Scene Archives

waits until Caion, Archie, and Wolf have departed before plopping down next to Aurelius on his chosen couch. “So,” she begins but doesn’t continue.

: “Something else on your mind?”

: “Mostly concerned with what’s on yours, actually.”

: “Oh. … Eh.” He shrugs. “I just figured, since I was already in here might as well just continue to stew until the annoyance evaporates.”

: “Wanna tell me what you’re annoyed about? Because I’d like to know.”

turns and stares directly at Salme as if he’s not sure if she’s being serious or not, then groans and looks back up at the ceiling. “Somehow, you break all the rules we were very explicitly instructed on - which, holy shit that was stupid, by the way? (Not that I can judge tho another me would have done it even faster than you) - while I answer a few questions that were deliberately asked and try and offer some reassurances, and somehow I’m the bad guy and everyone’s just laughing at you breaking taboo.”

: “…Which, to be clear, I’m not annoyed at you, but. Y’know.”

: “Petty shit not really worth bringing Outside.”

: “Sure but. Shit that matters.” She thinks for a moment, and then says, “I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this, but sometimes people see less what you do and more … the story you tell about yourself while doing it? And I think.” She presses her lips together, thinking. “I’m pretty good at telling stories about myself. In a less kind sense, tricking people. It seems like you only present yourself one way. And I think. That’s fine. That there’s something honest and brave about that. But people aren’t good at seeing that you’re way more than that?”

: “Apparently.”

holds out her hand to him, for him to take if he wants, but without expectation. “It bothers you. Of course it would. I don’t … love it either. Do you want to tell me what about it gets to you specifically?”

takes the hand and gives it a squeeze, then thinks for a minute. “What… bothers me about people reacting like I just kicked their dog when I do nothing but what they asked of me…? Hmm… That’s a real head scratcher.”

: “Honestly though? I think I’d be less annoyed if they reacted the same way to your antics as they did mine instead of exactly the opposite. Why even bother getting me to show off a strange device that should only theoretically exist while asking questions about our travels if I wasn’t supposed to give comment or answers?”

squeezes his hand and leans into him. “So the double standard plus … it seems like you’re doing exactly what people ask and they get upset because of … superficial reasons? Or is it more that it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong? Maybe those seem the same to you but I guess they feel different to me.”

: “Mmm. Yeah, basically the same thing.”

looks at him, and there’s concern there but also a fierce protectiveness. “I don’t know, Aurelius. Or I guess I could say that … you’ve only really let me, and to some extent Awoken, see how much you care. And people assume you don’t care because they don’t know that side of you. But that makes it your fault and I don’t … think that’s fair to you, really.”

: “Hence the stewing.”

thinks. “You did bother to show me your kind side though. Why? What did I do that made you willing to do it? Other than scaring you shitless by being a rancid bitch.”

laughs. “Mostly that.”

: “I mean, I don’t know if there’s really an answer there? Wolf doesn’t like the esoteric, or at least, things that are esoteric from his perspective, where as I live and breath it…? So he doesn’t seem to care much for me, which, eh, sometimes people don’t gel. That’s whatever. And Archie’s been even more secretive than I have since day one? So no clue what any of that was all about, honestly. In the old life, I did know Unua, though. But like… it’s one of those things where you kinda know each other and sometimes you’re in the same company board meetings because you’re both section leaders so you know each other but aren’t exactly friends? And it still kinda feels like that’s where we are now, which is… also fine, I think? I duno.”

: “I’m going to make the obvious joke of, ‘you want Wolf to be meaner to you?’ because it’s funny and even if you don’t laugh about it now you’ll find it funny later but, more seriously, I don’t think it’s fine. It seems like it really bothers you. And,” she gives his hand a quick squeeze, “If you want me to help you change it, if you want me to say more aggressively that my brilliant, esoteric, multifaceted boyfriend is caring and shows that with his every action then I’ll do it. I’ll write poetry about it. But I don’t know if it’ll feel any better if it takes me advocating for you.”

: “Damn, you’re trying real hard to get back into Saint mode right now, aren’t you?”

laughs without humor. “I’m really, really not.”

: “Fair enough.” He, on the other hand, does seem genuinely amused.

