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Linkpearl / THE VOID / Salme @ angelsGuignol

Salme @ angelsGuignol

Cast by Salme
Jun 07, 2026

So yeah. I don’t know what you know about me or what you want to know about me if anything? My name’s obviously Salme, and I’m doing hard time in the messy bitch mines right now. My crime? Completely just absofuckinglutely subsumed any feelings, wants, or desires for the past seven years into playing a really specific role. Now it’s like everything is on fire all the time, and I have the luxury of being really public and open about it and I’ve been taking it. It’s mostly been working out?

You’re obviously not from this world, and you at least have met Jorule before. What’re you interested in? Baking, obviously. Heckling Jorule, which, I mean, usually I’m the one getting heckled but I get the impulse. Your have a friend whose advice you’re trying to take, yeah? What’s she like?

I’m learning how to weave on a floor loom now. I was raised by a weaver, but never learned beyond a really simple lap loom. I’m a bit dogshit at it. I’m good at embroidery and acrobatics and I can tell a pretty good story when I’m not caught in my own head. I’ve done most weird or unpleasant odd jobs you could probably imagine doing on a low technology world. My most time-consuming hobby is telling Jorule my problems, which indicates poor judgment on my part.

Anything else you’d like to know?

Jun 07, 2026

honestly for as much as i can look into things if i wanted to, i have been trying pretty hard not to. don’t tell jorule i said that. or do, i’m not your boss. there’s a lot i don’t know and i’d, always, rather hear things in someone’s own words. you send two people out to go check out the same thing and report back and you get two sometimes very different answers, right? and that’s useful information, it doesn’t mean either of them was wrong, just that they brought their own eyeballs to the party

hm. my friend is pretty amazing. i’ve met people like her before and i always look forward to meeting people like her again. i’m not. really a person that many people can call on their bullshit, i don’t think? and there’s a particular kind of person who’s really never afraid to do that. on which note, i suspect you and she would get along, lol

also come on you can’t possibly blame me for enjoying heckling jorule. especially if i’m fully correct about some things. some stuff i have to confirm with my own two eyes but lol, goddess. honestly worse people in the universe to tell your problems to though, all things considered

good on you to try to learn how to do something you struggled with, though. i think that’s important. it took me fucking forever to learn how to bake worth a damn. also took me forever to learn how to work leathers. still not great at that and it rankles tbh

which, ok. since we’re talking about the messy bitch mines

i have been doing my time for a long, long, long time. salme i think it might be a life sentence. i am not a person who is very good at not being the best at something. anything. all of the things. i don’t think that’s ever going to change? but there is a way to be chill with the kind of person you are deep down and then you’ll run into people who enjoy that person, that you are. even if you only know them for a little while, it’s proof that there are people out there toiling away in the messy bitch mines w/ you. cause like

heres the thing

were all in the messy bitch mines, all the time all the time

its all the messy bitch mines all the way down

thats what finally clicked for me

Jun 08, 2026

Yeah. Yeah! That’s … it exactly, right? Different people will notice different things, prioritize different things, mark different things as significant versus not. To use my own way of thinking about things, tell the story about themselves differently. It’s all true. It all means something. Anyway, thanks for not looking overmuch. I probably won’t tell Jorule.

Why aren’t you the kind of person people can call on their bullshit? What are you like when you aren’t on a BBS system calling people nerds? Obviously passionate. A perfectionist. You care, which I mean. Who here doesn’t? We’re lousy with people who care so much we almost bleed with it. I should know. I’m one of them.

Tell me more about your friend. I’d probably get along with her. Despite what the strands on the Linkpearl might imply, I’m pretty good at getting along with most people? But I’m more curious about your relationship. It sounds like you’re still working through a lot of things? Messy bitch mines all the way down, right?

Confirm with your own two eyes means we will meet you in person at some point? I understand if you can’t tell us much, but surely you can say “we will meet face to face at some point during this story?” How did you even end up a part of this anyway? Caught in a net too? Anyway, when we meet, how about we go 1-on-1 in a friendly Rite?

And I mean, yeah, I guess Jorule is pretty heckle-able, but I have roughly the same weaknesses. Something I am saying in the hopes that you will not take advantage of said weaknesses, since this was information freely and openly given.

So I’m guessing you’re someone who’s pretty good at most things they do? I’m not, really. That’s been a bit of a struggle for me. I have certain abilities and pieces of knowledge from a position I volunteered for, but before that I was never particularly talented at any one thing. Lying to people, I guess? But I think picking up something I struggle with is pretty inevitable, as I don’t find myself with an abundance of natural skill.

That sounds as if I’m down on myself, and that is a flaw I’m working on, but what I really mean is that my strengths lie along my ability to do. To ask, to learn, to practice. I’m very teachable, but I need to be taught. For a long time, weaving was a sore spot, because the person who was supposed to teach me died before they could. But also … we have so many stories on Almachadta, about good weavers who stay at home and wait. I never wanted to be that, so I almost … avoided learning. But now. It’s something to do, and it takes my whole body, and I’m trying to learn to weave gnosis. I’m hoping I’ll be able to make things for myself and for those who I love, eventually. And hey, I’m still going out and having adventures, seeing stars and moons and … well. It’s been … amazing.

Anyway, re: the messy bitch mines. What you said made me … realize that I was holding myself back. Or not. Hm.

I’m a performer. I’ve always been a performer. Even when I was a little girl, I’d perform just for my isovanhempi, whatever dumb little story I came up with. I’m good at playing roles—subtle ones, ones people don’t often notice I’m playing. I feel wrong-footed when I don’t have a role. Recently, I’ve been working on figuring out who I am without a role, and I generally like that person, but it’s. Even when I’m being myself, I’m being myself 120%. I’m being the best version, the kind that shines brightly, the kind the can work miracles with the right help. I’m still trying to figure out what it’s like being 80% of myself. I don’t like her very much but … there are people who love and accept her too. I’m really lucky.

And it seems like a lot of people are not in the messy bitch mines to the same extent, but. I don’t know. Maybe I just wear it more honestly.

I’ve never had people I could tell my problems to. Well. I had one person, but it was complicated. It is complicated, still. I love him, but. He wasn’t able to be exactly what I needed due to some very convoluted circumstances. Now I can be a messy bitch all the time, with so many people who support me?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s dumb to worry about people not liking me when I’m not working miracles or building bridges.

Uh. I guess. Is there anything you’d like to know about me? Again, I appreciate you haven’t looked so I’m offering here.

Jun 08, 2026

oh my goddess there are so many things to respond to here

thats not a criticism btw im just yowling

first off yeah i absolutely expect we’ll meet face to face and i’m 100% down to duel when we do. i goddamn love the rite, it’s great

second off, i cant promise i wont mess around with you ever and in fact i can pretty conclusively promise that i will, but you are not currently under suspicion of being in the running for universe’s #1 biggest idiot so i think youre pretty safe at this juncture

i’m not counting all the offs im gonna off, lying to people is a great talent. also wild guess but i bet you’re selling yourself short. most people do i think? like sure people aren’t as good as me but babe that leaves so much room for people to be excellent, you dont even know. although you admit in literally the next paragraph that it sounded like you were being down on yourself so i’m gonna put this down and then read everything you wrote rather than trying to respond point by point. catch you on the flip side

ok. yeah. i can, actually, relate to… mm. I’ve had a truly ludicrous amount of time to think about who i am and who i want to be and what parts of myself i like and don’t like. mostly what i have found out is that i get bored really easily and that i’m kind of a dick when i’m bored. so. like. thats not a monster you can kill. i can’t make a number go up to solve that problem through sheer force of will and stubbornness and banging my head against the problem you just have to fuckin. deal? at one second per second and it makes a bitch feel aimless in, i think, not the same way but one that’s in the same zip code possibly

keep on fighting the good fight though. never ever ever give up.

i dont think its dumb to -worry- about that though. i think if people don’t like you when you’re not being useful to them there’s nothing you can do about it other than to note that down as a matter for the historical record & factor it into yr dealings with them in the future but also that that happens way less often than you think it probably does.

you just gotta go for it!! and it sounds like you are. and that kicks ass. don’t stop

Jun 08, 2026

I don’t think it’s about being useful? It’s about. Most people have certain expectations about other people. It’s knowing how to play to those expectations to help them best be who they want to be, or accomplish what they want to accomplish. It’s about presenting the correct side of your self to someone so they can understand you as best as they’re able, because let’s be honest, most people aren’t going to put in the work to actually see you as a whole person.

The person I am when I’m not at 120% is. Needy. Scared. Insecure. That’s not about being useful, that’s about not subjecting people to an experience that objectively sucks, right?

Jun 08, 2026

ok. what expectations do you have about people that they should be worried about not living up to

although. that said. ‘to help them best be who they want to be’ is a real good thing to be, to someone and your friends are lucky to have you. it’s being held face down in a stagnant pool of white magic until it stops kicking and screaming but you want the people you love to be sharper and you want to be something that can sharpen them. thats a good thing to want imo.

but you can’t be that all of the time, and that’s not who you -are-. my friend isn’t my sounding board and my whetstone and my lamp 100% of the time. she’s her own person and it’s her being her own person that’s why i can always find her in a crowd no matter how big the crowd gets or how long it’s been since i saw her last.

and if people dont want to put in the work to see you as a whole person then sincerely fuck em if they cant take a joke.

that entire last sentence is bullshit just from what i’ve seen you post in the public threads here & up with it i will not put. who makes YOU sharper, salme? who holds you accountable to the brightest burning part of yourself? is anyone doing that for you? maybe someone should. because being that person isn’t “giving one hundred and ten percent” and whoever told you that should get fed to a brontosaurus

Jun 08, 2026

do they even have brontosaurus on your world

Jun 08, 2026

would fucking suck if they didnt

Jun 08, 2026

I … no. We don’t have brontosaurus. I don’t even know what they are? Hm.

Jun 08, 2026

think of the biggest baddest monster you know about and then make it a vegetarian

‘cause it’s fucked up if a bronto eats you. like. if a behemoth eats you that’s just what happens sometimes but if a bronto eats you it’s because someone knocked you out and put you in with the cabbage trough and the damn thing was too dumb to notice and crunch you go.

anyways consider feeding a motherfucker to a brontosaurus if necessary thats my point here

Jun 08, 2026

I try not to have expectations for other people because I have generally found those expectations to be easily disappointed. I try not to want things from other people because they will never be there when you stumble. It took getting abducted and mindwiped by the most socially awkward self-styled “god” in existence to meet someone where I’ve found that not to be true.

For my friends? I expect them to tell me the truth. I expect them to rely on me, if there’s something I can do for them. I expect them to trust me, and believe me when I tell them about myself. I expect them to rein me in if I misstep, or go too far, or cause harm I didn’t intend to harm.

Is that sharpening? No one told me I had to give so much. All of this is self-inflicted. But I wouldn’t have the things I have now, the things I treasure, if I hadn’t acted ceaselessly with my own volition.

Jun 08, 2026

holy shit

ok. i am not going to say “holy shit your world sucks then remind me never to go there” because i do not think it would be helpful to say that without self-mockingly quoting my own immediate response

but

i gotta say it

goddamn girl i thought i was hard boiled after this long in the messy bitch mines but i guess not and now here you come

anyways uh. fuck. i mean if thats the case i guess it explains a lot of things. i hope your new friends??? don’t??? suck ass? holy shit.

anyways the POINT i was trying to make

is that if you don’t have insanely high expectations of everyone around you, if the bar is so low it is buried in the basement concrete & the devil is limbo dancing w/ it, why and how are you so certain they all have insanely high expectations of you

my other point is that yes, you are making your friends sharper when you do that and they should be grateful to you for it

and it sort of feels like they are? so that’s a good sign. you deserve better than to be disappointed all of the time.

Jun 08, 2026

To be clear, I don’t think it was a function of Almachadta. I think it was a function of what I wanted from people which they couldn’t, or wouldn’t, provide. My plane is one where everyone is fed and housed and cared for; in many ways, it is paradise. There is no war and very little violence. Sometimes, though, people slip through the cracks. You cannot describe to me a world where that is not true; there are always cracks, and there are always people seemingly designed to slip through them.

To be additionally clear, since I became an adult, I have been holding people at a distance for. Well. Because I thought it was the right behavior for the role I was playing but. I had a very good reason for thinking I was going to die very young. It has felt like I have been sitting, prone, waiting for an axe or a sword to fall on my neck. I’m not sure how often I gave people a chance after that. That role I was playing—it was a heroic one. Carrying people’s stories forward in time, remembering past histories that had otherwise been forgotten. Sometimes, early on, people mistook the role I was playing for the person I actually was. If I was going to die (and, I had reason to think, that everyone on my plane was going to die very soon) and if people preferred the act, who was I to dissuade them?

The thing is you cannot simply sort people into inadequate and worthy. Sometimes someone loves you and it still isn’t enough, it isn’t what you need. Sometimes the only way to have anything at all is to want less. It sounds like you’re much older than I am, so maybe that sounds young and foolish. But that’s what I’ve learned.

And I don’t think my friends have high expectations of me. I’m not sure they often have any expectations of me whatsoever. I’ve been trying to prove that I can shoulder some expectations. They’ve seen me at my lowest, and sometimes I feel like they can only ever see me like that—vulnerable and sad and sacred. Or they’ve seen me at my … I wouldn’t say “best.” I am a lot when I am fully and completely myself, but it is at least a lot that entertains and inspires.

And I am. I have two partners. One of them is. An aspect of the same Spark that is Jorule, which is sort of how I ended up becoming friends with him. That’s Aurelius—you’ve seen him around. The other is Awoken, who still hasn’t chosen a name. And they. Aury especially seems to like me, even when I’m. Annoying or nosy or self-absorbed. Awa … we’re having some difficulties, because I keep accidentally hurting him by being worried he’s going to get hurt, but he’s much the same. It isn’t as grim as I made it sound. I think. Hm.

It’s hard for me to trust people. Not with my life (a life is so cheaply bought and sold) but with my heart. How many times does someone need to catch me when I fall before I trust that it will always be true? And how do I pay someone back for the impossible gift of them being there in the first place?

I keep thinking I need to be worth it, that at the very least I can shine so brightly that no one will regret having stood with me through so much.

Maybe it is about utility after all.

