Salme @ Jorule

this is an example of a private message, who’s privacy will be respected, because I believe with all my heart that Wolf wants nothing at all to do with what we talk about in private.

Hey Jorule, are you feeling proud of your awesome new system you worked on with Caion? It’s pretty great, aside from the weirdo asshole who has it out for you.

i am pretty hype it’s finally online, though still a bit curious. wonder if they’re a Service.

I think it’ll be really useful, and you did a great job with it. Also, since it’s been brought up enough, I have to ask. Service? The people who wrote like … prophetic books about you? Are these also the people who are big on … converting … people to a single deity? Aury mentioned them.

They’re another space faring society that the Caravan has had some run ins with, and most of the knowledge from that kind of stuff is… probably from their corner of space, yeah. They’re a little bit weirder now that their planets dead, tend to favor terraforming and assimilating locales into their own visage rather than blending in like we do.

I hope you’re excited about explaining the Caravan to me, because I think I probably need to ask at this point. I had gotten the impression that the Caravan was a group of … other Sparks (your … clan?) that traveled between worlds. Do they also travel through space? Is that part of traveling between worlds?

Oh Light, I always assumed traveling between worlds was something like moving between Almachadta and Samudra, not traveling through the literal stars. Is that how it works? How does one even get up there? (Please keep in mind I only just discovered “space” was a thing about a month ago).

I mean that’s more or less correct, although it’s generally traveling through Winter and not Space and… really this might be something to cover in the Bird Power Point once we’re back at the train hub.

Noted and looking forward to it. You realize you’ve taken to calling yourself a bird at this point too, right?

was translating for your benefit

Unless … maybe you’re a bird?

no

Hey Jorule, what’s a Power Point?

a slide show thing that everyone hates

Jorule, what kind of range did you put on this thing? Are we going to end up with everyone you’ve ever known hanging out here?

I mean, not that I’m precisely complaining, because I think you probably miss your friends, but Light.

It’s really not that far! Sparks are just. Really good at finding things they can interact with.

I guess it must get boring in the void. It’s sort of cute, honestly. Do you think anyone will hang around?

And assuming I’m actually a spark (I’ve been trying to decide if I want to ask you about that or I’d rather not know) I’d probably be the exact same way, so hard to find fault with them speaking up. Except, you know, the weird jerk.

Hard to say how much it’ll hold attention but it’s a nice distraction. Gunna lol is Vlad shows up again tho.

Is it normal to have an endless series of fucked up man-gods making arbitrary decisions about your entire existence or is my world just special?

pretty standard fantasy troupe tbh tho, perils of being The Chosen One(s)

… are you possessing Aurelius’ body to write this?

Anyway, I guess. Gods on Almachadta usually aren’t powerful enough to cause these kinds of problems, but if I unfocus my mind I can call up stories where there are more powerful deities. Hm.

Did this ever happen to you? Did you ever feel angry? Do you … get angry?

no, there are clearly some bugs in the system that need ironing out. turns out recreating computers and code from scratch when you only know like the bare minimum is harder than it looks.

yeah you guys have like, weak little piddling God Is Everything animism type shit, rather than omnipotent Creator-Gods, which, yeah that’s probably a weird as fuck for you huh. look forward to the Mu i guess

Me as myself…? Not often, usually annoyance, but it’s not like the emotions are that far apart. Other aspects of me? sure, as much as any other person. Not sure what mental imagine you actually have of my but i am not, in fact, some robot bird drone.

It turns out doing something really, really difficult is actually really, really difficult? Fair point. Thanks again for the hard work; the system is outstanding.

Yeah Creator-Gods are weird as fuck and also. Hm. The idea that in all this it wasn’t just a series of … coincidences or mistakes, but was someone’s really shitty design? That’s annoying in a whole different way.

I think … if it wasn’t clear by now, I suppose it’s worth saying outright: I don’t think you’re a robot or a drone (or a bird). I think you care very much and I think you feel as much as you care, and that’s why you turn so easily to being dismissive or joking. I think perhaps even part of the reason we got along so poorly in the beginning was the fact that I care very much too, but I don’t filter it into … not-caring. I imagine that’s probably disconcerting, maybe embarrassing. As for anger, well. I can imagine you hurt, I don’t even have to imagine you annoyed because I can draw from memory, but as for anger? That’s harder to imagine. Maybe it’s your … undine nature?

In contrast, and yeah you can make a smarmy comment here, I get angry so easily. I am working on that, but it’s. Work. So that’s why I asked, I guess. I think you’re a person with the full range of human emotions though. I really never actually thought otherwise.

i mean there’s still room for coincidence and mistakes, but. yeah some degree of there being plans in place.

dont think i’ve ever implied i didn’t care, quite the opposite and maybe that you all shouldn’t care about me but yeah ok. idk flying off the handle in a fit of rage just never seemed productive, certainly never did Serenity any good. or you. well. no that’s not true it does seem to help you laser focus on one thing with extreme intensity, but… yeah.

You … hm. Have a way of speaking, or presenting yourself, like things don’t really matter, I think, and that can sometimes sound like “I don’t care” if the person doesn’t know to listen to your actual words rather than how you’re saying them. You’ve never outright said that you don’t care, though, that’s correct.

And flying off the handle in a fit of rage isn’t particularly productive, no, but it’s something I’ve always struggled with. Turning it into something productive is the challenge, and I have some skill with that.

Have you never had something happen that made you feel so much you didn’t know what to do with it? If not anger, then some other emotion?

And I know you didn’t want to become so … central to the story, but I’m still glad it ended up this way.

Hm. Heh. Yeah. Emptiness, I suppose, is what happened then though rather than anger. Sort of the exact opposite that happened with you i guess.

No I. Well, maybe it’s the same, but sometimes there’s so much that everything just shuts down and you don’t feel anything at all? In comparison, anger feels like luxury.

I hate that that happened to you.

By which I mean “maybe it’s not the same,” Light. To be able to edit.

editing is for cowards

Yes we communicate so well even with the ability to edit, there’s no way a lack of editing capability will exacerbate issues.

Also are there any burger accoutrements I’m missing? While I’m running around the Academy I figured I might as well double-check.

“Accoutrements”?????? no i. think you’re fine. unless you wanna make fries or chips to go with it i guess. (potato based probably, everyone’s got potato)

Yeah, accoutrements Jorule. Don’t call out my vocabulary and I won’t call out the fact you dodged out of our moment of genuine emotional connection. I’ll ask about the potatoes though.

i only got so many ‘waaow amazing psychoanalysis salme’s in me each week and we’re already at cap. accoutrements is just such a weird word for toppings tho

also you probably don’t actually need me recounting how the idea that literally nothing matters lead into the first winter right now either honestly, have fun with cheeseburger.

I mean I’ve asked, multiple times, and I know what truth you’re referencing. If you’d like to talk about it I do, actually, think I can handle it. And I’d like to listen. It doesn’t have to be here, though, if you’d rather talk in the library.

no not the truth that burns, that’s different. it was, in fact, “nothing you, or anyone else, does matters” tho i think it was supposed to be. Inspiring, in a Do Whatever The Fuck You Want sort of way? but. eh.

Oh. I didn’t realize they were two separate things. I thought, for some reason, that the second feeling stemmed from the Truth That Burns.

I can see where that would lead to a kind of emptiness. I can … really see that. I’m guessing it wasn’t empowering in the slightest?

Do you still believe that?

not at the time.

now? i duno, kind of? maybe not? do what you want’s always solid advise in my book at least.

I meant the “nothing matters” part.

And doing what you want is … well. It’s served me well, so thanks for that. Insomuch as that time Aurelius yelled it at me he was speaking for you as well.

i mean, same thing really, just delivered in a less shitty way. idk this story seems a bit more on rails than oberon’s was, so a strict ‘nothing matters’ reading probably doesn’t hold up in the general

I mean, I sort of think if nothing matters then everything sort of matters. Which leads to its own problems, as you have witnessed in excruciating and embarrassing detail.

That said, it’s less about … I’m not particularly concerned about the story I’m in, I just want. To … I don’t know. Help you? Listen? Understand? Care? Maybe you don’t want any of that, but I’m trying to figure out how to do that for you.

appreciated, i guess, but it’s not like I’m really in desperate need of any help right now or anything so dont worry too much about it.

Sure, just. It doesn’t have to be dire for it to be worthwhile to … I don’t know. Talk things out? So even if it’s an old wound I’m still here to listen. Since you’re my friend and I care about you and all. Sucks for you.

Anyway, accouterments is a completely legitimate way to talk about the sides and sauces and toppings that go with a food. I’m sure Caion would back me up on that.

fucking green weirdos. also what exactly is weird or hard to understand about mustard or ketchip

Did “accouterments” get me the “fucking green weirdos” comment or was it me saying I care about my friends?

I mean I don’t know what ketchup is and mustard is, as far as I know, a plant??

accouterments obviously. and. clearly mustard is made from mustard!!! mildly weird ya’ll dont have ketchup but i guess it is just a shittier form of tomato sauce. wait do you not know what BBQ sauce is either??? despite being from plane voted second mostly likely to have bbqs????

We have a variety of sauces to put on grilled meat (some spicy, some sweet, some a mix of the two) but nothing that is simply “BBQ sauce” no. And I figured mustard is made from mustard but I’m not sure how. I do have a team of Samudran scientists on it. I’m not sure why you’d want shitty tomato sauce on a burger but. That’s informative too?

I mean, I wouldn’t, but it is a normal-ish option, though I guess i neglected to mention that mayo is too. (and usually you don’t use ALL that shit, just one or two).

mustard is like, a bunch of ground up mustard mixed with some water/vinegar and a bit of lemon juice and salt…? might be some more random spices but that’s all i remember off hand.

bbq sauce is like. man i don’t even know. also tomato based, but tangy and with spices added that turn it brown instead of red…?

Well, Samudra definitely has mayo (They have. So many kinds of mayo. And something called aioli? Jorule, help. I don’t think they’re going to let me leave the lab). What makes ketchup shittier?

Uh. Good Question? honestly could be a personal preference thing, ketchup’s designed to go better with sandwiches and tomato sauce is more for like, pasta or soups?? so presumably some of the spices in it, but also basically anything you’d put ketchup on would be better with mustard/mayo

wait shit do they have SUB DRESSING if they do steal me a bottle

oh oh or buffalo sauce and ranch. fuck they wouldn’t even call it buffalo sauce if they did tho. hot sauce. using a cayenne pepper and butter base??

They’ve got both (not called buffalo sauce but the same base) and now I’ve got several bottles of a variety of heats (it’s called Whisker Sauce here, after apparently a very weird Kushtaka from Whisker-Clan) and several different kinds of ranch (a … regular one, and then a spicy one, and then one with avocado?).

Also I keep being torn on asking you if you know what Aurelius might like on his burger (do you two have the same taste in food?) and not wanting to ask you for knowledge about him and thinking I should just ask him, but then not wanting to ruin the surprise, but it’s probably not a surprise at this point? I don’t know. Tell me what to do.

hell yeah we’re inventing buffalo wings as soon as we get to the beast.

uh. honestly fuck if I know, I think it’s usually different for each aspect. either ask or go with your gut tbh. if you’re REALLY worried about fucking it up, don’t put anything on the burger except the cheese and put all the other topping on the side of the serving plate and offer sauces in their bottles.

I mean it was going to be a whole cookout so he’ll be able to construct his own burger but I want to make sure we have everything he might want. Ugh I guess I’ll ask.

you are ridiculous and worrying way too much

Look I know it was a joke but he’s never asked me for anything before and I want it to be special.

im just saying if you planned to have an entire ass spread with options available for a Build-a-Burger anyway it’s kinda silly to ask for confirmation instead of just letting the surprise ride

Well maybe he wanted caviar chutney on his burger (yes, this is a thing SauceLab has created). I wouldn’t have thought to grab that!

ridiculous

Okay. What is a computer?

uugh. your tomestone is kind of like a computer? It’s a device that uses electricity to manipulate a bunch of binary bits to then do. all kinds of shit. Math first and for most, but with enough know how you can get them to start executing code to run programs which is. Kind of like magic, or techne I guess, since it’s designed to do the same thing each time it’s used?

And “code” is that thing you wrote to make the BBS? And … dolphins can use computers?

yeah, code’s like, the specific usage of gnosis used to execute a techne (program), I guess?? and yeah anyone can with enough effort, tho it’s easier if you got fingers.

legitimately what part of encouraging that seemed like a good idea to you, ya’ll need to work on your self preservation instincts.

Well now we know that if something truly catastrophic is about to happen we’ll be stopped by the … editor?

And I knew he was going to do it anyway! I would rather have made sure someone was there to witness it??

sigh

Would you have done anything differently?

I mean, not going “hey so do you wanna do the dumbest thing we can think of right now”, for starters?? idk if it’s particularly wise to rely on the editor to stop you from doing Insanely Ill Advised Actions either, but. idk. you’re right in that nothing horrible ultimately came about so you probably don’t need me backseat driving at you tho

Why do you always come on so aggressively than immediately back off? Do you realize you’re doing it or is it just an entrenched pattern? Like yeah, ill-advised, but we’ll never know what we can and can’t do if we don’t prod at the upper limits. And again, he’d have tried anyway. I wanted to be there when he did.

because it did not feel like it was worth escalating the argument, given it’s already done and over with. If you really want I can rewind a bit and continue nagging you tho

Well, here’s a thought for you: scale of 1-10, how bad would it be to try to reach out to the Omniclast?

…5ish? He helped you escape before, so probably not much of a direct threat. But making contact with him might get the Architect a line back too, depending on the method and proximity they’re still in (they were fighting when we left iirc).

fwiw tho it doesn’t look like the omniclast is blacklisted on anything so maybe they’ll pick up on the BBS signal and reach out himself??? who knows

I was just thinking … Ksenija told me about her name, which is based off the ancient term Xenia, or willingness to love a stranger. And I just keep thinking of how he presented himself as “a stranger” to us at first. That’s even what his song is titled, right?

I keep thinking of the role of “love” in this world, and what love means. I wonder if part of the puzzle is … opening the door for him?

real funny thought to have after telling me i dont exist here, lol

what puzzle tho? also keep in mind he’s very deliberately a god of destruction

Light, I knew that would come off wrong. I just think saying everything Aurelius can do is somehow actually you is shitty, especially when it’s his body, his gnosis, and his will be exerted upon it. He may have learned from you—I know I’m certainly trying to do so—but it doesn’t. I don’t know. Maybe I got defensive of him? I’m sorry if I hurt you. You obviously exist, you obviously matter, but you don’t exist in a real, physical way. That’s really what I meant.

Oh, just the puzzle of the entire world. And yeah, he’s a god of destruction. I also found him compelling, which is probably a good indication he’s bad news.

i mean he’s clearly using it for his own devices but if we’re strictly looking at thematics, all the liminial shit is 100% my wheel house so i feel pretty confident making the assertions that I’m the base for them tbh. ESPECIALLY for the next one, look forward to that. but like pocket dimension is a thing i’ve been doing since Day 1, and the reality glitch is probably a result of me piggybacking into the Hunter like this…? maybe always prepared was theirs tho. probably not super important in the grand scheme of things in either case.

also lol. Love of destruction will save the sundered worlds, i can feel it

ps ask caion how the fuck he knows what a river is, there is no fucking way they have islands with rivers wide enough to sail ships down to make this metaphor work.

I think I … ha ha … misunderstood what you meant about “mine” where you were talking about … a source of power vs. belonging to you. Maybe? I don’t know. I was an asshole though. I’m sorry.

And look, if you cannot see that “love” is a major thematic element of this story I don’t know what to tell you.

He’ll just say that he doesn’t know, that they’ve had this concept since forever and it transcends recorded history.

Maybe I want to see him say it in plane text tho

also i mean sure, i’m just, laughing at the idea of loving the personification of destruction being a key or solution to something, somehow.

Good job just making your own post!

I mean, maybe I’m wrong, but I think loving someone is easy. And I wonder what it’s like, to be something that cannot create, that can only destroy.

