He laughs, and he talks, and he is absolutely in control. The ears and tail still rarely move, though. That remains a mystery.

And yeah. People think Aurelius is less than he is very often as well.

No, that’s certainly within the realm of what I meant and was curious about. Here’s where I admit I was curious how you would describe him doing something I had reason to believe would be Pretty Fucking Hot, but asking you in person would probably have been reasonably mortifying in a way that I didn’t intend or want.

Anyways, I hope that you get to face off against some absurdly ferocious fiend here on the Beast, Salme. I suspect you will enjoy it.

Light, Zaya. Entrapment! Unfortunately, I am mortified but also talking about him is one of my favorite subjects so.

This wasn’t a Rite in the same way, but we did spar once. The stakes? He had to tell me something he wanted that I could plausibly give him. We’d been together for some time, and I couldn’t figure out how to give him anything. He never seemed to want anything at all. So I thought a Rite might provide some guidance.

He wiped the floor with me. It was amazing. Not because I liked getting hurt, but I liked seeing him like that—fully and completely and absolutely in control, present, strong.

Incidentally, this was when he was channeling the fighting style of one of his previous selves, and there was a significant amount of ear-and-tail animation.

I might see if he’ll spar with me again soon. I’m not as talented at the Rite as many of my companions, so I know it’s not much of a challenge, but even the act of movement, of doing, is valuable sometimes.

I do absolutely understand what you mean. I’m not a glutton for punishment, but I am someone who can push the Queen to her limits when she spars with me, and it’s– a joy to lose to her, in ways I’ve gotten rather strange looks from people about. But I think you’d probably understand?

I have always felt that the Rite is communication by other means. There are things that you can communicate with your actions in a burning circle that you can’t communicate any other way, and those things are important. It’s why I try to teach people in Queenstown that the Rite is for everyone, not just people who want to defend the city or go out on hunting expeditions. It’s a way we can all make each other stronger and sharper and show each other sides of ourselves that we’d otherwise keep hidden, and for that alone I think it’s immensely valuable.

Yes. That’s it exactly. And that’s … hm. I’m working on refining my ability with the Rite because I’d like to be able to push him to his limits. To offer him a challenge that he’ll enjoy fully. Or to just see him shine.

Oh. You know. I hadn’t thought of it like that but that’s … a lovely way to think about it. Perhaps, if you have the time, we could spar at some point? I’d be curious to see you in the Rite, and I learn best by example anyway.

I’d very much enjoy that! Perhaps when we’re back in Queenstown. There’s a particular burning circle with a truly spectacular view of the city that I’d love to share with you.

I’d love that too.

Zaya, would you be bothered if I accessioned some of the memories of our conversation about what might be hurting the beast into the Library? I would not do so without your permission, and I would avoid anything that would touch upon your emotional state—hopefully these would be purely informative.

If you’d rather wait until you have had time on the train to peruse your tomestone fully before making your decision, that’s fine too.

That’s absolutely fine with me. I don’t mind people knowing if I’m struggling, either, honestly - but I appreciate that you’re looking out for that. Any information that I can provide that would help us figure out what’s happening, I’m more than happy to share.

Thank you. They’ve been accessioned. I hope it’s useful.

Hm. Do you have any advice on. I do mind if people know I’m struggling, and it seems both that nowadays I’m always struggling and everyone seems to just know. Any advice on. Accepting. That people might know?

Salme, do you think less of people when you know they’re struggling? Do you really think your beloveds and companions would think less of you if they knew something was challenging for you?

In my case, I think… the Queen can be very remote. She is not apt to show any sort of weakness to anyone, or to admit to it where anyone can see, except for a precious few people in her life, and even then, it’s. I’ve known for years that I’m only scratching the surface of what’s there.

So, in place of that, I try to show the Bazaar that there’s a person behind the colorful market-stalls and levemetes. I never want to fuck up in public, I try very hard not to! But when I do, I tell myself that it reminds people that I’m a person like they are, so that I’m not so far above them in their own minds.

I don’t think that’s exactly a concern you’re facing, either, but it’s what goes through my head when I think about it. Most importantly, though, you have to be able to believe that people around you won’t despise you just because you aren’t effortlessly the best at everything, and that’s something some very very good people still absolutely struggle with, so don’t feel too bad if it’s a long journey to try and come to terms with it. Okay?

I don’t think less of people. I do think. My great tragedy was what we saw first, and that I was lavished with enough attention for ten lifetimes. I don’t want. To keep asking. For help with. Something I’ve … already. I should have already worked past it. Especially when this should be about Aurelius and Luĉja and, honestly, you. Not me.

I think … I guess I see your point about letting people see that you’re human. When I was the Sword-Saint, it was never … I was never perfect or … without weakness. But. Hm.

I guess I always thought my greatest strength was. Hm. Bearing things that were too heavy to be borne by others. That was my role. Bearing heavy secrets, and performing joy. And there was joy in that. I don’t … know. I don’t think people will despise me. Or maybe I do? I don’t know.

You’re very kind, you know.

I try very hard to be, so I truly appreciate that compliment. You are, also, from everything I’ve seen and read? So try to be as kind to yourself as you are to the people around you.

Will do my best! 🫡

Er—sorry for being really weird at your queen. I. Kinda got distracted because I guess we’ve been talking a lot on the Linkpearl? And I. Anyway I hope you didn’t feel weird and uncomfortable.

