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- The Dragon
Edit History
| When | Who | Kind | Summary |
|---|---|---|---|
| May 24, 2026 | Salme | marginalia | Oh. Yes. Okay. That's fine. |
| May 24, 2026 | Jorule | marginalia | no, but you made it visible for a couple of seconds while testing that it was working, remember? |
| May 24, 2026 | Salme | marginalia | You cannot see my private folios. Please tell me you can't see my private folios. Jorule, please. |
| May 24, 2026 | Jorule | marginalia | when it was private, lol |
| May 24, 2026 | Aurelius | prolegomenon | absolutely nothing here is worth reading, might as well keep moving ## Shortly after |
| May 21, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | ## Shortly after meeting Jorule in the Quarry at Almachadta The Fucking Asshole...the story. --- ## A conversation after the first night on Samudra Hey. I don't...no Sage. --- ## A question asked after kicking around the Samudran Academy for a while I know you've...the advice. --- ## A quick request while doing science on the Sword-Saint's Mask with Archie and Caion Hey. 1. Do...i'm sure. --- ## After the creation of Jory the Raven are you fucking...You're welcome. --- ## Immediately after the Melpomene incident Okay so. We |
| May 21, 2026 | Salme | marginalia | THIS WAS PUBLIC FOR 0.2 SECONDS *WHEN* DID YOU MAKE THIS COMMENT? |
| May 18, 2026 | Aurelius | entries | added note: "GODDESS ABOVE TAG YOUR SHIT" |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | you, i'm sure. --- are you fucking...now. You're welcome. --- Okay so. We |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | I'm no Sage. --- I know you've...for the advice. --- Hey. 1. Do |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | The Fucking Asshole Inside Aurelius. Thinks he's hot shit, but it's not his story either. Not an angel, whatever that is, but a bird. Wow, Rude. Of course it's not my fucking story, never claimed it was. I am 100% interloper baby. Crazy amount of confidence in the angel no sell from someone who doesn't even know what an angel even is, though. Oh, right, correct, apologies. You're _above_ stories. You've been there, done that, nothing new under the sun. The ennui is killing you but you have to keep trying and trying and trying and trying even as you're certain it will always turn out the same, because the truth can only burn one way. Get over yourself, crow boy. Can't believe you temper-tantrumed so hard you figured out how to project your highly misinformed psych eval into the Sea. That's honestly kind of impressive. Bravo. *clap clap clap* The temper-tantrum line was only ever going to work once. You realize that, right? And I don't know what half those words mean and I don't even really care. The worst thing about all of this, the worst thing about _you_, is that I'm sure there's something worthwhile in there. After all, you're a part of Aurelius. Pity you're too busy playing like you don't care to explore that. It's a fucking formal title, leave it alone. It's not like I'm telling people you're Salme, The Klepto Crybaby With Daddy Issues. You're sure running your mouth a lot for someone that doesn't care though. No clue what the fuck you think *I* don't care about though, other than your hurt feelings because you misunderstood me. I don't care about whatever dismissive bullshit you're spouting about ... psych evals and not selling things (obviously I don't sell things?). I _care_ very much as a general rule, which is beyond _certain people_ who are incapable of seeing _other people_ as _actual people_. And I don't give a shit if you don't care about me! That was _obvious_. I do think you should care about the guy you're hitching a ride in. (And formal or not, the title is dumb and you knew it was dumb. Come _on_). What, pray tell, is dumb about a scholar of the darkness having a title related to darkness? This really can't be that hard to understand, you even have your own dark element. Tenebrous gnosis. Whatever, probably not worth getting into. Hold up let me check the logs. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh I see. Lmao yeah instinct doesn't know shit about me. I will admit I didn't think you all were pure hearts at first, but I was clearly wrong there. I'm a big boy I can admit when I was wrong. Why are you so wound up about whatever the fuck I'm saying if you don't care and the vessel doesn't care either though? This is starting to get ridiculous also. Imagine having to explain this to your friends when they look through it. _Now_ it's starting to get ridiculous? _Now_ explaining it is going to be a problem? Look, Jorule, angle bird or whatever. I apologize for losing my temper at you. I'm still not sure what I was misunderstanding, and I doubt you'd bother to explain, but. Aurelius isn't an empty vessel. And he really shouldn't have to walk around with you thinking that about him. Even if he says he doesn't care (and maybe he doesn't!) it bothers _me_. And obviously you do not care about my feelings but I am _asking you_ with as much humility I can muster to consider being a little kinder to him. You know what, sure, I'll throw you a bone. Even try and phrase it in a way to cause less confusion. So, I'm not really... sure how you got the impression that me existing unbeknownst to you and then leaving after the hellos and how do you dos would have effects what you think of as "Aurelius"? Given I was talking about what you think of as "Annarr"s memories. But I suppose I can appreciate that you were worried about your "Traveling Companion" "dying". That is not likely to happen, even when winter comes for this place and the rest of us fuck off it shouldn't really have a profound effect on "Aurelius", other than me not being able take control of the wheel when you need some real goddamn void and mana expertise like you did earlier. Wouldn't want to accidentally kill any of dad's friends because we're being stubborn, you know? Anyway me and "Aurelius" don't really have a direct line of communication regardless so that's pretty w/e. (it's not the me explaining parts that's ridiculous it's the part where you're going to look like a lunatic to everyone else that hasn't had their third eye forcibly ripped open yet but I mean you do you.) I mean Ciet kinda sucks I wouldn't be too put-out if you killed him? I mean nice of you and Aury to *not* and the ... train(?) is very nice and I am sure when I am not very upset I will appreciate it. Anyway, I was concerned because when I--brushed up against you, Aurelius said something about you _being_ him, or _animating_ him, or something. I'm stupid and it's my fault, I got it, you don't have rip into me for it. Light forbid something _matter_ to me. Anyway yes, I do have a crush on him--if you checked the ... logs(?) you know that--but also I care about him beyond that, because multiple things can be true? Surely an angle would understand that if he's such a great scholar? And, also(!) when I brushed up against _you_ you seemed pretty sad yourself so maybe I also was attempting to care about the weird bird angle inside my friend. Yes, I can hear it again! Stupid kelp crybaby who doesn't sell things confidently or _whatever_. I fucked up! Sorry for _trying_! And if you don't have a direct line of communication how come he's so sure you don't have any friends and don't think he's a person? Not that the second is hard to guess considering all your "vessel" bullshit! (And what is "winter"? Is that why you're like ... this?) Okay I think i am starting to work things out, there is clearly a lot of ~projection~ going on here - oh goddammit right tildes get parsed weird on this. Oh well. Anywho, ma'am, you are a Hot Fucking Mess did you know that? Like, respectfully, even. Wow there's no way that didn't come across as offensive but like... you can read this after it gets sent still, right? Talking about being cool with obliterating a dude trapped in a hellish void-door nightmare because you didn't like him much with one hand, then about how I'm an awful piece of trash for using some harsh language around a person you do like and how I should respect the humanity and personness of other people immediately after...? And then going on a tiny little self loathing rant? Legit starting to feel bad and Concerned for you now. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION THOUGH, he told you how he knows; there is a memory leak. Which, thanks for bringing my attention to THAT little detail I guess, though in the grand scheme of things it's pretty minor and doesn't matter. To answer your IMPLIED question, I have no idea what the hell you saw, exactly, because you didn't do the best job in the world shooting the memory back but presumably you felt something akin to lingering melancholy and nostalgia for old, dead worlds. You sarcastically and dismissively mentioned it earlier, but I *have* been around a long time, and I *have* seen a lot of things, and I quite frankly have personally experiences the end of more world than you're even aware exist. At this point it's not really a big thing, but I probably do have some attachments to some of the earlier ones. You get used to it though, and it's not like some of them aren't still around in the caravan anyway. As for Winter, well, incredibly long story there but you can think of it as what happens after curtain fall at the theater, when the story's well and done, the patrons and actors all leave, and nothing's left inside. EDIT: oh it didn't parse the tildes as subtext, fuck yeah. I will own being a Hot Fucking Mess that is Obvious and I'm not going to claim moral superiority here, but I really don't get how being willing to sacrifice One Life for the sake of Five Worlds is incomprehensible? Obviously if I was properly Radiant or whatever it would all be the same, but I'm not. And besides, Performing A Miracle and Being A Little Nicer don't really seem to be comparable levels of effort? Unless they are for you? And I didn't call you an awful piece of trash? If we are going to start throwing stones about self-loathing rants maybe, perhaps, we should be aware of the words we ourselves are saying? On Almachadta, we have a saying about planting the seed you want to see in the world, and if you don't want to sprout Spoken Wood calling you an asshole bird maybe ease up on the asshole bit? Anyway, when I brushed up against you I saw _resignation_, the idea that you should always take the path of least resistance and that seems like it sucks? I mean, I'm learning quickly how far attempts at sympathy get me with you (not far) so maybe it's stupid to even bring it up but. I'm trying here. And I'm sorry you've seen so many worlds die, and that you keep--living? That sounds lonely, I think. It's okay for it to be a big thing? I mean. Well. Not that I would know but it seems like it should be okay for that to be a big thing. And Winter--okay. Maybe. But the patrons and actors leave, but they carry the story inside them still. And it's different, it changes, but it's still alive, and even if it wasn't, it still matters that it was told in the first place. (You said I didn't understand what genre I was in. What genre do you think I'm in?) Ok two things before moving on: A) no you did not call me that directly, but it was heavily implied, ms read between the lines. B) the miracle is actually pretty easy to perform, you actually have organized rituals for it. You wouldn't have been able to do it as any of you are *now*, but it's definitely possible. 3) what are you even still doing here, are you like... dead set on us becoming friends and you're just trying to push through it with heroic effort despite us both being assholes at one another? Or do you think *me* liking you will make Aurelius like you more? Because if that's the case you're not really my type tbqh and also it won't, so try not to waste too much effort on it. I guess we can extend a tentative olive branch otherwise tho. Anyway: it sounds like maybe you were feeling out my inherent Undine-ness, probably. Things come, things goes, play the hand your dealt and don't worry about it too much. Not really a sad thing. Any-ANYWAY: hate to be the barer of bad news but you are NOT actually in a grand epic, but are in fact in a surreal comedy-horror piece written by a Sage prone to fits of farce and whimsy. But you didn't hear that from me. Did you number that A, B, and 3? You know what, unimportant. I mean yeah, I am trying to push through with heroic effort despite both of us being assholes because it seems worthwhile to have a functional relationship with the weird animating presence that performs off-the-cuff miracles. I absolutely don't think _you_ liking me will have any effect on Aurelius and if I _did_ I wouldn't be doing it because that'd feel kind of. Fucked up? Anyway, I'd like to just accept the olive branch and move on, if you don't mind? And I mean okay, not an epic. Farce and whimsy, that makes sense, as does the horror. What kind of body count does this story have? And what's a Sage? i a'int reading all that i'm happy for you tho or sorry that happened (nah i'm not sorry) bro come on if you're going to leave a note after all that back and forth - actually you know what it's probably obvious that one wasn't me so we're good, carry on. THAT DOES RUIN THE TIMING OF MY "well you're only at one so far" joke though so thanks for that. Sages are enlightened history keepers. Wait, what do you mean by "one so far"? No one's died yet? Does "body count" mean something different? And ... enlightened history keepers. Is that who's ... telling the story? The ꙮ? Sex Joke. Also pretty sure you're not supposed to be able to see that...? Hm. brb phoning the editor, don't be surprised if part of this entry disappears in the morning. Oh wait nevermind that's parsable when you're forming your rite ritual loadout. Okay nevermind we're probably fine. But yeah, the Sage is the one writing the story. --- Hey. I don't know if you're around but. In retrospect, the mocking hand-puppet thing was actually pretty funny. I've been getting some good use out of it. We haven't blown up Samudra yet either so. Thanks? no problem weirdo. what did you actually see when you stared into the abyss btw, mine was a paper dragon that opened its mouth to reveal and infinite expanse of grassland under a dark sky just on the cusp of winter, which is honestly funny as hell at a threat against me specifically. And then it got bored and fucked off after implying I wasn't important or worth its consideration. In case you were wondering what kinda fun experience you were missing out on (ps one of you two dipshits should ask 86 what happened there too) I never saw any kind of vision, just ... the creature as it probably was. I think I am exactly the kind of broken that Caion feared he was. I'm sort of surprised you saw anything at all but that sounds. Well. Horrible. Does this have to do with the ... Samantha person Aurelius mentioned, or was this something else? And who is 86? (You probably won't find this helpful, but I think we're all ultimately insignificant. The only significance we do have is what we build for ourselves. That's why I'm trying so hard to build). (Also this doesn't seem fair, that I didn't have some horrible truth to tell you, so if you want one in exchange I'll think one up). When the fuck did Aurelius mention Samantha? I guess it's pretty related to Oberon (city the caravan originated from) and some basic concepts that were born there, but that's part of a class I'll be teaching later. Or, well, it'll probably come up there given your penchant for questions so. You said you saw something beautiful tho? was that just ... the dumb shining fish form? ok i guess. 