Jun 08, 2026

gonna tell you something i haven’t told anyone in a very very VERY long time, not even my friend

im pretty sure that you have enough context about what’s going on that if i say “the last person i was before this” it won’t totally make me sound insane? anyways. his story… didn’t get to finish. and it fucked with me pretty bad tbh? i wanted to be him, i wanted to embody him. and winter claimed that world early for reasons outside my control. i know that who i am right now owes a lot to who he was and who he could have been if he’d had more time.

and the thing about him was, and i remember this vividly, seared into my FUCKING soul like it happened to me myself in every way that matters, is that he was supposed to have been dead years ago. he was sick. real sick. he knew he was living with a ticking clock in his body. and it’s a cosmic fucking irony that, now, i have all the time in the goddamned Universe. but i know what it’s like to be waiting to die and trying to get one big swing in before the grim reaper does his special little fuckin doorbell ring.

and i also know what it’s like to temper your own expectations about what you will and won’t be able to achieve. i have had to learn that the extremely fucking hard way. so, no, i don’t think you sound young or foolish. i do, however, think you’re wrong and that you should grab the world by the scruff of the neck and demand what would make you happy out of it. you’re where you’re at because you’re climbing up a hill made out of dead moments you’re trampling underfoot! let them be dead. look to the future.

i also. know. what it’s like to not be able to let people in. and i want to be upfront with you that there are some things i will not talk about until… later, if at all. and i, may the goddess salvage me, actually like you enough to want to be extremely honest about that and say that i am very much hoping that that ‘later’ happens. so if i’m a cagey bitch at any point it’s– that’s not me trying to get one over on you or be strong on you or anything. there’s just shit its too hard to say right now.

but. all of that said. you keep talking about being ‘worth’ it like you’re something that can be bought with Lucre and, babe, that’s never true of anyone that lives and breathes

nobody is worthless

and it really does not seem to me like anyone regrets standing with you through what’s happened

so

maybe im wrong but im usually right

Jun 08, 2026

Yeah, AG, I know precisely what you mean when you say “the last person i was before this.” I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone other than Salme, so I don’t have any valuable observations about winter, really. I know it will happen one day. I know I want every moment, every word, to feel special and memorable. I wish your last self hadn’t had his story cut so short. When we meet, will you tell me the whole story? I’d like to remember it for you.

But. Knowing death is waiting is … the worst thing about it, looking back, is that I didn’t try to get one real big swing in or anything at all. I was going to play my role, and give, and give, and give, and then when it was time to die I was going to carve a tally mark on a wall (Almachadta dies in cycles, you see, and mine would have been the 217th), set the Mask that persists memories across cycles in its resting place, and walk into the fire alone. All that work, all that performing, all that hope made for others, and I would die as passively as a cow that had already had its brains stunned out. That was the best thing I could do with my life, I thought.

I still may have to die like that. I haven’t … I am not foolish. I am not dismissing the possibility. But I am trying to … accept the things I want, and to pursue them unselfconsciously. It’s given me two great loves, several amazing friends, someone who is … both a brother and part of my own heart too, and a whole clan. I know that. But I get in my own way often. Honestly, the Linkpearl has been a gift in some ways, because I can get some of my messy bitch shit out of the way semi-privately. Still, though. Hm.

I was telling this to Aurelius earlier, but. You know that we’re in a story, right? Of course you do. Well. I think I sometimes also have the power to … I’m a storyteller. I notice sometimes I can warp the story around me. And I’m worried in doing so I’ll obscure the brilliance of my friends, of my companions, and it’s very much their story too. It’s why I like knowing what role I’m supposed to play, I think. That’s why I’m sometimes concerned about … what I want. It used to be that I thought what I wanted was somehow wrong, rotten. Now I’m worried it’ll drown out everyone else. I’m so loud.

I can’t even figure out if that’s a different issue or the same one? Or, no. It’s about being myself. Always. Of course.

Sometimes I wish I had been another self just so I could get out of my head.

Jun 08, 2026

Thank you, by the way, for being upfront about what you will and will not say. I appreciate that a lot. I honestly appreciate you a lot, which I never thought I’d say, considering the initial impression.

Jun 08, 2026

oh, fuck

Jun 08, 2026

goddamn

Jun 08, 2026

i need a minute. i want to give– i have some thoughts about that– about what you said about warping the story around you, though

Jun 08, 2026

Hey. Take as long as you need. Obviously I spend a lot of time on my tomestone. I’ll be here.

Jun 08, 2026

ok now that I’ve had some time to process and put together my thoughts,

it feels like you keep worrying about being overshadowed by people, but you also worry about overshadowing people

and the thing you gotta realise is, there’s just one light in the world

and

it’s us

all of us

when you’re brilliant, there’s a brilliant light shining from you and the people you’re hanging out with, the same as what happens when any of them are brilliant

and you can’t bank your own fire for anyone else’s sake. ever. there’s nothing in the Universe that could make you owe someone that. if someone asked you to, you call yr local brontosaurus (and i don’t think anyone asked you to or told you that you had to but feeding yr own ass to a brontosaurus would be counterproductive in this context.)

if they want to shine, they can shine on their own just like you are and i bet a shiny Lucre that when they do you’ll have their back just like they’ve had yours

Jun 09, 2026

You know, despite the cynicism, I’m very good at loving people. Or. Individual people. The stranger, the more seemingly unlovable and difficult they are the easier it is for me. But I don’t come close to your ability to love the abstract idea of people as a matter of fact. The idea that there’s just one light in the world and it’s all of us—surely you’ve seen how awful people can be. You said earlier that no one’s worthless, and while I certainly would put myself at the bottom of the hierarchy of worthlessness, that’s a hole with a lot of shitty people filling it. It doesn’t mean you treat them differently—that’s the beauty of a role, you don’t have to evaluate people, there’s a formula for care—but I’m not sure I really can believe we’re all one beautiful, inherently valuable light?

Which. Light, that sound shitty. Something about talking with you brings out my cynicism. Maybe it’s because I know no one else will see this.

That also isn’t a commentary on my friends. I do think some people do shine. It just feels like a rarity, not a given.

Jun 09, 2026

And, like. If that’s true. If you’re right, why did it take this long for anyone to ever see me? Like. Hm.

Can I tell you a story? It’s my story, from before all of this.

Jun 09, 2026

im gonna shut up and not respond to that until i hear the story. you can always tell me a story, though. especially if it’s somewhere like here where i can get to it when i get to it and have time to respond

i dont think thats shitty of you though i just think it means you got hurt. its not shitty to have been hurt

anyways. story?

Jun 09, 2026

Okay. This story will come in several parts. You’re welcome to respond as I write them.

Jun 09, 2026

I first met the Sword-Saint of Almachadta when I was sixteen. That is a lie, but it is also the truth. I had seen him before, certainly. He had, perhaps, even taken notice of me. But I was sixteen when we met in the way that matters.

To describe him, to really give a sense of him, I need you first to imagine Almachadta. Imagine, if you will, that you hold a sphere in your hand. If you were imagining the Beast, I would tell you about the surface of the sphere, the people living among red rock and metal, the way you can see the land curve away from you if you look far enough into the distance. The fact that when you look up, you see stars glittering overhead, a band of moons, a feeling of infinity.

Now, imagine yourself inside that sphere. That is what Almachadta is like. It is green, every shade of green you could possibly imagine, and all of it touched by dappled light. It is not just green, though—Almachadta flourishes fiercely, blossoming with every fruit and flower you could hope to imagine. It is green, but everywhere you look there is a riot color waiting to greet you. If you look up, you would see the other side of the world, green and alive and distantly hazy, but between you and the far side of Almachadta sits Centrelight.

Have you ever sat beneath the light of the True Sun? Or, a sun, if any of your previous selves ever lived under a sun? I do not mean the sun of Mu, screaming, violent, injured thing, but a the light of a sun that could never hurt you, that loves and loves and loves and loves? The Centrelight of Almachadta is to the True Sun what a slice of lemon squeezed into a full glass of water is to a lemon. And yet it is beautiful and bright and warm. While the days grow dim and the seasons do too, it is never dark on Almachadta.

The Sword-Saint was like the Centrelight in that way—bright, constant, warm. He always had a hug and a laugh. Today his hair is fully silver, but then his curls were salt-and-pepper. His smile is bright, and he is always smiling. That is as true then as it was now. He wore every emotion on his face, his heart on his sleeve, and a story on his lips. There have been many, many Sword-Saints. He was the most well-loved of all of them.

The first time I met him, I hated him.

Jun 09, 2026

I have told this story before. I said I hated him a little. I said it was because I thought it was an act, and I hated the phoniness.

That is true.

But I hated him. I hated him with every slimy, roiling, rotten part of myself. I hated everyone back then. And yes, it was because I was hurt, but I still hated. I had been hurt and I wanted everyone else to be hurt too. I wanted it so badly I felt like I was haunted by it.

Because of the Rite, random acts of violence are not possible in this world. Maybe that saved me. I don’t know who I’d have ended up as if that had been an option. As it were. Hm. No, I’ll save that for my next section.

Jun 09, 2026

hey. thank you for telling me all of this. i don’t– everything i can think of to say feels flippant in a way that WOULDNT be funny or appropriate, or can wait until the end of the story, but i wanted to let you know that i read all of this and

i hated my friend the first time i met her. it took a long time for me to stop, honestly. and it wasn’t very rational on my part. im not saying its the same thing at all but i’m saying i think i get it. or at least something like it.

what did he do to change your mind?

Jun 09, 2026

ok ok no ignore that. tell the story. you’ll get there.

Jun 11, 2026

I’m completely fucking up my own pacing, but AG … I was doing some … I was reviewing my memories, so I could best tell this story to you and in the process I was doing some real hard labor in the messy bitch mines and … I got distracted, I couldn’t tell stories I just needed to think. I didn’t mean to not respond to this for so long. Shit. I hope you don’t think I was ignoring you.

I think I made a Breakthrough though. Shit’s wild.

Jun 11, 2026

hahahaha it’s fine. the one thing in the entire goddamned Universe i can promise you is that im not going anywhere

also, that sounds rad. love that for you. sometimes you just need to have a nice long think.

Jun 11, 2026

Right, but I didn’t want you to think I had lost interest, especially if you saw me casting replies elsewhere.

And yeah. I realized … when I was doing some of this memory-work that I’ve been spiraling over the same insecurities with both of my partners again and again and again, and. They’ve both sat with me through it, but seeing it all laid out together I realized that I kept doubting their love for me when it’s been so obvious, so present this entire time. I got irritated at myself, maybe a little frustrated, but not. I didn’t hate myself for it. It did make a lot of things click, though.

Jun 11, 2026

babe text is an asynchronous mechanism. and i know you’re not gonna leave a story unfinished, i dont need to have been looking up ya’lls ass with a flashlight to be 100% pure unadulterated certain about that

good. dont hate yourself. but its good that you can see that kind of thing about yourself. dont beat yourself up if you tread the same ground over and over again sometimes, either. frustration, though, i get it. goddess knows i get it :(

sometimes i feel like i go through the year and, oh, it’s pokiehlember, time to have THIS problem. welcome back old friend. oh now it’s gaeust, shift change in the messy bitch mines! and i’ve been at this for a long time. i’m glad you’ve got people willing to stand by your side even when you’re at your worst. it makes a world of difference, doesnt it?

Jun 11, 2026

Yeah treading the same ground sometimes is understandable. Not seeing the obvious and blazing pillar of the exact kind of love you’ve always wanted? A bit like “come on asshole.” I’m sure I’ll have moments.

… okay so I’m gonna level with you. Real tempted to see if “pokiehlember” or “gaeust” jog Jorule’s memory, but that feels a little shitty to do considering you’re cheering me on, so. Announcing it here to see how hard you do or don’t object to the prospect.

But yeah. I mean. These things are cycles, but sometimes you can break them. And yeah. It does make a world of difference.

Jun 11, 2026

lol go for it i bet itll be funny

Jun 11, 2026

Whelp that revealed jack shit, as you knew it would.

Jun 11, 2026

which is in fact funny as hell so i was right

Jun 12, 2026

Funny for you, maybe.

Jun 12, 2026

Anyway.

Jun 12, 2026

it WOULD BE if i read your DMs with him, which i dont, because im a civilised person

but just from that alone i know it was in fact real real funny so zero regrets

Jun 12, 2026

I hated everyone back then, because I was hurt. I got hurt young, and it made me weird and strange. I’d say broken, but weird and strange.

My parents named me ‘Salme.’ It means ‘poem’; it means ‘song’. They were traveling musicians, talented ones, and they wanted a child but they did not want to raise one. They left me in my home village with my grandparent, my father’s parent, whose name I still cannot recall and I don’t know why. I saw them now and then. I remember my mother’s skin was dark and her eyes were almost black, and that my father’s mouth looks a lot like mine. They gave me a lyre on one visit, one for a child, but I was not skilled at playing it. They taught me songs, but while I could remember the words I was no singer. They came less often. I was nine, the last time I saw them when I was a child.

But my isovanhempi was kind and patient. On Almachadta, we grow up in huge, riotous extended families. It is often people to whom you are related, but not always. But it was just my isovanhempi, my parents, and myself. My isovanhempi was a weaver, and so I sat with them, weaving. I helped them string their loom and wound the weft-thread onto shuttles and sometimes got to sit up high on the loom and manipulate the heddles when weaving complex patterns. I told them stories I dreamed up as we worked all day—of things I had seen, or wished to see; adventures someone, somewhere, was doubtlessly having. They loved it.

I was ten when my isovanhempi died and eleven by the time we buried them. The village headwoman handled the practical considerations. I picked the readings, the songs, the stories for the funeral. My parents did not attend.

And after that? On Almachadta no one goes hungry or unhoused. That does not mean that no one goes unloved. My parents said they would come for me—next month, or a few months from now. Once the dim season ended, no, wait, at the turn of the year. I was passed from family to family and I turned twelve, then thirteen.

The thing is, I knew. My parents had wanted a child but they hadn’t wanted to raise one, and then when the child they did have had turned out to have none of the talent they hoped for, they did not want to take on the work of ferrying it about the land. Even as I practiced the lyre as I waited, I knew. And so instead I tried to be good. I hoped that perhaps if I was good, if I was right, that one of the families I had been placed with would want me. I learned their trades and their stories. I did everything they asked. It didn’t matter. The last one was—a triad with no children who desperately wanted children. But I was too old. They wanted a baby.