: “Anyway I don’t… ACTUALLY care that much, in the grand scheme of things. And would care a lot less if we weren’t in a place where ‘stew quietly inside a bubble’ was a saner option than just flipping the bird and maybe getting into a fight about it.”

: “But it would probably be easier on everyone else if we did not set each other off.”

: “I mean, everyone else can cope. I don’t think you need to contort yourself to be something you’re not. And if you really mean you don’t actually care that much then I’ll believe you? I. Well, we can talk about me later but. I don’t like it when you’re hurting, or sad, or even stewing over petty shit that doesn’t matter and it’s because I care about you in. A very. Un-Sword-Saint-like way.”

: “Well. I do appreciate that.” Aurelius squeezes her hand.

: “Also, you are a very good kisser. You know. Before we forget that happened.”

blinks, and then flushes. “You. You liked that?”

: “…Were you expecting a different reaction?”

: “Shut up no don’t answer that. No I see you thinking it, shh.”

: “Shh.”

: “Yes.”

: “Yes, I did.”

: “Well,” she says with a heavy swallow. “I’m always available for more of that. Even without the excuse of trying to keep you quiet. Which. Was mostly just an excuse.”

: “It was also, objectively, pretty funny.”

gives him a bright, conspiratorial smile. “It was, wasn’t it?”

turns his head and grins. “Yeah. Bonus points for making everyone not sure whether to laugh or cringe, too.”

: “I think Caion might’ve done a wolf whistle in the right situation.”

elbows him. “Are you avoiding talking about your feelings or are you just done with the subject?”

: “That’s a good question, and a sign you are getting used to me, I think.”

: “I think it’s the latter? Not sure what else there is to say about it, if we’re not in favor of me contorting myself to better match the group dynamic. Which. I could do pretty easily. But I also explicitly told you not to do. So.”

: “(I’m a Lot of things but I’d like to believe I am, at least, not a hypocrite.)”

: “No. I’m the hypocrite. Obviously,” but she’s smiling and she says it easily, like it’s a joke.

(because it is one)

exerts great effort and control in order to smack Salme in the side of the head with his tail as he rolls his eyes and smiles.

attempts to catch his tail, but does not successfully do so. “You moved it! The ears and now the tail. You really are changing, Aavikkokettu.”

: “They are attached.”

: “Well,” she says, voice low, “I really never have had occasion to find out. At least not with the tail.”

: “Did I actually SAY out loud this is Absolutely Not A Hook Up Room or was that just a conversation I was preemptively mapping out in my head…?”

laughs loud enough she startles herself. “I wasn’t suggesting now. Or you know, ever, if you’re never ready or interested or whatever. But since the making out worked I thought I’d make the overture.” ⁂

shrugs, “yesterday, when you. Helped me, and carried me back to the inn, that was–I mean. It was really romantic. No one’s ever really done that. I mean, when you and Sininen bought me that bracelet, that was really … I think the first time since I was really young someone bought me a gift.” ⁂

: “… Light why am I nattering about this?” 🙧

: “It’s a good place to natter and I’m an excellent listener.”

tilts her head. “Oh. Are you? Well. Did you know that the light hits your eyes sometimes and they’re the most beautiful golden brown and bright green at the same time and I think it’s lovely, that they’re both and yet uniquely yours?”

: “I had a hunch, actually. You aren’t always subtle when you stare.”

: “Hmm, well. What about the fact that I trust you with my life and with the legacy I’ve been entrusted with and anything you want to know I’d simply tell you, as long as you ask?”

: “Oh, do you? I, admittedly, always got the impression I was more damsel in your eyes than potential successor.”

flinches, a little. “Well. I.” She looks down. “I don’t want you to ever have to carry the Mask. Of all of us, I don’t want it to be you. Not because I think you couldn’t do it but because you have enough memories. You remember enough dead and dying worlds. And I also want to protect you. Because. I care about you. And I feel like you’ve had to always protect yourself. But I do trust you to know the truth. To know any truth. That’s why I almost broke eideisis yesterday and told you everything about my swim. But. Maybe that’s not good enough?”

: “I don’t want to underestimate you. I just want to … I don’t know. Care for you?”