86 is your other boyfriend and I absolutely refuse to call him by his not-name-he-never-took here. When he told me about someone trying to kill him (you, probably?) with ... not with Flourishing gnosis, but with ... whatever you guys use. Spark-to-Spark something? I offered bloody vengeance and he said he'd take it under consideration. And I am ... trying to not ask Aurelius as many invasive questions, especially when they're your secrets. And yeah, it was just the dumb shining fish form, unfortunately. I'm from backwards Almachadta. I've never seen something like that before. Also I'm not sure why you think 86 is going to know anything at all, but I can ask him? Also I *do* have an important question. When I get to the Beast, what's the funniest possible question I can ask the Scorpion Queen that won't get me killed? I'm not expecting him to know fuck and or shit at this point, I'm just really curious what he saw and why it made him start babbling like a man possessed. And I assume you are as well?? Also aha, wonder why he brought up Samantha's rest, that was just kind of a strange little pit stop outside of Oberon. I do kind of remember this conversation tho. WHICH. YEAH. If you assholes do figure out how to access the White Sea proper, by the Goddess to NOT fucking poke unfamiliar sparks you don't recognize. KP hasn't been in circulation for ages. ... Well not counting that thing with the robot I guess but we're definitely not talking about that. Anyway. Ah, egh, there's so many good ones. "wait, i thought you were supposed to be in a maid outfit or something?" "forgot how to adjust the power on the laser for moon writing, huh?" "hey were you one of the librarians...?" "damn this army's kind of a downgrade from the last one isn't it?" "would you like to buy my *services*?" though uh i take no responsibility if they do get you killed. fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho You assume that I'm possessed as well? Or is this about your whole Thing about Sparks and Personhood? As for why he brought up what he did I couldn't tell you, and he couldn't either. You can probably ... find out, however you find out things, but sometimes he just spews a couple lines of Bird Nonsense. Though this was ... more like he was caught wrong-footed. He was very kind about it, in retrospect and with context. Is your Goddess the same as his? I just assumed it was a Beast thing, but I'm guessing not. And thanks. The army line is particularly great. And that's a bit of a line to drop about the death wish. Is it a seeking-oblivion kind of thing or is it a seeking-what-will-happen kind of thing? It's probably going to make you call me insane, but I kind of feel like I'd survive. N...no I meant I assumed you were curious what happened to him, as well. Not everything I say is going for maximum weird. No idea what the hell you mean by a line about a death wish either??? Are you sure you're not getting *this* conversation with the one you're having outloud right now...? Probably a good thing you don't have access to social media. OH. I misread what you said. I mean when he said it it made about as much sense as anything else? Which. We have a fair amount of misunderstanding and I was curious WHERE that was coming from and at least it's apparent you have this in common. And I misread your *other* comment too. "fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho"! Since you were talking about getting killed the sentence before I thought--galling enough to have admit I misunderstood to Aury, extra galling to have to admit it in front of you. But. I did. I'm sorry. And I have no idea what social media is and I refuse to ask. I also question how exactly you'd get a euphemism for suicide that revolves around hand guns given your little green world tbqh but lets probably not unpack that, I think. The "no responsibility if it gets you killed" was because you asked for a line that wouldn't get you killed. Doofus. And obviously I have been trying to calculate the ideal shitty one-liner for delivery to SQ for months, is all I meant. Lol. Yeah I figured what you meant ... after. As one does. Though. Is the ideal shitty one-liner going to get *Aurelius* killed or? naw it's fine. god this entry is getting ridiculously long tho. wonder if i should set up something else for communication if this isn't just gunna be a one off thing. "naw it's fine" is not super reassuring but. Sure. And I can also leave you alone. I'm sure you've got important bullshit to do in space. in space no one can hear me yawn aggressively in boredom while trying to give you and aury some space cause Goddess knows I don't need to be there while you get all handsie. Crimson's violent but like, not a psycho. And here she seems to be playing up the Super Benevolent God Emperor angle anyway so, honestly, wouldn't worry about it. no real problem with you bugging me either tho not like I got fuck all to do during the first stop at this world. Well thanks for the privacy. Genuinely appreciated. I don't think I have anything right now to bug you about, but I did update the top of your entry because. Well. No one's going to read this whole thing (hopefully!) im not even a bird btw that was Hane and Ham, but I guess we can add explaining the difference between an Angel and a bird to the list. Bet at least one person does though. probably Unua. And then they'll never say anything about it. I know you're not a bird, Jorule. It's a bit. And Unua does keep their own counsel. As someone chronically incapable of shutting the fuck up talking to someone else with the same affliction, I wonder what that's like. i know it's a bit, birdbrain. being the wallflower sounds boring as hell tho, especially with as little as ya'll engage with the Rite here. Would not recommend, continue blabing with all your heart. You know, Aurelius said we were the exact same kind of idiot, so I perhaps I shouldn't trust your advice? And don't call me birdbrain, birdboy. take it or leave it as you will, you're a big girl capable of making her own decisions now right? and I'm no Sage. I know you've been through a lot at this point, but do you remember when you were first starting out? Was it hard to get a handle on things? Do you have any tips on ... learning to understand the world? I know my world(s) are different but. The understanding part? more or less yeah. I mean. It seems like you're doing just fine from here? Keep an open mind, poke at anything that seems interesting, ask people with an air of authority about 'em, lots of intrusive questions. if you mean meta stuff, idk. that one mostly seems to be a ~right brain worms~ kind of thing but if you can consistently edit this node I think you've got it in you. BUT. AGAIN. you are in samudra and maybe stop pulling that thread, the hell do you morons think is going to happen if the world aligns itself with facts only angels should know?? also working on a thing might need you to test something for me Soon(tm) I mean, it's both, really, but I am trying to keep an eye on the meta stuff while we're here. It's really the ... understanding things, generally, that's a concern. I want to be someone my companions can rely on to help them think through problems. But I can always keep asking questions. Also, always happy to help test things out. Hope the void isn't boring you too much. rip closed the node on accident when trying to tab into the sea lmao. fuck what was i even saying. RIGHT what do you even think "understanding" means??? it's just the process of continuing to ask questions until the answers start to make sense to you, it's really not any more complicated than that. if you really wanna start flexing some weirdo muscles rather than just asking questions tho, I'd maybe circle back to your project and finish up the insides so the shelves and shit don't look like chalk outlines first, you know? I just am concerned (why am I _telling_ you this?) that once everyone knows everything I won't have much to offer. Everyone else is brilliant, and I'm. Well. My strengths lie elsewhere. I won't stop asking questions, though. I'm too nosy for that. Though, yes, I should work on the library. I've been distracted, and, I think, a little confused since Aurelius and I miscommunicated about the purpose of the memory storage function which. Imagine that. Thanks, though, for the reminder. n/p also i'm stealing one of the walls of it. well. using it to help your initial stated goal but lol lmao yeah. also you are talking to me because i, too, have an air of authority and authenticity to me and... oh that was part of the deleted message, w/e. anyway you're asking me because I use a lot of unfamiliar words and phrases that makes me seem smart to you and also because I've called you and idiot before so you don't think I can think less of you as is and ALSO because you know anyone else you know will handle you with kid gloves b/c it's actually you that is the delicate fragile flower. ...reading that back it kinda sounds like i am trying to pick a fight though honestly i'm really not, just kind of exasperated. you're a party of six. it's GOOD that you all have different specializations. if anything three of you probably have too much overlap as is, though at least they're pretty different flavors. embrace your roll as the question goblin that can't shut the fuck up and continues making things happen that's also insanely good at remembering things. you'd NOT be surprised at how useful a good set of logs or archive of events can be, because that was your entire ass job before you awoke Well have fun with your stolen wall? And I'm actually asking you because I was thinking, if you've lived through as much as you said, that there was maybe a time where you were still figuring it out? And I know I'm pretty fragile. I'm working on that. But yeah I did ask you partly because I thought you'd give me useful advice. And you have a certain perspective unavailable to everyone else since you can just ... review whatever happened at your leisure. Thanks Jorule, that really does help. sorry there's just something about you that makes me wanna bully you. you really do bring the kinda annoying but not annoying enough to be bothered by it little sister energy with you. don't really mean anything by it tho. anyway uh that initial answer actually was the real and whole answer fwiw. When you're just starting out, you can't help what you don't know, and the only solution is to stay curious and keep poking at things that won't kill you and to never stop asking questions. Sorry, no shortcuts there. Unless. ... Well, no that's not really a shortcut or a solution so not gunna put weird ideas in your head. but anyway, seriously, you're doing fine. Oh, yeah, that wasn't me digging for more, it was just me wanting to. Hm. Much in the same way, you're kind of the asshole older brother I didn't know I needed. I just wanted to make it clear that I don't ask you things just because I expect you to treat me like shit. That's just a bonus (joke). Thanks for the advice. Hey. 1. Do you know where Aurelius left the tablet and 2. Will I ruin the surprise if I go into the library right now? Doing some science. yes and yes asterisk, I guess just don't ask caion any questions about what the fuck you see. Bwomp. Thanks. You're a champ. And do you think Aurelius will feel--IDK, left out? Feels sorta weird doing this sort of shit without him but I don't want him to think I'm *that* clingy. A) Who Cares B) You are C) probably not, you made it pretty clear the Mask was not a monkey in his circus and it's not like he knows how any of this samudra tech works anyway *Is* that what he thinks? I don't want him to have to *carry the Mask*, I would love his help learning and *knowing* about the Mask. Do I have to clarify that? *Should* I clarify that? ... Also wait. Monkeys and circuses? Explain? you should give ME the mask it would be great. uh, him? idk maybe? not sure if he's really thought too much about it beyond it being a burden on you and wanting to help you in the general. sure was *my* reading on it tho. anyway sometimes when something ridiculous happens, you observe it, then realize it is neither your monkies nor your circus and you don't need to deal with whatever ridiculousness is going on because it sure as hell isn't your problem. a foreign concept to you, i'm sure. are you fucking kidding me If you have a problem there's a wholeass bird for your