Okay so whatever’s in your PowerPoint, you might want to be as direct and straightforward as possible. And whatever you think of my emotional stability, I’m here to help you out if you need a Jorule-to-Other-Person translator to step in?

yeah, no point in beating around the bush at this point.

I’m here for you.

fwiw, this is WAY closer to the reaction i was expecting when I told you this on Alamchadta. glad to know i wasn’t completely insane for thinking a few of you would have strong reactions.

Oh. I mean. That makes sense. Is that what you were like, when you first learned that truth?

Are you okay?

Am I weird because it … didn’t bother me?

I mean… not too far off, less tears, more feeling empty.

I’m fine tho, processed that shit decades ago. I’ve also got my angel memories rather than, well, it’s a bit different for you all I think, probably? (i’ve always been Real)

Also you’re weird for a lot of reasons, but that’s not one of ‘em. 86 laughed out loud and immediately resumed not giving a shit, as you may recall.

With the understand that I disagree about your definition of real: You’ve always been real? Does that mean … were you not a child, or were you real even then?

I mean, you think Awa is a Spark familiar to you, so that’s why he’d laugh. I’m not, though, am I? Am I … new? How are new Sparks made anyway?

idk what to tell you, SQ goes “hey bitch you’re a character in a story lol” and you get the full ass Voice Of God Galaxy Brain Confirmation, you just kinda roll with it. I did realize you were also Sparks eventually tho fwiw and so you’ve been _real as long as I’ve known you.

86 is yes. And he’s got a long and proud tradition of not giving much of a shit about the meta layers of existence. As for the other stuff. All I can say is you don’t feel familiar at all, and that I have no fucking clue. Run into new ones often enough that it’s not weird to be unfamiliar, tho.

Wait, are you talking about Annarr learning the Truth That Burns, or was it SQ who told you as well? Like is this just a thing she Does, Repeatedly??

oh yeah no that was what happened with Annarr. Crimson usually only cares about Crimson so… duno what’s going on with SQ here tbh.

… Also i just remembered I have been in a story before, lol.

She was real upset that she was getting her ass kicked? Also who told you the truth?

When have you been in a story before? And … that confused me. Were you just unaware that your previous worlds were stories, or … is being aware of being in a narrative new here?

Is there anything about being a Spark/Angel/Pure Heart that I don’t already know? I think some of the party members might have questions and I … don’t know, but I suspect some of them might ask me instead of you (not that you didn’t do a really good job of explaining things because you absolutely did).

oh, mb crimson=SQ, crimson’s just the name i knew them longest as. SQ told annarr, and I can experience it in his memories.

and no going to a new world and being in a story is REAL different. i just. forgot about it b/c i spent the entire time high was a fucking kite and half convinced it was either a hallucination or a dream.

Uhhhh. Did you know those with a Pure Heart can travel to a whole new world…? i think i mentioned that during the AF creation process. “purity doesn’t necessarily mean benevolence”? The world literally revolves around Angels and their actions…? idk

Oh, you’ve called her (them?) Crimson often enough that I gathered that from context clues. I’m still curious who told you, Jorule, the Truth That Burns (is that what it’s always called?)

You were high? You, Jorule, or you, an aspect of the Spark? You don’t strike me as someone inclined to drugs, though if you are, Almachadta has some very interesting mushrooms. But anyway, what’s the difference between a new world and story?

I did know that those with a Pure Heart can travel to a whole new world because you did mention it. I have wondered, though—if all this is a story, and if we’re Angels, how far can we bend the story to our will? I know that sounds like an insane question, but I’m mostly thinking … if something happens to Awa, or anyone really, but … let’s be real. Some of us seem more likely to die during this adventure than others, and Awa has openly relished the idea of it.

no one told me??? i inherited the knowledge from annarr. I didn’t jump into the Hunter’s body until it was on that slab, so I wasn’t really there back when he was still an npc.

the aspect. but also I don’t think I’m high enough to have a philosophical debate on that subject. Suffice to say if you’re hearing disembodied voices describe everything you do, you’ve probably just fallen into a story and not traveled to a different world tho, I think?

and yeah pirates do be like that sometimes. idk I probably wouldn’t rule being able to high roll someone back to like with a strong enough application of radiant gnosis. but i also probably wouldn’t count on it either. keep in mind there is someone trying to guide things down a certain path here, and you’re probably more likely to get desirable results the better you are at sticking to it (even if you color outside the lines a bit), vs trying to completely derail things. (tho NIP does seem fairly taken with the lot of you)

Oh I meant the knowledge that … huh. I guess I was conflating when you were told “do what you want, nothing matters” with learning your world’s version of the Truth That Burns? Which, in retrospect, is a very bizarre leap of logic and I really don’t know how or why I made it.

So in your other worlds you didn’t have something like a NIP equivalent? Also I’m guessing it’s a no on Almachadtan mushrooms?

Pirates? Oh I guess the Traveler’s Guide does say he’s pirate-coded. Hm. For me it’s less … being able to use radiant gnosis, and more being able to … argue with NIP in order to save someone. Or maybe even tell a better story to shift something, even slightly.

Also what’s an NPC?

oh. yeah. Wisp Sage telling me nothing matters isn’t really the same thing as the Truth That Burns.

nope! and no i’m good, if i wanted to get blitzed i could probably find ezekiel’s bong easy enough. thanks for the offer tho

oh you mean retcon. … salme plz no spoilers. shh

NPC is. … kind of like a background character? Someone not an Angel or otherwise enlightened? Some weird Service term.

Wisp? And Sage? You said that was who was telling the story, but is that always who a Sage is?

Ezekiel is the one you said was especially distinct from you, right? Is that because he was high all the time?

Retcon???

Haha, Jorule, Caion’s going to ask you to define all these terms and then he’s going to realize you’re operating off vibes 50% of the time. Actually. What do you think of someone like Caion? Is he an NPC to you?

Not always. I know… in Oberon, the Jinn Sage had made a recording of our antics, but it’s not really the same thing as NIP really. (Wisp and Jinn are elements)

i don’t remember what conversation that was but ezekiel was just kind of a goofball stoner.

no spoilers!!

and i mean we’re kinda making shit up as we go and then making sense of it in retrospect. not like anyone taught us how to be angels or anything, just kinda bumbled our way through things. also services were pretty different from most of our worlds, culturally.

Caion’s cool. NPC for sure, but that doesn’t make him any less cool. I know the Services can operate on this layer of meta knowledge despite most of them not being Angels, so even background characters can become enlightened without being Sages…? reckon that’s gunna happen pretty quick for him with access to all this stuff and knowledge about the world tbh

me obv before you wonder, haven’t fixed that bug yet

Sages are. Uh. … That’s a good question never had to define that before. Like. Foremost experts in an element…? Wisemen, ocassionally leaders and advisers…? not unlike a Yeresh i guess…???

Okay I can mostly tell the difference between you and Aurelius when you talk at this point, and I don’t think Aury’d look at this convo anyway.

(Wisp, Jinn, and Undine? Are there more? Do they map to our gnosis types?)

The conversation where Ezekiel came up was where you draw the line wrt selfhood within a Spark, but I think you kind of … got caught on thinking about it?

I have no idea what you mean about spoilers!!

I mean isn’t “making shit up as we go and then making sense of it in retrospect” just being a person? Like, even if you aren’t an Angel or whatever, that’s sort of … life, right?

I am … concerned, about Caion, with how Archie reacted. Though I guess it very much is not my business. I just … he matters a lot to me? I’m glad you like him. He likes you too, you know. (You probably saw, but I did burn a burger in your honor. I also still have patties in the FU, though the issue of consumption still remains. IDK when you manifest using Aurelius’ physical being if you can eat food and have your taste buds? Yeah I know it’s stupid but I wish you had been able to be there too).

I mean, we have the word “sage” but it’s not a capital-S Sage in the way you use it. So, experts in an element like the ones you mentioned above? Sage already connotes wisdom. I’m not sure how much the yeresh are leaders really—advisors certainly.

Actually, what do you think of … NPCs more generally? I got the impression, early on, that you didn’t think they mattered, that it was only Angels that were … real to you. But is that what you really think? And I guess does something have to be real to matter to you?

Salamander, Undine, Gnome, Jinn, Dryad, Luna, Wisp, Shade. And not really. Sala roughly to Burning, but that’s the only one that’s really close.

and i yeah that was kind of the point.

Caion’ll probably be fine unless Archie start drunk texting at 2 AM…? reaction was petty rough but he should bounce back in a bit. I could probably eat if I manifested again? maybe i will at some point when nothing’s going on and no one else is around.

generally, well. depends. in the context of a story which was unfamiliar and odd I wasn’t really gunna put too much stock in anything they did/sa for several reasons initially but you can’t really discount/ignore ‘em entirely since that tends to be how you pick up plot beats. If we’re just talking about normal people in worlds? they’re. Necessary? Nothing against people not being special who just go on about their own lives really. world probably couldn’t function without them. also a world entirely composed of PHs sounds like hell tbh.

Do you think the elements you’re used to will have any sort of relevance here? I mean, I’m still curious because I’m me, but if it’s something that might matter, if it might be a big reveal … hm. I don’t know. Maybe I should let that be a revelation I encounter naturally?

Well I mean I’m sure you could eat if you manifested again, but if you don’t manifest in your body I’m not sure if food will taste the same? Actually … when you manifest, is it functionally your body as you remember it? Do you otherwise not … have a body? If that’s too weird of a question you’re free to ignore that one. One time pass. (Also if you’re going to commandeer Aurelius’ body maybe forewarn him?)

I guess. Early on, when we were in the Architect’s Sanctuary, when I think back to it, you were very close to the surface. And you didn’t think we were Angels then. But you were still going to travel with us. Would that have been … hm. Not a lie, but … we wouldn’t have truly been friends, if you viewed us as lesser, right? I know, silly to be concerned with hypotheticals but. I suppose I’m curious how you think of people.

Fuck if I know. Only been on one world where the elements weren’t present before, but that time I was the one who could speak with the voice of the world so it was kinda different in general. i feel like I saw a flash of Dryad activating just before archie turned that void mudd into a pebble tho so, like, non-zero chance I guess? and i guess i turn turn gnosis back into raw mana that one time… wonder if I could have made it elementally changes? maybe not, the world’s all fucked up and magic doesn’t work right, gnosis is weird.

it sure is

way too many variables in play for what-could-have-beens there for any satisfactory answers there salme. for all i know if everyone hadn’t been angel’d you might’ve stayed like those weird awa-clones, and that could have been insufferable? or the core personalities might’ve been strong enough to act like people? maybe they might’ve even had completely different ones??

Well it doesn’t stop you from being obnoxiously cool and good at magic so you can add that to your list of why you’re the greatest ever.

I mean I’m pretty sure even if I hadn’t been an Angel I’d have still been the Sword-Saint, and probably a little more characterful than the … Awa clones. Though, hmm, since we’re here, you’re the Angel of Darkness and the Angel of Truth. The second seems self-explanatory, though what does “darkness” mean? And what does it mean to be an Angel of a specific thing?

Also … Aury said something that confused me—that Annarr wasn’t as broken up about the Truth That Burns as I had thought and you seem to have implied the first time you manifested. But you also said Annarr was an empty vessel that you saw from … space? In what way was he emptier than the rest of us? What … did break him? Do you know?

doesn’t mean anything, just a term other people made up lol. So a thing you were strongly associated with at some point. mostly names the Services gave us, I think? Angel’s a Service term anyway, but we’ve found the less a world is like Oberon, the better Angel tends to parse vs Pure Hearts. Darkness presumably because heavily Shade aligned and sent an ink avatar to someone once.

i am absolutely not even going to try and explain how manifesting into a new world as a new person works, sorry. But as a rough approximation to answering that, A) digging memories out of the vessel was hard, especially early on B) the other five got filled with ya’ll first.

Are Shade and Tenebrous gnosis anything alike? You seem more … liminal to me, more than anything. Also … is an Angel anything other than a Pure Heart which is also a Spark? In the way that a sage (lower case S) is a wise person?

I guess I’m mostly concerned about what happened to Annarr. And I guess what made Annarr feel so empty. You weren’t sure we were Sparks at first, except for Awa, so you didn’t know that’s why Annarr was empty, right? The whole idea is that he’s gone. While … I don’t think there’s that much of a difference from who I was before the Architect’s Sanctuary, and who I am now. Memories come easily to me.

Is … your certainty that you knew Awa why you were so focused on him initially?

Like I said, the only good comparison is Salamander and Burning, and even then a lot of stuff you’d think of as Tenebrous would probably be a subset of Sala, too. Tenebrous and Shade aren’t that similar, though I guess Liminal and Shade do share a bit. if i had to give the roughest, loosest, easiest descriptions Sala - determination Undine - adaptability Gnome - community Jinn - law Dryad - tradition Luna - Otherness Wisp - simplicity Shade - Complexity

“Angel” is just the Service term for Pure Heart, no distinction or difference. A Spark is, like, the core identifiable part of a Pure Heart, part of but distinct from whatever Aspect they’re current expressing.

a normal person can still have their own force of will even without being an angel tho. and it’s not like you can just glance at a person and know if they’re an angel or not if you’ve never met them before. Well, sometimes you can if they’re real weird but not always. could tell the other 5 were ‘occupied’ so to speak, but not much else before they woke up and I recognized 86 a bit later. and yes recognizing him is why i was fucking with him at first, since he was not expecting this aspect of me to be present.

right no single line returns for some goddess forsaken reason. w/e you can parse it out

You being the Angel of Complexity does make a kind of sense I think.

a normal person can still have their own force of will even without being an angel tho. and it’s not like you can just glance at a person and know if they’re an angel or not if you’ve never met them before.

See this is what I’ve been kind of trying to ask you this entire time. You do consider non-Angels people, then, even if they aren’t … quite the same.

Yeah I was able to parse it out. Bugs aside the system really is impressive, and I’m personally very grateful for the ability to talk with people.

Also thank you for the Angel/Spark distinction. Does that … also mean … you said you think you’re the dominant aspect in the Spark, but if I was able to … like what would someone’s Spark feel like? You? The common thread between your Aspects? I know Aury and I tried once but obviously it didn’t work.

feels like you are trying to entrap me tbh as i have already told you that the initial dismissiveness was more about being in some weirdo’s story than anything else

also can’t describe it in words, like trying to describe the difference between sweet and savory to someone who’s never tasted anything other than water in their life and part of it’s just instinct (a lot of Shade shit, perhaps counterintuitively, runs on instinct)

I’m not trying to entrap you, I promise. I thought I had asked you this outright but it’s been … Jorule, we just have minor misalignments in how we communicate. Possibly because you are a strange, ancient being from another world? I thought all this time (up until the message before last) you were saying non-Angels counted for less, which. I try not to assume things about you that you do not directly say, because I am often wrong when I do so, but that means. Ugh. That didn’t seem like a thing you would think. Or. I don’t know. Maybe you would? It’s really not a trap. You’d still be … I’d still care about you, even if you thought that.

You’re going to tell me I’m stupid or annoying for all that, and you’d probably be right. I just don’t … I keep saying I want to know everything, but really that means I want to understand everything, and that, I guess, includes you.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly weird about this. Maybe vague unease? Maybe … I don’t know. I did reread our initial interaction and while I’m not embarrassed people might see it I am embarrassed at how I acted?

Sorry that’s. Sorry.

I do hope some day the Spark-to-Spark thing works. I’d like to know what it’s like.

So It Goes

i mean it’s fine i guess but this clearly isn’t helping you calm down or anything so maybe go take a walk or something

That’s not an unfair observation and maybe I should, but. Hmm. I wish you’d trust I’m not actually looking for excuses to fly off the handle at you? I know I didn’t precisely wow you with my maturity early on, but sometimes I feel like I’m trying to make up for something I can’t ever fix or change.

I’ll shut up and go on a walk now though.

i do not actually think you are coming to me looking for excuses to me angry

Well, good news. The Void water features are fairly relaxing to listen to and fairly meditative?