: “Man, what’s one more to the party up in here?” He points to his head, before extending his elbow and resting his head on his hand. “I, personally, think the Duelist Mask would be delighted by the company.” A pause. “But more seriously, that wasn’t really a complaint. It perfectly normal to want to protect the people you care about.”

Another beat. “Y’wanna know something kinda fucked that feels like something you’d say instead of me?”

: “Well put like that of course I do.”

laughs.

: “Even with all the friction, I’d still sooner die myself than see it happen to any of you five instead.”

: “So… I think I get it, really.”

: “I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t get it because it takes a degree of … self-disregard to develop that kind of perspective.”

: “And only I’m allowed to see myself as a thing to be used and discarded. Because I’m a hypocrite.”

: “You remember when I said you were the exact same kinda fucked up as as the rest of us…?”

nods and gives a tired huff that probably passes for a laugh. Probably.

: “Heheh.”

: “Yeah, exactly. Caring about people is messed up.”

: “Not as messed up as people caring about you. What the fuck is even going on with all these happy reunions?”

: “Same thing as all the ones that happened on Almachadta…?”

: “Different,” she says, brusquely. “It’s different. For me, at least.”

: “How? Did you miss Badri breaking down into sobs upon seeing you? Izaak the same with Wolf?”

jaw clenches. “Badri missed me. Badri cares about me. But it’s different. Archie’s family here loves him just for the fact he’s himself. Badri was partially riddled with guilt because he thought he’d gotten me killed.” ⁂

: “It’s stupid. Everyone’s forgotten so much but I remember so many stupid, worthless things. When I was in the ocean, swimming, I remembered that as soon as became the Sword-Saint I knew, I was certain, that I would be the last Sword-Saint in this cycle. And when Wolf came, right before we were taken, talking about the dissonance in the song, I knew that meant I was about to die.” ⁂

: “We talked about it. Badri and I. And of course he’d die too. We were all going to die. But he was guilty, because we both knew I had been very young when I became the Sword-Saint. He was happy I was alive, but it’s never been simple with us. I’ve always been … his successor and his regret, I think.” 🙧

: “So… I mean, take this with a grain of salt as I’ve never been a parent before. But I think all parent and child relationships are kind of like that, to a degree. Having to suddenly be responsible for a much younger, much smaller life by necessity changes who you are and the things you need to prioritize. Everything I’ve seen of Badri, to me, suggests that he loves you no less than any father would their own child, blood or no. I’m sure if he knew that that was intended to be the final cycle, he would have done everything in his power to stop you from taking the Mask.”

: “Like. Sorry to tell you this but you are in fact loved.”

opens her mouth to argue, and then closes it. “Maybe. Probably. I don’t know. But I mean, I didn’t even meet him really until I was sixteen. It’s just. Different. And he has his other kids that he adopted when they were, you know, actually kids. It’s. I know he loves me. It’s just weird and complicated.”

shrugs. “Weird and complicated describes I think. Anything I touch, honestly.”

: “Join the club? Also if you think Archie doesn’t have a half dozen sibling’s you might still be drunk from last night. Also it’s his aunt and boyfriend that have been fussing over him anyway, which is, perhaps, if we need to get pointlessly fussy, a bit closer to what you think you and Badri are like.”

: “No, Badri is nothing like a boyfriend to me.”

: “(come on Aurelius you walked into that one)”

: “…The implication was CLEARLY uncle you little shit.”

laughs.

laughs as well, but after a moment says, “I don’t know what it will be like arriving on the Beast, and how Zaya will see who you are now, but you, also, are in fact loved.” She’s looking at the collar of his robe, but she forces her eyes up to meet his for the last handful of words.

: “Don’t be surprised if someone takes a swing before going in for a hung, is all I’m saying.”

: “But.”

: “Yes, I also love you too, you stupid walking disaster.”

: “You really know how to make a gal blush,” she drawls, blushing furiously. “Though. Since we’re in a Bubble. How did you go from ‘… ah’ to … articulating this kind of stuff so quickly?”

: “Well I mean a lot of it is that I’m expecting it now.”

: “Part of it is that some of us do know how to process our hangups,”

: “And, finally, there’s a non-zero chance I am simply perceiving time differently than you are.”

: “Also, and I cannot stress this enough,”

: “I am no longer mentally associating you with my imaginary little sister.”