to speak through now. You're welcome. Okay so. We should probably talk when I have a sec in the library, because the shit with Melpomene really *did* bother me and I actually don't like feeling hurt at you either, but before that I'm going to be an ass and ask for a favor instead. What kind of toppings are standard for a burger? What are just nice to have? Are there any other aspects to the patty other than ground beef? Is the bread of the bun supposed to have a certain texture? ... also, can *you* eat as ... whatever you are in the library? basically just ground beef and some salt. standard, uh, i guess lettuce, tomato and mayo probably? Also a mild yellow cheese, cheddar or jack I guess since ya'll don't have fake cheese specially formulated to melt. bacon strips / onion are fairly normal extras, maybe pickles or ketchup or mustard. as for ghost mode, uh, probably not? we're astral projecting into the sealed space instead of physically transferring as you may recall. oh right the bun. uh. idk not like a biscuit, not a muffin, or flat bread. fluff bread. Kinda bagel-y but not as stiff on the outside. like fresh french or italian bread. (lol am i the reason those words are being used on purpose first? gg) |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | writing the story. --- Hey. I don't |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | The Fucking Asshole Inside Aurelius. Thinks he's hot shit, but it's not his story either. Not an angel, whatever that is, but a bird. Wow, Rude. Of course it's not my fucking story, never claimed it was. I am 100% interloper baby. Crazy amount of confidence in the angel no sell from someone who doesn't even know what an angel even is, though. Oh, right, correct, apologies. You're _above_ stories. You've been there, done that, nothing new under the sun. The ennui is killing you but you have to keep trying and trying and trying and trying even as you're certain it will always turn out the same, because the truth can only burn one way. Get over yourself, crow boy. Can't believe you temper-tantrumed so hard you figured out how to project your highly misinformed psych eval into the Sea. That's honestly kind of impressive. Bravo. *clap clap clap* The temper-tantrum line was only ever going to work once. You realize that, right? And I don't know what half those words mean and I don't even really care. The worst thing about all of this, the worst thing about _you_, is that I'm sure there's something worthwhile in there. After all, you're a part of Aurelius. Pity you're too busy playing like you don't care to explore that. It's a fucking formal title, leave it alone. It's not like I'm telling people you're Salme, The Klepto Crybaby With Daddy Issues. You're sure running your mouth a lot for someone that doesn't care though. No clue what the fuck you think *I* don't care about though, other than your hurt feelings because you misunderstood me. I don't care about whatever dismissive bullshit you're spouting about ... psych evals and not selling things (obviously I don't sell things?). I _care_ very much as a general rule, which is beyond _certain people_ who are incapable of seeing _other people_ as _actual people_. And I don't give a shit if you don't care about me! That was _obvious_. I do think you should care about the guy you're hitching a ride in. (And formal or not, the title is dumb and you knew it was dumb. Come _on_). What, pray tell, is dumb about a scholar of the darkness having a title related to darkness? This really can't be that hard to understand, you even have your own dark element. Tenebrous gnosis. Whatever, probably not worth getting into. Hold up let me check the logs. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh I see. Lmao yeah instinct doesn't know shit about me. I will admit I didn't think you all were pure hearts at first, but I was clearly wrong there. I'm a big boy I can admit when I was wrong. Why are you so wound up about whatever the fuck I'm saying if you don't care and the vessel doesn't care either though? This is starting to get ridiculous also. Imagine having to explain this to your friends when they look through it. _Now_ it's starting to get ridiculous? _Now_ explaining it is going to be a problem? Look, Jorule, angle bird or whatever. I apologize for losing my temper at you. I'm still not sure what I was misunderstanding, and I doubt you'd bother to explain, but. Aurelius isn't an empty vessel. And he really shouldn't have to walk around with you thinking that about him. Even if he says he doesn't care (and maybe he doesn't!) it bothers _me_. And obviously you do not care about my feelings but I am _asking you_ with as much humility I can muster to consider being a little kinder to him. You know what, sure, I'll throw you a bone. Even try and phrase it in a way to cause less confusion. So, I'm not really... sure how you got the impression that me existing unbeknownst to you and then leaving after the hellos and how do you dos would have effects what you think of as "Aurelius"? Given I was talking about what you think of as "Annarr"s memories. But I suppose I can appreciate that you were worried about your "Traveling Companion" "dying". That is not likely to happen, even when winter comes for this place and the rest of us fuck off it shouldn't really have a profound effect on "Aurelius", other than me not being able take control of the wheel when you need some real goddamn void and mana expertise like you did earlier. Wouldn't want to accidentally kill any of dad's friends because we're being stubborn, you know? Anyway me and "Aurelius" don't really have a direct line of communication regardless so that's pretty w/e. (it's not the me explaining parts that's ridiculous it's the part where you're going to look like a lunatic to everyone else that hasn't had their third eye forcibly ripped open yet but I mean you do you.) I mean Ciet kinda sucks I wouldn't be too put-out if you killed him? I mean nice of you and Aury to *not* and the ... train(?) is very nice and I am sure when I am not very upset I will appreciate it. Anyway, I was concerned because when I--brushed up against you, Aurelius said something about you _being_ him, or _animating_ him, or something. I'm stupid and it's my fault, I got it, you don't have rip into me for it. Light forbid something _matter_ to me. Anyway yes, I do have a crush on him--if you checked the ... logs(?) you know that--but also I care about him beyond that, because multiple things can be true? Surely an angle would understand that if he's such a great scholar? And, also(!) when I brushed up against _you_ you seemed pretty sad yourself so maybe I also was attempting to care about the weird bird angle inside my friend. Yes, I can hear it again! Stupid kelp crybaby who doesn't sell things confidently or _whatever_. I fucked up! Sorry for _trying_! And if you don't have a direct line of communication how come he's so sure you don't have any friends and don't think he's a person? Not that the second is hard to guess considering all your "vessel" bullshit! (And what is "winter"? Is that why you're like ... this?) Okay I think i am starting to work things out, there is clearly a lot of ~projection~ going on here - oh goddammit right tildes get parsed weird on this. Oh well. Anywho, ma'am, you are a Hot Fucking Mess did you know that? Like, respectfully, even. Wow there's no way that didn't come across as offensive but like... you can read this after it gets sent still, right? Talking about being cool with obliterating a dude trapped in a hellish void-door nightmare because you didn't like him much with one hand, then about how I'm an awful piece of trash for using some harsh language around a person you do like and how I should respect the humanity and personness of other people immediately after...? And then going on a tiny little self loathing rant? Legit starting to feel bad and Concerned for you now. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION THOUGH, he told you how he knows; there is a memory leak. Which, thanks for bringing my attention to THAT little detail I guess, though in the grand scheme of things it's pretty minor and doesn't matter. To answer your IMPLIED question, I have no idea what the hell you saw, exactly, because you didn't do the best job in the world shooting the memory back but presumably you felt something akin to lingering melancholy and nostalgia for old, dead worlds. You sarcastically and dismissively mentioned it earlier, but I *have* been around a long time, and I *have* seen a lot of things, and I quite frankly have personally experiences the end of more world than you're even aware exist. At this point it's not really a big thing, but I probably do have some attachments to some of the earlier ones. You get used to it though, and it's not like some of them aren't still around in the caravan anyway. As for Winter, well, incredibly long story there but you can think of it as what happens after curtain fall at the theater, when the story's well and done, the patrons and actors all leave, and nothing's left inside. EDIT: oh it didn't parse the tildes as subtext, fuck yeah. I will own being a Hot Fucking Mess that is Obvious and I'm not going to claim moral superiority here, but I really don't get how being willing to sacrifice One Life for the sake of Five Worlds is incomprehensible? Obviously if I was properly Radiant or whatever it would all be the same, but I'm not. And besides, Performing A Miracle and Being A Little Nicer don't really seem to be comparable levels of effort? Unless they are for you? And I didn't call you an awful piece of trash? If we are going to start throwing stones about self-loathing rants maybe, perhaps, we should be aware of the words we ourselves are saying? On Almachadta, we have a saying about planting the seed you want to see in the world, and if you don't want to sprout Spoken Wood calling you an asshole bird maybe ease up on the asshole bit? Anyway, when I brushed up against you I saw _resignation_, the idea that you should always take the path of least resistance and that seems like it sucks? I mean, I'm learning quickly how far attempts at sympathy get me with you (not far) so maybe it's stupid to even bring it up but. I'm trying here. And I'm sorry you've seen so many worlds die, and that you keep--living? That sounds lonely, I think. It's okay for it to be a big thing? I mean. Well. Not that I would know but it seems like it should be okay for that to be a big thing. And Winter--okay. Maybe. But the patrons and actors leave, but they carry the story inside them still. And it's different, it changes, but it's still alive, and even if it wasn't, it still matters that it was told in the first place. (You said I didn't understand what genre I was in. What genre do you think I'm in?) Ok two things before moving on: A) no you did not call me that directly, but it was heavily implied, ms read between the lines. B) the miracle is actually pretty easy to perform, you actually have organized rituals for it. You wouldn't have been able to do it as any of you are *now*, but it's definitely possible. 3) what are you even still doing here, are you like... dead set on us becoming friends and you're just trying to push through it with heroic effort despite us both being assholes at one another? Or do you think *me* liking you will make Aurelius like you more? Because if that's the case you're not really my type tbqh and also it won't, so try not to waste too much effort on it. I guess we can extend a tentative olive branch otherwise tho. Anyway: it sounds like maybe you were feeling out my inherent Undine-ness, probably. Things come, things goes, play the hand your dealt and don't worry about it too much. Not really a sad thing. Any-ANYWAY: hate to be the barer of bad news but you are NOT actually in a grand epic, but are in fact in a surreal comedy-horror piece written by a Sage prone to fits of farce and whimsy. But you didn't hear that from me. Did you number that A, B, and 3? You know what, unimportant. I mean yeah, I am trying to push through with heroic effort despite both of us being assholes because it seems worthwhile to have a functional relationship with the weird animating presence that performs off-the-cuff miracles. I absolutely don't think _you_ liking me will have any effect on Aurelius and if I _did_ I wouldn't be doing it because that'd feel kind of. Fucked up? Anyway, I'd like to just accept the olive branch and move on, if you don't mind? And I mean okay, not an epic. Farce and whimsy, that makes sense, as does the horror. What kind of body count does this story have? And what's a Sage? i a'int reading all that i'm happy for you tho or sorry that happened (nah i'm not sorry) bro come on if you're going to leave a note after all that back and forth - actually you know what it's probably obvious that one wasn't me so we're good, carry on. THAT DOES RUIN THE TIMING OF MY "well you're only at one so far" joke though so thanks for that. Sages are enlightened history keepers. Wait, what do you mean by "one so far"? No one's died yet? Does "body count" mean something different? And ... enlightened history keepers. Is that who's ... telling the story? The ꙮ? Sex Joke. Also pretty sure you're not supposed to be able to see that...? Hm. brb phoning the editor, don't be surprised if part of this entry disappears in the morning. Oh wait nevermind that's parsable when you're forming your rite ritual loadout. Okay nevermind we're probably fine. But yeah, the Sage is the one writing the story. Hey. I don't know if you're around but. In retrospect, the mocking hand-puppet thing was actually pretty funny. I've been getting some good use out of it. We haven't blown up Samudra yet either so. Thanks? no problem weirdo. what did you actually see when you stared into the abyss btw, mine was a paper dragon that opened its mouth to reveal and infinite expanse of grassland under a dark sky just on the cusp of winter, which is honestly funny as hell at a threat against me specifically. And then it got bored and fucked off after implying I wasn't important or worth its consideration. In case you were wondering what kinda fun experience you were missing out on (ps one of you two dipshits should ask 86 what happened there too) I never saw any kind of vision, just ... the creature as it probably was. I think I am exactly the kind of broken that Caion feared he was. I'm sort of surprised you saw anything at all but that sounds. Well. Horrible. Does this have to do with the ... Samantha person Aurelius mentioned, or was this something else? And who is 86? (You probably won't find this helpful, but I think we're all ultimately insignificant. The only significance we do have is what we build for ourselves. That's why I'm trying so hard to build). (Also this doesn't seem fair, that I didn't have some horrible truth to tell you, so if you want one in exchange I'll think one up). When the fuck did Aurelius mention Samantha? I guess it's pretty related to Oberon (city the caravan originated from) and some basic concepts that were born there, but that's part of a class I'll be teaching later. Or, well, it'll probably come up there given your penchant for questions so. You said you saw something beautiful tho? was that just ... the dumb shining fish form? ok i guess. 