And. Thanks. I realized … when I was walking. Once, early on, before we met, I had talked with Aurelius about choosing to treat things lightly because it was easier than caring so visibly. I didn’t realize that … that was probably as true of you as it is of him. Truer, even, I think.

I always want to think we wouldn’t disagree about things that matter because we both care. But I know people are very different and value different things and I do try to keep that in mind and accept it as much as I can.

Which maybe sounds like I’m tied up in anxious knots but I’m fine, really. I just

Hit “cast” too soon is what I did!!

UGH Jorule I was having such a good, zen moment of understanding! Anyway thanks, the stupid walk helped, and I love your stupid bird face.

RIP touchscreen interface

This is going to sound like I’m complaining, and I’m really not, but … people seem to have gotten really torn up over the Truth That Burns and then seems to have gotten over it, and I’m not really sure … how to take it?

Also, Archie may be coming your way with some questions about Angels. I’m wondering if I should work on a Bird Glossary for people so they don’t have to deal with you working through how to define things in real time? Would that be helpful for you, or just annoying?

Also, let me know when you’d like your burger. I’m saving one for you (though grilling it in the Void would be hard?)

why would grilling in the void be hard if you already have all the equipment and ingredients??? also already ate it when no one was looking, thanks.

also idk what did you want, them to stay depressed as shit for weeks? Was a long, lonely night of nihilism and depression not enough? Especially when you reacted by going ‘lol yeah whatever, always has been’?? The thing about angel’s is that they’re resilient. (also it was probably worse for wolf and archie both than you think, but not my story to tell)

And, eh! It’s probably fine. You’ve ready firmly decided I’m a part of this too, so no sense in trying to quarantine me. Worst comes to worst it’ll get them used to dealing with kinda of blunt/abrasive people with a dismissive air, before they get too bewildered by whatever the fuck SQ does when we get there.

Well I didn’t take the grill. Did you eat it raw? Please don’t tell me you ate it raw.

No. I didn’t want them to stay depressed for weeks. I just found it strange. I guess I’m worrying. (And I know that it was worse for Wolf at least. I’m glad he found his way through. I selfishly wish … he had come to me, I suppose, but what actually matters is that he’s doing better).

“It’s probably fine,” he said.

no i didn’t eat a half a pound of raw beef, I’m not Casid.

also it’s crazy how you got two boyfriends and a terminally online pen-pal and still aren’t satisfied without being all up in every little detail of everyone’s shit. tho I guess that is pretty Like you. gotta solve All The Problems.

anyway yeah it’s probably fine, we can proceed with peace of mind that professional problem identifier and solver, Private Investigator Salme will be around to course correct and reexplain!

wow that reads way more hostile than intended, plz dont read into it too much

You could be Ĉasid. Would you like me to make you a little lavender coeurl fiend? I could probably do that?

Also I don’t understand shit. That’s like, obvious, right? You have to keep explaining things to me and I still don’t get them. I think part of that is a function of you explaining genuinely complicated shit than my ability to understand, but. Ugh. I may make a folio of Bird Terms just so you can correct my understanding. Though I would hate for it to take away from your opportunity to gab at someone other than me, so maybe I could just share it with you?

And I’m used to you enough that I didn’t read that as overly hostile, though I’m curious what, exactly, you were trying communicate. It’s more … Wolf’s helped me with everything, including my feelings for my two boyfriends and my fondness of my terminally online pen-pal. I wish I had been able to help him?

I am trying to be better at minding my own business, you know. It sucks.

hey Salme what happened to your OTHER pet, remember that giant ass mirror you stole from the tree king???????????????????????????? think we’re good on other random easy to forget critters for now

also, eh, combination credit, me not being a train scientist and someone that largely runs off intuition, and a smidgen of you just not really being from a place super primed for it. Dryad/Shade is more Vlad’s wheel house.

tbh not sure how good of an idea having a written record of all the alien shit is but… idk maybe the library’s fine. The BBS is probably more fine? eeegh it’s probably fine, do whatever, if shit starts getting weird we can Adjust.

also you have! a few times. even if it’s not always obvious to you in the moment, even accounting for wolf being the kind of person that’s better at weathering hardship when they’re focus on helping someone else through it instead.

I still talk with Heli! I just don’t do it where you can see! Just tell me you want to be a catboy and we’ll make it happen.

What do you mean by Dryad/Shade? Dryad is … tradition? And Shade is … complexity/liminality? Who’s Vlad, by the way? You’ve mentioned him a few times. He’s not one of your … other selves, is he?

“It’s probably fine” a second time. I mean, the library is my instinct because it’s … mine, I guess, but it would probably be easier just to post here I guess. Harder to find, though. This thread already has more than 100 posts. It probably doesn’t matter.

I guess? I just feel like so much of this has been me embarrassing myself by being an overtly an emotional mess and everyone else working through their shit in private. Which, I mean, having a court jester is a kind of role! It is what it is, though.

Vlad is my self-professed rival, who once hit me with an Eclipse for nearly 600 damage for no fucking reason. And I mean, that’s the kind of place Almachadta was. Lots of nature, lots of overgrowth, a rich history of tradition passed down over time. And a single, dark secret hidden away (also passed down over time). Which is much different from portal shit and time travel and parallel dimensions and what have you.

yeah that’s a ‘it’s probably fine’ you can lowkey worry about but not think too hard about or ask deeper about. it’s probably fine, and if it’s not it probably won’t be sudden. so follow your gut i guess.

I mean you generally do that too, it’s just your idea of ‘in private’ means ‘one on one with every single person you know, individually, one by one’ and not ‘alone’. Still counts tho.

also a fox is technically a cat so already covered.

Jorule, I don’t think a fox is technically a cat. I’m pretty sure foxes are more closely related to wolves?

I’m guessing 600 damage is a lot? Like if it were during the Rite that would kill you super mega dead, but maybe it was different in whatever world you were in? And what’d you do to him to make him your rival?

Hm. You said the other elements didn’t really map onto our gnoses, but wouldn’t that make Dryad and Flourishing alike? Though I guess I don’t really think of Flourishing as about tradition so much as context. Hmm.

Yeah I’m great at worrying about things but not thinking too hard about it or asking more questions. Actually, what are you concerned about happening? More people like AG popping out of the woodwork? (By the way, have you figured out who they are? They seem to know you?)

I … guess? Sometimes I can’t tell when you’re insulting me or trying to reassure me, which is sort of the Jorule Experience. Were you like this with your companions in your caravan or am I just lucky?

A fox is a dog running on cat hardware

600 is a fuck ton, probably enough to one-shot most.

and yeah they’re similarish but different enough to be distinct to me. Since dryad’s more about the old and always has been, and flourishing is more about growth.

i still don’t know who the fuck AG is but they’re part of this story at least, so we’ll figure it out as we go.

depends. evelyn and flip got it a lot. Not so much Hane or Primula. others in the middle. you may consider yourself appropriately blessed

I don’t really know what you mean by “hardware,” but a fox is … still a lot more like a wolf than you’d expect. Here’s where I make a comment about you and Wolf being a lot more alike than you’d think, but I really don’t associate Aury’s fox-like features with you. Should I?

Did it one-shot you? I notice you didn’t say what you did to Vlad.

AG at least seems to have calmed down a … bit? So there’s that.

Hane was your … girlfriend? And Primula’s posted here—another girl, and you even made the little “<3” thing at her. So you’re nicer (less … simultaneously aggressive and caring?) to women that aren’t … Evelyn and … me? Wait. Was Evelyn your sister?

no, it’s not a thing I generally reach for, though Elizabeth was what you’ve think of as a feline metahuman so I guess it’s not never happened before.

And no, I had just enough to soak it because I’m more of a tank than you might think. But I manifested through Theo and yelled at him for the unprompted assault and then told him I’d destroy his ass if he ever did that again.

And, mm. You could probably say that. It was that sort of thing teenagers do where they both like each other but neither really say anything or makes the first move even though you both spend an astounding amount of time doing shit together and… eh close enough. And yes, Primula’s the one that answered a few questions here. If it makes you feel better Mackenzie and I were not on particularly good terms. And yes, Evelyn is previously implied little-sister-like figure. Not actually related, though.

To be fair, I don’t even really associate Aury’s fox-like features with him. I wonder if Annarr was more expressive or if he’s always just been. Like that.

And actually, you do strike me as the “taking hits to protect others” type. Have you made your own Rite deck? You said it could go either way, but I’m curious what yours would look like as opposed to Aurelius’ (which is really The Hunter’s deck, isn’t it?)

Ah. You were … young, when you started this. That should be obvious—you look younger than me—but I hadn’t realized how young you were. And I’m not particularly … bothered? That you don’t seem to see me as woman or whatever. You seem to be fairly authentically yourself when we hang out, which is what matters. I did offer to ask about Hane, once, and I’d like to know more about Evelyn too, but that might be better for a conversation in person? Or in … astral-projection?

It Is A Mystery

I didn’t bother, it seemed like this one does more or less what I’d want it to do.

Eternally 17, just like everyone’s favorite idols. I mean I do recognize that you’re a woman you’re just not someone I particularly want to smagg. And I guess we could talk about Evelyn if you want, idk how much there really is to say though wrt needing to be in person or not

“Smagg”??

Sorry I know you wrote other things, but “smagg”???

Fuck.

ALSO NEVER LET IT BE SAID I AM A LIAR OR INCAPABLE OF ADMITTING WHEN I WAS WRONG:

that eclipse did in fact KO me, which is probably why I wanted until the next morning to yell at Vlad. it was actually a little over 850, that’s insane.

THEN WHY NOT SAY FUCK? It’s not like you don’t regularly say “fuck”?? Or “sleep with” or—shit this atrocity is in Caion’s map entry too. Is that your fault??

Smagg. Honestly.

I don’t correct your weird almachadta slang, you don’t gotta correct my weird dirty space trucker slang.

Wait. You died and got better the next day?

What about my slang is weird?

The only Guide entry I’ve fucked with is my own.

ALSO ALL SLANG IS WEIRD TO NON-LOCALS, THAT’S PART OF WHAT MAKES IT SLANG.

and yeah when I die I wake up the next morning in my house. I am amazing

… you’re telling me Aurelius might also be someone who uses the word “smagg”? Light help me.

So you’ve died before but you didn’t actually, permanently die. Wait. You have a house?

And re: the heavier stuff discussed above, I was thinking in person might be better for … I don’t know, potentially sensitive topics? Reminiscing? I don’t know how you prefer to have feelings.

The vast majority of the brochure entries were not done by any one of us, don’t worry.

Several times. And yes. Home ownership at 17, living the dream baby.

I prefer to have them away from you, but you are an emotional vampire and in need of sustenance, alas.

Noted.

wait do you even know what a vampire is, that’s important to that last line being funny

No, but from context I think I got the idea. Something that feeds off the emotions of others? You can just tell me to fuck off, you know. We can have a perfectly functional working relationship without any of … this bullshit.

ACTUALLY I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, IT WAS THE SAME NIGHT NOT THE NEXT MORNING. Goddess Bless logs.

Okay…?

a vampire is a creature that feeds off the blood of others. anyway I was flippantly joking b/c talking about them is kind of uncomfortable but not enough to stop me from doing it. not mad or w/e with you.

(for real though it does lowkey kinda feel like every other time we talk you’re trying to get me to open about shit that might make me sad)

(WHICH IS FINE, but like, you can understand the deflection im sure)

I mean, you told me you prefer to have your emotions away from me. That’s fine. I was under the impression … well, it doesn’t matter.

I’m not trying to make you sad. Being friends with someone is, to me, about sharing the good and the bad. I apologize if it seemed like I was trying to feed off you or whatever.

yeah that entire line was a joke. So, I guess I will make a note to not employ overwhelming levels of sarcasm via text, regardless of how used to reading my writing you might be. my bad

What part of that was a joke? How was that sarcasm? You said something plainly that you’ve alluded obliquely over and over again. It’s not actually funny if it’s just true?

Again. I thought we were friends, but we don’t have to be friends to work together. I don’t actually need to know about your past lives, or what makes you happy, or what makes you sad. I appreciate that you’re always willing to answer my questions. I’ll be more mindful about what they are in the future.

all of it? I do not hate you, I do not mind your company, and I certainly wouldn’t rather be doing nothing over talking to you. Occasionally when the banter gets going, I slip into bad habits picked up from the last place I was, while forgetting people in Almachadta and Samudra generally run on sincerity and openness and not cynicism and sarcasm.

I was not actually implying you had done anything wrong or displeasing.

Sorry

I appreciate the apology. To clarify: I like banter and sarcasm, actually. I can give as good as I get most of the time. But it’s a little more fun if the person you’re bantering with has been clear that they actually like you? And I had assumed that was the case with you, but.

I don’t know. Maybe it is my culture, but I feel like most people can only hear about how annoying and invasive and needy and fragile they are so many times before they start to wonder if the other person believes it. You’ve been kind to me when I’ve needed reassurance, but never in a way that implies that you actually like me? And I’ve told myself it’s about actions, not words, but … it’s whatever. I’m glad you don’t mind my company. I am sorry if I’ve made you feel like I’m trying to make you sad. I’m not.

I mean you are a little annoying but no more so than I myself am (and in ways and reason I myself am as well), and that wasn’t enough to tip it past the point of mattering. Part of it too is just having felt like I needed to keep you all at a certain distance. Which, again, it was my bad. I wouldn’t say we’re the closest or best of friends or whatever, but I do like you more than I dislike like you. And I am clearly not the best at dealing with people either, as I didn’t think that’d upset you either. So. Yeah. Sorry, i’ll try and scale my own rudeness back when it’s not called for.

(also i have been particularly cagey and weird today as I just discovered that too much knowledge about places beyond the planes might potentially be hazardous or worse for NIP and i’m not. exactly sure how much it too much or how far, exactly, their gaze extends into shit like the BBS or specific library entries.)

I know you’ve been keeping us all at a distance. I’ve been trying to prove that you don’t have to. That was perhaps foolish of me, as I never knew why you were doing so. That isn’t a demand you tell me; simply an observation.

I’m not upset in the sense that you’re using it. You know what I’m like when I’m upset. Light knows you’ve seen it often enough. I’m simply trying to modulate my behavior based on feedback.

And I’m aware that we’re not best friends or the closest. You’ve been abundantly clear that if you had any other option you’d not be talking with me. And that it’s annoying or upsetting that I’m talking with you in the first place.

I guess. What do you want? I feel like I’ve been clear (we’re friends, you’re part of this) but I haven’t asked you. I figured you’d object if you didn’t want that but you kind of have been this entire time.

(I’m sorry about the NIP stuff. That sounds stressful and scary, but I do think they might be stronger than you think? If you’d like to talk about it, I’m here Wolf would be a good choice.)

Goddess, Salme. You are not 15 anymore. Everyone in the world does not hate you, even if some strong language might occasionally be used. Remember when you landed in Samudra and then immediately made a new best friend on a plane you’d never heard of before? You are a perfectly decent and likable person, and not an unwanted presence. Especially not in this group you’ve made yourself apart of. You do not need to convince yourself people are only just barely tolerating you, anymore.

You don’t need to change yourself for anyone’s sake, and especially not fucking mine, Goddess knows I’m about as far from being a perfect person as you can get. Maybe adjust slightly from person to person, in the way a normal person might, but no more than that.

If I really wanted to talk to anyone else, I am more than capable of reaching out on my own, especially with the BBS online. I am not, in fact, “stuck” with dealing with you, regardless of any off hand barbs I might’ve through out. If I didn’t want to interact with you, I simply would not, and would retreat deep into the void until my presence was absolutely necessary.

I mentioned this before but I do not particularly want anything, other than to see this story through and ideally for everyone to be able to look back upon it as a fond memory in the end, and, triggering your anxiety is not helping that goal.