So I left my village, and no one bothered to follow. I went to the Courtyard, where the Palimpsest-King of Almachadta guides the world. There were a lot of children there. It isn’t uncommon for children to wander away from their homes at that age or a little older. We were fed and we were clothed and we had a place to stay and absolutely no one noticed that I had no place to return to. Or perhaps they did and simply did not care. Indeed, no one noticed much about me at all.

And that is when, I think, I started to hate them. Hate everyone. And from that hate, I started to take. First small things, but I never got caught. Then larger ones. Most people have something precious to them—something that matters for the memory it carries, not for any other kind of value. I would steal things like that, spend time with it, try to understand why it mattered. And then I’d often give it back, sometimes returning it from whence I’d taken it, occasionally pretending to be the one who’d found it.

Do you have any idea how sour stolen gratitude tastes? I still ate it up. Sometimes I even thought it would matter, that that connection would lead to a deeper one. It never did.

And so I stayed in the Courtyard, and I stole things I never kept, and I learned how to butcher animals, make parchment, till fields. I lurked in the inns where performers stayed and learned sleight of hand, acrobatics, and every story anyone ever told. And all the while, I hated and hated and hated.

And then I met the Sword-Saint.

Jun 12, 2026

The Sword-Saint wears a Mask—bone-white wood, carved of a wood that doesn’t seem quite like any other kind of wood you could find on Almachadta. No one but other Sword-Saints know the truth of the Mask, but everyone knows what it means. It means special. It means history. It means Almachadta itself. If there is a single item more precious on all of Almachadta, I did not know of it then, and I do not know of it now.

And, you cannot possibly know this, but: there is a blind alley in the Courtyard that the Sword-Saint used to take in cutting away from his duties for a moment to patronize his favorite meat pie stand. He would slip away, almost guilty, and shove the whole thing in his mouth in three or four bites.

And, you can also not possibly know this, but I am not a large woman, and I was smaller then, and dark. It was not so hard to hide there and wait. To slip my hand out and snatch the Mask from the satchel at his waist.

He took one step, two. On the third, he touched his belt, and his entire body went tense. He turned, and there I was, at the mouth of the alley, Mask in hand. I had it held to my face, taunting him. The most precious thing in all Almachadta, and the the most important figure second to the Palimpsest-King himself. I had never seen the Sword-Saint terrified before, but in that moment I saw abject terror, the kind that shuts your body down. The kind that wipes away all thought except for of itself. Fear, in its most primal, basic form.

No one but other Sword-Saints know the truth of the Mask, but in that moment I knew that there was a truth, and that it was terrible, and that the thing I held in my head was precious beyond all reckoning, but also a burden beyond all reckoning as well. And so I decided to tell the Sword-Saint of Almachadta, the story-keeper of all the world, a story about himself. It went like this:

There was a Sword-Saint marked by the Sunbeam-and-Dog, and he wore the Mask and made people laugh and laugh and laugh, all the while carrying a terrible, terrible secret with him. And this secret was so unspeakably awful that he’d never told another soul. It was a secret held by each Sword-Saint, and whoever wore the Mask would learn it, and it would hurt them, but they’d do the job anyway and the secret was…

And then I pulled the Mask away from my face, and I told him, “I’ve no fucking clue,” because I didn’t. And that was when the fear left him and he breathed again.

He was fast, faster than I could hope to be, and he reached for me and I thought his hands were reaching for the Mask but they were reaching for my shoulders instead, and he pulled me into a hug and called me trouble and, yes, did swiftly take the Mask back but. It was concern for me that had so terrified him. He saw me.

And that is the first time I loved the Sword-Saint of Almachadta.

Jun 12, 2026

There are rumors that each Sword-Saint has a premonition of their own successor. I am not sure how true that is. I do know that after this there lay an assumption between us, unspoken, that I would be his successor. I dogged his steps and demanded story after story after story and I told him stories of my own—true ones, and well-spun lies, and everything that is both at once or somewhere in-between the two. And he challenged me to tell more elaborate stories, taught me tricks to keep the audience’s eyes on me, introduced me to storytellers who came to the Courtyard that he’d learned from as well. We dueled until I could beat anyone in the Courtyard other than him. He taught me how to read and then to write when no one had ever before noticed I couldn’t. He sharpened me to a gleaming edge.

I would have done anything, anything for him.

But the one thing he needed most was freedom from the terrible secret of the Mask. He did not tell me what it was, but he did tell me that it weighed on him, that he would not wish it on anyone else, that it had destroyed Sword-Saints before him. He did not say that the role of the Sword-Saint is a curse, because the role of the Sword-Saint is a gift. But it was a curse to him.

I did not duel Badri to simply relieve him of his burden. I knew I could bear whatever truth lurked within the Mask. I wanted feel like I belonged in Almachadta, when I had always felt like I did not fit. I loved stories, performing, being seen. I was curious; I have always been curious. All of those are true.

But I also wanted to relieve him of his burden, and beyond that, I wanted to be important to him. I could think of no better way to accomplish both. When I won the Rite, he cried.

I was 18 when I became the Sword-Saint of Almachadta.

Jun 12, 2026

Here is the first thing you learn when you wear the Mask: That Almachadta always ends. Here is the second: There is no is no stopping this fate. And the third: It is always reborn.

The Sword-Saint carries memories forward through these cycles. The Sword-Saint bears this truth alone so no one else must live with despair. I have sometimes, during the course of this journey, wondered why there is so much sadness in my history; everyone else seems to have had some kind of joy. But I do not think I could have done my job half so well if I had learned this truth after knowing such joy. As it were, I was glad it was me and no one else. I was glad Badri could rest.

However.

He built a family once he was free of the Mask—unwanted children across Almachadta. He lives in a big, loud house and is surrounded by children who love him and whenever I go to visit him it feels like home, but it is not my home. It was never my home.

And I love him, I do, and I know it was only my becoming the Sword-Saint that allowed him to build his family. I know he loves me with all his heart and I love him. He is my … father, insomuch as I have any family at all. But, AG. Part of me. Part of me still …

If everyone is beautiful and inherently valuable, if we all shine, why did no one ever see that? Why did I have to take on the Mask to build anything at all?

Because the thing is … the Mask does not know, cannot know, when Almachadta’s wheel will turn, but when I first became the Sword-Saint, I spent weeks diving in the Mask, looking for patterns, truths, stories, trying best to understand the role I needed to play and building it from the ground up. But one of the other things I was looking for was a sense of time.

How long did any given cycle take before the world devoured itself?

And I knew by instinct before I knew for certain that I would be the last Sword-Saint of this cycle, but once I had laid out all the evidence and knew this world was very, very old, I was faced with the reality that it would be me, alone, at the end of all things.

And something broke in me that I did not realize until recently was broken at all, but I lost all volition. I became a passive thing, waiting to die. I performed the role admirably, with everything I had—it did become everything I had. And I will not say it didn’t matter. It mattered very much. I will not insult myself and say I was a poor Sword-Saint. I was not Centrelight-sunbeam Sword-Saint, but gleamed like I distant star. I am very good at what I do.

But I lost myself in being the Sword-Saint and I forgot, entirely, to be Salme.

I thought I had grown past that. Since we’ve begun this journey I have … worked through many things. Grown. Flourished, even. I’ve rediscovered myself and … become more myself than I could have ever hoped to be.

But I don’t know what to do with the fact that everyone I meet seems to love me now. And now is what matters. The future is more important than the past, but I just.

Where was any of this when I needed it most?

And why can’t I forgive Badri for something that was not his fault, was no one’s fault? I don’t even regret being the Sword-Saint. I just resent that … it is so simple for him and his children, and it is so complicated for me.

He sent me a message recently. I haven’t been able to bring myself to respond.

Jun 13, 2026

goddamn, salme

i’ve been sitting here thinking about what to say that wont sound dismissive on accident so lets start with: thank you for sharing this story with me, it means a lot to me that you did. and some day, if i feel like i can, i’d like to tell you my story too.

hard confirms that i think we always would have gotten along, though. that ‘ive no fucking clue’ killed me.

it’s hard for me to imagine having the mask and giving it up. putting that burden on someone else a second later than you absolutely had to. i think i would have died rather than lose that rite tbh. it’s hard for me to relate to someone who thought that was okay, but i dont want to be a vicious bitch about your dad and i dont think thats what you need rn but i am kinda judging him and i think it’s fine if you judge him too. just make sure to split out judging HIM and judging your whole world for fucking you over

18 years is not a lot of years in which to decide that nobody was ever going to think you were worth anything until you took on an insane suicidal burden for your culture. the entire situation with the mask sounds fucked as hell. putting all of THAT on… goddess knows how many just. normal-assed people? over and over again? i guess it was the only option available over there. you’re real good at what you do but what you do is ‘professionally fucked by your entire planet’ and i think that’s. gonna? be hard? to fucken deal with.

but again

and i wasn’t there and dont know what happened and i know this is gonna sound insensitive or like im saying you suck, and that absolutely isnt what i mean

but it took me like. actual centuries. to stop constantly fucking up basic shit. and im cool as a cucumber now! went from mad sucking to being the fucken best and nobody has any idea it was ever the other way (except you. hope you feel lucky). people around here are usually just -starting- to really properly learn a trade or train with weapons and find their people when they’re that old. you had shit parents and you fell through the cracks and that fucking sucks and you didnt deserve it but im pretty sure that everyone would have wound up thinking youre rad as fuck by about this point even if you hadnt been the sword saint

sometimes you’re broke as shit and you need just one lucre

and then years later you’re fuckin rolling in it. rolling around in giant piles of lucre with your paws in the air

and you think back to that one real shit day when you were broke as shit and go, fuck damn it, if only

and that day still matters or else it wouldn’t keep biting at your heels

but there’s nothin you can do about it!! you just gotta steamroll ahead!! roll around in your pile of lucre.

Jun 13, 2026

the lucre in this metaphor is hot guys i guess

Jun 13, 2026

I’d love to hear your story, AG.

Badri didn’t have a choice, is the thing. I won the Rite, clearly and unambiguously. To set the stakes at—what, that he would die if I won? That would violate every precept of the Mask and the role of the Sword-Saint and the passing on of the Mask. And he made sure I knew, insomuch as anyone could know, what I was signing up for. It is far, far more than he got.

He was younger than me, and he did not know. He. The Sword-Saint before him … didn’t die, they’re still alive, somehow, but. It seemed like they were dead, and Badri was the only choice. Of course, aside from Badri I couldn’t say how old the Sword-Saints usually are when they take on the Mask? I’m … one thing I’m working on is finding the stories of the Sword-Saints, not just … information about Almachadta. But the farther away from your current moment in the Mask, the murkier the memories become.

It’s been odd because I’ve realized that. I am more fucked up about the whole thing than I thought I was. I used to feel. Not superior, but like. I had been made for the role in a way that Badri wasn’t, that many other Sword-Saints weren’t. I loved the stories, I loved performing, and I suppose I didn’t mind holding everyone at a distance. It seemed to work out better than holding anyone close.

But I’m. Way less okay than I thought I was. I don’t. React normally to things. I struggle to. Know what to do without a well-defined role. I’ve at least stopped having nightmares about the end of all things? But it seems. Exhausting. To ask people to keep dealing with me being upset about this.

And I feel weak, I think. In some ways, it was easier being a useful thing. I hadn’t realized. How much of myself has gotten eaten away. Anyway.

Thank you for listening, and your kind words. And … I mean, I love my partners, but the lucre in this metaphor is … I think love? I mean, I have two boyfriends but I do only have two boyfriends (everyone keeps acting like … Jorule called me a “harem protagonist”?)

Though when you said, “but it took me like. actual centuries. to stop constantly fucking up basic shit.” Have you been in this world for actual centuries, or was this before?

Jun 13, 2026

… AG what did you say to Badri?

Jun 13, 2026

i just told him he was a chode i dont intend to elaborate

sometimes i do impulsive bullshit but i can rein it in

if i ever meet the guy face to face im beating his ass in a rite though

ill let you choose what the stakes are if you want

i think i get what you mean, though. it sounds like you are watched pretty intently by the duelists mask (the stars, i mean, not the. the thing you got) and the duelists mask is a motherfucker. i mean all the stars are motherfuckers but the duelists mask is like extra large motherfucker with motherfucker sprinkles imo. ran away from that ones attention on purpose tbh as soon as i realised it was like, uwu, whats this

you’ll find yourself. itll take a lot of whetstones and time. but your friends sound like they sharpen you too

anyways im sorry if i caused a problem by randomly being a dick to badri i’ll let the thread drop

shit

ill even fuckin apologise to him if you want me to

Jun 13, 2026

Hey. No. You don’t have to apologize. You can call him a … what’s a chode?

Jun 13, 2026

Anyway I just didn’t want him to know I had Complicate Feelings until I knew how to talk about my Complicated Feelings.

Jun 13, 2026

I’m going to stay off my tomestone for a bit and I have some more thoughts especially about constellations but I didn’t want to leave you feeling like you’d fucked anything up because you didn’t.

Jun 13, 2026

a donger

a tallywhacker

a one eyed yogurt slinger

a diiiiiiick

anyways his immediate reaction was to ask if i was one of your friends in a way that. sounded like he was glad you made a friend he didnt even know about

even if that friend steamed in calling him a chode

i can see why this guy irritated the piss out of you

and also why you love him tbh

anyway thank you, i appreciate it, im probably going to apologise to him anyway but it wont be because i feel like i gotta. goddessspeed i hope you get some rest or something

Jun 13, 2026

What constellation did you end up watched by? Sundered Wolf would be my guess, I think. You give “able to break unbreakable things but kind of fucked up about it” I think. Anyway yeah, I’m watched by the Duelist’s Mask. All Sword-Saints are. There’s a whole secret about it I’ll tell you if you ask.

Haha, Badri just being happy I have friends does seem … hm. When I went deep into the role … he missed me, I think? Who I was before. He was the only one who could really bring it out.

He’ll probably really like you if he gets to know you, but I don’t if he’s ever met someone he disliked.

Jun 13, 2026

close!!! soldier and brother baybeeee

unwinnable causes, sure, but im not desperate about it. and everything i break… is breakable… you can tell b/c i broke it!!!

Jun 14, 2026

I’m not … disappointed in who you turned out to be? If that was a concern. I’m grateful we got to meet.

Uh. I hope I wasn’t disappointing when we met. I’m glad you had fun. Can’t believe the friend you hated at first was Zaya.