: “That one goes a long way, turns out.”

laughs. “I mean, fair enough, though I feel like I had never seen you show a sliver of interest in anyone before. Every time I thought you were showing interest, you were … not? Apparently? So then … well. Yes, you’re very romantic and attractive and gallant, you know this,” she makes the hand puppet gesture, “but. I’m glad, I guess?”

: “Hmm.”

: “I think, when I first woke up, I was… probably mostly Jorule? And he didn’t realize you guys were real people initially, so he wasn’t super invested in anything. That’s a bit different now, I think? But. I did. I’ve always thought the group of you were weird and interesting and worth knowing. … Maybe that just doesn’t come across well?”

: “Or maybe I just wasn’t much of myself until recently…? Who knows.”

: “Oh. I think I didn’t explain it well. I meant. Sexual or romantic interest. I never thought you didn’t … care? That’s honestly why I was so upset that one time. I had thought you’d care, and it didn’t feel like you did.”

: “Oh.”

: “Sorry Aurelius, my name is Salme and I have a one-track mind, apparently,” she says, cracking out the hand puppet again.

: “It’s a good thing you’ve got a killer sense of humor or you’d be super doomed, yeah.”

pauses a moment longer, then just starts laughing.

: “The one thing I’ll say for Jorule, the hand puppet was inspired. I’ll have to thank him for that.”

blinks. “Though why would I be doomed?”

: “I’m glad that’s where it fell on the scales in the long term cause. It did NOT seem like that at the time.”

: “Oh, uh, I was just making a joke but maybe it didn’t land.” He shrugs. “Y’know, implying without it you’d just have that one track mind with no stops on the itinerary? Something like that.”

: “I have other stops,” she says huffily. “I am sometimes very sad, and sometimes very reckless, and then there’s the Being the Sword-Saint stop, and then there’s the Threatening Vengeance stop. Just because I have two very attractive boyfriends I think about a lot doesn’t mean I don’t have layers.”

: “Ah, yes, of course. I can see why it failed to stick. Apologies.”

lifts his head up to do a weird little flourish with his hand before resting his head back against it.

: “As for the other … I’m not as good at processing things as you are, clearly, but. I can see where I misstepped with Jorule. And as much as a walking disaster as I can be I do try to take responsibility for my fuck-ups. Well. Sometimes.”

: “I’m still not that sorry for reaching out to the Polite Visitor. I probably could’ve done it not by half-drowning myself though.”

: “Honestly it was kinda weird on all fronts, I don’t think anyone in particular should feel the need to be held accountable for Bird Crimes.”

: “Yeah I mean. Like I said, there was definitely a version of this story where I did it first so I’m not about to cast that stone, heh.”

: “If you were more Jorule and less Aurelius?” she says, raising an eyebrow. “Since he and I are the exact same kind of idiot?”

: “Yes.”

: “Also if I had not explicitly promised not to provoke them before entering.”

looks at him. “And you keep your word. You earn people’s trust, and then you prove yourself worthy of it..”

: “Was that really worth breaking out the fancy text?”

: “Yeah? I mean. Since you were angsting about the fact that people don’t see that about you and it’s something I love about you? I don’t know. Maybe not.”

: “I’m trying to be romantic and clearly not doing a great job here.”

: “Hmm… right, you do this based on emotions not… yeah, you know what, fair enough.”

: “When you teach me how to speak with burning resonance I’ll use that instead?”

picks at a non-existent thread on her pants.

leans off the couch and kisses Salme on the cheek. “Naw, that was a me mess up not a you one.”

: “Thank you for caring about me.”

: “It’s easy to care about you. I like doing it. I wish I was a bit better at it, but the trying has to count for something.”

: “No no it was very lovely, I’m just an idiot.”

: “Huh. So am I. Imagine that?” she leans in to bonk her forehead against his.

: “How are you feeling? Is there anything else that’s bothering you? Since, you know, we have the Bubble to ourselves?”

: “Imagining what? … Oh was that a jab at me admitting I was wrong about something?”

: “No,” she says firmly. “It was a joke about us both being idiots, at least sometimes.”

: “Oh. Fair enough.”