But like. I don’t know how many time I need to say this before it really sticks: I do not hate you. Any teasing I do is entirely in jest. The only time you’ve ever actually pissed me off was during our initial encounter, and that was mutual. And I can only really apologize that my method of communication, esp over text, is a bit off-putting and crude, and maybe try and think a tiny bit more before hitting enter from now on.

Okay, I think you’re misunderstanding something, but that’s for later.

I’m about to do something dangerous. You’re my failsafe. If something goes wrong, get whoever makes the most sense.

please fucking don’t, between spirit magic not working here and gnosis being weird as fuck, there is NO REASON to assume my homeworld bullshit is still in play out here in this sundered world

ugh i cant even yell at you because i did tell you to do whatever the fuck you want but Goddesss

Huh? What did you think I was going to do? Is this related to the “I can’t die I just revive in my house” think you lowkey dropped?

And you rated it a 5/10 in terms of danger! It was fine!

how did you expect me to get help to you in time if something did go wrong if I’m not confident I could have teleported over there on command???

and yeah a 5 but really, RIGHT IN THE SAFE HAVEN???

can’t fucking deal with you sala/luna types

Okay, so. I think sometimes you think I’m more upset than I am? I get … why. I’ve been wearing my emotionality pretty nakedly ever since we met, but I am pretty resilient. I never thought you hated me, except when we first met and that upset me. I think. Ugh.

Look. When I allow myself to care about people, I tend to care about them very deeply. You wouldn’t be the first person where I’ve cared very deeply and found that care was not returned, or that, worse, it was unwanted. Drawing back to protect myself was not changing myself. That, too, is a part of who I am. That reaction seems to have been … premature, and yes, I’ll admit it, immature.

And yeah, I was asking what you wanted in terms of our relationship not in terms of the larger narrative. I can weather some anxiety; I really can. I’m learning I don’t have to, but I am again asking, no begging, you to give me some credit for emotional resilience. And in case you read that sarcastically, I do mean it.

Also I don’t really want you to change yourself for me, either. I actually like you for your personality, which probably says something about me. I just. I don’t know. Maybe I’m asking you to trust me more? Which doesn’t seem to be in your nature? It’s fine, though. Please stop apologizing.

Well I mean where else? I walked pretty far away from the Ziggurat, and silminnäkijä was with me, and you were watching. Would the Beast have been better? Samudra would’ve been disastrous, and I’m not inclined to risk Almachadta. The Omniclast did say he loves us and wants us to live. Like. I’m not sure what else I could’ve done to be safer?

Sala/Luna is … determination/otherness? What does that even mean?

it means you’re an impulsive pain in the ass and yes beast would have been better but you are right nothing bad happened so it’s fine

<3

So are we okay or have you retreated deep into the void until your presence was absolutely necessary?

huh? oh naw we’re fine

can’t believe you fish booze’d badri lmao

Me neither. I’m glad he didn’t drink it. I am concerned someone on Almachadta did.

Also I just wrote a brief explanation of who you are in my message to him and I realize that I sound insane. Please be nice to my adoptive father if you encounter him?

ok

I know that’s a genuine “ok” but also I shouldn’t have asked because I know you wouldn’t be. I mostly … was just reminded of how openly emotional he is tonight, and … I just want him to be happy.

Yes Ma’am. 🫡

(glad your trip went well)

… how did you make that tiny little pictogram?

(Me too. Thank you.)

some weird ass keyboard combination I don’t even remember already

Hey, do you know what the fuck an atom is? I was … well, you saw, and I was just kinda going with it but. “Atom”??

uhhHHHHH building block of life? everything is made up of progressively smaller things, and atoms are so small you can’t even see them

Huh. That is. Not a thing we have a concept for on Almachadta. It’s also not something they know on Samudra. Fucking weird.

Er. Speaking of which. This is a super embarrassing thing to have to ask, but how … does one not come across as like. Painfully weird and awkward when meeting someone new? I’m used to having a role to play, but I’m not sure what my role should be here and it’s kind of … too late to ask. Obviously I am just painfully weird and awkward when I’m being Myself but I just don’t want to fuck this up.

Also thanks for getting answers out of AG. That was impressive. When’s the wedding?

tomorrow, hope you got a speech prepared.

also why in the fuck are you asking me, I made a terrible first impression on your group. tho i probably could make a decent one on Zaya.

idk. honestly the play here might just be to embrace who you are and ask her a bunch of deeply uncomfortable questions, so long as you look uncomfortable and apologetic during it as well

Well I’m actually phenomenally good at speaking ex tempore, but with 24 hour warning I’ll create a killer speech. Do you know their first name yet, or are they waiting until marriage to share?

I mean, you made a terrible first impression but in retrospect you were trying not to and it was … okay, it was a bit both of us, but I think if I hadn’t flipped my lid it would’ve gone. A lot better? But you seemed like you knew exactly who you were. I felt like I … did but maybe that was just another mask?

I mean, I don’t think looking uncomfortable and apologetic is the right way to go about it here, but. I know I can take up so much space with questions and stories and … worrying and just. Being myself it can suck all the air out of the room. I’m trying to be less egotistical here.

Anyway, re: about SQ being able to see everything, it’s less about the spiciness or whatever and more about the multiple excruciating meltdowns I’ve had.

oh yeah no we watch those in full detail

Oh. Great. Wonderful. Great.

SQ probably get bored part way in tho.

and fair. but eh!

anyway I just mean that I feel like making an emotional appeal or an attempt to connect with a desire to learn is probably your best here, because no shot at you pulling off ‘cool and aloof and unconcerned’ for the duration of your stay. and she might need someone to unload to, too.

Well at least she probably got bored partway through.

What, you don’t think I can pull off ‘cool and aloof and unconcerned’? And yeah, you’re probably right about that. I’m just not sure if Aurelius would appreciate being … me?

Not. Long term. not in this party of dumbasses.

i mean i thought we were talking about how you’d deal with this, not him. tho like if he doesn’t know what he wants yet anyway then ???

It was a joke. I know I’d fail. I mean. I failed. You saw me trying to play that role early on.

I mean yes, but. I don’t want to act and do something that makes things worse for him? And I guess we could avoid talking about him but it feels like … a pretty unavoidable topic. Tree-growing-through-the-living-room-floor level of unavoidable topic, especially since she apparently already knows … ugh.

I guess I could be like, “Hey, my world’s rapidly dying. Don’t suppose yours is too?” Though that works for Awa so maybe?

oh i was expecting more, ‘asking her about his life story and their connection’ but I mean trying to focus purely on business in the dumbest of all planes sounds kinda funny too

I mean I’d want to ask her about his life story and their connection, and also … tell her about the person I know and love, but I just don’t know if that’s too transgressive. I’d just ask but. Yeah.

So I’ll wait? I guess? I mean. Unless you think me not waiting makes any sense?

naw that’s probably fine tbh

Is this the kind of “probably fine” that I should worry about or the kind that I shouldn’t?

Also I’m … sorry your big reveal with SQ got spoiled? Like small potatoes in the long run, but it does kinda suck for you.

I mean i can’t imagine waiting and getting a feel could make shit worse somehow

Yeah. I’ll just. Wait. Any advice on being patient and going with the flow?

You did mention you might have some advice on getting started with enchantments when you saw the atelier? If or when you have a chance that might be a good side project.

I’m not… sure that’s the kind of you can advise..?

but yeah we could arrange that, seems like ya’ll are gunna be busy tomorrow tho anyway

oh wait train ride back thats a lot of time for awkward silence. idk learn some card games real quick

Oh Light the train ride. You’re not doing a very good job of being the Angel of Sage Advice right now you know.

I mean I’d hope Aurelius would at least have decided that he wants space vs. he wants me around at the moment by the train ride but maybe I shouldn’t assume?

imagine forgetting about that until it happened tho

Well I guess I can thank you for small mercies then.

two boyfriends is a perfectly ordinary amount, says woman utterly horrified at the idea of being one of two girlfriends.

(too soon? looked like things went ok anyway)

Things went okay. It’s not too soon I don’t think? I know I’m being hypocritical and dumb. It’s just. She’s beautiful and cool and funny and has amazing magic, and they have a lifetime of history, even if he doesn’t feel like it’s his. I know he likes me for me, but I just feel kinda … like if someone has that kind of option available to them, what could I possibly add? I know that’s dumb. I know he’s shown me that isn’t true a million times over. He just did. But that’s why I’m being so stupid about it.

And if it’s a thing that is going to happen, if that’s what he wants, I want to be able to help him go for it. He deserves everything.

Thanks for checking in.

you are a silly person Salme. also she may be a solid 8 on the Ideal Partner scale but it’s not like we don’t have a few 10s floating around, so seems goofy getting worked up over this one. Pretty sure Beast is more open than even Alma is on that front anyway??? so.

Who on earth would you rate a 10?? Wolf?? Like, sure, but Aurelius doesn’t seem into him? Yourself? Perhaps, but if there’s one thing I’m not worried about happening is Aurelius falling for you.

I mean I’m sure sexual openness is probably greater on the Beast than Almachadta, yeah, but I don’t want to be. Weird. About it when/if it happens. And again, I am being Weird about it.

I really expected to go through this with Awa, not Aury.

of course i meant myself and Primula. Not that you’ve seen her. probably for the best tbh.

also yeah you really lucked out on barely running into any not-old people in samudra huh. better keep an eye on him at the parties here

I mean I feel like Awa having dalliances with random people is … different than. Ugh. Why am I explaining this to you? You’re just going to tell me I’m silly again.

Sex is one thing. Relationships are another. I’d worked through my feelings about the first. The second is harder. Especially because I’ve had plenty of the first and none of the second before all this started.

cultural differences, indeed.

Wait is that different than where you’re from? (To be fair, it’s not … really that standard where I’m from. Being a free-ranging teenager in the Courtyard is a very specifically Weird kind of thing to be).

I feel like it’s usually supposed to be a package deal…? if nothing else it’s hard to imagine someone not having had a few dates as a teen before moving on to one night stands at least

Oh it was a little. More embarrassing than that?

So. It’s kind of weird to be an orphan in Almachadta. Usually there are big, extended families, right? You’ve heard the sad backstory there, blah blah, whatever. Most of the kids who’re staying in the Courtyard have families back home stay there for a summer or a year. They learn a trade, or make connections, or impress someone by lifting a really big hay bale come harvest time. That means if you’re still around after a season or two, it starts to get … pretty obvious you don’t have anywhere else to go.

Anyway, sometimes a shitty teenage boy thinks (correctly) that the orphan girl will be pretty easy, and he takes her on a couple late-night dates and she puts out on the third one and thinks that means something, and he pretends the next day like he’s never spoken her in his entire life. And something like this happens a couple times before the girl gets a fucking clue. Luckily I can’t remember any of their names.

Anyway, that’s part of why I’m so defensive. I know. I’m not 15 anymore. I need to get over it.

I’ve never actually set out to have a one night stand, just things that I thought were going to be a package deal and … weren’t. I don’t really think I’m that type of person?

ah. well. sorry that happened to you? pretty shitty on their part. teenagers! that wasn’t a judgement or anything fwiw but I suppose it does go a ways to explaining several of your insecurities.

probably makes aurelius not knowing what to do when you kissed him funnier tho tbh.

Oh I didn’t think you were judging me but I wanted. To explain why my experiences are what they are.

And in retrospect it was pretty funny. I mean. At the time it was funny but funnier on retrospect knowing it worked out. Like, even if my looks are “mediocre at best” usually people concede I’m good with my mouth.

#waow

Hahaha! Sorry I get vulgar when I talk about it. It makes it easier.

You know, I had been sitting on a joke to Zaya about Annarr’s body count but it … really doesn’t seem funny anymore. Hopefully you’ll appreciate it?

ok but can you do the cheery stem thing

Sure, fire away. Even if the world never hears every stupid joke you’ve ever thought up, the void welcomes them with open arms.

The thing where you tie it with your tongue? Yeah. Of course. Wait. Why is that a universal across planes and worlds??

Oh that was mostly it. I envisioned a loud, cheery reunion where Aurelius didn’t immediately leave his body vacant from guilt and stress, and I was going to say something along the lines, very innocently, very loudly, “By the way, Saranzaya, what is Annarr’s body count?” Maybe with a, “Well, be sure to add one more to it?” if I got the sex answer.

It’s maybe not a very good joke, in retrospect, but since you used the term I thought he’d maybe laugh, maybe blush, I don’t know.

turns out drunk people get exactly as stupid across all timeline

and, aha. yeah probably SOME timeline out there where that woulda been a hit, but alas. Maybe not the best way to introduce yourself to the vice-queen of a country tho lol

I mean considering how she spoke, I think it would’ve probably been fine not for the. Er. Thickness of that particular history? I don’t know. Light, I forgot she’s also a vice-queen on top of everything else.

Do. Do you think that I should’ve waited? This isn’t useful, and it’s maybe not a thought I should speak out into … not even the void … but. I keep thinking maybe I forced it? My relationship with Aurelius. I pursued him really heavily, and I doubt he’d have ever really been interested if I hadn’t. I feel like I should have let him get back to the Beast first, shouldn’t I?

yeah she’s _amazing

that is possibly the dumbest what-if you could dwell on at all, as there is ZERO turning that cart around at this point.

can’t even think about if it’d be better or worse, it’d just be different. The direction he’d grow and the rate both. really no point in thinking about it, especially if you’re both happy with how things are now.

better things to wonder about: what’s her relationship with Lucja like, what with him being the second oldest being on the plane and all. Or why she’s watched by the Unburnt Book! Maybe you’ll get along

wtf i could of sworn the tildes didn’t parse the other day. oh well

Oh. You’re right.

I have more to say, but I thought you’d just enjoy having that single message for posterity’s sake. You’re right. I got so in my head that I forgot that it doesn’t matter what might’ve happened, it matters what did.

Thank you.

n/p

I mean. I do think I’ll like her. I already like her. That wasn’t really something I ever thought wouldn’t be true. It’s a lot how I felt about Wolf once … well, once he could talk. I thought he was amazing and, yeah, frankly, above me. Of course, I’ve realized Wolf is also a dork like the rest of us. Maybe she’ll be the same?

What I really want to know is why she’s called the Dreamer. Well. And what she knows. “I’ve told every story this world has to tell,” is a line in her song and I did notice that.

The future matters more than the past and I always knew she’d be a part of it. I should … be the part of me that can step forward into such things fearlessly. Or, at least, bravely, even if I’m scared at the same time.

Ugh I’m going to have to say thank you a second time and tell you you’re a good friend.

owned

Also this is a dumb theory, but what are the chances that the Beast is actually, literally, a beast?

not ruling it out tbh, this place is fucking fiend central. no one here is watched over by the fiend engine tho, which is weird.

I was just thinking of the lines from her song “Dormant muscles twitch beneath the metal skin. / All see, but only I observe and take note. / I hold the eternal flame in my hand and in my heart.” Which initially made me think about Luĉja, but also “The Beast wakes” made me wonder—there’s so much metal floating around, what if there’s something sleeping inside? In the Deepforge?

Also that is precisely as stupid as it would deserve to be. I’ve always wondered why a plane was called “The Beast.” That would make it make sense.

Yeah I mean like. Even the… primary actors…? you know, the people in the guide who are all listed with titles. They all got some kind of secret going, even if they didn’t get angelized. Tsem with the farcaster and knowledge of planes, Caion with his Whale Knowledge, Synthesis with the music sense. So. Stands to reason she’s got one too, yeah? Speaking of, this might be a good time to ask Lucja’s, too?

but also like. yeah.

“Even if they didn’t get angelized” Jorule you may not be a storyteller but you certainly have a way with words no one could hope to imitate. And yeah, I figure she has one too. Luĉja as well, though I think they might have told me at least a part of it.

AG turned out to be really sweet by the way. I mean, obviously loves heckling you, but really sweet.

adopt ALL the weird alien angels, leave no freak unfriended, march upon the architect with the most bizarre army you can musters.