Jun 14, 2026

im glad youre not!

you werent disappointing at all. that was amazing.

im sorry i got weird and stalked off at the end. ive got some shit i have to sort out in my own head.

Jun 14, 2026

It’s … okay? I think? I mean. I really wanted to talk to you? So I guess I was a little disappointed about that, but I think it would’ve been a little weird in front of the others, actually. Since we’ve told each other a fair amount? And I want them to get a chance to get to know you organically.

Or. Well.

So how much do you know about … Annarr and Aurelius and Jorule and that situation? Did you know I thought … you had hurt him (your pick of which aspect of him that is) and for a long time I really wanted to kill you for it? I mean, I know I couldn’t have probably, but I wanted to? But he explained it wasn’t … your fault. When we first got here, Zaya threw everyone for a loop by knowing Aurelius was someone completely new. Was that you?

Anyway, take your time. I’m glad the Rite was fun. I’m not … talented in the same way my companions are. But you see how they shine, right?

Jun 14, 2026

we’ll definitely make time to talk. i imagine you’re going to be here for a while? i hope so, anyways. there’s lots to see. i think you’ll enjoy yourself.

when i said i didnt read the logs i meant it. that said, the hairs on the back of my neck specifically dedicated to knowing when jorule is up to some bullshit have been standing on end for a while. needed to actually see aurelius with my eyes to be totally confident that what was actually happening was actually happening, though.

honestly most people who i like at this point started off wanting me dead so you’re in real good company. i tend to provoke that in people.

i was an idiot and ran my mouth and zaya is too clever and used to me for her own good, and got answers out of me about what was going on. thought it’d be easier for her to know what happened before she saw his body walking around with someone else inside it. gave her time to not be shocked by it. to think of aurelius as someone she could be friends with too. would do it again tbh

also dont give me that

wolf did me a favor

you were scary as hell

i know what you had in your back pocket and were about to cast on me

also you told me yourself that the sword-saint is a dueling master. i know youve got a loadout that you pull out for special occasions but that, with this group, you prefer to back them up and -make- them shine. but if you do that, their shining is also your shining. thats what being a clan means

thats why i like it here.

Jun 14, 2026

It’ll depend. We’ve been. Hm. How much have you actually figured out about what we’re trying to do, and why we’re here? Though maybe that is a question better answered with the whole group.

Wait are you telling me you have some weird-ass fucking Scorpion Sense for Jorule shenanigans in particular? Like is that a thing you have Developed? Is this like. A trauma response or …?

And I mean after the initial shock, I think … Aurelius and Zaya both expressed some degree of gratitude that it happened like that? I know it made things easier on Aurelius, and I think Zaya being able to meet him as he is and not who he felt he should have been was important. So I’m glad you’d do it again. That was the right choice.

I ALMOST CAST IT THAT FIRST TURN. I almost did. But when you hit me and called me babe I thought it was you and I felt conflicted about. I didn’t know. If it would reveal something you weren’t ready for me to know.

And then I was more sure it was you and I decided to cast it on you anyway so.

And I think “dueling master” is a significant stretch, but I agree about making other people shine.

I’m glad you like it here. I’ve liked it here too, thus far. You said you’ve had a lot of time. How long? Do you … hm. How far back in time do your memories stretch? How long have you been the Scorpion Queen?

Jun 14, 2026

And would you prefer I called you Jae or SQ or AG or what? I’d like to have a name for you but … I don’t know. You said Jae was fine, but I also wanted you to have that choice.

Jun 14, 2026

honestly? ive been trying pretty hard to let you guys do your own thing without paying super close attention to it. i know you’re here looking for V because if a bunch of weird cool motherfuckers show up from the other planes theyre gonna want to talk to the OTHER weird cool motherfuckers who showed up from the other planes. im just good at reading people and seeing where things are going

dont YOU have jorule sensing hairs on the back of your neck. i bet you do. if you dont youll grow them soon

i’m glad to know it made things easier on aurelius. i hoped it wouldn’t make what hes dealing with even harder. i was actually kinda worried? but not worried enough to not yap i guess so im glad it worked out.

honestly? i AM a little bit terrified of libra. there are things im not ready to talk about yet and i know how that rite-tone works here and what cosmic bullshit its resonating with. as you may have guessed not a lot of shit scares me but that spell scares me lol. do with THAT what you will. doesnt scare me enough that i’d turn down a rematch if you guys think you can beat me

also “jae” is fine. i’m not YOUR queen unless you swore fealty to me and you dont seem like the fealty swearing type and angelsGuignol is a stupid name for stupid bulletin board systems jorule hacks together with baling wire and a prayer. people might look at you like you’re insane if you refer to me that way though so have fun with that

Jun 14, 2026

Hm. I’ll put my serious stuff in a separate post and you can read it and respond to it or just ignore it. Sound fair?

Honestly Jorule’s … hm. Been going out of his way to be support, I think? He’s. Well. It’s very weird to love two aspects of a Spark at the same time in different ways, but never let it be said I don’t enjoy a challenge.

Do you feel guilty about Annarr? I don’t think you need to. Aurelius doesn’t think it was the Truth That Burns and he’d have thought about it enough to know. I’d encourage you to get to know him like I encouraged Zaya to, but man I’m not sure what your relationship with Annarr was like beforehand. Aurelius is. Amazing though. I am sorry you lost a (whatever). I can’t be sorry he exists, even if I want to respect Annarr’s memory.

As for Libra. Hm. I feel very strongly about casting it on my friends (that’s you) without their consent. I also want to know and I am not patient. I also think it might be information we need. What I can tell you is I won’t pressure you to talk about anything I learn until you’re ready?

Also Jae it is. And I’m not bothered if people look at me like I’m insane. I mean. Look at my life.

Jun 14, 2026

im not the one who yoinked annarr out of the world for whatever weird sick fucked up reason it happened. i gave him the order to go investigate weird shit that was happening and he’s not the first good hunter i sent to their death and im sure he wont be the last. it just happens sometimes. some part of him lives on pretty directly, thats more than most people get.

i feel angry. but not guilty

unless you mean when i beat him in our rite in which case i dont really feel guilty, it’s definitely what provoked me to come up with a better in case of emergency break glass option though. he was still mostly fine after that. i guess it just made him ultra susceptible to weird stupid horseshit. couldnt have known thatd happen

and, you’re exactly right. aurelius gets to exist now. and he seems rad as fuck.

as for libra…

i cant NOT encourage you to hit me with your best shot next time we’re in a rite. and if you dont do it, luĉja will. fuckers merciless. i guess i’d rather it be you

Jun 14, 2026

I’m glad you … hm. You’re carrying a lot of responsibility, aren’t you? [Heavy is the Crown], huh?

Incidentally, I, along with Wolf, had been sent on a mission to investigate what was going on with Almachadta when we were taken. Well. We knew what was happening. Almachadta was dying. Wolf heard it in the Worldsong. And I knew it was inevitable. We were going to … there are gates between the worlds. We were going to investigate that. To see if we could. I don’t know. Stop it? (I didn’t think we could stop it).

That’s when we were taken. I’d guess … Annarr got close to the gates? I’m guessing Luĉja did too. But that’s a guess.

Oh. You gave me the strength to talk to Badri. I’m still. Working through some of the things he said. I might toss them at you actually.

Also I said I want to talk but also I want to hang out. I’m not going to propose a Rite between you and me but think of something else you like and we’re doing it. Sound good, Jae?

Jun 14, 2026

Some wild swings about serious shit:

The Beast is dying. You know she is but you don’t know why. You’re not dying with it, or maybe you are and it terrifies you. You can’t do anything about it and it’s been chewing through you. That’s why you flipped when I talked about waiting for Almachadta to die.

We’re here to stop that if we can. To save them all: Almachadta, Samudra, The Beast. Valaïs and Mu, if the situation is the same.

You can do so much, but there’s something you can’t do and you hate it. You’ve been asked to bear so much, but you don’t have to bear it alone.

We’re friends, yeah? I’m here for you.

And if not me then please confide in Zaya. She loves you so much it awes me. Your lamp and your whetsone and your sounding board, yeah? Let her be those things and more.

Jun 15, 2026
↩ Salme #1303Also I said I want to talk but also I want to hang out. I’m not going to propose a Rite between you and me but think of something else you like and we’re doing it. Sound good, Jae?

want to help me bake some stupidly complicated braided loaf we make for special celebrations? “what are we celebrating” weird nerds showing up thats what.

i think you’re probably right, about annarr and luĉja getting near the gates. couldnt figure out exactly what happened myself. went out nosing around where they vanished, myself, against zaya’s better judgement, and nothing happened but there was a weird smell in the air. like stale ass but magic. stale magic ass. dont know what the deal was.

glad you could talk to badri. hope that goes well for you. if hes worth a damn he’ll be fine with you having big feels about what went down and if hes not then its better to find out fast.

Jun 15, 2026
↩ Salme #1304Some wild swings about serious shit:

if all goes well ill talk to you about this later. it feels shitty like im asking you to prove your worth. im not. but i cant…

i just cant talk about this with you yet. i hope you understand.

Jun 15, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1311if all goes well ill talk to you about this later. it feels shitty like im asking you to prove your worth. im not. but i cant... i just cant talk about this with you yet. i hope you understand.

I understand. Was hoping maybe if I guessed right it might make it easier for you to talk about it, but I’m not trying to force it.

I am going to give you another hug next time I see you? So many fucking hugs.

Jun 15, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1310want to help me bake some stupidly complicated braided loaf we make for special celebrations? "what are we celebrating" weird nerds showing up thats what

Yes. Absolutely. Well I’ve never been good at baking bread (told you I over-knead) but I’m happy to help and maybe you could teach me? We also do have so many snacks from Almachadta and Samudra when you want them.

Stale ass magic … probably the Architect? I can share the memory with you if you want to confirm? (Do you want to know about all this shit? I’m not sure if … well. I’m inclined in a ‘share everything’ manner but let me know if there’s things you don’t want to know).

And yeah. Talking to Badri has been. Good. Great. Just wish I could hug him.

Jun 15, 2026

Anyway. If you ever want to hear about how long it’s taken me to believe that we might be able to save anything at all … I can tell you that too. Sometimes there’s days where I still feel hollow about it and it is a performance. Less days than days I believe, but still.

Not me trying to get more info out of you, but: “Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.” Those words are the first ones I remember from my favorite poem. They’re me, in a way.

Jun 15, 2026

whoever made this system without implementing proper threading was a goddamn criminal btw. lets see does THIS work?

↩ Salme #1313Stale ass magic … probably the Architect? I can share the memory with you if you want to confirm?

no i said stale magic ass. totally different. i think you’re right, though. i dipped my toes into the library and he sounds absolutely like his magic smells like stale ass

↩ Salme #1313Yes. Absolutely. Well I've never been good at baking bread (told you I over-knead) but I'm happy to help and maybe you could teach me?

SWEET you actually brought snacks. im so excited. the beast has amazing food but like. ya’ll will have things we never would have even thought of. also mostly i just need an extra pair of hands. jae, i hear you say, you already have an extra pair of hands! yes, i respond, it’s a very complicatedly braided loaf

i don’t think anyone on the beast, myself included, is ever gonna say no to a hug or a challenge. maybe sometimes but only if we’re feeling like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag in some way shape or form

as for the other questions…

i am, in fact, an incurable optimist. i think two things are true.

i think you six are going to beat me in a rite some day,

and i think that i will eventually tell you everything i know.

those two things arent connected btw im not some OTHER motherfucker you have to beat in a rite and then oop out of the piñata pops a horrible secret, wohoo, fun for everybody. theyre just both things i think are true.

Jun 15, 2026

I’m still not over the fact we don’t have fucking delete or edit functionality. I mucked up a great joke at Jorule and it didn’t land because of a typo. Though. What are you even typing on? Can you access this with your brain?

Hahaha! I stand corrected. “Stale magic ass.” Okay okay okay.

Well, then, you’re right, I’m not the type to pledge fealty but I am the type to pledge my hands to help you make a very fancy braided loaf.

Oh man I just realized the kind of hairstyles I could manage with four arms. You keep your hair short so maybe you don’t know but I spend so much time braiding my hair. Like half of the the muscle tone in my arms is from dealing with my hair, not all the handstands and backflips. Though I think I figured out something with gnosis to make it a bit easier (sorry I don’t know if this is the kind of thing you care about, but Samudra was a nightmare because it was so humid and the frizz almost defeated me).

And of course we brought snacks. We had already got a bunch of things from Samudra because we just came from there, but also Aury, Awa and I made a trip back to Almachadta just before arriving here and I picked up a bunch of things from there too. I’ll make you a fancy plate tasting plate. Maybe we can all do it together?

I don’t know how you feel about big group activities that aren’t the Rite, actually. You’re my friend but I guess it’s a bit different with the others? I don’t think it has to be, but I know you have history with Aury and Luĉja, and while you’ve met Awa, Archie, and Wolf you don’t know them. I think. Though. Hm.

I told you I’m bad at patience, and that means when I meet someone who I feel “yes, this is someone I’ve been waiting forever to know and love” I don’t feel the need to. Wait for it? I felt that with most of my friends early, and then with Caion, and Zaya, and … you especially, Jae. I want you to be part of … whatever weird nerdass clan we’re building. Part of our story.

I hope that’s not. It’s okay if you’re not interested, or ready to step into my messy, overfull home of weirdos. But I’ll hold a place for you until you are.

And I will hear your story, in your own words, one day. No matter how long it takes.

That is a promise.

Jun 15, 2026
↩ Salme #1320What *are* you even typing on?

the magic antennas strapped to my tits, obviously

your hair is amazing. every so often i get bored of having long hair or short hair and switch things up and, yeah, gotta say the extra arms do help with the whole damn process

↩ Salme #1320I don’t think it has to be, but I know you have history with Aury and Luĉja, and while you’ve met Awa, Archie, and Wolf you don’t know them. I think. Though. Hm.

i think its fair to say that i know wolf pretty well by now. wouldnt mind getting to talk to him with words instead of blades. i get the feeling he’s going to find something that speaks to him in the bazaar to replace the knives im keeping safe for him.

i can tell that they’re special to him. and i have a hunch. and hes cute. anyways.

i… thats really, really kind. and i dont want to repay that kindness rudely. for whatever it’s worth, i think hanging out with you guys and sharing a meal would be a blast. i thoroughly enjoyed fighting all of you, that was the most fun ive had in a while. if im still keeping my distance, its not because i dont think you’re rad as fuck

i have a reputation to uphold yknow

Jun 15, 2026

Man I can’t believe you talked about the magic antennas strapped to your tits. I cannot believe any of that. I asked you if you were passing info to the Scorpion Queen. I fucking. You’re such a shit.