86 is your other boyfriend and I absolutely refuse to call him by his not-name-he-never-took here. When he told me about someone trying to kill him (you, probably?) with ... not with Flourishing gnosis, but with ... whatever you guys use. Spark-to-Spark something? I offered bloody vengeance and he said he'd take it under consideration. And I am ... trying to not ask Aurelius as many invasive questions, especially when they're your secrets. And yeah, it was just the dumb shining fish form, unfortunately. I'm from backwards Almachadta. I've never seen something like that before. Also I'm not sure why you think 86 is going to know anything at all, but I can ask him? Also I *do* have an important question. When I get to the Beast, what's the funniest possible question I can ask the Scorpion Queen that won't get me killed? I'm not expecting him to know fuck and or shit at this point, I'm just really curious what he saw and why it made him start babbling like a man possessed. And I assume you are as well?? Also aha, wonder why he brought up Samantha's rest, that was just kind of a strange little pit stop outside of Oberon. I do kind of remember this conversation tho. WHICH. YEAH. If you assholes do figure out how to access the White Sea proper, by the Goddess to NOT fucking poke unfamiliar sparks you don't recognize. KP hasn't been in circulation for ages. ... Well not counting that thing with the robot I guess but we're definitely not talking about that. Anyway. Ah, egh, there's so many good ones. "wait, i thought you were supposed to be in a maid outfit or something?" "forgot how to adjust the power on the laser for moon writing, huh?" "hey were you one of the librarians...?" "damn this army's kind of a downgrade from the last one isn't it?" "would you like to buy my *services*?" though uh i take no responsibility if they do get you killed. fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho You assume that I'm possessed as well? Or is this about your whole Thing about Sparks and Personhood? As for why he brought up what he did I couldn't tell you, and he couldn't either. You can probably ... find out, however you find out things, but sometimes he just spews a couple lines of Bird Nonsense. Though this was ... more like he was caught wrong-footed. He was very kind about it, in retrospect and with context. Is your Goddess the same as his? I just assumed it was a Beast thing, but I'm guessing not. And thanks. The army line is particularly great. And that's a bit of a line to drop about the death wish. Is it a seeking-oblivion kind of thing or is it a seeking-what-will-happen kind of thing? It's probably going to make you call me insane, but I kind of feel like I'd survive. N...no I meant I assumed you were curious what happened to him, as well. Not everything I say is going for maximum weird. No idea what the hell you mean by a line about a death wish either??? Are you sure you're not getting *this* conversation with the one you're having outloud right now...? Probably a good thing you don't have access to social media. OH. I misread what you said. I mean when he said it it made about as much sense as anything else? Which. We have a fair amount of misunderstanding and I was curious WHERE that was coming from and at least it's apparent you have this in common. And I misread your *other* comment too. "fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho"! Since you were talking about getting killed the sentence before I thought--galling enough to have admit I misunderstood to Aury, extra galling to have to admit it in front of you. But. I did. I'm sorry. And I have no idea what social media is and I refuse to ask. I also question how exactly you'd get a euphemism for suicide that revolves around hand guns given your little green world tbqh but lets probably not unpack that, I think. The "no responsibility if it gets you killed" was because you asked for a line that wouldn't get you killed. Doofus. And obviously I have been trying to calculate the ideal shitty one-liner for delivery to SQ for months, is all I meant. Lol. Yeah I figured what you meant ... after. As one does. Though. Is the ideal shitty one-liner going to get *Aurelius* killed or? naw it's fine. god this entry is getting ridiculously long tho. wonder if i should set up something else for communication if this isn't just gunna be a one off thing. "naw it's fine" is not super reassuring but. Sure. And I can also leave you alone. I'm sure you've got important bullshit to do in space. in space no one can hear me yawn aggressively in boredom while trying to give you and aury some space cause Goddess knows I don't need to be there while you get all handsie. Crimson's violent but like, not a psycho. And here she seems to be playing up the Super Benevolent God Emperor angle anyway so, honestly, wouldn't worry about it. no real problem with you bugging me either tho not like I got fuck all to do during the first stop at this world. Well thanks for the privacy. Genuinely appreciated. I don't think I have anything right now to bug you about, but I did update the top of your entry because. Well. No one's going to read this whole thing (hopefully!) im not even a bird btw that was Hane and Ham, but I guess we can add explaining the difference between an Angel and a bird to the list. Bet at least one person does though. probably Unua. And then they'll never say anything about it. I know you're not a bird, Jorule. It's a bit. And Unua does keep their own counsel. As someone chronically incapable of shutting the fuck up talking to someone else with the same affliction, I wonder what that's like. i know it's a bit, birdbrain. being the wallflower sounds boring as hell tho, especially with as little as ya'll engage with the Rite here. Would not recommend, continue blabing with all your heart. You know, Aurelius said we were the exact same kind of idiot, so I perhaps I shouldn't trust your advice? And don't call me birdbrain, birdboy. take it or leave it as you will, you're a big girl capable of making her own decisions now right? and I'm no Sage. I know you've been through a lot at this point, but do you remember when you were first starting out? Was it hard to get a handle on things? Do you have any tips on ... learning to understand the world? I know my world(s) are different but. The understanding part? more or less yeah. I mean. It seems like you're doing just fine from here? Keep an open mind, poke at anything that seems interesting, ask people with an air of authority about 'em, lots of intrusive questions. if you mean meta stuff, idk. that one mostly seems to be a ~right brain worms~ kind of thing but if you can consistently edit this node I think you've got it in you. BUT. AGAIN. you are in samudra and maybe stop pulling that thread, the hell do you morons think is going to happen if the world aligns itself with facts only angels should know?? also working on a thing might need you to test something for me Soon(tm) I mean, it's both, really, but I am trying to keep an eye on the meta stuff while we're here. It's really the ... understanding things, generally, that's a concern. I want to be someone my companions can rely on to help them think through problems. But I can always keep asking questions. Also, always happy to help test things out. Hope the void isn't boring you too much. rip closed the node on accident when trying to tab into the sea lmao. fuck what was i even saying. RIGHT what do you even think "understanding" means??? it's just the process of continuing to ask questions until the answers start to make sense to you, it's really not any more complicated than that. if you really wanna start flexing some weirdo muscles rather than just asking questions tho, I'd maybe circle back to your project and finish up the insides so the shelves and shit don't look like chalk outlines first, you know? I just am concerned (why am I _telling_ you this?) that once everyone knows everything I won't have much to offer. Everyone else is brilliant, and I'm. Well. My strengths lie elsewhere. I won't stop asking questions, though. I'm too nosy for that. Though, yes, I should work on the library. I've been distracted, and, I think, a little confused since Aurelius and I miscommunicated about the purpose of the memory storage function which. Imagine that. Thanks, though, for the reminder. n/p also i'm stealing one of the walls of it. well. using it to help your initial stated goal but lol lmao yeah. also you are talking to me because i, too, have an air of authority and authenticity to me and... oh that was part of the deleted message, w/e. anyway you're asking me because I use a lot of unfamiliar words and phrases that makes me seem smart to you and also because I've called you and idiot before so you don't think I can think less of you as is and ALSO because you know anyone else you know will handle you with kid gloves b/c it's actually you that is the delicate fragile flower. ...reading that back it kinda sounds like i am trying to pick a fight though honestly i'm really not, just kind of exasperated. you're a party of six. it's GOOD that you all have different specializations. if anything three of you probably have too much overlap as is, though at least they're pretty different flavors. embrace your roll as the question goblin that can't shut the fuck up and continues making things happen that's also insanely good at remembering things. you'd NOT be surprised at how useful a good set of logs or archive of events can be, because that was your entire ass job before you awoke Well have fun with your stolen wall? And I'm actually asking you because I was thinking, if you've lived through as much as you said, that there was maybe a time where you were still figuring it out? And I know I'm pretty fragile. I'm working on that. But yeah I did ask you partly because I thought you'd give me useful advice. And you have a certain perspective unavailable to everyone else since you can just ... review whatever happened at your leisure. Thanks Jorule, that really does help. sorry there's just something about you that makes me wanna bully you. you really do bring the kinda annoying but not annoying enough to be bothered by it little sister energy with you. don't really mean anything by it tho. anyway uh that initial answer actually was the real and whole answer fwiw. When you're just starting out, you can't help what you don't know, and the only solution is to stay curious and keep poking at things that won't kill you and to never stop asking questions. Sorry, no shortcuts there. Unless. ... Well, no that's not really a shortcut or a solution so not gunna put weird ideas in your head. but anyway, seriously, you're doing fine. Oh, yeah, that wasn't me digging for more, it was just me wanting to. Hm. Much in the same way, you're kind of the asshole older brother I didn't know I needed. I just wanted to make it clear that I don't ask you things just because I expect you to treat me like shit. That's just a bonus (joke). Thanks for the advice. Hey. 1. Do you know where Aurelius left the tablet and 2. Will I ruin the surprise if I go into the library right now? Doing some science. yes and yes asterisk, I guess just don't ask caion any questions about what the fuck you see. Bwomp. Thanks. You're a champ. And do you think Aurelius will feel--IDK, left out? Feels sorta weird doing this sort of shit without him but I don't want him to think I'm *that* clingy. A) Who Cares B) You are C) probably not, you made it pretty clear the Mask was not a monkey in his circus and it's not like he knows how any of this samudra tech works anyway *Is* that what he thinks? I don't want him to have to *carry the Mask*, I would love his help learning and *knowing* about the Mask. Do I have to clarify that? *Should* I clarify that? ... Also wait. Monkeys and circuses? Explain? you should give ME the mask it would be great. uh, him? idk maybe? not sure if he's really thought too much about it beyond it being a burden on you and wanting to help you in the general. sure was *my* reading on it tho. anyway sometimes when something ridiculous happens, you observe it, then realize it is neither your monkies nor your circus and you don't need to deal with whatever ridiculousness is going on because it sure as hell isn't your problem. a foreign concept to you, i'm sure. are you fucking kidding me If you have a problem there's a wholeass bird for your to speak through now. You're welcome. Okay so. We should probably talk when I have a sec in the library, because the shit with Melpomene really *did* bother me and I actually don't like feeling hurt at you either, but before that I'm going to be an ass and ask for a favor instead. What kind of toppings are standard for a burger? What are just nice to have? Are there any other aspects