: “Oh! Oh. Yeah I just. Got it. Okay.”

takes a moment, and then says, perhaps even more firmly. “I trust that if you realize you’re wrong you will actually apologize. Because you generally have.”

has been very good at keeping her free hand to herself thus far, but she can’t resist petting one of his ears. “I get it. My rapier wit can be hard to keep up with sometimes.”

: “Totally out of my league here.”

: “You didn’t answer my other question. Is there anything else bothering you that you’d … like to talk about? Light knows you listen to me enough.”

: “Hmm…”

: “No, I think I’m good now…? We may have stew’d… stew’n…? long enough now.”

nods. “I mean, you’re also entitled to not have me breathing down your neck but. I just wanted to make sure.” She pauses for a moment, though, and looks at him. “Though I do have a quick question for you?”

: “Believe it or not I have enjoyed our time together. But shoot.”

gives him a wry smile like he may not enjoy this next question. “When we decided to try this between us, I asked you if you had been unmoved by Awoken’s interest in your direction, and you seemed surprised, but when you showed me the memories of your entire conversation, and you asked if we’d fucked, he pretty clearly said he’d, or we had considered inviting you along. Did that really not seem like … interest to you?”

: “I know, I know, one-track mind, but it’s been bothering me.”

: “I am right and proper scandalized, here.”

laughs.

: “But, hmm…”

: “At the time I don’t think so…?” He tilts his head. “Now…? Maybe a little curious. What a weird question to think about.”

: “Why do YOU seem so much more invested in it than he does…?”

: “Turning the tables on me?” she says, raising her eyebrows, but then she goes serious. “I think I got the impression that he was fairly invested in you, on my end? But I suppose that’s a conversation for you two to have, if you ever have it. I want him to have what he wants, and I think you could always use being adored a little more. And … I think it’s fun, when it’s the three of us as well.”

: “Damn, that was like the least weird answer you could have possibly given and you didn’t even think about it. Did you have this prepared?”

: “Were you trying to get me to give a weird answer? No. Don’t answer that.”

does not answer that.

: “I didn’t have this prepared but. A man too wise for his own good (that’s you, by the way) told me to do what I want and fuck what I don’t, and I have actually been trying to sort out what I want. And what I want is to see both of you, everyone in the group really but we’re talking about the three of us right now, I want to see both of you reaching for what you want with confidence and self-assurance, and I want to be beside you both when you go for it. And I also want to see you loved and adored because you don’t expect to be. And I want the chance to. I don’t know. I like spending time with just you, or just him, but it’s fun when it’s the three of us as well.”

: “It of course goes without saying,” she adds wryly, “that I also want to fuck the two people I’ve chosen to want, so the phrasing isn’t perfect, but. You get my meaning.”

: “Well, I can’t really argue with any of that, now can I?”

: “It is nice to see you taking my advise to heart.”

: “And is, on the whole, a whole lot of reasonable things to want.”

: “See, and this is the bizarre Aurelius experience only I’m privy to, because I’m sure there’s any number of smartass things you could say in response but you’re being sweet. Because you’re impossibly sweet sometimes.”

: “Perk of me liking you.”

: “Well I guess I can’t complain about that.”

: “But. Thank you for answering my question. I do have another, about why you think you experience time differently than me, but I feel like that might be complicated.”

: “Non-zero usually implies kinda low odds but yeah, if it true then it’s definitely Complicated, yes.”

: “Yeah but if you thought about it enough to consider it might be a possibility it … might be a possibility? And I do love your esoteric bullshit, even if it takes a while to understand.”

: “Yeah. That’s probably on the list of ‘things that should wait until after Samudra’ though.”

: “That list is probably also getting long.” She drinks him in for a long moment, just enjoying that he’s here, and that they got to talk, and that each time feels more like something that will last. “Well, while we’re in Samudra, I was going to propose you think of a way for us to all connect to the tablet without us having to literally touch it, though I think I need to eat breakfast before any kind of science happens, but. I thought I could mention it.”

: “Hmm. Yeah, food… might be a good idea.”

: “Want to come with, or do you still want a moment to yourself?”

: “Naw lets go.”

leans over and gently kisses Salme’s forehead, before sliding off the couch. “Thanks for sticking around.”

stands up and stretches, cracking her back a couple times. “Thanks for trusting me enough to talk about it.” She loops her arm through his, and heads towards the exit of the library and, hopefully, breakfast.