I’ve considered cutting my hair now and then but Iikka loved braiding it, said it was beautiful, and like obviously the person who raises you is going to say you’re beautiful, but when. Er. I had a bad run with a couple attempts at dating in my early teens and started to feel like. Well. Even if I’m not particularly good-looking I always thought my hair was nice, yeah.

Hahaha yeah Wolf’s great. He’s the brother my heart chose. I’m sure you’ll love him if you talk.

Yeah stop saying you’re worried about being rude. I know you’re not trying to be rude. You’re trapped in the messy bitch mines and you don’t know how to get out. I’m there with you, even with all the progress I’ve made.

Though like. Fuck your reputation? That’s easy for me to say I guess. No one here knows me, and Light knows being on Almachadta is … different. But. Sometimes it feels like you’re making excuses you don’t even believe in. Jae, that sucks.

Though rereading this thread, I did realize you promised me a 1 on 1 duel when we met. Can I hold you to that?

Jun 16, 2026

tbh im not used to giving a shit about coming off as rude. it’s a novel sensation and im enjoying it

↩ Salme #1332I asked you if you were passing info to the Scorpion Queen. I fucking. You're such a shit

will openly admit i laughed pr. hard when this happened. it was great. i love being technically accurate its the best

↩ Salme #1332I’ve considered cutting my hair now and then but Iikka loved braiding it, said it was beautiful, and like obviously the person who raises you is going to say you’re beautiful, but when. Er. I had a ba

i regret to inform you that you’re hot as fuck??? do we need to feed a motherfucker to a brontosaurus. im sure you saw some on the way in to town so you know im not bullshitting you about brontosaurus

id never bullshit you about brontosaurus

↩ Salme #1332Though rereading this thread, I did realize you promised me a 1 on 1 duel when we met. Can I hold you to that?

a thing you will learn about me is that i will never, ever say no to a duel, esp not with someone who fights dirty (laudatory)

when you know something is a terrible idea……..

and you do it anyway!!!!

besides itll be fun

Jun 17, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1379tbh im not used to giving a shit about coming off as rude. it's a novel sensation and im enjoying it

OKAY as long as you’re enjoying it. But. I can handle rudeness. I mean. I might lose my shit and scream at you, but I did barrel through a whole lot of misunderstandings with Jorule to find his soft, gooey center. So.

ALSO I notice you are not confirming or denying the antenna tits.

↩ angelsGuignol #1379i regret to inform you that you’re hot as fuck??? do we need to feed a motherfucker to a brontosaurus. im sure you saw some on the way in to town so you know im not bullshitting you about brontosaurus

Oh. Is that what those weird long-necked things were? They were huge.

Hm. As for my looks … wanna know some peak messy bitch mines stuff? When we first met Zaya and Aurelius just. Kind of shut down, I thought. This isn’t fair to him, okay, and I’m past it, but I thought … oh, here’s someone who actually deserves him. She’s beautiful. Her hair caught the starlight and she has this gorgeous magic I’ve never even seen and she lit the way home and she waited and was there for him. And I was like, “this is the kind of person he deserves; he just met me and I have none of the grace or the chill or the intelligence” and it’s just.

I know he likes me but I keep thinking he could do better. And like. A lot of the guys I knew when I was a teenager—they liked me well enough to fuck me but not date me, you know? The kind of girl that’s used, not the kind of girl that’s treasured. And like. Zaya seems like the kind of girl who gets treasured.

When we arrived on Samudra, Archie’s partner, Caion—he’d waited for Archie, had never given up on him. And I just. Zaya reminded me of that, but with Annarr, and … obviously I was really wrong about the shape of the relationship, right? Like it’s funny in retrospect and kind of shitty that I made it about me when Aury needed my support dealing with being Annarr and not, but. I don’t know.

You can’t feed any of these shitty teen dirtbags to a brontosaurus, though, because I don’t remember their names or their faces.

But. I don’t know. Thanks for saying I’m hot? I’ve never really seen it. Like Awa likes me, and Aurelius … I think I’m starting to trust that he thinks I’m physically attractive, but. I’m no Zaya. Or you, honestly.

↩ angelsGuignol #1379a thing you will learn about me is that i will never, ever say no to a duel, esp not with someone who fights dirty (laudatory)

Good. I made a deck just for you. Just say the word.

And. I remembered my isovanhempi’s name. It was Iikka. I was talking to Badri, and he—it was good, it was great, Jae, and I remembered. Thank you. I owe you a lot just for letting me be a messy bitch at you there. (I also remembered my biological parent’s names, but that’s less exciting, I think).

Hm. Question. I’ve been thinking a bit about … everyone has these Angel titles, right? Seye said she’s the Angel of Freedom, Jorule is the Angel of Darkness and Truth, I … well. I had a Weird Experience that I might tell you the story of next time you’re in the mood for it. Are you the Angel of anything?

And. Do you want me to ask them to stop calling you Crimson? I don’t know what your relationship with your previous lives were like, but. I want people to see you as you are now, not as you were.

Jun 17, 2026

in your defense, zaya is really, really distractingly hot and also pr. fuckin wonderful

however comma meaningful pause

theres no ‘kind of girl that’s used’. there’s men that use women. and women that also use women, and men who use men. and - i command people. here, elsewhere, anywhere i go. there’s people that want to be instruments. i’ll use them if they place themselves in my hand as a weapon. even if you wanted everything that actually happened, that doesnt mean you are, or ever were, a kind of girl that’s used

anyways, forgetting’s kinder than they deserve but probably the right play. if you ever need anyone fed to a brontosaur in the future though, call me

i guess what i want to say more than anything is

why would anyone want you to be someone else when you could be you, instead

Jun 17, 2026

as for the second question… it might not surprise you that people have called me the angel of hope, before.

and jorule can call me anything he wants to as long as it’s not ‘late to a duel’, we got history, it’s fine

but right now? flesh and blood and bone, in this world with its fire and clanging metal and howling beasts

i’m jae

Jun 17, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1397why would anyone want you to be someone else when you could be you, instead

But that’s always been the thing I think. That’s at least part of what that whole, long sad story was about. I’ve never felt like I was worth much at all. I’d rather be someone whose radiance immediately draws everyone in, who people can’t look away from when she walks in a room. Being the Sword-Saint gave me some of that. Learning to be useful gave me more. And I know I can perform impossible works of gnosis so. Yeah.

Again I’m working on. Feeling out how to express myself with my appearance that feels both good for me and draws the attention of the two people whose attention I most want to draw. And I trust, now, that they both do and would treasure me even if I can’t be 120% or even 80%, but.

It’s easy to shake that trust. Play a role so often you start wishing you could fully embody the role and not be yourself.

It’s. A problem. I know Aury and Awa both … fuck I know anyone would be devastated to hear me still saying this about myself. And I feel it less and less often, but I still feel it.

Did you ever struggle to like yourself or was that never a Jae failure mode?

Jun 17, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1398as for the second question... it might not surprise you that people have called me the angel of hope, before.

Yeah? Is it because you’re hoarding all that hope Ms. I Am The Odds?

And good. I’m glad to know that. And I’m glad you’re Jae, not any of the other selves you could be. Seye said something about appreciating being alive right now, right here, and I’ve been trying to do it more. I love your world. On Samudra I felt like I was drowning but here I feel like I could do almost anything. I want to experience it all.

Jun 17, 2026
↩ Salme #1402Play a role so often you start wishing you could fully embody the role and not be yourself.

i do think i understand this.

i havent always been a very good person, i dont think. and i havent… changed who i am, deep down. who is. definitely NOT a person who has ever had that problem, no. kind of the opposite, really. to the point that the question is kinda funny to think about, but

being here and being jae has taught me some things

and some of those things havent felt particularly comfortable

i think, maybe, they were things i had to learn

anyways were still in the messy bitch mines salme!!! keep digging i believe in both of us

and i’m glad to hear you’re enjoying it here.

Jun 17, 2026

Yeah I’m learning it’s okay to want people to look at me now and then. Though … oh. I guess me whinging about how loud I am and my concern with warping the narrative fabric around me is. Sort of extra funny now.

Still if I don’t watch myself I can be self-absorbed and I never want to not be someone Aury or Awa or the others can’t rely on because I’m being self-absorbed.

Jun 17, 2026

eh i wouldnt call it funny

someone told you, hey salme, theres a rule that you’ve gotta be small and you’ve gotta be quiet

and you said, but i don’t want to be small and i dont want to be quiet

and they said, sorry, that’s the rules

anyways heres the secret. there are no rules

not like that, anyways

never were any

Jun 17, 2026

Less that I was told there were rules and more I figured out that. Being small and quiet was easier and safer and got you farther. And then being the Sword-Saint let me flashy and loud but not in a way where people saw me?

What I’m getting at is it was all self-inflicted.

And being able to be what people need in a moment of crisis is a skill and I’m not sad it’s one I have. But.

Knowing people love me despite my messiness, maybe even because of it?

That’s. Kind of everything, isn’t it? That’s what you were saying all along.

Jun 18, 2026

eh if being small and quiet was easier and safer, that still means someone told you to be small and quiet, but with extra steps. and to that i say: brontosaurus

jae, i hear you saying, jae that is your answer to everything

its actually not, its just very fun to think about feeding my enemies to enormous friendly lizard monsters

i get that you dont want to blame other people for what you could instead blame yourself for and you might even be right that no one person is actually at fault but if you are that means you are not at fault here either doesnt it

anyways its all kind of irrelevant maybe b/c you got there in the end

you gotta love each other when youre in the messy bitch mines salme its the only thing youve got!!!

and i want to say thank you

because

i’d been losing track of that myself, lately, i think

and you helped remind me that it was true

so, thank you

Jun 18, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1473i get that you dont want to blame other people for what you could instead blame yourself for and you might even be right that no one person is actually at fault but if you are that means you are not a

Anyone ever tell you it’s extremely rude when you’re extremely correct about things?

And: good. I’m glad I helped remind you. I get you’re big in on this Hero thing, and maybe that’s a solo gig for you, but I play a hero on Almachadta and it’s a lonely one too. It didn’t click, really, the clear line of comparison, until I was at the Bazaar with Zaya but. It’s not the same, obviously, but. It’s not really that different.

Anyway, I’m not going to say “anything I can do to help you I will” because that seems like an unwise promise to make, but you’re my friend, and I love you. That is true. And there’s very little I won’t do for my friends.

Though, if you’d do me a favor … Zaya mentioned you have a set of earrings from a very special jewelry shop. They don’t happen to have any otherworldly properties that caused you to wig the fuck out upon receiving them, do they? Asking for a bird.

Jun 18, 2026

no b/c im always right, and they would get bored of saying the same thing over and over again

good on you for not making promises you cant keep. respect. im fine for the time being, tho, and if theres ever anything i do need from you i know where to find you >:)

the earrings zaya gave me? nothing weird about em that- well fuck hang on now i have to go take them out and look up their ass with a flashlight just to check

Jun 18, 2026

Your earrings have an ass that you can look up with a flashlight?

Jun 18, 2026

everything has an ass you can look up with a flashlight if you try hard and believe in yourself

anyways, they seem normal to me

other things that are easier with 4 arms btw, removing and putting in earrings. highly recommend

Jun 19, 2026

Is there anything that isn’t easier with four arms? Probably shopping for clothes, though I’m guessing you get everything custom so it’s a non-issue.

Also think about whether you want to have our Rite first, or our bread-making. My inclination is Rite first, then bread and snacks, but it’s up to you.

Jun 19, 2026

oddly, making out in bed

figuring out what to do with one of your arms is bad enough, imagine two of them

there ARE certain significant upsides, though

rite first! always rite first. then bread and snacks.

Jun 19, 2026

Have you considered simply winning against the bed, thus making it not your problem anymore, Ms. True Hero?

Jun 19, 2026

you say that like i havent just punched a hole in the bed out of frustration

multiple times

it turns out that just makes it tomorrow you’s problem and she’s gonna be mad as hornets

Jun 19, 2026

Well that sounds like it’s not winning against the bed. That sounds like it’s letting the bed win against you.

Have you considered reorienting the criteria of “winning,” Ms. Hero?

… Though how many mattresses have you gone through.

Which. Jae. Mattresses on Samudra are magical. You can adjust them with a simple thought. They’re find on the Beast too, but. Imagine a bed that’s the perfect size and softness for what you want? But is also perfect for whoever you’re sharing a bed with? And the sheets change themselves with just a thought?

Samudra was hard on me for a lot of reasons, but I really do miss our room at the Academy.

Jun 19, 2026

holy shit

that sounds amazing

okay new plan, figure out how to import mattresses from samudra

Jun 19, 2026

Great news, Jae. I know a guy.

Or rather I know the acting head of the Academy (you do too, sort of; that’s Caion. He sassed your ass).

Not sure about transport. There’s the train between worlds. Awa can sometimes … hm. Aurelius has his pocket dimension but. Hm. Maybe the libray?

Anyway it won’t work for importing things at scale but I could probably get you one?

Jun 19, 2026

hahahahahha lmao thats the head of the academy??? maybe samudra is cool after all

i gotta be careful about asking for dumb things because youll be like YEAH ACTUALLY LETS MAKE THAT WORK

on the other hand i do legit want one of these now. that would rule. yeah

Jun 20, 2026

I mean if you can’t use your weird plane-traveling powers to get your friends comfortable mattresses then what is even the point. Besides, Caion’s trapped in meetings all day so. You know.

Jun 20, 2026

Thanks, by the way, for a lovely time just hanging out. I hope we get to do so again soon, though Light you weren’t kidding about bread-loaf complexity.

I’ve got to be honest with you, though. I think I’m starting to see the shape of things with … at least your part in what’s going on with the Beast, and I. Hate it, frankly. I hate it a lot. Hate it so much I almost asked Jorule to read this whole thread and tell me if my read seemed off.