(complementary)

Hahahahaha! Will you be my loyal lieutenant when my army of dorks and losers descends upon the earth?

clearly the general

Sorry, no. I’m the lead in this story. Lieutenant or you’re in the trenches.

i mean there’s usually a commander above the general but

Oh well as long as you’re following my orders and using your outsized charisma to inspire the men you can be the general.

I have a … weird question for you, even by the standards of Weird Questions I ask you but. The story started when we woke up in the Architect’s Sanctuary, correct? Is it … every person we’ve met since then has been. Kinder than what I remember. I hadn’t really … put that together until I was talking to AG, but. The people we meet are all kind.

But that isn’t what I remember. That isn’t the world that made me. That isn’t how people work. But it’s what’s happening here. Is this … a function of whoever’s telling the story, or is how I remember things a function of … whatever Angel awoke in me?

you’re also explicitly looking for kind people who have the plane’s best interests at heart, and people that you were all intimately familiar with in one for or another before angel-fishing happened.

like im sure if you just sat in the markets for a few hours you could pick up a couple of ripe assholes, but… who’s really interested in that? you probably could have opted to sit in with that meeting Caion had to convince a bunch of old people to green flag another suicide (to them) mission, but again, didn’t seem like anyone was super interested in doing that.

look for good/helpful, find people at least trying, turns out.

also tbqh it’s not like ya’ll haven’t snapped at each other from time to time

I mean I would’ve loved to sit in on the meeting. I think it would’ve been fun. I think I could’ve solved a lot of problems. Or jump started the Thoughtstorm.

And I mean I expect people to occasionally be jerks now and then. I’m an asshole sometimes. You know that. Occasionally snapping is one thing. I just. Don’t see the inherent light in every person I’ve ever met? I don’t know. It’s weird.

Sometimes I wonder if the story is a … to steal your term, kinder, gentler one.

Also, and yeah, call me fucking stupid for only just now thinking of this, are you still having the memory bleed thing with Aurelius? And is there any chance my embarrassing meltdown here could ever be part of it?

Like, I really hope you go, “no Salme, my conversations with you are not interesting enough to remember” like I hope that in the core of my soul.

idk probably not, the delineation seems pretty separate by now. but also it’s not like 25% of them aren’t in front of him already so…………………..

Sure but. Like I wouldn’t have had that weird freakout about Zaya at you if you hadn’t … IDK I actually wasn’t planning on sharing that with anyone but then you made me feel like I. Could. Which sorry I guess if that wasn’t your intent but. He already fielded enough of my selfish feelings. I’d prefer him to not … see that. Though I’m sure he could guess.

I’m working on a private library folio right now of my story. I want to tell AG. I want it to be a story and I’m trying to collate everything I’ve said before to understand how I’ve been framing myself and to whom and it’s been. Humbling. Remembering. I don’t know what scrambled my brains so bad I forgot but I have been so, so loved and so much of that has been him. I mean. Everyone, really, especially Awa and Wolf and him but. I don’t know.

I was a messy bitch about it, but up on the walls of this weird town no one can hear you cry.

Actually I do know. He loves me and I keep getting in my own head about it. It’s stupid and annoying. I’m trying not to beat myself up about it because I don’t think that’s actually productive. I’m considering apologizing but I don’t know if that’s warranted and would just be weird.

Anyway climbing somewhere high and staring into the distance is weirdly useful?

yeah I mean that’s fair, I get it.

and yeah i would absolutely agree that the vast majority of your problems come from being way too in your own head while not having much faith in yourself. just absolutely convinced everyone sees you the same way you see yourself. i probably would not apologize for it tho, no, since at best it would be awkward after sorta working through it.

Yeah I think showing him will matter more anyway.

Do you overthink things too or is that an Aurelius special? Obviously both of you have better self-confidence, even if it’s feigned sometimes.

no, that would require thinking in the first place.

rimshot.wav

Smooth.

Hey Jorule, I know I’m really cool and all, but you don’t have to be so desperate for my attention. I’d never ignore you.

Though seriously, I think that went well?

It did! I’m proud of you.

Honestly I kind of feel really stupid for having conniptions about Aurelius and Zaya when. She said that.

Also a little sad for Annarr? If he’s anything like Aury, that must’ve been lonely to carry.

eh you getting jealous and a little worried seems like a pretty natural reaction all things considered so i wouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

tbh im not sure he even knew himself, but yeah

I mean I wasn’t actually going to beat myself up. Just. Hm. I’ve just been noticing a Pattern of histrionics on my part and. Adding another stitch to it is a little like. Salme, really?

And. I know Aury just needs time to work through it, but there’s so many things about Annarr’s story that … I’m pretty sure he’s probably feeling pretty vividly. I wish there was more I could do?

I also hope … you’re okay. You said the flow between things was pretty much done, but. I don’t know.

fair, i feel that way sometimes too so its understandable.

decent odds of it, sure. just being there it probably enough tho. and i don’t think anyone could ever argue you bad at that.

I, however, am perfectly fine. If I wanted to wallow in lost romances from alter aspects I have way better options.

Yeah I am pretty good at being Around. That is a thing I am good at. Train ride probably is going to be awkward, possibly because I’m going to spend the entire ride glued to his side.

I’m glad you’re okay though.

Trying to decide if I want to ask more about Crimson for Zaya’s sake, or let her come to you if she has questions. Or let her figure it out herself?

Oh also when do you want to have your buffalo wings?

eh she’ll figure it out, or not and ask

shit i should do that tonight before things get stupid huh. or maybe wait until ya’ll go to one of those cookout things? hmm. the possibility spaces……………..

We’ll probably have a cookout at some point, yeah. Cookout, nice baths—there’s a couple really indulgent events that seem to happen pretty consistently. I’m just pretty sure I remembered you said “as soon as we get to the beast” and I’d hate to deny you when you ask for so little.

no yeah that makes sense, might as well hop on it before it gets lost in the sauce

also not like a normal cookout but like. there’s this. entire ass Event. what was it. iron chef? i think aurelius and lucja talked about it briefly once. you’ll see

OH the … Iron Chef thing! Would you, what, want to … compete?

no it just seems like an easy time to make lots of food happen, i’m pretty sure no one on beast is gunna be impressed with me throwing shit in a deep frier for a few minutes

Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck.

Any chance you didn’t read the whole thing?

I think we both know the answer to that one.

ps out of mild curiosity who do you think Zaya meant

Yeah.

Too bad there’s not a gnosis resonance for profound embarrassment and chagrin.

wdym red and green both exist

kill me

:)

if it helps i mostly just skimmed to get to the commentary and didn’t reread MOST of the entire entries.

The commentary was the problem!

Well you’re still talking to me at least?

It actually was helpful seeing it all laid out like that. Realizing you’re being realdumb is rough, but I think it’ll be better in the long run?

none of this was new to me

and yeah, probably. Now, however, the healing may begin.

ANYWAY.

I … I mean, if it’s really actually not Aurelius, and I really. Like. Okay, I really don’t think she lied, I don’t think she would lie, I think she was trying to … make things easier on me by telling a truth that cost her nothing to tell, but also like.

Okay so I know I’m biased, but it does feel pretty obvious to me that Aury’s the most dateable, right? Like he’s kind, patient, brave, funny, hot … ugh, you get it. Awa’s the sexiest, though I know other people find Wolf more to their taste. So like. I guess:

1. Aurelius confirmed it’s not
2. Wolf. Wolf dreams, she’s called the Dreamer. Wolf was winking at her. Everyone drops their panties for Wolf like. You were there on Samudra.
3. Awa. Like. Not to insult my man, I love him, obviously I’m into him, but since Zaya’s clearly into SQ, Wolf’s a little more burning than Awa is, right? I mean, maybe they could be swapped?
4. Like are we sure it isn’t Aurelius?
5. You, somehow, despite the fact she was just informed of your existence and had not met you (Man it weirds me out when you’re like. Cute and sweet and normal in public threads?)
6. Luĉja. They have a long-lasting, strong friendship and Luĉja’s tall and strong and has a kitten and a cool pet dog?
7. Me.
8. Archie. Shorter than me, not in the running.

lol.

lmao.

What do you think??

i think archie at the bottom makes sense, probably not that kind of furry.

lucja is her Weird Ass Uncle Who Lives In The Mountains Alone And Only Comes Down To Visit For Holidays. almost certainly not in the running.

I will concede your point on aurelius. (damn you are Smitten). however. One must then consider: Why Not, especially given how close they were.

in this question, lies the hidden truth

(also concede that wolf probably gunna Do Numbers here if he had any inclination to score)

Yeah I am obviously smitten you saw how I completely could not comprehend her liking someone else from our group? I mean, I would assume it never happened because, and I could be wrong, but I suspect that Annarr, Aurelius, and you are probably all the type of person who’d give 110% of yourself if you actually were with someone, and I think. I guess if I were Zaya, and if her relationship with SQ is what I’m pretty sure it is, I think … maybe letting someone give 110% when you were with someone who looms as large as SQ does for her would be … unkind?

So if it was about the seriousness of commitment, maybe it is Awa? She was staring at him a Lot and Awa I think is capable of making even brief encounters matter?

Yeah obviously the story itself is horny for Wolf and … man. I mean I think Wolf is amazing, I adore him. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing something considering the narrative thirst though, you know?

honestly i don’t hate that that’s how your mind instinctively goes to make sense of it. perhaps you too have had the kindness within you deep inside, all along.

i reckon most of the awa staring was trying to figure out where he fit in on the triangle and trying real hard to not stare at aurelius fwiw.

Holy Shit I’m Amazing I didn’t even have to reload to see that new message it just popped up while i was typing.

anyway it’s normal to not want to fuck your brother figure who is also the team dad. i was say because you do not seem to have a thing for extreme aggression but then again you did seem Weirdly Into aury’s victory over you in the rite so who knows. maybe it’s the ears????

anyway Awa’s probably a good guess for number two

and clearly NIP has a type, they’re always excited any time someone goes a lil feral

Why do I feel like you think there’s something exceptionally obvious that I’m missing? Though, thanks?

To be fair, sometimes I’m trying to figure out where Awa fits with Aurelius? Like. Obviously I was super wrong about the initial dynamic (… was that mostly you? Light, do I even want to try to figure out where you were showing through the most early on??) but … well they’ll either work it out or they won’t.

I mean yeah Linkpearl’s amazing except for the part where it keeps telling me people are different people than they are.

I’m not into extreme aggression, no. I do like competency and it was a really well-won victory. There’s something really attractive at people being very good at something. That Aurelius is excellent at the Rite and crafting fiends shows skill and range and—okay yeah, doing it again. Anyway the ears are cute but I could probably take or leave them?

Okay you think Awa’s number two, but Wolf isn’t number one?

Weird that the narrator’s a total bottom but kinda explains their approach to storytelling I guess?

(you probably don’t unless you want to give yourself more anxiety)

also it only messes up me and aurelius and i feel like in the grand scheme of things that’s a reasonable mistake for a shitty magic computer that may or may not also run on quantum entanglement to make.

she’s gay, Karen

they can’t exactly be proactive can they

(Yeah that was sort of my conclusion as well. Anyway we’re going to drop this topic unless I get very drunk one night and decide to be extra stupid or I reach some sort of enlightened state where things Do Not Bother Me Anymore.)

I mean it mixed up AG and Caion which was. Weird? Like you and Aury make … a kind of sense, but Caion and AG?

I mean why couldn’t they be?

WAIT

cause all they can do is _watch

No. Like. Okay. Me? Because just because she’s obviously smitten with SQ doesn’t mean she’s gay? Or … even if she’s gay it doesn’t mean it’d be me?

well no but it does narrow the list down to one potential suitor if the looker is one of the great desert sapphotenders.

Okay how do you know she’s gay? Did Aurelius know she’s gay? Did Annarr? Like. Is this just an assumption?

Also I feel like I saw her flirt with about everyone other than me?

Unless she just meant the comment as like “only one of you would even be viable lol” then okay I could see it?

professional experience.

correction you saw a lot of people flirt with her and her be very nice and welcoming to a band of weirdos and a bodysnatcher.

and also yes. but also all the same shit you’re attracted to is fairly In Demand on the beast so like dont be too surprised if people are drawn to your fire

“A band of weirdos and a bodysnatcher” should be our Clan name. Thanks for solving that conundrum.

The same shit I’m attracted to is in demand on the Beast and that means someone might be drawn to me? Wouldn’t they be drawn to the people I’m attracted to? Namely, Aurelius and Awoken?

Actually what do you even think I’m attracted to? Like I gave you competency, but aside from that?

ALSO I thought you were going to share your buffalo wings with me! I wanted to try them at least (though thanks for keeping Aury fed).

Also I don’t think I’d ever really … hm. I do think it’d be a novel experience, maybe even a fun one, if someone wanted to flirt with me because they thought I was like. Cute?

But I can’t imagine it ever going anywhere, or wanting it to go anywhere? I could possibly make room in my heart for another if they loved Aurelius and Awoken as I do, and if they also loved me, but it would have to be all of us, stepping forward with someone else, together.

… I realize you’re not really the correct person to ask, but. Is that strange?

aint none ya’ll would have trouble getting laid here, no.

oh, was I? going for the Least Awkward Time to borrow a body seemed like the play tho in either case and i can instruct you in the art at a later date to sate your curiosity and as thanks for humoring me / acquiring sauce for me tho.

also love how you say that like Awa hitting on you wasn’t the trigger of All This, lol. still working on the self awareness i see.

also no it’s not strange to not want to start a new relationship if it would interfere with your current one that you are happy with. that is even, dare i say, considered normal non-asshole behavior.

anyway don’t be weird about it and especially dont feel the need to bring it up unprompted and thus be weird about it. (hard ask i know)

Well it sounds like it’d be rare for anyone to struggle getting laid here!

… wait. DOES Luĉja fuck?

Man you said we were Inventing Buffalo Wings I thought I’d get to try the invention! But fair enough. Would like to try them sometime though? It sounded tasty.

Awa hit on me as a bit though? Unless you’re talking about the baths? But it was absolutely a bit.

And I wouldn’t bring up the … other stuff. I think I … what’s the term you used? Leveled up? Like we did in the Septentrione but in, like, a personal sense re: my embarrassing folio. I’m glad I know this about myself but I can keep it to myself. And you, I guess.

correct, it is NOT hard if you’re not gross or a creep or an oblivious idiot, and even the latter’s not a deal breaker

royal we, understandable confusion tho.

it really wasn’t a bit. me thinking it was funny as hell and agreeing to pay for the bracelet due to being in a good mood was may bit adjacent, but 86 was 100% sincere at all times. figured that woulda been obvious from your trip down memory lane but perhaps not.

also yeah you’re right, fair.

Jorule, you telling me not to try to think too hard about Early On and disentangle what was you vs. Aurelius is SORT OF undermined by you using the non-royal I for that. I’m laughing, I promise, but. You’re ridiculous.

Anyway, do you mean Awa is always sincere or that 86, the Spark, is just inherently sincere? Anyway, I think he was sincere and I also think it was a bit. Both things can be true.

You get why the reason that moment was so important wasn’t because I thought I was being hit on, right? It was because I was fully myself in a way I hadn’t been in a long time and I was happy.

you’d already asked about the market place to be fair.

awa.

yes, obviously. why it was important to you wasn’t the topic of discussion tho, it was simply that It Had Happened Before (and will probably happen again)

Oh had I asked about the market? I don’t think I remember that? But I mean it’s fine, just funny.

And I mean I guess “someone flirting with me with ulterior motives” is fair … enough? Though he had just rediscovered his ability to flirt.

… have I gotten more like you since we’ve started talking?

Like not in a metaphysical way, obviously I’ve learned a lot of information from you, blah blah, being friends with someone influences your ideas and yourself.

But I’m being a little shitgremlin like. Way more and way more publicly?

honestly i think you’re just being more of yourself now that you have proof people still like you and not the sword-saint tbqh.

but also. maybe a little, that’s a thing people do, they assimilate character traits from the people they spend large amounts of time with

Angel of Tragedy?? She’s my … you?? That doesn’t make any fucking sense, does it??