to the patty other than ground beef? Is the bread of the bun supposed to have a certain texture? ... also, can *you* eat as ... whatever you are in the library? basically just ground beef and some salt. standard, uh, i guess lettuce, tomato and mayo probably? Also a mild yellow cheese, cheddar or jack I guess since ya'll don't have fake cheese specially formulated to melt. bacon strips / onion are fairly normal extras, maybe pickles or ketchup or mustard. as for ghost mode, uh, probably not? we're astral projecting into the sealed space instead of physically transferring as you may recall. oh right the bun. uh. idk not like a biscuit, not a muffin, or flat bread. fluff bread. Kinda bagel-y but not as stiff on the outside. like fresh french or italian bread. (lol am i the reason those words are being used on purpose first? gg) |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | The Fucking Asshole Inside Aurelius. Thinks he's hot shit, but it's not his story either. Not an angel, whatever that is, but a bird. Wow, Rude. Of course it's not my fucking story, never claimed it was. I am 100% interloper baby. Crazy amount of confidence in the angel no sell from someone who doesn't even know what an angel even is, though. Oh, right, correct, apologies. You're _above_ stories. You've been there, done that, nothing new under the sun. The ennui is killing you but you have to keep trying and trying and trying and trying even as you're certain it will always turn out the same, because the truth can only burn one way. Get over yourself, crow boy. Can't believe you temper-tantrumed so hard you figured out how to project your highly misinformed psych eval into the Sea. That's honestly kind of impressive. Bravo. *clap clap clap* The temper-tantrum line was only ever going to work once. You realize that, right? And I don't know what half those words mean and I don't even really care. The worst thing about all of this, the worst thing about _you_, is that I'm sure there's something worthwhile in there. After all, you're a part of Aurelius. Pity you're too busy playing like you don't care to explore that. It's a fucking formal title, leave it alone. It's not like I'm telling people you're Salme, The Klepto Crybaby With Daddy Issues. You're sure running your mouth a lot for someone that doesn't care though. No clue what the fuck you think *I* don't care about though, other than your hurt feelings because you misunderstood me. I don't care about whatever dismissive bullshit you're spouting about ... psych evals and not selling things (obviously I don't sell things?). I _care_ very much as a general rule, which is beyond _certain people_ who are incapable of seeing _other people_ as _actual people_. And I don't give a shit if you don't care about me! That was _obvious_. I do think you should care about the guy you're hitching a ride in. (And formal or not, the title is dumb and you knew it was dumb. Come _on_). What, pray tell, is dumb about a scholar of the darkness having a title related to darkness? This really can't be that hard to understand, you even have your own dark element. Tenebrous gnosis. Whatever, probably not worth getting into. Hold up let me check the logs. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh I see. Lmao yeah instinct doesn't know shit about me. I will admit I didn't think you all were pure hearts at first, but I was clearly wrong there. I'm a big boy I can admit when I was wrong. Why are you so wound up about whatever the fuck I'm saying if you don't care and the vessel doesn't care either though? This is starting to get ridiculous also. Imagine having to explain this to your friends when they look through it. _Now_ it's starting to get ridiculous? _Now_ explaining it is going to be a problem? Look, Jorule, angle bird or whatever. I apologize for losing my temper at you. I'm still not sure what I was misunderstanding, and I doubt you'd bother to explain, but. Aurelius isn't an empty vessel. And he really shouldn't have to walk around with you thinking that about him. Even if he says he doesn't care (and maybe he doesn't!) it bothers _me_. And obviously you do not care about my feelings but I am _asking you_ with as much humility I can muster to consider being a little kinder to him. You know what, sure, I'll throw you a bone. Even try and phrase it in a way to cause less confusion. So, I'm not really... sure how you got the impression that me existing unbeknownst to you and then leaving after the hellos and how do you dos would have effects what you think of as "Aurelius"? Given I was talking about what you think of as "Annarr"s memories. But I suppose I can appreciate that you were worried about your "Traveling Companion" "dying". That is not likely to happen, even when winter comes for this place and the rest of us fuck off it shouldn't really have a profound effect on "Aurelius", other than me not being able take control of the wheel when you need some real goddamn void and mana expertise like you did earlier. Wouldn't want to accidentally kill any of dad's friends because we're being stubborn, you know? Anyway me and "Aurelius" don't really have a direct line of communication regardless so that's pretty w/e. (it's not the me explaining parts that's ridiculous it's the part where you're going to look like a lunatic to everyone else that hasn't had their third eye forcibly ripped open yet but I mean you do you.) I mean Ciet kinda sucks I wouldn't be too put-out if you killed him? I mean nice of you and Aury to *not* and the ... train(?) is very nice and I am sure when I am not very upset I will appreciate it. Anyway, I was concerned because when I--brushed up against you, Aurelius said something about you _being_ him, or _animating_ him, or something. I'm stupid and it's my fault, I got it, you don't have rip into me for it. Light forbid something _matter_ to me. Anyway yes, I do have a crush on him--if you checked the ... logs(?) you know that--but also I care about him beyond that, because multiple things can be true? Surely an angle would understand that if he's such a great scholar? And, also(!) when I brushed up against _you_ you seemed pretty sad yourself so maybe I also was attempting to care about the weird bird angle inside my friend. Yes, I can hear it again! Stupid kelp crybaby who doesn't sell things confidently or _whatever_. I fucked up! Sorry for _trying_! And if you don't have a direct line of communication how come he's so sure you don't have any friends and don't think he's a person? Not that the second is hard to guess considering all your "vessel" bullshit! (And what is "winter"? Is that why you're like ... this?) Okay I think i am starting to work things out, there is clearly a lot of ~projection~ going on here - oh goddammit right tildes get parsed weird on this. Oh well. Anywho, ma'am, you are a Hot Fucking Mess did you know that? Like, respectfully, even. Wow there's no way that didn't come across as offensive but like... you can read this after it gets sent still, right? Talking about being cool with obliterating a dude trapped in a hellish void-door nightmare because you didn't like him much with one hand, then about how I'm an awful piece of trash for using some harsh language around a person you do like and how I should respect the humanity and personness of other people immediately after...? And then going on a tiny little self loathing rant? Legit starting to feel bad and Concerned for you now. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION THOUGH, he told you how he knows; there is a memory leak. Which, thanks for bringing my attention to THAT little detail I guess, though in the grand scheme of things it's pretty minor and doesn't matter. To answer your IMPLIED question, I have no idea what the hell you saw, exactly, because you didn't do the best job in the world shooting the memory back but presumably you felt something akin to lingering melancholy and nostalgia for old, dead worlds. You sarcastically and dismissively mentioned it earlier, but I *have* been around a long time, and I *have* seen a lot of things, and I quite frankly have personally experiences the end of more world than you're even aware exist. At this point it's not really a big thing, but I probably do have some attachments to some of the earlier ones. You get used to it though, and it's not like some of them aren't still around in the caravan anyway. As for Winter, well, incredibly long story there but you can think of it as what happens after curtain fall at the theater, when the story's well and done, the patrons and actors all leave, and nothing's left inside. EDIT: oh it didn't parse the tildes as subtext, fuck yeah. I will own being a Hot Fucking Mess that is Obvious and I'm not going to claim moral superiority here, but I really don't get how being willing to sacrifice One Life for the sake of Five Worlds is incomprehensible? Obviously if I was properly Radiant or whatever it would all be the same, but I'm not. And besides, Performing A Miracle and Being A Little Nicer don't really seem to be comparable levels of effort? Unless they are for you? And I didn't call you an awful piece of trash? If we are going to start throwing stones about self-loathing rants maybe, perhaps, we should be aware of the words we ourselves are saying? On Almachadta, we have a saying about planting the seed you want to see in the world, and if you don't want to sprout Spoken Wood calling you an asshole bird maybe ease up on the asshole bit? Anyway, when I brushed up against you I saw _resignation_, the idea that you should always take the path of least resistance and that seems like it sucks? I mean, I'm learning quickly how far attempts at sympathy get me with you (not far) so maybe it's stupid to even bring it up but. I'm trying here. And I'm sorry you've seen so many worlds die, and that you keep--living? That sounds lonely, I think. It's okay for it to be a big thing? I mean. Well. Not that I would know but it seems like it should be okay for that to be a big thing. And Winter--okay. Maybe. But the patrons and actors leave, but they carry the story inside them still. And it's different, it changes, but it's still alive, and even if it wasn't, it still matters that it was told in the first place. (You said I didn't understand what genre I was in. What genre do you think I'm in?) Ok two things before moving on: A) no you did not call me that directly, but it was heavily implied, ms read between the lines. B) the miracle is actually pretty easy to perform, you actually have organized rituals for it. You wouldn't have been able to do it as any of you are *now*, but it's definitely possible. 3) what are you even still doing here, are you like... dead set on us becoming friends and you're just trying to push through it with heroic effort despite us both being assholes at one another? Or do you think *me* liking you will make Aurelius like you more? Because if that's the case you're not really my type tbqh and also it won't, so try not to waste too much effort on it. I guess we can extend a tentative olive branch otherwise tho. Anyway: it sounds like maybe you were feeling out my inherent Undine-ness, probably. Things come, things goes, play the hand your dealt and don't worry about it too much. Not really a sad thing. Any-ANYWAY: hate to be the barer of bad news but you are NOT actually in a grand epic, but are in fact in a surreal comedy-horror piece written by a Sage prone to fits of farce and whimsy. But you didn't hear that from me. Did you number that A, B, and 3? You know what, unimportant. I mean yeah, I am trying to push through with heroic effort despite both of us being assholes because it seems worthwhile to have a functional relationship with the weird animating presence that performs off-the-cuff miracles. I absolutely don't think _you_ liking me will have any effect on Aurelius and if I _did_ I wouldn't be doing it because that'd feel kind of. Fucked up? Anyway, I'd like to just accept the olive branch and move on, if you don't mind? And I mean okay, not an epic. Farce and whimsy, that makes sense, as does the horror. What kind of body count does this story have? And what's a Sage? i a'int reading all that i'm happy for you tho or sorry that happened (nah i'm not sorry) bro come on if you're going to leave a note after all that back and forth - actually you know what it's probably obvious that one wasn't me so we're good, carry on. THAT DOES RUIN THE TIMING OF MY "well you're only at one so far" joke though so thanks for that. Sages are enlightened history keepers. Wait, what do you mean by "one so far"? No one's died yet? Does "body count" mean something different? And ... enlightened history keepers. Is that who's ... telling the story? The ꙮ? Sex Joke. Also pretty sure you're not supposed to be able to see that...? Hm. brb phoning the editor, don't be surprised if part of this entry disappears in the morning. Oh wait nevermind that's parsable when you're forming your rite ritual loadout. Okay nevermind we're probably fine. But yeah, the Sage is the one writing the story. Hey. I don't know if you're around but. In retrospect, the mocking hand-puppet thing was actually pretty funny. I've been getting some good use out of it. We haven't blown up Samudra yet either so. Thanks? no problem weirdo. what did you actually see when you stared into the abyss btw, mine was a paper dragon that opened its mouth to reveal and infinite expanse of grassland under a dark sky just on the cusp of winter, which is honestly funny as hell at a threat against me specifically. And then it got bored and fucked off after implying I wasn't important or worth its consideration. In case you were wondering what kinda fun experience you were missing out on (ps one of you two dipshits should ask 86 what happened there too) I never saw any kind of vision, just ... the creature as it probably was. I think I am exactly the kind of broken that Caion feared he was. I'm sort of surprised you saw anything at all but that sounds. Well. Horrible. Does this have to do with the ... Samantha person Aurelius mentioned, or was this something else? And who is 86? (You probably won't find this helpful, but I think we're all ultimately insignificant. The only significance we do have is what we build for ourselves. That's why I'm trying so hard to build). (Also this doesn't seem fair, that I didn't have some horrible truth to tell you, so if you want one in exchange I'll think one up). When the fuck did Aurelius mention Samantha? I guess it's pretty related to Oberon (city the caravan originated from) and some basic concepts that were born there, but that's part of a class I'll be teaching later. Or, well, it'll probably come up there given your penchant for questions so. You said you saw something beautiful tho? was that just ... the dumb shining fish form? ok i guess. 