He said you’re more of a “beg forgiveness” than “ask permission” person, but you’ve respected my privacy and I absolutely want to respect yours insomuch as I can. I. Honestly don’t know what to do. Was going to avoid casting a reply until I figured it out, but you’ve been my companion through the messy bitch mines so I might as well be a messy bitch here.

I mean. I do know what I’m going to do, which is respect your fucking privacy. Light knows you get precious little of it, and yeah, you court that on purpose, but. This is our messy bitch thread, not anyone else’s. I guess I just needed to let you know that I was tempted. And that’s not a crime, obviously, but. You deserve to know where I’m at.

Anyway. I’m sort of scared we have a couple particular things in common that … I’d prefer not to have in common with anyone.

You don’t have to reply to this, but I did have to say it.

Jun 20, 2026

babe who among us has not been tempted with various things that would be bad ideas

some of us even do it anyways, like having a rite with the girl packing the scariest tone you’ve ever seen. zero regrets btw

whatever happens happens. if you did make a choice that pisses me off then you piss me off and get to live with it and like. not like im not going to be thinking about you every time im holding court now no matter what

anyways

the messy bitch mines are deep and theres fuckin monsters there

if we are in the deepest darkest most fucked up shafts of the messy bitch mines in some way shape or form

then at least we can hear each other fighting our own demons

anyways, roll the dice with me. flip a coin. itll be in the air a minute

but itll come down either heads or tails

its a loaded coin

but if you flip a loaded coin enough times

and keep betting on the wrong side

some day youll win big

Jun 20, 2026

anyways, i had a great time.

hope your friends like the bread

Jun 20, 2026

How well do you remember, Jae? Is your throne remade with your body? Four thousand years has a long, long time. That’s three or four cycles in Almachadta. How well do you remember between cycles, bodies, millennia?

Here is a story I’ve alluded to, but: the last Sword-Saint in any cycle carves a tally mark in the shrine where the Mask is kept. The shrine is the only dark place in Almachadta, a small void between roots and dirt. It is a little like a grave.

Part of being a performer is the rehearsal, you know. When I was at my worst, when I was least myself, I imagined that moment when I’d carve my own tally mark. How deep I’d gouge it with my nail, maybe the smear of blood I’d leave. The intent to leave a violent dash at the end. How can you hope to represent yourself in a single line? The Mask holds the memories of the Sword-Saints and their tally marks more clearly that it holds memories of us otherwise. The one chance I had to mark that I lived and that I died, distilled into a single, desperate line.

You cannot possibly relate. I am so loud but I am also small and breakable and young. I have never once thought I would endure.

But my sword in your throne is much better than a tally mark could hope to be. That was not the only reason I did it—it was more selfish than that even—but on reflection, it was the correct choice.

Four thousand years. Multiple bodies. My name is Salme tou Alsos, the Sword-Saint of Almachadta, and you will carry me with you from this point on.

And Jae? You’re going to tell me precisely what circumstances led to you being the single thing that endures. And if it was this Zosimos fucker I’m going to feed him to a brontosaurus.

Jun 22, 2026

[For the historical record, there was a reasonably significant gap in between the last post, and this one, IC as well.]

i have a very good memory. but the throne’s memory is even better. i’m glad your sword is there, too.

i didn’t say this at the time because i had other things on my mind, but thank you for telling me its story. i can tell, when a weapon’s meant a lot to people. there’s a weight. a way the light bends around it. i won’t forget it

or the tally-marks

one time, salme

one time, i carved my own name on the surface of a moon

not one of the beast’s. somewhere else

because i wanted the world to know that i was there

it’s not the same, though. it seems petty in retrospect. it was, wasn’t it

fuck

what the fuck world is this where i write something and then scratch it out and write it again and scratch it out. this is bullshit, salme. bullshit

anyways

it wasnt the old man, though. he was a chump and i kicked his ass and he retired in the hills

i went down into the messy bitch mines all on my own, babe

wanna feed me to a brontosaurus about it youre gonna hafta get in line

Jun 22, 2026

I mean I went down into the messy bitch mines all on my own too, but you still were about ready to incinerate Badri for it. I wouldn’t feed you to a brontosaurus. I think you’ve been through the brontosaurus maw plenty. I think I’ve also been through the brontosaurus maw.

Even if we choose difficult roles for ourselves that doesn’t mean we deserve everything that happens to us during those roles. I took on the Mask for many reasons, and one of them was that I thought I could bear whatever its secret was with grace. For a long time I thought I did better than most Sword-Saints do. Other Sword-Saints have shattered under the weight. I was simply determined to perform to my utmost.

But. Then I realized, pretty recently, that I didn’t shatter simply because I simply shut down. Can’t be sad if you’re not letting yourself feel anything at all.

And I don’t think that’s. If I’m being especially unkind to myself I can say I don’t deserve to feel sad about this because it’s a choice I made. And yes, I would have rather been the Sword-Saint than anyone else on Almachadta have been the Sword-Saint. I still … intellectually know I’m not at fault for the harm it caused me.

Maybe there’s a different story for you. But. However brave and strong and heroic and hopeful you are or were … there’s shit that hard for you to bear, and I refuse to believe you don’t deserve empathy and care for it.

The “carve your name on the moon” thing is a little extra, I will concede that, but also I’ve seen you’re palace. You are the most extra person I’ve ever met or heard tell of. And I’m sitting on a lot of memories about the Mask.

Anything you’re willing to tell me about Zosimos other than that he was a chump?

And, if I haven’t fucked this up, wanna hang out again sometime soon? I’d like to show you the Liminal Library and I’ve got a weaving project I could use some extra hands for.

Jun 22, 2026
↩ Salme #1756You are the most extra person I’ve ever met or heard tell of. And I’m sitting on a lot of memories about the Mask.

goddess im going to be grinning like an asshole about this one for days lmao

love you too babe

anyways youre right about how you shouldnt kick your own ass??? im not kicking my own ass either. you wanted to know who got me into this mess and: its this bitch!!! i got me into this mess and if you wound back the clock and i were standing there in front of the Get Into This Mess button i wound windmill slam it just like i did the first time. you get why, i dont actually have to explain it to you. thats nice

honestly i dont even remember that much about the old man other than that he didnt put up too much of a fight and slunk off when someone else who actually wanted to be in charge showed up

anyways that sounds tight, i’d like that. four entire extra hands babe thats two more than most people have. lets goooo

Jun 22, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1778goddess im going to be grinning like an asshole about this one for days lmao

Of course you’d take that as a compliment. You’re ridiculous. Absurd. Extra. Anything I could possibly say in response will just be taken as more of a compliment.

↩ angelsGuignol #1778honestly i dont even remember that much about the old man other than that he didnt put up too much of a fight and slunk off when someone else who actually wanted to be in charge showed up

Of course you don’t remember, if he was just a predecessor to your most Awesome Highness. Was he a righteous king? Terrible tyrant? There’s apparently been a version of this guy on every plane. He carved the Mask on Almachadta and … apparently turned into a noöplankton on Samudra? (Noöplankton are like. Weird liminal jellyfish things that can talk but only remember the current moment?). Some weird metaphysical shit going on with this guy (these guys? still not sure).

↩ angelsGuignol #1778anyways that sounds tight, i’d like that. four entire extra hands babe thats two more than most people have. lets goooo

Oh excellent. Let me know when’s good for you. We’re going to be in Queenstown for a while. I’m working on a gift for you, but if I don’t have it done by the time we meet up for the weaving session then I’ll just give it to you next time.

Jun 22, 2026
↩ Salme #1782Of course you'd take that as a compliment. You're ridiculous. Absurd. Extra. Anything I could possibly say in response will just be taken as more of a compliment.

was i not supposed to take an obvious compliment as a compliment? i’d say it made my entire month but you already did that, so

↩ Salme #1782There’s apparently been a version of this guy on every plane. He carved the Mask on Almachadta and … apparently turned into a noöplankton on Samudra?

the fuck????????? what the fuck???????? what the fuck

how does a motherfucker turn into? plankton??? how????? does that even work???? ive seen a lot of shit salme. i have. questions

anyways, whenever’s good as far as hanging out, if i’m in the middle of something i’ll tell them to get fucked and come back later. thats the privilege of a pure heart baybeeeee

Jun 22, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #1783was i not supposed to take an obvious compliment as a compliment? i’d say it made my entire month but you already did that, so

Well, don’t get too complacent. There’s still time left for me outdo myself.

↩ angelsGuignol #1783how does a motherfucker turn into? plankton??? how????? does that even work???? ive seen a lot of shit salme. i have. questions

My friend I do not know. This was Wolf’s observation, which he made through doing Weird Wolf Shit that I … well. I know I also do Weird Salme Shit so I can’t talk but somehow he Knows This To Be True. So anyway, that’s why I was asking about Zosimos here.

Okay I’ll let you know. I’m still. Well, I need to get a new sword, and I have some plans, but I’ll let you know how things shake out. Will I be coming to the palace again? The library’s portable.

Jun 22, 2026

you know where the elevator is, now!!! although idk. well play it by ear i guess

Jun 24, 2026

Jae, you said you had to learn some uncomfortable things about yourself, right? Were they all … bad things?

I’m sitting with some realizations about myself and I’m not sure. How I feel about them? They aren’t bad, really. Honestly they’re. Flattering, for the most part. But they make me a little uncomfortable too.

I hadn’t ever considered myself particularly ambitious, but I’ve realized lately that in some ways I am. And then someone, I’m not even sure who, called me on it.

I’m not sure what to do with that. Even assuming I need to do anything. But it’s just. I don’t need to be the best, or the brightest, not all the time. But I absolutely have goals and wants and there’s not much I wouldn’t do to achieve them.

I guess you saw that firsthand, and you’re the last person who’d tell me there’s something wrong with that approach, but. I don’t know.

Jun 24, 2026

i dont think they were all bad things. definitely shit that really challenged my idea of who i was which is. y’know. pretty firmly-established. so i’ve been eating THAT bluffalo one bite at a time

anyways

if youre looking for someone to tell you its ok to want things you absolutely came to the right jae. although i get the impression that most of your clan would agree with me on this one give or take some slapfights about whats fine to do in order to get there. also kinda tough for me to imagine you wanting something different enough from what THEY all want for it to be more of a problem than just yapping at each other though ya’ll seem like a tight bunch.

give yourself time, i guess. and if anyone gives you SHIT for wanting things theres always a brontosaurus

Jun 24, 2026

Oh I don’t think anyone who matters would give me shit for this stuff. I think they’d celebrate it, actually. It’s just letting the truth of it settle over me. It’s realizing the depth of my want. It’s acknowledging I’ve been using myself as a resource to get it for years.

It’s … Jorule called me a leader, and I’d never considered myself as that either. That feels … important. Active. I’d always thought of myself as more of a passive watcher, a storyteller. At best someone who took on the shape most needed at the time. And I can still do that, but it’s wearing a mask. Some of the things I do he identified as leadership are also playing a role. Some of them aren’t.

I don’t know. I’ve been realizing … this will sound silly considering what we talked about upstrand, but I’ve been realizing even if I’m not singing an island into being (remind me to tell you this story) I’m still. Not impressive but. Worthwhile.

That shouldn’t be uncomfortable. I think I’ve been using my own lack of self-confidence as a … safety net? Or something?

Jun 24, 2026

good! thats what i like to hear. give yourself time with it. snuggle up in that truth like a fluffy soft blanket

i dont think you could play the role you chose to play without the ability to take charge when you need to. maybe im wrong? anyways, none of this surprises me from everything i’ve seen of you

rules that you’re starting to see yourself the way others see you

makes sense that it feels like you’re standing on quicksand tho. you’ll get your feet

Jun 25, 2026

Ah well. I guess. The Sword-Saint … or at least, when I’m working as the Sword-Saint, the first thing I do is look at a situation and figure out what I need to be. Then it’s a matter of being it. Sometimes that involves taking charge. Sometimes that involves following a script already laid out for you.

Sometimes, Jae, I realize that for all the wisdom I contain and all the lives I’ve experienced through the Mask that I’m very young indeed.

Though I do have an idle question. Right before we met, when you told me you were watched by the Soldier & Brother (which, you asshole, you had to have known I wasn’t going to be looking at my tomestone) you mentioned … it almost sounded like you got to choose your constellation. Did you?

And, honestly, for my own entertainment, would you give me your thoughts on the constellations? And how they rate on motherfuckerness?

Jun 25, 2026

“HI THERE” on the roof of the palace? Really?

Jun 25, 2026
↩ Salme #2067"HI THERE" on the roof of the palace? Really?

how do you know zaya didnt go up and put that there!!!!

hope you had a good time with your nerd <3

Jun 25, 2026
↩ Salme #2055Right before we met, when you told me you were watched by the Soldier & Brother (which, you asshole, you had to have known I wasn’t going to be looking at my tomestone) you mentioned … it almost sound

a) lmao calculated. gottem!!!

b) you can run away from one and run towards another. or at least, you can if you’re a pure heart. i dont know if you can if you’re not, honestly? tryna get someone to find out if they can really isnt my style on several levels.

anyways heres Jaes Objective And Scientific Scale Of Constellation Motherfuckerness

key and gate: terrifying motherfucker. want them on my side of a fight

lantern and eye: not a motherfucker at all. you want somethin to look at ill give you something to look at

the beating heart: love an endurance predator. would also want on my side of a fight

the duelist’s mask: extra large motherfucker with motherfucker sprinkles as previously discussed

unburnt book: what a good constellation. 10/10 tbh

sundered wolf: ohhhh god fucking terrifying motherfucker. like. cool as fuck. sees eye to eye with me. but. hahaha

hollow skull: Dont Like It, At All, 0/10, fuck off, go away

golden lion: another 10/10 constellation. extremely friend shaped

fiend engine: feels like it should be scary but isn’t, at all?

soldier-and-brother: lets goooo baybeeee

falling leaf: definitely not my jam but also doesnt really seem like a motherfucker to me. its a leaf how can a leaf be a motherfucker. actually youre from almachadta you can probably answer that

dreaming serpent: uuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

empty space: exciting, tbh. the anti-motherfucker of the constellations.

stillness and the song: hard to place on the Motherfucker Scale b/c they’re either the Most Motherfucker or the Least Motherfucker kind of definitionally and its impossible to say which???

Jun 25, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2105how do you know zaya didnt go up and put that there!!!! hope you had a good time with your nerd <3

Be serious, Jae. Even if Zaya did you absolutely were in cahoots about it.