Also yeah you’re right about this, blah blah, round I’ve-stopped-keeping-track.

idk you do like it when people cry

Only you.

But. No. Not really?

I also don’t … think Melpomene is piloting me like ??? was piloting Luĉja? Does this happen? Like. What?

yeah no I agree Melpomene seems kind of Fake but pure hearts are weird so maybe it’s just part of their bit idk not familiar with ‘em

Fake? Is this about her/me “copying” you or is there something unusual there?

no it just didn’t feel like an angel to me. it didn’t feel like you were in control, if it was supposed to be you.

tho the service angels were all fucking weird so, again, idk maybe it was just some kind of bit it was doing

Oh. No. I don’t think any part of me was in control of her and I could be wrong, but I don’t think she could have controlled me even if she wanted to.

I wonder if … whoever I met on Tulinsuojat was built on the model of my Angel but was not actually my Angel? This is probably, of all the things to ponder, one of the least fruitful ones. “Tragedy” got me though.

You … don’t think I’m a … Service? Right?

doing a shit ass job of their usual MO if you are lmao

But yeah that’s why I mean, she didn’t feel… the same, you know? Something was Uncanny about the whole thing, so perhaps you are onto something there. Maybe it was just Samudra not being unsure how to parse the Thought you brought into being, especially since you don’t understand it 100%? that could make sense

Well that’s relieving. Like I’d … know if I was something like that, right?

Okay yeah. That’s. Hm. Glad it’s at least plausible. I’m also … guessing “Tragedy” doesn’t fit into one of your existing elements?

Okay also … you don’t think the Glory is a Service do you? Since they’re the one that’s using the term Angel? Luĉja is certain they’re a friend, and I’m. This will sound real rich coming from me, but I’m not sure. I wanted your thoughts.

no, I mean, tragedy’s kind of Orom’s wheel house thematically but there’s not a spirit strongly tied to the concept at least.

No, I don’t think Glory is a Service, or even an Angel. And yes it’s funny to hear you say you have Concerns about the entity most concerned with keeping us moving forward without abandoning the rails entirely. Though. I guess. To a degree staying on rails is slightly at odds with Doing Whatever The Fuck so I guess I understand. I think they’re fine tho.

so the thing with Services is that - the Caravan adapts and assimilates to the target world. The Services colonize, generally, and try and make worlds they land on more like their home world. idk if that means we have the moral high ground or not, but that is why we tend to winds up at odds with them, not because they’re inherently evil or a force of destruction or w/e impression you were getting.

Hm with the Glory I think. It’s more. I know they know a lot more than they ever say, and that inherently makes me distrust someone, I think. Silmät having no idea what the fuck is happening made me trust them more, not less, for instance.

And thanks for expanding on what the Services do but … this isn’t really me thinking in terms of evil. I don’t really think in terms of evil generally speaking? There are things I find repugnant or hateful, but I don’t know if those are necessarily evil things. But. Violating the will of someone else is one of those things for me, and … from what both you and Aury said, that seemed like something they were big into? In the same way … the Architect ripping people away from their context or sanding away their memories—that’s fucked up. Maybe he had a good reason. Maybe I’m not seeing the bigger picture. I don’t think the revulsion I felt makes my perspective on it right. (And, sort of, in the same vein, I don’t think a ‘force of destruction’ is necessarily the same thing as ‘evil’, inherent or otherwise).

So no. I wouldn’t want to be a Service.

would it help if I told you they were deeply concerned with NIP’s wellbeing and worried we might hurt them, and part of the, mm, quietness is to help keep them safe?

also to play all cards upright, most people do not tend to spill forth all their knowledge upon first encountering a different person and generally need to be coaxed into it slowly and with questions. both you and I kept our own council initially as you may recall.

(also they asked you not to do the dumbest thing possible when they could have simply let it happen too)

I mean, yes, that’s helpful though, Light and Bird Goddess both help me, I trusted your judgment sufficiently that you … didn’t need that additional information for reassurance, actually. I appreciate you providing it regardless, though.

Ah. So you’ve spoken with them at a different point? I think their … remote way of speaking has also put my hackles up. And I think your point about keeping our own counsel initially kind of illustrates why it would bug me, because I wouldn’t have fucking trusted myself at the start of this the way I was either.

Though knowing their reticence is partially for silmät—that’s good to know. I trusted you when you said they weren’t dangerous, but that makes me like them.

Yes, on my own, of course.

mildly curious how you came to the conclusion they speak in a ‘remote way’. Because of the liminal? Why assume they’re speaking from Elsewhere and not the same kind of presence as NIP, just a smidgen more businesslike, more orderly?

also fair but you are a noted repeat offender on the salme downplaying front so your opinion there must be taken with a grain of salt. i dont make the rules.

Anything else interesting worth noting from your interaction?

Oh! I meant ‘remote’ tonally. Like, the businesslike way of talking. Hard to get to know. I tend to … get more formal when I’m trying to obfuscate something (or explain it clearly).

And that’s not even a dig at myself. I was lying through my teeth and I fully intended to keep lying. I mean, I did things out of genuine care too but. A lot of lying.

kinda but not really at liberty to go into it, other than they apparently knew me from before I got here.

also very funny, considering Aurelius gets more formal the clearer he’s trying to be. guess that’s why it weirded you out so much at first

Oh. That’s … interesting. Won’t pry about them, but … actually reaching out and acting in the story isn’t something you do often. Did you have a goal?

Oh. Yeah. It felt, in some ways, less sincere. Aside from just being … weird considering how quick he’d switch. At least it’s charming now?

It was backstage work tbh, just making sure nothing got irreversibly fucked up. Not like anyone was there other than me and Glory.

lol

Ah. Protecting us, huh? Thanks you.

Lol?

yeah x2

Jorule he’s really hot Jorule I really like him Jorule he just. Light what. I asked him a question and he just. There were so many compliments and he made me feel beautiful and. Do I say that? It was via tomestone so normally I’d do something but do I say something?

Oh Light. Light Light Light.

this feels more like a caion question than a jorule question tbqh

Yeah probably but I knew you’d respond.

fair. idk probably? unless you’re trying to Be Cool? or just use the answer towards w/e the hell you were asking about and be giddy next time you link back up

See look that was super helpful because the idea of trying to Be Cool in front of Aurelius at this point is actively, literally hysterical.

Er, sorry if that made you uncomfortable?

no i just legitimately didn’t think I had a lot of good answers to give there

also yes that one was mostly joking lol

Okay good. Mostly just needed to scream about it. Now that I’ve got my head (mostly) out of my own ass I’m kind of overwhelmed by … how clear and obvious the love is.

Okay AG just used the terms “pokiehlember” and “gaeust” to refer to … months, I think? Told them I was going to run those terms by you and they said they thought it’d be funny. They could just be bullshit terms but. Thought it’d be worth a think.

pokiehlember is the first month of the year. i have no clue what the fuck “gaeust” is. hmm

First month of the year from … your original world? Could “gaeust” be a shortening of something?

WAIT THAT’S THE WINTER SEASON smarmy ass mother fucker no one ever got out of pokiehlember

why the hell did our calendar start in the autumn season instead of spring. never really thought about it but now that I am I realize that’s weird.

Olbohn - Spring Silvar - Summer Pokiehlember - Autumn Gaeust - Winter

Helpful at all as to how they know you or?

“Pokiehlember” sounds ridiculous, by the way.

Named after the Poet Pokiehl, who was… something of a Saint?

and no, other than they’re familiar with the Caravan

Something of a Saint? How so?

Actually, how many people are there in your Caravan? Could he be a member? Or would you know if they were?

No clue, I never learn that much about the history of the world, mostly just the present.

It varies? Usually between 20~50 people. Possible? Things get weird when transverse Winter, so maybe he snuck in when I wasn’t paying attention. the way they talk doesn’t seem familiar tho. But like, angels. Could just be an aspect i’ve never encountered or heard of before.

And here I thought we were more alike than that. The history of a world informs its present, Jo-rule. Though I suppose that little detail doesn’t really matter that much in the long run? Mostly just curious how you conceive of being a Saint, I think.

Hmm. Well. I guess it’ll be funny for them that we didn’t get any further in figuring out their identity.

i mean I learn as I go, but i wasn’t sitting in on any school classes teaching history lessons which that might’ve been covered.

Should’ve attended at least a couple lectures. Worked out great for me at the Academy.

SDU was much for teaching

wasnot

SDU?

“Prestigious Noctacademia for the study of Arts Magickal Philosophical et All”

or, as a normal person might call it, Shade District University.

Not to be confused with the SDU of Titania, which was more properly Kuro Kuro Carceri and had such equally inept teachers such as Professor Frog.

Professor Frog. Oh. In retrospect, you did say something during that whole … thing … didn’t you?

I didn’t realize you had such a checkered past with the educational system of your world(s).

shame houses, really

…sham, not shame. lol

I think the Academy in Samudra was accomplishing a lot. How much any of it mattered is something else entirely. Of course I would think that, considering my own educational background.

Professor Frog was a bit though? Really?

Literally just a normal ass non-talking Frog wearing a wizard’s hat.

tho i suppose frogs do cause problems so maybe it was like elaborate Nth level meta commentary on the Secret Sciences at work.

but.

no, normal ass frog incapable of communicating.

Frogs cause … problems?

Also yeah no wonder you have no faith in the educational system.

Each frog causes three problems.

Only the individual frog knows what those problems are.

Considering the amount of Dream-Whales we saw, that’s a lot of problems.

… do the problems get bigger proportionally to the size of the frog?

They do not, even the smallest frog is, technically, capable of causing a world ending problem.

Do toads have the same valence or is it species-specific?

Neither Toads nor Toadcorp cause problems in the strict metaphysical sense that frogs do.

Well that’s good to know I guess.

Any reason why you’re suddenly using capitalization?

because you’re asking dead ass serious questions all the sudden??

Oh.

I didn’t realize they were dead ass serious questions. Frogs as far as I’m familiar with them are just cute little guys that live in the water most of the time.

Though I suppose your intonation does have a sense of ritual to it.

maybe they lose some of their mojo here, who knows. not me, i’m not a frog. only they could possibly know.

Well or maybe the excess of frogs on Almachadta is causing the cycles. Who even knows.

Anyway. SYSYSYGAMI?

idk what she’s going by these days but I most think of her as Seye. (the dragon emoji was kind of a freebie)

Is she … a dragon?

More like, a dragon Princess…? Though the two times that backstory bit was relevant she was still basically human looking. and not even PH-human-y, but like, what you think of as a human.

PH-human?

Is she related to Samantha?

Pure Heart. which was kinda misleading anyway. just. suffice to say “human” went a lot further in oberon and titania. covered meta-humans, monsters, kushtaka and kin, too.

no, that was a whole other thing.

OH. I think Aurelius referenced that. I thought perhaps the reason he didn’t often express himself with ears and tail was because you didn’t have ears and a tail, but he said your … definition of human would’ve encompassed his metahuman traits. And when he channeled another one of your lives he did emote with them … this absolutely doesn’t matter, I know I seem fixated, but it’s just so weird.

Oh oops. You’ve got a whole lotta dragons floating around then.

Samantha’s Rest was about vampires and shade spirits and men made out of birds, not dragons. Silly Salme.

also you DO seem weirdly fixated glad you’re aware I guess???

Aurelius told me about a “Samantha, closely associated with dragons” who tried to kill him (you!). It’s in the horrible chronicle of our second, third, and fourth impressions of each other!

And also there was a—oh.

Safe to assume that this isn’t something you want to talk about?

And I mean. We are constantly involved in something called the “Rite of the Dragon.” The concept seems somewhat load-bearing even here.

idk what to tell you maybe he got something mixed up, I sure as shit never told you samantha’s rest was dragon related tho.

hol up

oh wait i see what happened i was being funny, ok. yeah samantha was just the first other female name that came to mind, and did not have anything to do with Seye. and completely devoid of any other context you got the connection-that-isn’t-real lodged in your head. lol. okay

also sure that’s fair

Oops. I’m never going to get this biography I’m writing of you right.

alas

also “constantly”, you’ve had Four Encounters Salme, that’s baby encounter numbers

We’ve hard sparring matches! But I guess it’s less the frequency and more the narrative import yeah.

slow day in Oberon was like ten

Ten.

Man maybe that’s why Aury’s been kinda quiet he’s probably been bored.

I think whoever did construct the … metaphysical rules of this world had a weird relationship with violence. Which maybe spared me from becoming messier than I already am, but … it does seem like fighting is not something we do often.

It is not, no. It’s deliberate and … ritualistic.

Sometimes I do think we’d do better if we could have the simple catharsis of slapping someone in the face now and then, you know?

Dude what the hell did you say to Caion when you met? He called you “quite lovely” and an “eccentric scholar”??

hello, probably? other things??? idk neither of us was spoiling for a fight so it was perfectly pleasant

I mean “perfectly pleasant” is one thing but I suspect even people who’ve known you forever and love you dearly would not describe you as “quite lovely” (I guess I can concede “eccentric scholar”).

You do know when we met I wasn’t … actually spoiling for a fight? Light, I can’t even remember if we talked about it—I know I talked about it with Aury—but. Yeah.

I still feel kinda bad about it.

wdym you can’t imagine someone thinking i’m “quite lovely” >:|

where do you think aurelius gets it from

Annarr.

yeah, mr ‘been in love with someone for a decade and never noticed’ is DEFINITELY where all the heart throb moves from from, ur rite

To be fair, Aurelius has an ability for self-reflection and processing that seems to surpass both your and Annarr’s capabilities combined, so maybe this is another thing?

And, I do believe I said upstrand that I think if you ever decided to love someone you’d be devoted and steady. However,

That does not seem to be a decision that you have ever made.

ouch

Are we still joking or was that a step too far?

no that was a great zinger

🫡

how did you figure out it was an alt code and how many did you punch in before you found the right one

… I used the copy-paste function?

Which is an awesome function thanks.

Alt code?

mfer

☺☻♥♦♣♠•◘○

This is fascinating. How many are there??

♀♪♫☼►◄↕‼ ╥9@çN§ π¬╟Ä

A lot apparently!

Goddess help us all if she discovers Wingdings.

What are Wingdings ⌡º®µ╙ε?

yeah sure that’s the one

I still haven’t found 🫡 < him?

Weird that the language of the Ancients is on here but maybe makes sense because tomestone?

i mean it’s just letters not the language but yeah.

Okay I am not reading strands that aren’t mine, but I’m real perturbed about Archie messaging Badri. Also the Glory, but that somehow (somehow) seems less weird?

are you…….. are you worried archie is going to tattle on you?

Tattle????

rat you out?

… tell an authority figure you did something bad or dumb or perhaps something even bad AND dumb

but like in the context of small children doing it

No I know what tattle means but what … could Archie possibly tell Badri that would count as ratting me out? There’s virtually nothing Badri could learn about me that could change our relationship? At least nothing that Archie knows?

I’m more concerned about why people have historically sought out private conversations with Badri.

oh yeah i was joking with that line

but

wolf did fuck his mom, maybe he needs to fuck your dad to restore cosmic balanace

(probably something about the sword-saint that’s awkward to ask you directly idk)

Wolf fucked his mom??

I don’t think Wolf fucks, Jorule.

Well. Maybe he does on the Beast?

Aunt? same difference with otters.

anyway what was YOUR interpretation of “Archie, I have…shared as closely with Silver-Throat as it is possible for another being to share. She was not…hollow. She was not…not a self. Please. Trust me on this.” you where there when it was said. probably DISTRACTED, but there

I feel like that might be culturally insensitive? Maybe?

I thought he was talking about Methexis??? Like sex is intimate, sure, but I don’t think it’s really that intimate.

Like, I know you’ve never had it, but.

im just saying if anyone else said that that’s immediately what you would have thought too, disciple of the slut-saint

I mean maybe but also Wolf’s been on a Methexis kick since forever but also …

Light I can’t even make fun of you for being a virgin because the more I reread that passage in your horrible context the more I can see your argument. Like. Your reading is still wrong, but.