86 is your other boyfriend and I absolutely refuse to call him by his not-name-he-never-took here. When he told me about someone trying to kill him (you, probably?) with ... not with Flourishing gnosis, but with ... whatever you guys use. Spark-to-Spark something? I offered bloody vengeance and he said he'd take it under consideration. And I am ... trying to not ask Aurelius as many invasive questions, especially when they're your secrets. And yeah, it was just the dumb shining fish form, unfortunately. I'm from backwards Almachadta. I've never seen something like that before. Also I'm not sure why you think 86 is going to know anything at all, but I can ask him? Also I *do* have an important question. When I get to the Beast, what's the funniest possible question I can ask the Scorpion Queen that won't get me killed? I'm not expecting him to know fuck and or shit at this point, I'm just really curious what he saw and why it made him start babbling like a man possessed. And I assume you are as well?? Also aha, wonder why he brought up Samantha's rest, that was just kind of a strange little pit stop outside of Oberon. I do kind of remember this conversation tho. WHICH. YEAH. If you assholes do figure out how to access the White Sea proper, by the Goddess to NOT fucking poke unfamiliar sparks you don't recognize. KP hasn't been in circulation for ages. ... Well not counting that thing with the robot I guess but we're definitely not talking about that. Anyway. Ah, egh, there's so many good ones. "wait, i thought you were supposed to be in a maid outfit or something?" "forgot how to adjust the power on the laser for moon writing, huh?" "hey were you one of the librarians...?" "damn this army's kind of a downgrade from the last one isn't it?" "would you like to buy my *services*?" though uh i take no responsibility if they do get you killed. fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho You assume that I'm possessed as well? Or is this about your whole Thing about Sparks and Personhood? As for why he brought up what he did I couldn't tell you, and he couldn't either. You can probably ... find out, however you find out things, but sometimes he just spews a couple lines of Bird Nonsense. Though this was ... more like he was caught wrong-footed. He was very kind about it, in retrospect and with context. Is your Goddess the same as his? I just assumed it was a Beast thing, but I'm guessing not. And thanks. The army line is particularly great. And that's a bit of a line to drop about the death wish. Is it a seeking-oblivion kind of thing or is it a seeking-what-will-happen kind of thing? It's probably going to make you call me insane, but I kind of feel like I'd survive. N...no I meant I assumed you were curious what happened to him, as well. Not everything I say is going for maximum weird. No idea what the hell you mean by a line about a death wish either??? Are you sure you're not getting *this* conversation with the one you're having outloud right now...? Probably a good thing you don't have access to social media. OH. I misread what you said. I mean when he said it it made about as much sense as anything else? Which. We have a fair amount of misunderstanding and I was curious WHERE that was coming from and at least it's apparent you have this in common. And I misread your *other* comment too. "fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho"! Since you were talking about getting killed the sentence before I thought--galling enough to have admit I misunderstood to Aury, extra galling to have to admit it in front of you. But. I did. I'm sorry. And I have no idea what social media is and I refuse to ask. I also question how exactly you'd get a euphemism for suicide that revolves around hand guns given your little green world tbqh but lets probably not unpack that, I think. The "no responsibility if it gets you killed" was because you asked for a line that wouldn't get you killed. Doofus. And obviously I have been trying to calculate the ideal shitty one-liner for delivery to SQ for months, is all I meant. Lol. Yeah I figured what you meant ... after. As one does. Though. Is the ideal shitty one-liner going to get *Aurelius* killed or? naw it's fine. god this entry is getting ridiculously long tho. wonder if i should set up something else for communication if this isn't just gunna be a one off thing. "naw it's fine" is not super reassuring but. Sure. And I can also leave you alone. I'm sure you've got important bullshit to do in space. in space no one can hear me yawn aggressively in boredom while trying to give you and aury some space cause Goddess knows I don't need to be there while you get all handsie. Crimson's violent but like, not a psycho. And here she seems to be playing up the Super Benevolent God Emperor angle anyway so, honestly, wouldn't worry about it. no real problem with you bugging me either tho not like I got fuck all to do during the first stop at this world. Well thanks for the privacy. Genuinely appreciated. I don't think I have anything right now to bug you about, but I did update the top of your entry because. Well. No one's going to read this whole thing (hopefully!) im not even a bird btw that was Hane and Ham, but I guess we can add explaining the difference between an Angel and a bird to the list. Bet at least one person does though. probably Unua. And then they'll never say anything about it. I know you're not a bird, Jorule. It's a bit. And Unua does keep their own counsel. As someone chronically incapable of shutting the fuck up talking to someone else with the same affliction, I wonder what that's like. i know it's a bit, birdbrain. being the wallflower sounds boring as hell tho, especially with as little as ya'll engage with the Rite here. Would not recommend, continue blabing with all your heart. You know, Aurelius said we were the exact same kind of idiot, so I perhaps I shouldn't trust your advice? And don't call me birdbrain, birdboy. take it or leave it as you will, you're a big girl capable of making her own decisions now right? and I'm no Sage. I know you've been through a lot at this point, but do you remember when you were first starting out? Was it hard to get a handle on things? Do you have any tips on ... learning to understand the world? I know my world(s) are different but. The understanding part? more or less yeah. I mean. It seems like you're doing just fine from here? Keep an open mind, poke at anything that seems interesting, ask people with an air of authority about 'em, lots of intrusive questions. if you mean meta stuff, idk. that one mostly seems to be a ~right brain worms~ kind of thing but if you can consistently edit this node I think you've got it in you. BUT. AGAIN. you are in samudra and maybe stop pulling that thread, the hell do you morons think is going to happen if the world aligns itself with facts only angels should know?? also working on a thing might need you to test something for me Soon(tm) I mean, it's both, really, but I am trying to keep an eye on the meta stuff while we're here. It's really the ... understanding things, generally, that's a concern. I want to be someone my companions can rely on to help them think through problems. But I can always keep asking questions. Also, always happy to help test things out. Hope the void isn't boring you too much. rip closed the node on accident when trying to tab into the sea lmao. fuck what was i even saying. RIGHT what do you even think "understanding" means??? it's just the process of continuing to ask questions until the answers start to make sense to you, it's really not any more complicated than that. if you really wanna start flexing some weirdo muscles rather than just asking questions tho, I'd maybe circle back to your project and finish up the insides so the shelves and shit don't look like chalk outlines first, you know? I just am concerned (why am I _telling_ you this?) that once everyone knows everything I won't have much to offer. Everyone else is brilliant, and I'm. Well. My strengths lie elsewhere. I won't stop asking questions, though. I'm too nosy for that. Though, yes, I should work on the library. I've been distracted, and, I think, a little confused since Aurelius and I miscommunicated about the purpose of the memory storage function which. Imagine that. Thanks, though, for the reminder. n/p also i'm stealing one of the walls of it. well. using it to help your initial stated goal but lol lmao yeah. also you are talking to me because i, too, have an air of authority and authenticity to me and... oh that was part of the deleted message, w/e. anyway you're asking me because I use a lot of unfamiliar words and phrases that makes me seem smart to you and also because I've called you and idiot before so you don't think I can think less of you as is and ALSO because you know anyone else you know will handle you with kid gloves b/c it's actually you that is the delicate fragile flower. ...reading that back it kinda sounds like i am trying to pick a fight though honestly i'm really not, just kind of exasperated. you're a party of six. it's GOOD that you all have different specializations. if anything three of you probably have too much overlap as is, though at least they're pretty different flavors. embrace your roll as the question goblin that can't shut the fuck up and continues making things happen that's also insanely good at remembering things. you'd NOT be surprised at how useful a good set of logs or archive of events can be, because that was your entire ass job before you awoke Well have fun with your stolen wall? And I'm actually asking you because I was thinking, if you've lived through as much as you said, that there was maybe a time where you were still figuring it out? And I know I'm pretty fragile. I'm working on that. But yeah I did ask you partly because I thought you'd give me useful advice. And you have a certain perspective unavailable to everyone else since you can just ... review whatever happened at your leisure. Thanks Jorule, that really does help. sorry there's just something about you that makes me wanna bully you. you really do bring the kinda annoying but not annoying enough to be bothered by it little sister energy with you. don't really mean anything by it tho. anyway uh that initial answer actually was the real and whole answer fwiw. When you're just starting out, you can't help what you don't know, and the only solution is to stay curious and keep poking at things that won't kill you and to never stop asking questions. Sorry, no shortcuts there. Unless. ... Well, no that's not really a shortcut or a solution so not gunna put weird ideas in your head. but anyway, seriously, you're doing fine. Oh, yeah, that wasn't me digging for more, it was just me wanting to. Hm. Much in the same way, you're kind of the asshole older brother I didn't know I needed. I just wanted to make it clear that I don't ask you things just because I expect you to treat me like shit. That's just a bonus (joke). Thanks for the advice. Hey. 1. Do you know where Aurelius left the tablet and 2. Will I ruin the surprise if I go into the library right now? Doing some science. yes and yes asterisk, I guess just don't ask caion any questions about what the fuck you see. Bwomp. Thanks. You're a champ. And do you think Aurelius will feel--IDK, left out? Feels sorta weird doing this sort of shit without him but I don't want him to think I'm *that* clingy. A) Who Cares B) You are C) probably not, you made it pretty clear the Mask was not a monkey in his circus and it's not like he knows how any of this samudra tech works anyway *Is* that what he thinks? I don't want him to have to *carry the Mask*, I would love his help learning and *knowing* about the Mask. Do I have to clarify that? *Should* I clarify that? ... Also wait. Monkeys and circuses? Explain? you should give ME the mask it would be great. uh, him? idk maybe? not sure if he's really thought too much about it beyond it being a burden on you and wanting to help you in the general. sure was *my* reading on it tho. anyway sometimes when something ridiculous happens, you observe it, then realize it is neither your monkies nor your circus and you don't need to deal with whatever ridiculousness is going on because it sure as hell isn't your problem. a foreign concept to you, i'm sure. are you fucking kidding me If you have a problem there's a wholeass bird for your to speak through now. You're welcome. Okay so. We should probably talk when I have a sec in the library, because the shit with Melpomene really *did* bother me and I actually don't like feeling hurt at you either, but before that I'm going to be an ass and ask for a favor instead. What kind of toppings are standard for a burger? What are just nice to have? Are there any other aspects to the patty other than ground beef? Is the bread of the bun supposed to have a certain texture? ... also, can *you* eat as ... whatever you are in the library? basically just ground beef and some salt. standard, uh, i guess lettuce, tomato and mayo probably? Also a mild yellow cheese, cheddar or jack I guess since ya'll don't have fake cheese specially formulated to melt. bacon strips / onion are fairly normal extras, maybe pickles or ketchup or mustard. as for ghost