In what way were you weird to her? That was… that was the first time I’ve seen her smile and laugh in a long time. It was an absolutely magnificent Rite.

I have been reliably informed my actions were at best baffling and at worst overtly romantic, which was not my intent? I thought I wouldn’t meet AG for a long time yet. I didn’t expect SQ and AG to be the same?

The Rite was amazing, yes.

Are you doing okay?

What in the world? I mean– admittedly when she said she wasn’t flirting with you yet it made me smile, but I didn’t read things that way at all. I was baffled at how you two seemed to know each other, but she’s explained the situation to me at some point. I’m– it makes me really happy to know that there’s someone else she considers a friend.

I still don’t know how she actually communicates on here. I’m mildly tempted to start a DM with her, just to be a bit of a goblin.

I’m very glad to be back in Queenstown, and I’m glad to have seen her laughing and engaged in a Rite like that. Still very much looking forward to giving you a bazaar tour!

Okay well maybe I should stop relying on Jorule to give me opinions about what things looked like, because I’m 0/2 on “people thinking I was about to start making out with SQ.”

I’m glad. She … honestly? Really helped me out. Like. Immensely. In several different ways. And it was kind of trippy to realize who I’d been talking to, both because I didn’t think we’d meet until Mu or Valaïs, and also because, you know, reputation. Anyway, I was just. Getting to meet her so soon after all I’ve been processing? It was really special.

If you want to see where … I think she started to … consider me someone she can talk to (and also a Zaya mention) I’m pretty sure that’s in this thread: what are you idiots up to anyways but I do encourage you to start a thread with her. She deserves some goblin-ing.

I am absolutely looking forward to the bazaar tour too, and I’m glad you’re back in your domain. I hope you’ve had some time with your queen too.

WAIT NO WRONG STRAND it’s this one: Traveler’s Guide.

I have a confession to make. I laughed, very hard, at “Possibly more important, are you the one giving information to the Scorpion Queen?”.

Also, stop me from lording it over her that I’ve seen the pamphlet and she hasn’t.

The imagery of her on the pamphlet was rather striking, don’t you think? I’ll have to make sure she sees that, at the very least.

MAGIC ANTENNAS STRAPPED TO HER TITS. Jae. Oh my stars.

Watching you systematically parry all of her defenses is also rather striking. It’s funny– I’ve watched people try and fail to get close to her. I’ve even been cheering for them, some of the time. They ought to have taken lessons from you.

Honestly, please laugh? It is genuinely funny, and no one was hurt. I had like, one moment where I was worried I’d been disappointing to meet because I’m not particularly good at the Rite, but. That doesn’t seem to have mattered?

Also why would I stop you from lording the pamphlet over her? Zaya. Zaya that woman needs to be teased. That woman needs to lose. You’re her whetstone. Rub her fucking face in it.

And yes the imagery on the pamphlet is striking. Once you’ve lorded it over her, you can reward her with that.

Huh. I don’t even know … what I said or did, really? I wasn’t trying to parry her defenses or anything. She just seemed … lonely and bored? I get it. I’ve been lonely and bored too. And she was kind to me, honestly. And passionate?

You’re together, right? In some way? Or is that … I guess I want to make sure I’m reading that right before I say something publicly and embarrass myself and/or you.

I think the term she used, when pressed, was “it’s complicated”. And it… is? But, yes, she’s my partner. She doesn’t like putting words to the relationship, for whatever reason of her own; it’s on the grand list of things that I have accepted as a true fact about my world where she’s concerned that I may never understand. It’s a decently long list, if we’re being honest?

But I love her, very much. And it overjoys me to see her happy. (And she is, even if she stalked off from the Rite in a weird mood.)

I think your approach worked because you weren’t… trying? To do anything else other than be kind to someone you didn’t know? Also, you’re very good with words. Anyways, I admire you for that.

It does sound like a long list. I’m still. Learning with my partners, myself, when to push and push and try to understand every angle of them, and when to accept I won’t understand. I think I could learn quite a bit from you regarding that.

I also. Hm. Your love for her shines through. I felt. The way you couldn’t go with her after the Rite? I wanted to ask if you were okay? I wouldn’t have been, but … well there wasn’t a moment for it.

I have found that … during this journey, I’m very good at opening myself to strangers and accepting them for who they are. There’s a term I learned on Samudra, a word of the ancients—‘xenia’. It means hospitality. It also means “willingness to love a stranger.” Learning that term … focused something I was already doing, I think?

Anyway after talking with her a while she … is easy to love? Or … I imagine a partnership would be immensely difficult but as a friend? Easy. It reminded me, a bit, of meeting Caion on Samudra? Caion’s Archie’s partner, and I also … almost immediately was friends with him too. I also hope you’ll get to meet him one day. I think you’ll like him a lot.

(And I immediately liked you too but I was also intimidated. You can enjoy that fact: the Scorpion Queen never once intimidated me but I wanted very badly to impress you)

Oh! Also thank you for the compliment on my facility with words.

I do, very much, enjoy that fact. Thank you for sharing it with me. Although I’d hope I’m not intimidating you any longer! I’d much rather be a friend than a source of terror.

No you aren’t intimidating any longer. Admirable, I think, but that’s something it’s normal to feel about your friends, I think.

I should certainly hope so, considering that the feeling is very much mutual!

That is high praise indeed coming from you.