And I had an amazing time. He’s … it was amazing.

Jun 25, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2106key and gate: terrifying motherfucker. want them on my side of a fight

Jorule’s Key-and-Gate and I had a moment recently where I realized he’d be fucking terrifying if he wasn’t on our side. It’s weird, because so often he’s just A Guy that I get in recreational slapfights with.

I didn’t expect that reaction to the Golden Lion though it makes sense. Hm. Would you be willing to tell me about Annarr? I’ve been trying to. I want to get a sense of his story. I’m talking with Zaya about him, and I’m going to reach out to Zaed, but. I’d value your perspective too.

Thank you for your correct and objective takes. I laughed a lot.

Jun 26, 2026

jorule is fucking terrifying even if he IS on your side tbh but i’d still rather be on his side of a fight than not having experienced both

hmm. annarr was… so he was tiny when he was a kid. like. tiny tiny. and everyone thought he’d never grow up to be a hunter, like tiny people cant be absolutely fucking terrifying monster hunters in their own right but. idk people are weird here sometimes about being physically imposing. comes in handy for me i guess?

so he learned how to fight, but he also learned fiendcraft, and he studied the ways fiends and monsters behave. he was careful and observant. knew my tells, when he fought me, and after the first good hit he got in i was being careful. did some kind of switcheroo slam shuffle on me and i was staring down the barrel of a void flare. had to scorpion and the frog him and. something fucking bizarre happened when i did that i still dont have an explanation for. pulled us both in a direction that isnt one of the normal ones. hasnt happened before or since. said some things i shouldn’t have to try and give him context for what the fuck happened and keep his mind from turning into soup, and somehow that turned into him deciding his life was a chip in my pile. not the first time that’s happened to me at least, so i knew what to do with it.

i think if i’d KNOWN what was going to happen, and told him to go investigate, and told HIM what would happen… he would have done it anyways.

Jun 27, 2026

Yeah you two were enemies, right, the first time around? I haven’t asked him much about you since I’ve known you. I’m not … interested, in how you choose to define yourself now, as Jae, but he did tell me a little. Seye mentioned a little more—I think that’s where I got that idea? And … I don’t know that I find Jorule terrifying now, honestly. He’s. Someone I feel impossibly safe around? Someone I wish I could do something for? But both he and Aurelius tend to evoke that in me, though in different ways.

Physical imposition is a pretty funny criterion considering that the Rite doesn’t rely on physicality at all. [Void Flare] will still fuck you up if stacked right. But I mean. Some people get distracted by what’s in front of them and don’t actually pay attention to the rest of it. Sounds like that’s not uncommon on the Beast. It’s also not uncommon on Almachadta, though less common, I think.

↩ angelsGuignol #2122said some things i shouldn’t have to try and give him context for what the fuck happened and keep his mind from turning into soup

Do you … remember exactly what you said? Or exactly what happened? I know some of it. That was Aurelius’ big secret, the Truth That Burns. The version he told me was, “None of this is Real. You’re all just fictional characters in someone else’s story.” I don’t know if … hm. Early on, the line between Aurelius and Jorule was … less marked. I don’t know if that’s what you told Annarr, or if that’s a Jorule-inflected reading or what. Was there more that you said? Or to the situation? And if there was would you be willing to tell me?

↩ angelsGuignol #2122pulled us both in a direction that isnt one of the normal ones.

I recently received a necklace from a jewelry seller. It’s a compass rose, with a mote of quicksilver that points in a ninth direction—perpendicular to the rest. “The Rose Gold Rose” is what the jewelry seller called it. Was it … like that? It’s a little abstract, but … that’s what your wording reminded me of.

I can also ask Aurelius about this too and I probably should. I thought I knew the story of what happened with Annarr but I realize I made a lot of assumptions, and I didn’t really know anything at all. Though. When we dueled, you and I, that hit with the void flare? I learned that from him. Learned a lot from him, really, and I’m still learning. So there’s another line of continuity, I guess.

Jun 29, 2026

enemies is probably not the right way to put it vs… i always gotta prove myself against everyone i meet, right? thats still true. and jorule and i are, he’ll shit iron filings if he hears me saying this, enough alike that i think we were always going to clash. i respect his skill and his power and tbh always have! honestly not a huge list of people i can say that about. makes sense that he makes you feel safe. point in his favor right there tbh.

im trying to remember exactly what i said to annarr. you know how sometimes in the middle of a life or death thing your memories get fuzzy? imagine that but with a weird fucking negative space wedgie happening at the same time. bad scene, bad vibes. but the gist of it was that the world he was born into was a story, my story specifically. that he was a character the world wrote into its narrative, that what he was experiencing was… being above the story, and looking in. and that he should listen to me and follow me back and trust me that it’d all turn out ok in the end. ok yeah i did remember exactly what i said to him in the end and now im fuckin sad (i’ll be fine. i just. hate being a liar.)

Jun 29, 2026

Would you be willing to … hm. I think I can see some of the similarities with you and Jorule. Neither of you like to lose. But. I’m absolutely curious what the other commonalities are. (For all we talk a lot we … I know facts about his life, but who he is and who he’s been … that’s harder to get a handle on). The unevenness of it would bother me, honestly, if I wasn’t certain he’d never purposefully harm me (at least without good reason).

Yeah it’s the weird negative space wedgie that I’m curious about. There’s a thing I can do, a kind of … memory-sharing mind-link. Would you be willing to try to show me next time we’re in person together? It’s a controlled experience; I wouldn’t have access to any of your other memories and there’s one of mine I’d like to share with you as well. You can, as always, say no. “Being above the story looking in” is a phenomenon I’m very interested in.

And. You don’t know if that’s what made things not all right for him. I’d venture to say the Architect nabbing him and searing holes in his brain probably was the bigger problem, though I don’t know that for certain either. You’re allowed to feel grief (I’d be a hypocrite to say otherwise) but don’t apportion blame quite yet.

It’s frustrating. I told Zaed this but I wish I had answers. I wish … hm. Being the Sword-Saint is about a lot of things, but grief’s a decent portion of it. Aurelius said I didn’t have much experience with people going out on a Hunt and not returning, and he’s right. My personal experience with grief was … knowing exactly what happened. The drab, unheroic reality of someone dying in their sleep. But I’ve helped people through their grief when they don’t get to know, right? When there’s no body, just an empty grave. It’s usually by finding out their story insomuch as I can find out the story. I wish … I’d like to do this for Annarr, for the people who loved him.

(And maybe I feel a bit guilty still because even seeing all this grief and all this difficulty I don’t know that I’ll ever stop being grateful that I met Aurelius. I think I would have liked Annarr just fine, honestly, but.)

Ah you probably didn’t need to hear all this. Here’s a funny thought: I picked up my first book in the Taken By The Scorpion Queen series. I can’t believe these exist. Aury said you’ve written some?

Jun 29, 2026

you should be happy that you got to meet aurelius. annarr would kick your ass if he felt like concern for him was getting in the way of being happy you met aurelius im pretty sure. just like hed kick my ass for moping about having lied to him. i mean id win the rite but he’d kick my ass pretty hard in the process.

also this occurred to me before but i was in my feels. that piece of jewelry you got. out of mild curiosity does it have any iron in it? as a design element?

lmaoo oh my god. oh my god. i will never tell if i have or have not written any of those. theyre so fun arent they???

Jun 29, 2026

Well I mean concern for Annarr isn’t getting in the way of being grateful I have Aury. That’s part of … hm. Realizing again that I’m more tenebrous than I previously thought is. A bit of a doozy I think.

Yeah it has a ring of cold iron in it. Why do you ask?

“Fun” is a word. I’ve never read the word “pheromones” so many times, and whoever wrote this one seems wholly unfamiliar with the concept of scent and how it works.

You aren’t hiding a harem somewhere are you? Odds are low but not impossible on that one.

Jul 02, 2026

Jae I’m sorry to bother you and you might not tell me but if you can I need to know … are people who aren’t Pure Hearts ever reborn or reincarnated? Do you see the same people in different bodies over time? Is there …

I found something out and I don’t understand it. It’s about me, not you, but you’re the only person I know who might’ve lived long enough to know.

Jul 02, 2026
↩ Salme #2210Realizing again that I'm more tenebrous than I previously thought is. A bit of a doozy...

gonna ask an impertinent question: is tenebrousness considered a bad thing where you’re from? or is this just. learning exciting new things about yourself. because learning exciting new things about yourself should be exciting and theres nothing the fuck wrong with who you are

↩ Salme #2210Yeah it has a ring of cold iron in it. Why do you ask?

hah i thought so! how in the fuck did that get there? someone i knew a long time ago had- in every way that matters i think the iron ring that’s part of that piece was his signature weapon. neat that it somehow found you but its whole thing is knowing where it needs to be, i guess

↩ Salme #2210You aren’t hiding a harem somewhere are you? Odds are low but not impossible on that one.

babe i wouldnt be hiding it have you met me

Jul 02, 2026
↩ Salme #2273Jae I'm sorry to bother you and you might not tell me but if you can I *need* to know ... are people who aren't Pure Hearts ever reborn or reincarnated? Do you see the same people in different bodies

this… hm.

the realest and truest answer i can give you is, im not sure and its something ive wondered. a lot.

ultimately i dont know if it makes a difference i guess. if i know someone and then generations later i meet someone and they remind me of someone i knew, is that a thing happening in my own head? is it speaking to some kind of grand magical sparkle times universal truth of creation? does history echo on itself? it feels like a performance for my benefit if it does and even then i dont know if it could ever. actually matter

you’re who you are when you are who you are. i dont even think who you were ten years ago matters as much as who you are right now. fuck i dont think who you were ten minutes ago matters as much as who you are right now. but i get that you think about these things different from me so i understand why the thought would be gnawing at you.

what did you see? aint ever a bother. my ass is the center of the universe sure but that doesnt mean im not pr. much always gonna be interested in whats going on with you, babe

Jul 03, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2304gonna ask an impertinent question: is tenebrousness considered a bad thing where you're from? or is this just. learning exciting new things about yourself.

It’s … the latter. I’ve always struggled with wanting things, and when I became the Sword-Saint, I felt the role needed to be played by someone who set all their wants aside. I don’t, generally speaking, believe much in the greater good (the good of who, Jae?) but in this particular case, when it was all of Almachadta versus myself—that felt very unambiguous.

I’m not saying I’m incapable of being radiant, but I’ve tried to exist in a space where neither apply. It’s only recently I’ve realized that I’ve always been treating myself as a resource to be spent. That’s perhaps the doozy—that I must be more responsible with myself so as to not hurt the people who love me.

↩ angelsGuignol #2304someone i knew a long time ago had- in every way that matters i think the iron ring that’s part of that piece was his signature weapon.

Was this Yima Xsaieta? He reached out and told me that part of this necklace belong to him, once. Did it belong to someone else?

↩ angelsGuignol #2305what did you see?

It seems so funny, doesn’t it, for me to be fascinated with the history of others and terrified that some part of myself might have existed before now?

There was a moment—a memory, where I was dueling against someone in the past, in the unsundered world. It was vivid, and we were smiling, and I knew, absolutely, that the person who I was dueling was Wolf. I spoke with Awa about it, and I’m doing much better, but.

There are cycles. You know this and I know this. And I thought I knew the shape of these cycles. Finding out there might be larger cycles, that my existence might have repeated … it felt like I had fallen into another trap, like I’m in a labyrinth I cannot escape, that as soon as I see the shape of the maze I find myself entrapped in a larger one.

But. If I am determined to break these smaller cycles, there’s no reason I could not change this larger one to my liking. It just. Struck me, badly.

Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke, like we’re some … weird experiment for something large and uncaring, and I get very angry about it. But that is a big assumption to make off a tiny sliver of knowledge.

↩ angelsGuignol #2305you’re who you are when you are who you are. i dont even think who you were ten years ago matters as much as who you are right now.

You’re right that history and context are important to me, but both you and Sininen remind me that now is what matters, and. Aurelius, when we got together, had this budding hope inside him, that the future matters more than the past. I thought it would be easy to nurture that hope, that I already had it figured out, but I think it’s also a hope I need to nurture. Indeed, before I knew who you were I shared something you said about … letting dead moments be dead, and looking to the future. It made that much of an impression on me.

The past matters because it is informative. But it is not more important than the current moment, and it is certainly not more important than the future that we are building right now. I’ve indulged myself worrying about possibilities and potentials, and I do think my ability to consider these things can be a skill, but it can also be a trap. So thank you.

If I get to love someone in multiple lifetimes, then that’s a gift. If I get to build a new love moment by moment, that is also a gift. And if the world tries to foist a destiny upon me that I don’t want, I will change it to my liking.

↩ angelsGuignol #2305my ass is the center of the universe sure but that doesnt mean im not pr. much always gonna be interested in whats going on with you, babe

I’m … going to indulge myself further and say that reading this meant … a lot. There’s been … I don’t know, maybe this has a hint of destiny to it, though I don’t think it does, but. Since I started this, since I awoke in Sanctuary to meet my companions, I’ve felt. Things sliding into place with so many people, like I’m meeting people I always needed in my life. Caion, on Samudra was like that. You’re also like that for me, Jae. I’m deeply grateful for that.

↩ angelsGuignol #2304babe i wouldnt be hiding it have you met me

Also thanks for this one. It made me laugh when laughter was badly needed.

Jul 04, 2026
↩ Salme #2313It’s only recently I’ve realized that I’ve always been treating myself as a resource to be spent. That’s perhaps the doozy—that I must be more responsible with myself so as to not hurt the people who

yeah thats the thing. everything is a resource, but resources have a cost and– fuck this is a really shitty language to try and express this in. there are other languages that can do it better. when you have a resource you take care of that resource and shepherd it carefully. especially when there are other people who care about that resource. and you’re learning that! that’s good.

↩ Salme #2313Was this Yima Xsaieta? He reached out and told me that part of this necklace belong to him, once. Did it belong to someone else?

oh xsai talked to you? rad, okay. no yeah thats who i meant

as for the rest of it…. that sounds like a fuckin lot. probably would have thrown me for a loop too? dunno what the fuck it means but. it sounds. like you have a handle on it, or will, and im proud of you for that

and

↩ Salme #2313If I get to love someone in multiple lifetimes, then that’s a gift. If I get to build a new love moment by moment, that is also a gift. And if the world tries to foist a destiny upon me that I don’t w

this? thank YOU for this. meant a lot to me to read. got more to say bubbling away in the back of my brain but i have to think of how to say it

Jul 04, 2026

Yeah, Xsai told me he was observing to some extent. Which was kind of him, considering that I’m being observed by half the fucking universe it seems without so much as a “we’re watching.”