mode, uh, probably not? we're astral projecting into the sealed space instead of physically transferring as you may recall. oh right the bun. uh. idk not like a biscuit, not a muffin, or flat bread. fluff bread. Kinda bagel-y but not as stiff on the outside. like fresh french or italian bread. (lol am i the reason those words are being used on purpose first? gg) |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon | The Fucking Asshole Inside Aurelius. Thinks he's hot shit, but it's not his story either. Not an angel, whatever that is, but a bird. Wow, Rude. Of course it's not my fucking story, never claimed it was. I am 100% interloper baby. Crazy amount of confidence in the angel no sell from someone who doesn't even know what an angel even is, though. Oh, right, correct, apologies. You're _above_ stories. You've been there, done that, nothing new under the sun. The ennui is killing you but you have to keep trying and trying and trying and trying even as you're certain it will always turn out the same, because the truth can only burn one way. Get over yourself, crow boy. Can't believe you temper-tantrumed so hard you figured out how to project your highly misinformed psych eval into the Sea. That's honestly kind of impressive. Bravo. *clap clap clap* The temper-tantrum line was only ever going to work once. You realize that, right? And I don't know what half those words mean and I don't even really care. The worst thing about all of this, the worst thing about _you_, is that I'm sure there's something worthwhile in there. After all, you're a part of Aurelius. Pity you're too busy playing like you don't care to explore that. It's a fucking formal title, leave it alone. It's not like I'm telling people you're Salme, The Klepto Crybaby With Daddy Issues. You're sure running your mouth a lot for someone that doesn't care though. No clue what the fuck you think *I* don't care about though, other than your hurt feelings because you misunderstood me. I don't care about whatever dismissive bullshit you're spouting about ... psych evals and not selling things (obviously I don't sell things?). I _care_ very much as a general rule, which is beyond _certain people_ who are incapable of seeing _other people_ as _actual people_. And I don't give a shit if you don't care about me! That was _obvious_. I do think you should care about the guy you're hitching a ride in. (And formal or not, the title is dumb and you knew it was dumb. Come _on_). What, pray tell, is dumb about a scholar of the darkness having a title related to darkness? This really can't be that hard to understand, you even have your own dark element. Tenebrous gnosis. Whatever, probably not worth getting into. Hold up let me check the logs. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh I see. Lmao yeah instinct doesn't know shit about me. I will admit I didn't think you all were pure hearts at first, but I was clearly wrong there. I'm a big boy I can admit when I was wrong. Why are you so wound up about whatever the fuck I'm saying if you don't care and the vessel doesn't care either though? This is starting to get ridiculous also. Imagine having to explain this to your friends when they look through it. _Now_ it's starting to get ridiculous? _Now_ explaining it is going to be a problem? Look, Jorule, angle bird or whatever. I apologize for losing my temper at you. I'm still not sure what I was misunderstanding, and I doubt you'd bother to explain, but. Aurelius isn't an empty vessel. And he really shouldn't have to walk around with you thinking that about him. Even if he says he doesn't care (and maybe he doesn't!) it bothers _me_. And obviously you do not care about my feelings but I am _asking you_ with as much humility I can muster to consider being a little kinder to him. You know what, sure, I'll throw you a bone. Even try and phrase it in a way to cause less confusion. So, I'm not really... sure how you got the impression that me existing unbeknownst to you and then leaving after the hellos and how do you dos would have effects what you think of as "Aurelius"? Given I was talking about what you think of as "Annarr"s memories. But I suppose I can appreciate that you were worried about your "Traveling Companion" "dying". That is not likely to happen, even when winter comes for this place and the rest of us fuck off it shouldn't really have a profound effect on "Aurelius", other than me not being able take control of the wheel when you need some real goddamn void and mana expertise like you did earlier. Wouldn't want to accidentally kill any of dad's friends because we're being stubborn, you know? Anyway me and "Aurelius" don't really have a direct line of communication regardless so that's pretty w/e. (it's not the me explaining parts that's ridiculous it's the part where you're going to look like a lunatic to everyone else that hasn't had their third eye forcibly ripped open yet but I mean you do you.) I mean Ciet kinda sucks I wouldn't be too put-out if you killed him? I mean nice of you and Aury to *not* and the ... train(?) is very nice and I am sure when I am not very upset I will appreciate it. Anyway, I was concerned because when I--brushed up against you, Aurelius said something about you _being_ him, or _animating_ him, or something. I'm stupid and it's my fault, I got it, you don't have rip into me for it. Light forbid something _matter_ to me. Anyway yes, I do have a crush on him--if you checked the ... logs(?) you know that--but also I care about him beyond that, because multiple things can be true? Surely an angle would understand that if he's such a great scholar? And, also(!) when I brushed up against _you_ you seemed pretty sad yourself so maybe I also was attempting to care about the weird bird angle inside my friend. Yes, I can hear it again! Stupid kelp crybaby who doesn't sell things confidently or _whatever_. I fucked up! Sorry for _trying_! And if you don't have a direct line of communication how come he's so sure you don't have any friends and don't think he's a person? Not that the second is hard to guess considering all your "vessel" bullshit! (And what is "winter"? Is that why you're like ... this?) Okay I think i am starting to work things out, there is clearly a lot of ~projection~ going on here - oh goddammit right tildes get parsed weird on this. Oh well. Anywho, ma'am, you are a Hot Fucking Mess did you know that? Like, respectfully, even. Wow there's no way that didn't come across as offensive but like... you can read this after it gets sent still, right? Talking about being cool with obliterating a dude trapped in a hellish void-door nightmare because you didn't like him much with one hand, then about how I'm an awful piece of trash for using some harsh language around a person you do like and how I should respect the humanity and personness of other people immediately after...? And then going on a tiny little self loathing rant? Legit starting to feel bad and Concerned for you now. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION THOUGH, he told you how he knows; there is a memory leak. Which, thanks for bringing my attention to THAT little detail I guess, though in the grand scheme of things it's pretty minor and doesn't matter. To answer your IMPLIED question, I have no idea what the hell you saw, exactly, because you didn't do the best job in the world shooting the memory back but presumably you felt something akin to lingering melancholy and nostalgia for old, dead worlds. You sarcastically and dismissively mentioned it earlier, but I *have* been around a long time, and I *have* seen a lot of things, and I quite frankly have personally experiences the end of more world than you're even aware exist. At this point it's not really a big thing, but I probably do have some attachments to some of the earlier ones. You get used to it though, and it's not like some of them aren't still around in the caravan anyway. As for Winter, well, incredibly long story there but you can think of it as what happens after curtain fall at the theater, when the story's well and done, the patrons and actors all leave, and nothing's left inside. EDIT: oh it didn't parse the tildes as subtext, fuck yeah. I will own being a Hot Fucking Mess that is Obvious and I'm not going to claim moral superiority here, but I really don't get how being willing to sacrifice One Life for the sake of Five Worlds is incomprehensible? Obviously if I was properly Radiant or whatever it would all be the same, but I'm not. And besides, Performing A Miracle and Being A Little Nicer don't really seem to be comparable levels of effort? Unless they are for you? And I didn't call you an awful piece of trash? If we are going to start throwing stones about self-loathing rants maybe, perhaps, we should be aware of the words we ourselves are saying? On Almachadta, we have a saying about planting the seed you want to see in the world, and if you don't want to sprout Spoken Wood calling you an asshole bird maybe ease up on the asshole bit? Anyway, when I brushed up against you I saw _resignation_, the idea that you should always take the path of least resistance and that seems like it sucks? I mean, I'm learning quickly how far attempts at sympathy get me with you (not far) so maybe it's stupid to even bring it up but. I'm trying here. And I'm sorry you've seen so many worlds die, and that you keep--living? That sounds lonely, I think. It's okay for it to be a big thing? I mean. Well. Not that I would know but it seems like it should be okay for that to be a big thing. And Winter--okay. Maybe. But the patrons and actors leave, but they carry the story inside them still. And it's different, it changes, but it's still alive, and even if it wasn't, it still matters that it was told in the first place. (You said I didn't understand what genre I was in. What genre do you think I'm in?) Ok two things before moving on: A) no you did not call me that directly, but it was heavily implied, ms read between the lines. B) the miracle is actually pretty easy to perform, you actually have organized rituals for it. You wouldn't have been able to do it as any of you are *now*, but it's definitely possible. 3) what are you even still doing here, are you like... dead set on us becoming friends and you're just trying to push through it with heroic effort despite us both being assholes at one another? Or do you think *me* liking you will make Aurelius like you more? Because if that's the case you're not really my type tbqh and also it won't, so try not to waste too much effort on it. I guess we can extend a tentative olive branch otherwise tho. Anyway: it sounds like maybe you were feeling out my inherent Undine-ness, probably. Things come, things goes, play the hand your dealt and don't worry about it too much. Not really a sad thing. Any-ANYWAY: hate to be the barer of bad news but you are NOT actually in a grand epic, but are in fact in a surreal comedy-horror piece written by a Sage prone to fits of farce and whimsy. But you didn't hear that from me. Did you number that A, B, and 3? You know what, unimportant. I mean yeah, I am trying to push through with heroic effort despite both of us being assholes because it seems worthwhile to have a functional relationship with the weird animating presence that performs off-the-cuff miracles. I absolutely don't think _you_ liking me will have any effect on Aurelius and if I _did_ I wouldn't be doing it because that'd feel kind of. Fucked up? Anyway, I'd like to just accept the olive branch and move on, if you don't mind? And I mean okay, not an epic. Farce and whimsy, that makes sense, as does the horror. What kind of body count does this story have? And what's a Sage? i a'int reading all that i'm happy for you tho or sorry that happened (nah i'm not sorry) bro come on if you're going to leave a note after all that back and forth - actually you know what it's probably obvious that one wasn't me so we're good, carry on. THAT DOES RUIN THE TIMING OF MY "well you're only at one so far" joke though so thanks for that. Sages are enlightened history keepers. Wait, what do you mean by "one so far"? No one's died yet? Does "body count" mean something different? And ... enlightened history keepers. Is that who's ... telling the story? The ꙮ? Sex Joke. Also pretty sure you're not supposed to be able to see that...? Hm. brb phoning the editor, don't be surprised if part of this entry disappears in the morning. Oh wait nevermind that's parsable when you're forming your rite ritual loadout. Okay nevermind we're probably fine. But yeah, the Sage is the one writing the story. Hey. I don't know if you're around but. In retrospect, the mocking hand-puppet thing was actually pretty funny. I've been getting some good use out of it. We haven't blown up Samudra yet either so. Thanks? no problem weirdo. what did you actually see when you stared into the abyss btw, mine was a paper dragon that opened its mouth to reveal and infinite expanse of grassland under a dark sky just on the cusp of winter, which is honestly funny as hell at a threat against me specifically. And then it got bored and fucked off after implying I wasn't important or worth its consideration. In case you were wondering what kinda fun experience you were missing out on (ps one of you two dipshits should ask 86 what happened there too) I never saw any kind of vision, just ... the creature as it probably was. I think I am exactly the kind of broken that Caion feared he was. I'm sort of surprised you saw anything at all but that sounds. Well. Horrible. Does this have to do with the ... Samantha person Aurelius mentioned, or was this something else? And who is 86? (You probably won't find this helpful, but I think we're all ultimately insignificant. The only significance we do have is what we build for ourselves. That's why I'm trying so hard to build). (Also this doesn't seem fair, that I didn't have some horrible truth to tell you, so if you want one in exchange I'll think one up). When the fuck did Aurelius mention Samantha? I guess it's pretty related to Oberon (city the caravan originated from) and some basic concepts that were born there, but that's part of a class I'll be teaching later. Or, well, it'll probably come up there given your penchant for questions so. You said you saw something beautiful tho? was that just ... the dumb shining fish form? ok i guess. 