Goddess, you’re a turd.

This is what we refer to as Cursed Knowledge

also wow look at the acrobat leap through hoops defending wolf’s chastity while chastening mine own in the same breath

Okay but here’s the thing: Wolf doesn’t fuck because he doesn’t need to because he’s fully centered in himself.

You don’t fuck because you’re eternally 17 years old and incapable of making up your mind to actually score despite the fact you could easily and successfully do so.

Like if we’re actually going to talk about it (and yeah, I’ve thought about, okay) but like. Maybe you’re just not that interested in romance. However, I think you probably get in your head about it, and realize you tend to shove your foot in your mouth when you’re fully yourself and you’re scared that’s going to fuck things up.

But that isn’t true. If it’s not true for me, it’s definitely not true for you. And I wish you’d had that because it changes everything. And you deserve it.

harsh words. anyway. that may had been true in oberon but tbqh I’ve largely been busy or in dumb adventures not really set up for it. tho i can assure you more than one of my aspects had done the deed before

We just going to skip over the part where I say, “You deserve love, dumbass”? I mean that’s fine, we can. But I’m going to say it plain here because you should hear it.

Anyway, if one of your aspects counted then obviously I would not consider you a virgin. You’ve yowled about it often enough.

more than one!

also yes I was skipping that over because I’ve never once in my life felt unloved by the people I give a shit about.

More than one! Good for you.

And good. I’m glad to hear it. And again, maybe I’m over-focused on romance here, so forgive me.

I’m really glad to hear it though.

Or good for the other non-Jorule aspects. You’re still a virgin.

why is everything about sex with you

I’m just a simple mid-20s woman with two smoking hot boyfriends. I can’t understand choosing chastity, O great Priest of Darkness and Truth.

Being honest, though? It’s like … the one experience I’ve had you haven’t. I need something to lord over you.

fair enough.

what if space hookers happened tho, you ever think about that

I mean I can believe you patronizing a space hooker even less than I can imagine you asking a cute girl you like out. So like they may have existed but they absolutely didn’t happen. At least not for you.

Funny story, the literal last surviving record of Oberon is, in fact, me asking Hane out on a date.

Oh.

Good.

The space hookers still didn’t happen.

no, of course not

blackjack did happen tho

What’s blackjack?

right there’s no way a phrase as dumb as hookers and blackjack would parse.

it’s a card game

I’m sort of fascinated hookers parsed because now that I think about it we don’t use the term on Almachadta?

Sometimes I think something impossible happens and I am granted special understanding for A Bit.

basically like ya’ll understanding song lyrics in languages you didn’t know existed before, yeah.

Yeah but that feels metaphysically significant and lovely.

This just feels like it would be funnier if I knew than if I had to ask.

I’m talking with Seye. I like her a lot, but she does give the impression that she’s … infinitely and impossibly smarter than I could ever hope to be? I know you’ll say that’s because she is, but. Like. Still?

oh no she just has a very floaty, etheral way of speaking because it forces you to fill in the gaps in the most optimal way possible. Classic scam artist behavior tbh.

She is great though, won’t argue that.

Huh that’s the opposite way I’d pull a confidence game.

I’m going to ask you a question I’m going to regret asking, but I can’t stop thinking about asking it anyway. How different are you, Jorule, from your other aspects?

Naw it’s like fortune telling. Leave it open and vague enough that it sounds like you know everything because the other person is filling in blanks.

Extremely, generally speaking? If I’m going to reincarnate as someone similar to mightself I might as well just skip the middle man and descend in full, as I did for LT’s job.

OH. Yeah. I see what you mean. Though I mostly felt like she knew stuff I had absolutely no context for, so it was less filling in the blanks than … rapidly scrambling to make sense of anything at all.

Which isn’t always a bad thing, really. Sometimes it’s good to get pushed out of your default reality.

Also … this is a dumb question probably, but how do you decide when/if to share information with someone, especially if it’s about something that may or may not come to pass? I find myself accruing a fair amount of info, and most of it I want to collate and make as available as possible, but.

I asked Aury this, and he told me I was overthinking it, and maybe I am, but.

“did someone ask about this at any point” but honestly I tend to be pretty free with information in general unless there’s a good reason to sequester it away.

you you’re have commented that you hate people that keep secrets and wouldn’t have been able to trust yourself had you been anyone else, so like, that seems like a good reference point? If someone ELSE knew the thing you did, would YOU want to know, or be upset if you found out someone else knew and hadn’t told you before hand??? shit’s really not that hard

Sure, but there’s no question I wouldn’t ask or answer I wouldn’t want. The only thing that stops me from asking certain questions is feeling like it would be violating someone’s privacy. But not everyone is like me?

I also don’t know if I hate people who keep secrets. It frustrates me? I feel like I’ll never understand anything if I can’t see everything laid out, in as many ways and from as many angles as possible. But.

Hm.

It’s more about possibilities. Sometimes. Well you’ve seen Sininen and I fight about it. Knowing something terrible might happen.

I actually think I’m way more fucked up by being the Sword-Saint than I thought I was, Jorule.

Yeah, no kidding.

Ha.

Any thoughts on how I can unfuck myself?

ah so NOW we care about not fucking.

become a nun

What the fuck’s a nun?

oh right no organized religion. uh. what IS a nun.

someone who has dedicated themselves to a god and takes care of their followers and assist priest and generally wear frumpy clothes and do not fuck? something like that?

really though, hookers but not nuns?

What can I say it was funnier if I knew what a hooker was vs. and I guess watching you try to explain a nun was funnier than anything I could’ve said?

Organized religion sounds fucked up tbqh.

yeah it’s kinda weird not gunna argue there

ok but is AG sending Badri a PM more or less concerning than Archie

… holy shit.

Fuck?

Holy shit.

Uh. Pretty concerning??

I told them about … my sad backstory, boo hoo, whatever, and they. Were real upset with Badri about it? And.

I think I may have fucked up.

Fuck. What do I do?

made a friend? that missed the part where you becoming the saint was your fault not his. probably

Yeah I emphasized that in my reply but he’d already sent the message. Light. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

What. Fuck.

I was trying to … work through some complicated feelings about Badri and … how to approach the weird distance between us that, yeah, to be fair, is probably at least partially my fault.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I’m such a fuckup.

oh no i mean its not like you gave badri much choice in the matter and stakes are cosmically enforced,

but. it’s probably fine. i’m sure all sword-saints have had at least one random heckler or two during their stint behind the mask

No yeah I mean.

Yes, I knew what you meant. I stressed that the stakes in the Rite are cosmically enforced. However, I just told AG a lot about my feelings regarding Badri that I have not yet told Badri because I don’t know how to tell him. I have, indeed, been avoiding Badri. I wanted to stop avoiding Badri, but I didn’t want to bother anyone who had already heard my sad bullshit so I told AG, and hopefully he’s not telling Badri how much he sucks right now? Or how I have weird problems with him?

Worst comes to worst consider it an opportunity to finally have a conversation about it? weird timing considering the lil impromptu dinner party and all tho

Do you know of any bored Angels that might want to pilot me around like a little … mech(?) for a while? Between being weird about Zaya at everyone, then being weird about Luĉja maybe dying at Aury, then being weird about Badri at AG, then being weird about Aury at Caion I …

Vlad? Do you think he’s around? He probably couldn’t blow up my life any worse than I seem to.

Yeah it just came out when I was living on my tomestone talking to people about shit afterwards. That’s the other annoying thing about me. I think I’m doing better but then I completely go off the rails.

I did mention one of the last things we did in Titania was watch Vlad nuke half the people we knew from the moon and then baited the Emperor into firing back with a wider reaching AoE that killed most of the people, right…?

perhaps all that really means is you should get some sleep and let yourelf process all the new stuff you’re finding out tbh

Sounds great. Where do I sign up?

Wait people can live on the moon?

And yes, Jorule, Angel of Truth, you’re correct. Nothing is broken. No one is probably even upset at me beyond like. Minor irritation?

And. When Vlad possesses me and kills everyone on the five planes it won’t even be a problem anymore! ☻

There was a spirit shrine or something, I don’t super remember, also he’s probably not around and also you are occupied with yourself already

anyway legit put down the tomestone and go to sleep. after drinking some water. or go find awa if you can’t sleep

Yes, Jorule, Angel of Truth.

Thank you.

are you happy now it’s stupid

Maybe that the stupid one was me?

maybe

I can’t believe after everything I heard about Crimson I ended up. Having big fucking feelings at SQ. And really caring about her? And then.

Yeah, laugh it up.

yeah can’t believe you almost fucking made out with her tbh

in front of the entire group. and train station. lmao

That wasn’t what was happening? That … wasn’t … do you think everyone thought that?

oh yeah normal people that’ve just met normally run up to each other, stare deeply in their eyes before gently stroking a hand through their hair while whispering sweet nothings in their ear while flourishing gnosis surrounds them

I … okay I mean I guess but I’ve been just as physically intimate with Wolf when we barely knew each other? I guess.

I wasn’t. We haven’t been talking or … flirting? I don’t think? At least I wasn’t flirting? I wasn’t even sure AG had a body until a while ago.

I’ve mostly been telling them (her?) about stuff with Badri and trying to work that out. There hasn’t been … any flirting, really? I don’t think? I just. We were friends? I think we were friends?

read that back and lemme know how you feel looking at all those words you just used.

not that im judging (well ok a little, it’s crimson, but none my business)

Well it sounds like I’m really fucking uncertain is what it sounds like.

And I’m not into Wolf? I mean. I’m very physically touchy? I’ve always been? When you first manifested I was messing around with your hair?

And it’s less you judging and I don’t want this to cause problems with the people I am with.

you did a great job not losing your shit when aura said he had feelings for zaya, im sure he’ll extend you the same courtesy

Honestly that all came out … way better than I thought it would.

All of it, honestly.

wow, talking to people about stuff turn out better than going into an anxiety spiral in your own head for hours on end, who’d of thought?

The nap and the glass of water helped too.

that’s true, they do help a lot.

Thanks for looking out for me. Again.

no problem

Hey Angel of Truth, you’re 0/2 on anyone else thinking this was going to happen.

not if you’re counting aurelius as one of those 2 lmao.

i mean no one really thought you were going to do it, you’re unhinged but not THAT weird, just that it kinda looked like it.

It sure sounds like you thought that? Enough that I had to be like “was I going to do that? I am almost certain I was not going to do that.”

Like you for sure sounded like you thought I’d just. Kiss SQ in front of my partners and like. Her … whatever the relationship between Saranzaya and her is and whoever else??

no, i did not actually think you were going to, but, the thought of how it looked amused me. especially not after the meltdown you had yesterday

I … ugh I keep wanting to defend myself because I feel like the situations were pretty different.

Like it is funny, I guess, in retrospect, but.

alas

You’re not actually trying to make me feel bad about the meltdown, are you? I already feel … not great about it? Not like. Spiraling awful about it, but. Not great?

Like obviously you’re teasing me. I want to be tease-able.

no i did not spend an entire ass day humoring/trying to keep you from spiraling only to then make you feel bad about it the next day

Right. And I knew you were doing it. And then I made you say that. Messy bitch mines indeed.

Hey fun fact it’s super fucking obvious she’s SQ in retrospect.

hidesight do be like that sometimes

Remember when I made that joke about the wedding between you and AG?

sure do. sure do.

I hope you’re at least about as chagrined as I am.

Especially since I threw out that line about the two of you being Aury’s parents.

i bet AG could pull off a killer Deadbeat Dad if they put their mind to it

She did offer to beat my dad dead, briefly? We left it at “a friendly Rite” but I didn’t realize we were talking about the literal fucking Scorpion Queen so I’m just. Fucking. Dying. At at that.

But if she’s the deadbeat dad are your the nurturing overworked single mother?

sure does feel like it, my child.

[quote] ꙮ A Rite of the Dragon is thus invoked – Kiusankappale! The stakes: Jorule never fucking calls Salme “My Child” again [/quote]

the fuck

We can it a “joke,” mother.

call, Light *curse it.

Jorule why does this interface fucking hate my guts.

thats what happens when you try and be too clever for your own good. you flew too close to the sun

Wait. Is that story also a Bird Story? I mean it was the Centrelight but.

I guess I can’t get too caught up on it.

Anyway fuck you mom.

yeah, and it makes a hell of a lot more sense when the sun is a giant burning ball of firey death too.

ok

So like. Mu sun?

yeah

Yikes.

You know, maybe I was destined to be forever alone while Wolf already existed on Almachadta. Maybe anyone decent was bound to be in to him?

This brought to you by Jae having an instant crush on Wolf, because of course.

Didn’t expect the metaphysics of the universe to mean everyone, literally everyone, wants to fuck my brother.

is that why she didn’t melt his daggers immediately on the spot??? Goddess.

really lettin’ herself go to the ennui i guess.

wonder if it’s a world-singer things. because he, you know, resonates with everyone.

Is that a pun, you motherfucker?

Man I don’t know. Was she just so satisfied she forgot to do the bit? Like.

Light.

Also please tell me if you had to pick someone in our party your first pick wouldn’t be Wolf. Please let me know it’s not an inevitability. Like Archie has nice eyes, right? Awa has lovely hair?

I think I’m having a very stupid crisis.

yes.

ain’t no fucking well, not when I know she’s taken weapons from lucja, annarr and zaya. ‘uugh im so depressed i can even melt a dagger because cute boy uuugh’ get out of here.

and. hm. really putting me on the spot here with the most awkward possible question for this aspect huh. can i pick lucja? gun to my head probably awa tho yeah (you’re too little sister coded for it to not be weird)

this one is. pretty up there, yeah.

She’s … there’s something really wrong, yeah. I have a couple guesses but she won’t tell me. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the Beast dying and however she’s tied to it.

Good to know at least it’s partially because she’s depressed and not due solely to Wolf’s overwhelming magnetism.

Hm. I’ve been. Going back and forth on whether I was going to Libra her ass but I think. I think that might be the quickest shortcut to figuring some of this out. Just need to figure out how to stay standing long enough to do it.

And you could have said Luĉja, honestly, though Awa’s a great choice. Not sure why you felt the need to explain you wouldn’t pick me. Figured I wasn’t in the running.

And look it’s just. Annoying. Let me be an annoying little sister about this.

beat her ass

also b/c typically out of that particular pool of picks, you’d probably be the default generally???

do you think i could STOP you????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Yeah I need to. Hm. I’ll bother Aury about this. Maybe Luĉja.

Oh! Didn’t realize you almost exclusively preferred women. Hahaha that’s even funnier that I asked.

I mean you could stop responding. Probably?

that would just mean you won

Hahahahahaha.

Ahahaha.

LMAO.

Oh I didn’t. I’m so sorry. I never saw you clearly.

Undine, laid-back, accepting everything but.

You also hate to lose.

They’re not either other switches, a person is composed of all parts! In unequal measure, obviously. But.

Yeah but I don’t give nearly so much as a shit about that.

Oh Light.

Man Jae cheating with something called [The Last Word] must have really fried you.

I guess I’m competitive too though. Just in different ways.

it’s so fucking stupid

Yep.

I know Awa had an idea and it might work but also I’m kinda hoping [Libra] might give us a hint too, considering the amount of information I got about Luĉja.

Hm. I did realize. I never introduced you to Badri or told him about you. Would you like to meet sometime?

The metaphysics are complicated but I’m sure he’d cope.

And you’re my … let’s go with “weird friend that lives inside my boyfriend. “

Just seems wrong that Badri knows about the others and, like, Jae but not you?

Shrug? I dont plan on sticking around once we’re done, but you can feel free to explain who the weirdo in half the BBS threads is if you want.

Even if you don’t, you’ll have been here and you’ll have mattered to me.

Trying real hard not to think about what that means for. Well. Me and everyone else by the way. But I guess Seye and Eight-Six are correct in telling to to stay in the present moment, huh?

I mean that’s fair. Meeting someone’s parents would be kind of novel, but it’s not something i’m like, chompin at the bit for is all i’m sayin’.

and yeah I wouldn’t spend time worrying about it

You’ve been to space but never met someone’s parents?