86 is your other boyfriend and I absolutely refuse to call him by his not-name-he-never-took here. When he told me about someone trying to kill him (you, probably?) with ... not with Flourishing gnosis, but with ... whatever you guys use. Spark-to-Spark something? I offered bloody vengeance and he said he'd take it under consideration. And I am ... trying to not ask Aurelius as many invasive questions, especially when they're your secrets. And yeah, it was just the dumb shining fish form, unfortunately. I'm from backwards Almachadta. I've never seen something like that before. Also I'm not sure why you think 86 is going to know anything at all, but I can ask him? Also I *do* have an important question. When I get to the Beast, what's the funniest possible question I can ask the Scorpion Queen that won't get me killed? I'm not expecting him to know fuck and or shit at this point, I'm just really curious what he saw and why it made him start babbling like a man possessed. And I assume you are as well?? Also aha, wonder why he brought up Samantha's rest, that was just kind of a strange little pit stop outside of Oberon. I do kind of remember this conversation tho. WHICH. YEAH. If you assholes do figure out how to access the White Sea proper, by the Goddess to NOT fucking poke unfamiliar sparks you don't recognize. KP hasn't been in circulation for ages. ... Well not counting that thing with the robot I guess but we're definitely not talking about that. Anyway. Ah, egh, there's so many good ones. "wait, i thought you were supposed to be in a maid outfit or something?" "forgot how to adjust the power on the laser for moon writing, huh?" "hey were you one of the librarians...?" "damn this army's kind of a downgrade from the last one isn't it?" "would you like to buy my *services*?" though uh i take no responsibility if they do get you killed. fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho You assume that I'm possessed as well? Or is this about your whole Thing about Sparks and Personhood? As for why he brought up what he did I couldn't tell you, and he couldn't either. You can probably ... find out, however you find out things, but sometimes he just spews a couple lines of Bird Nonsense. Though this was ... more like he was caught wrong-footed. He was very kind about it, in retrospect and with context. Is your Goddess the same as his? I just assumed it was a Beast thing, but I'm guessing not. And thanks. The army line is particularly great. And that's a bit of a line to drop about the death wish. Is it a seeking-oblivion kind of thing or is it a seeking-what-will-happen kind of thing? It's probably going to make you call me insane, but I kind of feel like I'd survive. N...no I meant I assumed you were curious what happened to him, as well. Not everything I say is going for maximum weird. No idea what the hell you mean by a line about a death wish either??? Are you sure you're not getting *this* conversation with the one you're having outloud right now...? Probably a good thing you don't have access to social media. OH. I misread what you said. I mean when he said it it made about as much sense as anything else? Which. We have a fair amount of misunderstanding and I was curious WHERE that was coming from and at least it's apparent you have this in common. And I misread your *other* comment too. "fucked up you're asking me that like I wasn't trying to figure out what to load into the chamber for myself tho"! Since you were talking about getting killed the sentence before I thought--galling enough to have admit I misunderstood to Aury, extra galling to have to admit it in front of you. But. I did. I'm sorry. And I have no idea what social media is and I refuse to ask. I also question how exactly you'd get a euphemism for suicide that revolves around hand guns given your little green world tbqh but lets probably not unpack that, I think. The "no responsibility if it gets you killed" was because you asked for a line that wouldn't get you killed. Doofus. And obviously I have been trying to calculate the ideal shitty one-liner for delivery to SQ for months, is all I meant. Lol. Yeah I figured what you meant ... after. As one does. Though. Is the ideal shitty one-liner going to get *Aurelius* killed or? naw it's fine. god this entry is getting ridiculously long tho. wonder if i should set up something else for communication if this isn't just gunna be a one off thing. "naw it's fine" is not super reassuring but. Sure. And I can also leave you alone. I'm sure you've got important bullshit to do in space. in space no one can hear me yawn aggressively in boredom while trying to give you and aury some space cause Goddess knows I don't need to be there while you get all handsie. Crimson's violent but like, not a psycho. And here she seems to be playing up the Super Benevolent God Emperor angle anyway so, honestly, wouldn't worry about it. no real problem with you bugging me either tho not like I got fuck all to do during the first stop at this world. Well thanks for the privacy. Genuinely appreciated. I don't think I have anything right now to bug you about, but I did update the top of your entry because. Well. No one's going to read this whole thing (hopefully!) im not even a bird btw that was Hane and Ham, but I guess we can add explaining the difference between an Angel and a bird to the list. Bet at least one person does though. probably Unua. And then they'll never say anything about it. I know you're not a bird, Jorule. It's a bit. And Unua does keep their own counsel. As someone chronically incapable of shutting the fuck up talking to someone else with the same affliction, I wonder what that's like. i know it's a bit, birdbrain. being the wallflower sounds boring as hell tho, especially with as little as ya'll engage with the Rite here. Would not recommend, continue blabing with all your heart. You know, Aurelius said we were the exact same kind of idiot, so I perhaps I shouldn't trust your advice? And don't call me birdbrain, birdboy. take it or leave it as you will, you're a big girl capable of making her own decisions now right? and I'm no Sage. I know you've been through a lot at this point, but do you remember when you were first starting out? Was it hard to get a handle on things? Do you have any tips on ... learning to understand the world? I know my world(s) are different but. The understanding part? more or less yeah. I mean. It seems like you're doing just fine from here? Keep an open mind, poke at anything that seems interesting, ask people with an air of authority about 'em, lots of intrusive questions. if you mean meta stuff, idk. that one mostly seems to be a ~right brain worms~ kind of thing but if you can consistently edit this node I think you've got it in you. BUT. AGAIN. you are in samudra and maybe stop pulling that thread, the hell do you morons think is going to happen if the world aligns itself with facts only angels should know?? also working on a thing might need you to test something for me Soon(tm) I mean, it's both, really, but I am trying to keep an eye on the meta stuff while we're here. It's really the ... understanding things, generally, that's a concern. I want to be someone my companions can rely on to help them think through problems. But I can always keep asking questions. Also, always happy to help test things out. Hope the void isn't boring you too much. rip closed the node on accident when trying to tab into the sea lmao. fuck what was i even saying. RIGHT what do you even think "understanding" means??? it's just the process of continuing to ask questions until the answers start to make sense to you, it's really not any more complicated than that. if you really wanna start flexing some weirdo muscles rather than just asking questions tho, I'd maybe circle back to your project and finish up the insides so the shelves and shit don't look like chalk outlines first, you know? I just am concerned (why am I _telling_ you this?) that once everyone knows everything I won't have much to offer. Everyone else is brilliant, and I'm. Well. My strengths lie elsewhere. I won't stop asking questions, though. I'm too nosy for that. Though, yes, I should work on the library. I've been distracted, and, I think, a little confused since Aurelius and I miscommunicated about the purpose of the memory storage function which. Imagine that. Thanks, though, for the reminder. n/p also i'm stealing one of the walls of it. well. using it to help your initial stated goal but lol lmao yeah. also you are talking to me because i, too, have an air of authority and authenticity to me and... oh that was part of the deleted message, w/e. anyway you're asking me because I use a lot of unfamiliar words and phrases that makes me seem smart to you and also because I've called you and idiot before so you don't think I can think less of you as is and ALSO because you know anyone else you know will handle you with kid gloves b/c it's actually you that is the delicate fragile flower. ...reading that back it kinda sounds like i am trying to pick a fight though honestly i'm really not, just kind of exasperated. you're a party of six. it's GOOD that you all have different specializations. if anything three of you probably have too much overlap as is, though at least they're pretty different flavors. embrace your roll as the question goblin that can't shut the fuck up and continues making things happen that's also insanely good at remembering things. you'd NOT be surprised at how useful a good set of logs or archive of events can be, because that was your entire ass job before you awoke Well have fun with your stolen wall? And I'm actually asking you because I was thinking, if you've lived through as much as you said, that there was maybe a time where you were still figuring it out? And I know I'm pretty fragile. I'm working on that. But yeah I did ask you partly because I thought you'd give me useful advice. And you have a certain perspective unavailable to everyone else since you can just ... review whatever happened at your leisure. Thanks Jorule, that really does help. sorry there's just something about you that makes me wanna bully you. you really do bring the kinda annoying but not annoying enough to be bothered by it little sister energy with you. don't really mean anything by it tho. anyway uh that initial answer actually was the real and whole answer fwiw. When you're just starting out, you can't help what you don't know, and the only solution is to stay curious and keep poking at things that won't kill you and to never stop asking questions. Sorry, no shortcuts there. Unless. ... Well, no that's not really a shortcut or a solution so not gunna put weird ideas in your head. but anyway, seriously, you're doing fine. Oh, yeah, that wasn't me digging for more, it was just me wanting to. Hm. Much in the same way, you're kind of the asshole older brother I didn't know I needed. I just wanted to make it clear that I don't ask you things just because I expect you to treat me like shit. That's just a bonus (joke). Thanks for the advice. Hey. 1. Do you know where Aurelius left the tablet and 2. Will I ruin the surprise if I go into the library right now? Doing some science. yes and yes asterisk, I guess just don't ask caion any questions about what the fuck you see. Bwomp. Thanks. You're a champ. And do you think Aurelius will feel--IDK, left out? Feels sorta weird doing this sort of shit without him but I don't want him to think I'm *that* clingy. A) Who Cares B) You are C) probably not, you made it pretty clear the Mask was not a monkey in his circus and it's not like he knows how any of this samudra tech works anyway *Is* that what he thinks? I don't want him to have to *carry the Mask*, I would love his help learning and *knowing* about the Mask. Do I have to clarify that? *Should* I clarify that? ... Also wait. Monkeys and circuses? Explain? you should give ME the mask it would be great. uh, him? idk maybe? not sure if he's really thought too much about it beyond it being a burden on you and wanting to help you in the general. sure was *my* reading on it tho. anyway sometimes when something ridiculous happens, you observe it, then realize it is neither your monkies nor your circus and you don't need to deal with whatever ridiculousness is going on because it sure as hell isn't your problem. a foreign concept to you, i'm sure. are you fucking kidding me If you have a problem there's a wholeass bird for your to speak through now. You're welcome. Okay so. We should probably talk when I have a sec in the library, because the shit with Melpomene really *did* bother me and I actually don't like feeling hurt at you either, but before that I'm going to be an ass and ask for a favor instead. What kind of toppings are standard for a burger? What are just nice to have? Are there any other aspects to the patty other than ground beef? Is the bread of the bun supposed to have a certain texture? ... also, can *you* eat as ... whatever you are in the library? basically just ground beef and some salt. standard, uh, i guess lettuce, tomato and mayo probably? Also a mild yellow cheese, cheddar or jack I guess since ya'll don't have fake cheese specially formulated to melt. bacon strips / onion are fairly normal extras, maybe pickles or ketchup or mustard. as for ghost mode, uh, probably not? we're astral projecting into the sealed space instead of physically transferring as you may recall. oh right the bun. uh. idk not like a biscuit, not a muffin, or flat bread. fluff bread. Kinda bagel-y but not as stiff on the outside. like fresh french or italian bread. (lol am i the reason those words are being used on purpose first? gg) |
| May 18, 2026 | Salme, The Sword-Saint | prolegomenon |