Though to be fair we’ll all probably meet Luĉja’s mother. Probably won’t be as cozy as dinner wtih Badri.

Shit do you think Wolf has parents? Awa?

Did we ever figure out if Annarr had parents? Aury said he thought he was an orphan but Aury was wrong about a lot of things about Annarr.

pretty sure we never saw Primula’s parents, and I don’t recall ever meeting Aurora’s either…? Long story short there was a creature that would kill people if they had more than one name, and if you were luckily you might survive but it’d, like, eat your name(s). and I think family ties was part of that? I remember being extremely disorientated when Primula mentioned having parents since it was like, the first time the concept had ever really been brought up. Oberon was a strange place.

lol

idk probably seems like a normal thing to have even if they might be absentee or dead

not that many things i don’t think but yes that one checked out.

“The Name-Eater is like a giant wolf-hound, of a stark-white pelt. Its jaw is wild and vicious, and its feet are human hands. It can travel anywhere, up walls, around doors, there is no shelter. Supposedly, its very appearance is so terrifying that none of its prey ever have the wits to raise a weapon against it.

But who does it stalk? For some reason, any child given a last-name, or any visitor to Oberon who carries one, soon disappears, always with the horrible cold in the air and the faintly glowing white tracks leading to this very well.”

well ok maybe i was just weird because “parent” happen come up in like the entire month since I’d Awoken, but, still, weird and horrifying Creature.

That is a horrifying and fucked up creature. That is. Really horrifying and fucked up.

Though is having a … last name common? I don’t think anyone on Almachadta does? What does a last name do?

And yeah that was an unnecessary dig at Aury but. I was mostly … horrified that we’d have to meet his family and. I mean we all get hurt, and he deals with it well, but I’d hate to see him hurt like that. Though I guess there’s a chance he might have had a mentor. I hope. Fuck. I hope anyone who cared for Annarr will love him. I know that’s. I feel bad, like I’m dishonoring his memory, but Aury deserves that so much.

On a lighter note, just imagine what Awa’s parents would be like if he had them. Inevitably weird as shit.

hey don’t worry, there’s still time to find out if he was still in a normal clan or not (tho i think he was like, directly part of the inner circle one by the time of disappearance).

Weird as shit… OR just normal ass people that made the horrible mistake of letting their child join a theatre troupe.

also in most places, last names are pretty common. they’re mostly use for, I guess, tracing lineages and families? and giving you several register options in how you refer to people. and yeah it was not my favorite monster

Yeah I get the impression he was pretty important, especially if he and Zaya were close. I do want Annarr to have had a good life. I just don’t want his good life to hurt Aurelius I guess? But whatever is going to happen will happen. I can only be there for him.

I am waiting to find out that Awa was a famous playwright from Valaïs or something. Or a lost prince? Still not sure he isn’t some flavor of undead.

Oh. We mostly just use village or sometimes … like I’d be Salme, daughter of Badri, if it were relevant. Or daughter of Hilja, if I … huh. I remembered her name. Hilja and Aarre, son of Iikka. I’m glad to have Iikka’s name, at least. I hated when I couldn’t remember.

Did you … ever encounter this monster for real or was it just a threat? Wait. Do you have a last name??

Yeah I mean that’s kinda how they went back in the Real Old Days I think, so I guess that makes sense.

His Definitely Normal Human Heart, That Is Beating

hashtag it’s complicated. but yeah we fought it a few times. I say “fought” but it was largely running the fuck away until the one time we actually did fight it. Flip gave himself a sur-name and it did indeed come to collect.

I mean I’ve heard his heartbeat and silmät has described his heartbeat to me. That doesn’t mean … I think whatever is going on with the undead on Valaïs is more complicated than the Traveler’s Guide made it sound?

Though why would Flip give himself a sur-name? Like did you want to fight it?

What was Oberon like, by the way. Did it have a sun? Moons? You described a moon once. Did you have stars? Were you always watched by the Key-and-Gate?

people are asking a lot of questions already answered by his ‘why yes my heart DOES pump blood’ t-shirt yeah.

I have no idea why. Didn’t know about that detail? Hubris? Thought it’d be interesting? you never know with pure hearts.

Yeah, sun, moon, stars, the whole shebang. Different constellations though, considering it was much, much different world. They weren’t like, mystical or alive either, that’s just a Here thing. Big city though, possibly even bigger than Queenstown? Divided into 8 districts that were probably individually all bigger than the largest almachadta towns.

I mean it … I want to know, but I can’t imagine it mattering with him? (Does it annoy you when I natter about how much I love them both? You’re very patient).

So all of them at once? I’m guessing … it was more like the Beast, with a sky and everything? What was a city that big like? I’m really eager to get out and explore Queenstown; it seems amazing. What were the different districts like?

It is sort of … exciting to think even as I travel the planes here there’s so many different ways of existing out there. Even a huge city feels almost impossible, let alone … what, space?

no, not really. you’re fine. and he’s definitely a vampire. (or not)

all at once! That’s actually the standard. round planet, sun, moon, stars. Well, moon(s) optional I guess and there’s probably a couple habitable worlds with two suns out there, but yeah. It’s. Hm. Big? A lot of things going on, all the time, and you’ll never even know about half of them. Each district was like, loosely themed after a spirit? So like shade was jam packed with buildings and kinda maze like (and even extended below ground to make it extra confusing), dryad was close to a large forest with a few scattered villages, undine was full of small rivers and a huge harbor that eventually would lead out to the ocean, etc.

space is even harder to describe since it’s just … everything. all those stars in the skies are different worlds, and using almost impossible means you can move between them all, but also, there’s so many you’d barely be able to scratch the surface in a single life time.

Wait are vampires undead??

And that’s the joy of multiple lifetimes, multiple selves, all of that. Even before when I only knew Almachadta, I could find that in a story, right? Anything I could imagine (and Jorule, you only know that imagination turned inward and anxious, but I could imagine so much that was beautiful and strange) I could exist in for a little while, if I could keep focused on it. Finding out … there are so many wonders, it’s all so beautiful and strange and wonderous.

What were your favorite places in Oberon? Shade district sounds fascinating. I always loved the Courtyard markets, how crowded and full of strangers it was. I liked traveling by myself too, through the forests, or with strangers, but a city!

And space sounds amazing. Was that your favorite? It sounds … even hearing you describe it sounds amazing. So many different worlds and places to journey and so much that you never get to know everything. It sounds like a dream.

yeah??? what did you think a vampire was?

glad you find it exciting.

hmm, that’s a good question. I think the most fond memory I have it probably in the Jinn district? Sage Joch had a little - I think he called it a ‘monastery’ - on top of this mesa out there, which has this elaborate cave system running through it. Anyway, one day me and Evelyn were kind of annoyed with him for some reason I can’t remember and then we spent an entire day buying a large pillar of stone and then chiseling it into a free standing “natural” flute, and put it in the center of the cave network so that it was always playing something, very, very loudly, just to fuck with him. Good times.

stupidly, the thing I remember the most about our Space Adventure was the fucking beach resort planet and the surf off and frogs and just a lot of dumb things in general that wouldn’t even make sense if I tried to explain them. Stay weird, Space.

You said vampires drink blood! I thought they were like. Weird leeches? Like a worm with lots of teeth but really big.

Oh my gosh. That is amazing. Did … Sage Joch(?) ever manage to get rid of that flute or was he forever enjoying background music.

Oh. I want to go to a beach. Swimming in the ocean sounds amazing. You know. Like when you’re not depressed and trying to accomplish … something (?) like whatever I did on Samudra. Especially if there was the Centrelight shining down. Or … the sun?

Would you tell me about Evelyn? If it won’t make you sad. You can pass if you will.

I mean they are like leeches, kind of, but like. Parasites? Vampires are people that need to drink blood to survive, but also when they do that they can turn other people into vampires too? Like zombies except a Lot more weird erotica written about them for some reason.

not afaik, left it there and it never moved.

do you even know what a beach is. I guess the island probably had a small one, but that’s not really the same as like, a tourist destination esq beach. long strips of sand for miles, clear water as far as you can see, no storms etc.

Well, like I’ve mentioned, she was a lot like you. Very inquisitive, not afraid to speak her mind, sort of a professional story teller, strangely lacking in self confidence for someone so generally assertive, and wasn’t fond of making decisions that involved anything other than herself. She’s a lot more ditzy than you though I think, and not really prone to Accidental Interrogations. also way better at enjoying herself, but you’re getting there I suppose.

Yeah but I didn’t realize vampires were like. People-shaped. That’s. Hm. I mean I guess … do they kill people by sucking their blood? That doesn’t seem sustainable. Though I mean can’t you see what’s erotic about giving your blood—literally your lifeforce—to sustain someone else? Also what’s a zombie?

Light that is a great joke. Thanks for sharing.

I mean there were beaches on Ripple? I walked past quite a few, though that … sounds magical. The long strips of sand and clear water and no storms. I wonder if we’ll get to see one if we reunite the planes. I’d love to just. Exist there.

Ha! Yes despite my flaws I wouldn’t say I’m ditzy. Probably more intense? She sounds cute, and like she was always up for shenanigans with you. How did you meet? What was your favorite thing about her?

mostly no, sometimes yes. no. a zombie is your basic ass generic kind of undead. … What the fuck do you THINK undead are? They’re people that have been reanimated, SPOOOOOKILY, back to (un)life in hideous, monstrous forms. and generally aren’t even sapient anymore. Like a corpse shambling about with no thought of it’s own other than to devour the flesh of the living. for. some reason. listen i’m not here to tell you undead make a lot of sense. (vampires are outliners in that regard)

depends on how it mashes itself back together but… yeah, more than likely?

hmm how DID we meet. I think I was chasing down a sproutling when she Awoke near it…? Yeah. Hmm… for all the shit I give her, she’s easy to get along with and usually willing to go along with whatever dumb ideas we were having and lend a helping hand.

I don’t know what an undead is! I just have the traveler’s guide: “Various and varied members of the living dead – bright-eyed skeletons, vampires glowing brightly enough to see by in the world’s gloom, radiant ghosts, hulking tusked men in ornate armour.” Like okay, the skeletons are self-explanatory, but ghost? “Hulking tusked men”? That basically just sounds like Izaak if he decided to wear heavy armor. But it sounds like they’re alive. The text on the Rite-tones that mention Duškomira are also … like, they’re not SPOOOOOOOKY? For instance, [Pragmatism] says, “She had been no stranger to death while she was alive. Now, she danced with it, joy in her heart.” And if Awa is one of them, there’s really no difference between he and I?

Okay, well, there is a difference, but it’s his personality, not anything inherent about his existence?

Why do you give her so much shit if she’s easy to get along with? Also were the dumb ideas usually yours? Jae makes it sound like you’re always causing problems, but. Hm. Jae seems like she’s caused her fair bit of problems too. And your friend Flip sounds like he caused some problems as well.

you don’t know what a ghost is?????? this place is so weird. A ghost is like, what’s left of a person’s spirit if they died with a lot of regrets/resentment in their heart. also generally incorporeal except when they aren’t. idk about the armored orcs tho i thought it was referring to dullahan when i read it before, but no, ‘hulking tusked men’. doesn’t sound like any undead i know. anyway they’re not alive, but they’re also not dead-dead, so, undead. sometimes The Unliving. but: undead.

also didn’t really but it’s kinda like when i mess with you. and only sometimes. I resent that tho I was one of the foremost problem solvers, not creators. Crimson is all problems all the time. flip was from problem center and made as many as he fixed but also meant well at least.

“A ghost is like, what’s left of a person’s spirit if they died with a lot of regrets/resentment in their heart” that seems. Weird. That sounds like a memory, but if a memory was evil? Like. I think we have … this idea of echoes, right? Of existences inscribed over and over in our reality, but I don’t think. Hm. I suppose I’ve always thought the dead are the dead.

Except Bahamut in the Mask, who feels a little more than dead and a little more than a memory.

What’s a dullahan?

Oh well if it’s kinda like when you mess with me and only sometimes then I get it. You probably looked out for her a lot too, huh?

I keep trying to decide if I want to ask about Jae’s other lives from you or not. I. What’s she usually like? Is she always the same? I think, right now at least, she’s trying to solve some kind of problem. I think it’s bad, though she won’t tell me which. [Libra]. It’s irritating. I want to help her and I just don’t know how. I feel like if she just told me I’d be able to … understand.

I feel like you might not have caused a lot of big problems, but you definitely got up to Some Shit, giant flute example. My instinct is that problems you caused were just a fun time, while problems other people caused were actual problems. But that’s just my instinct.

yeah, except evil and occasionally tangible and may or may not kill you. idk maybe they are on almachadta but clearly not on valais.

animated suit of armor, usually assigned to guard placed.

yeah.

Loud, self important, hyper aggro, frustratingly competent. you know, Like This.

that was a one off thing! it’s not like I fired a laser into the sky and wrote ‘crimson was here’ on the moon or anything.

Did Crimson fire a laser into the sky and write ‘Crimson was here’ on the moon??

And I mean. Yeah, Jae is all those things but. I don’t know. She seems … like more than that? I don’t know. I’m calibrated wrong. The weirder and more irritating someone is the more I tend to like them. For example, yourself. ☺

yeah that was a thing that happened

sure, people aren’t simply their most predominate traits. But. They’re the ones people think of first

Okay. I read the Fuck Crimson thread, right, and whatever, but … what’s an Orom?

And like, Jae might not think he’s floating around the Beast, but she had shit fuckall concept of what was happening on Almachadta, so I would not take her word for it.

Orom is another long time member of the caravan. Doctor.

Anything we should be worried about? People didn’t seem very happy about the idea of him showing up.

not really? he just tends to have less than ideal solutions to problems, and most of the people that don’t get rubbed the wrong way by his presence aren’t here

“Less than ideal solutions”?

Sorry I’m not pressing for anything, I’m just. Hm. I can’t even articulate what I’m trying to understand, but I’m trying to understand something.

hard to answer questions that can’t be asked tbh. really cannot imagine what the hell you think you’re worried about tho but historically it’s probably something dumb and pointless.

just. he’s good at making peace with the second best solution if it’s easier to deploy than the best. sacrifice the few for the needs of the many etc.

I’m not actually worried, just curious, really. I feel like. I don’t know. I feel like if I understand all of what’s came before I can understand Jae better? And maybe you too. And Seye.

That last bit though: sacrifice the few for the needs of the many. That’s. Is that a solution you could ever accept?

Is that why you got so frustrated with me when. I told you about the cycles in Almachadta with the whole flourishing gnosis thing?

never say never, but, yeah more or less. Also because you didn’t even want to try, really. That was probably what got me more than anything, that you could, at the time, go “well, maybe saving the world ISN’T a good thing” while dead serious. Like, I get why you were so broken at the time, now, but still.

Yeah. I didn’t. I said a lot about not being sure if having the cycles was better than not having the cycles and. I was genuinely scared about making that decision but. The fact that I wasn’t willing to try was.

That’s something I look back on and it scares me a little? That isn’t me. That isn’t my version of the Sword-Saint. That’s me being completely, utterly broken in ways it. Took time to piece back together. That I’m still piecing back together, some days.

Funny that when it comes down to it you probably have more volition, more of an unwillingness to accept the unacceptable, than I do.

That’s the power of the Pure Heart.

anyway glad we have you now instead of whoever that was

Me too.

If I ever end up back there kick my ass, please?

ok but you have to promise you told wolf that too

Wait. Promise I told him past tense or promise I will tell him (and what, exactly?)

that you told me to kick your ass (he seems most likely to try and find a way to kick my ass in retaliation)

Oh! Yeah I’ll make sure he doesn’t bite you for it.

… if you lost a finger while manifesting physically would Aurelius lose a finger too? I know you don’t know and we’re not going to test it but that’s fucked up to think about.

generally speaking that is not something anyone needs to worry about

Fair.

Also I announced our pact so I hope you are reassured.

lol