↩ angelsGuignol #2329this? thank YOU for this. meant a lot to me to read. got more to say bubbling away in the back of my brain but i have to think of how to say it

I’m glad I can inspire you as much as you inspire me. I look forward to hearing whatever you have bubbling away in the back of your brain.

I don’t think we’ll be able to meet up for our weaving plans in the library until we get back from hunting Glass Sharks, but that’s fine. Gives me time to finish up the thing I’m working on for you.

Jul 04, 2026

good hunting, then!! kick ass and bring home some glass shark fins for us all.

Jul 04, 2026

I’m starting to think that this isn’t even meant to be a challenge, it’s just meant so you can have some good shark-fin soup.

Which is fine, I guess. But still.

Jul 04, 2026

good shark-fin soup never came without a challenge, babe

Jul 05, 2026

Well isn’t that the fucking truth. We got mobbed by the fuckers. We’re all fine, though. Hm. I wanted … hm. Some advice?

I went down—hit my stress cap, had to retreat. It was a calculated decision. It was me or Aurelius, and it was late enough in the Rite that I knew we should prioritize our damage-dealers. Aury understood, I think. Didn’t like it, but got it. Awa did too. The others—

I think I hurt them, especially Wolf and Luĉja. I know it’s especially hard for Luĉja, them being who they are, and I. Don’t really know what I should do.

We were talking about not using myself as a resource so callously, and I think that’s important, yeah? But I also … we’re going to get hurt. We’ve already gotten hurt, and sure, I’ll have a bit of a scar, but I knew they’d win. I never once doubted. And I’m not sure … I feel like I’m going to have to try to convince them that it wasn’t me being suicidal or not valuing myself?

Maybe I’m borrowing trouble and it’ll be fine. I know once Awa got hit real bad and I wasn’t normal about it either so maybe it’s funny the shoe is on the other foot. No one likes seeing someone they care about hurt, but I need them to trust me, that I am thinking, that I am weighing my decisions. In a duel where the stakes are life and death, winning is the thing that matters and I made the choice that I thought would let us win most easily.

I don’t know. We found V and her friends and everyone’s talking and it’s good, I guess? I just feel. Weird.

Jul 05, 2026

HEY CONGRATULATIONS!!! we’ll throw a party for you when you get back to town. did you get a cool scar??? i should show you some of mine sometime

honestly luĉja is a grown ass robot and will deal with their emotions about the matter. i can. guess? at what’s going on with them i think but its the kind of thing where id actually feel legit uncomfortable speaking on their behalf. maybe just talk to them about whats bubblin away inside the tin can i think itd be good for them probably. theyve been through it a bit. i can relate

as for wolf im honestly a little surprised that that little battle pervert didnt understand what was going on, not like he probably wouldnt have done the same if it wouldnt mean giving up on the glory of the kill lol. maybe i have misread him its certainly possible!!! but like if he cant accept ‘no that was not me trying to get myself killed that was me being tactical, dumbass’ from you then he doesnt deserve to be your friend??? i think he probably does though and just. like. hes fought solo for a long ass time right? i get that vibe? hes probably not used to seeing someone going down in the rite and continuing on their behalf. also relate tbh

like

seeing you get hurt would make me mad as hell unless id been the one to do it???

but i like to think id comport myself with a lil fuckin dignity about it

i do think it is in fact hilarious that the shoe is on the other foot given what happened with owo but like. just assume thats whats going on. they care about you and they’re frankly not as good at this part as you or aurelius are and. yknow. that can be fine let them spend time in the messy bitch mines too goddess knows theres room enough for all of us motherfuckers here

grab v’s ass for me in spirit by which i mean politely tell her i said hi

Jul 06, 2026

Ha. I did get a cool scar. At least I’m pretty sure it’ll scar? Shark chomp straight to the hip. Kept the teeth too. I’m going to see if Luĉja will help me make something cool out of them.

Yeah we’ve talked about it before. Again, despite my human body I do understand a little what it’s like to carry the weight of memory and loss. Not … like they do, or you do, but a little. I’m meaning to check in with them anyone. I’ve missed them rather a lot, actually, since we’ve got here. They’ve been busy, probably checking up on their ties here.

Not sure about your read on Wolf generally but the point about him being on his own a lot is. Well-taken, and something I’ll bear in mind when speaking with him. Though I’m not going to feed Wolf to a brontosaurus because he got a little protective. I’d feed myself to a brontosaurus first and that would upset him way more and be more characteristic of me. Be serious, Jae. (I know brontosauri were not mentioned but).

With … owo?? Is that a joke I’m not getting? It … kinda looks like a face. Jorule sometimes makes faces with letters. Is that. Is that also supposed to be a face?

I will politely relay your regards when given the chance. We have been stuck in the exposition mines for several hours at this point. I need to make a quick guide, because I have to imagine this will continue happening.

Curiosity question: How close do you have to be for [The Scorpion and the Frog] to take effect? Like if I’m ever about to get murdered by land sharks again, would that card help at all?

Jul 06, 2026

youll note that i did not recommend creative uses of brontosauruses in my response!!! but yeah. i feel like maybe he hasnt been much of a messy bitch in his life and hes having some big messy bitch feelings rn which is always. a time

you called him awa so i called him owo. as in ‘owo whats this’. yeah the os are eyes and the w is a scrunched up mouth like youre looking at something and your eyes are all wide. its really stupid dont worry about it anyways he can be mysterious royalty on his own plane im the queen here!!! (this is a joke)

im honestly kind of surprised you dont have a flyer printed for this shit yet already. i can hook you up with a printing press once youre back in town if you need as long as i get a copy this sounds like it would be hilarious

hm. thats a fantastic question honestly. im pretty sure i have to be like. physically present and participating in the rite though based on the precise wording of the tone and believe me i TRIED to get it worded more loosely than that, lol

Jul 06, 2026

Imagine not being a messy bitch for most of your life. Can’t relate. Recently was a super messy bitch at Aury, though I think it worked out? I keep doing this thing where I … Jae, I do this thing where I think my boyfriend doesn’t actually like me and convince myself he’s just putting up with me because I like him. It’s insane. Then I tell Jorule, who is, I will remind you, a Spark-sharer, about it. The messiest of bitchdoms.

I mean I really like learning about the little things you can do with text here. I learned I can get all sorts of things by holding down alt and hitting numbers, like ☺ and ♥, though I haven’t really figured out the pictograms (I do copy and paste the ones other people use though). Awa’s more of a OoO though. His eyes are huge and open in wonder, and his mouth is also open in wonder. Anyway, couldn’t you theoretically have a prince just fine? You’d still be queen.

I mean the flyer would be a lot of work, and we really don’t want too many people reading about “hey, world’s ending” shit, you know? At least, from the Mask’s memories, people tend to panic, or they tend to start tearing themselves down. I’m considering structuring my thing in sections with like a “Who We Are”, “What We’re Doing” and “Where We’ve Been” thing?

Though. Jae. A printing press. I need one of those very badly. For reasons. Even if not for the flyers.

Hm well the wording says “present” not “participating” so I guess I’ll just have to figure out a way to summon you if it gets real desperate? Actually, how often do you get to leave Queenstown?

Jul 07, 2026

honestly you could pick worse people to be wrong at. hell probably just tell you you’re wrong and to buck up and then move on to other things? which is honestly. the same thing id say b/c youre fucking great and you got a part of you yellin that youre not and that part is just wrong and not in a way you can argue into submission with logic or w/e its just Wrong and sometimes just hearing ‘nope’ helps i think

thats. a real cute way of describing him and also is correct

i dont get out too much honestly. part of it is just. i cant bring Queenstown to the people i want to impress. and making them come to me is its own kind of flex. every so often i’ll go on some sort of expedition or another though. mostly i just find people whose opinions i know ill be able to trust and listen to what they have to say about what they found, though

Jul 07, 2026

Maybe it’s dumb, but I’d love to see the rest of the Beast with you? I love it here and I keep thinking about how carefully you treasured the blackberries and my embroidery. I think you’d be really fun to travel with; I think everything would feel new and exciting and real. I think also of showing you Almachadta. Sometimes I feel … it’s a quieter wonder, you know? We aren’t making scientific breakthroughs or building great cities, but there’s so much life and so many wonderous, strange things. I used to braid flowers in my hair when I was happy there. I haven’t had the chance since leaving excepting the one time I … well. That’s a story I’m going to tell you in person.

Maybe you’d hate it! But I don’t think you would. (And even Samudra is lovely even if it’s also a … challenge.)

Jul 09, 2026

aw, i dont think thats dumb at all. that would be pretty great. people tend to get weirdly intense when i show up somewhere which on the one hand is pretty gratifying ngl, but on the other hand sometimes you just want to stretch your legs without people frantically scrambling to roll out a red carpet. o my steak is too juicy and my lobster is too buttery. woe is me

almachadta, though. i think i’d really love to travel your world with you, yeah. i could braid so many flowers into your hair with four arms you have no idea. i miss… flowers, honestly? the beast has some spectacular flowering cacti but i remember, a long long time ago, being in a city with a botanical garden that just. went on forever, it felt like. or at least, that’s how i remember it. tried to build something like it here once or twice but it didn’t pan out. anyways.

that sounds like it’d be really nice.

Jul 09, 2026

I mean. I did get tired, sometimes, of being the Sword-Saint. At first they didn’t know me without the Mask, but then people learned the cloak I wore (I embroidered it; I’ll show it to you) and then they learned my face and. I don’t know. That first year I was able to put it down now and then, but after that I was always the Saint. Only Badri really called me by my real name, though I think most people knew me. I met my parents once and even when they saw my face they didn’t recognize me. And sure, I had been a child last they saw but … they recognized the Sword-Saint.

I think it was less gratifying to me, but it meant that people did notice me. I wasn’t some forgettable background prop. But sometimes I wanted to be … Salme. To just swim in a pond and laugh and cry and get angry and be impatient and get sick from eating too many berries. I think Badri found a way to let himself do that, but I never did.

So. I know you probably wouldn’t disguise yourself—I proposed dressing you up like an Endjinn to Zaya and she said you’d never go for it—but. I don’t know. I know you’re the Scorpion Queen, overseer of the Beast, but you’re also Jae, and I wish we could … just be Jae and Salme and do dumb Jae and Salme things together.

I mean. We will, once I get back, but. I don’t know.

I don’t think either of us would chose to be average even if we could. I mean. I chose to be the Sword-Saint and … you chose your role as well. Doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice to just … I want to go look at all those metal chunks sticking out of the ground, and explore the cacti that grow here, and I could watch the stars forever. And on Almachadta! It’s safe to camp out on the road if you’re careful and you can just. Listen to the birds and the wind through the trees and all these sounds of life. Every small thing is available to you; “The world offers itself to your imagination,” in the words of my favorite poem. Anyway. Someday, maybe? I don’t know if you can leave, but if you can’t maybe. Hm. There’s a story I’m going to tell you next time in person. You’ll like it a lot.

Anyway flowers…I wish I could bring some to you. I miss them as well. Have you ever considered trying a botanical garden in Queenstown? You’d have to artificially irrigate it, but. That’s something we could try? Out here, V’s group has managed something impressive with growing things in this valley. I was going to talk to the person most responsible but maybe he’ll give me some ideas for a Queenstown project?

Do you have favorite flowers? Mine are nasturtiums, but I love hellebore a lot since it blooms during the dim.

Also I’m guessing you wouldn’t be inclined to tell me about the deal with you and the Reachers and the word “hero” would you?

Jul 10, 2026

has anyone ever told you that when you describe things, i can feel em like i’m there? probably. probably someone’s told you that. anyways, it’s true.

if the world tries to STOP me from going on an almachadta road trip with you some day ill beat its ass. i can take the world on no problem. the beast will be fine without me for a bit so im not worried about that at least. some day.

oleander, foxglove, monkshood. angels trumpet. anything beautiful and utterly deadly. also, chrysanthemums? and lotus blossoms. honestly theres no flower i DON’T love, just… flowers here tend to be kinda scraggly. a lot of them smell really nice, though. there’s a little butterfly garden in the earthworks district, actually, that is doing pretty well.

not ignoring your last question btw, just getting my thoughts together. holler at me if i forget to respond.

Jul 10, 2026

You know, I don’t know that anyone ever has? Or if they did, I don’t remember. I try, though. I try very, very hard. Especially for you, since you seem to really value it? And I like doing things for people that they value. Glad we’re on the same page with the road trip, though.

Oh, I’ll have to check out the butterfly garden. And of course you love the beautiful and deadly ones. Foxglove is lovely though; useful too, not just to kill, though I’ve never been much for herbalist work. Someday there’ll be flowers on the Beast though.

Haha, okay. I’ll yell at you if you forget to respond. Hope you’re doing well.

Jul 10, 2026

well, you succeed. youre a fucking brilliant storyteller, salme. it sounds from what you’ve said like youve had lots of practice? and if nobody in all that time told you you were really, really good at it or that you made them smile, well. that sucks but at least i get to!!!

useful AND deadly: the best combination

anyways so part of the deal w/ me and that word is Shit I Will Explain More Later.

suffice it to say that i dont WANT there to be ‘jernos’ here. it’s a burden i don’t want people to bear. but i do want to be the Hero. that is. kind of my whole thing. and i want other people to look up to that, and want to perform acts of bravery and be badasses and do the things that this world rewards, in emulation of their Hero.

so i… i would, and i think the Reachers would agree if they could remember the deal we made, call it a fair trade. i traded for the word. it’s mine now. in exchange… why do you think i built all the train lines stretching into the middle of nowhere? they all have access to the entirety of the Beast, no matter what ridges of earthworks or metal are in the way, no matter how hard it is to clear a path. thats part of my job here. always has been. i make sure they have a market to sell their goods, i make sure they can be part of the story AND live far enough away that im not breathing down their necks and telling them how to live. and if someone here wants to leave for there, or one of their kids wants to come to queenstown? more power to ‘em. as long as i get to be the Hero of the Beast.

this isnt exactly a Big Secret but it’s also not really something most people these days know, so bear that in mind.

hope youre doing well too

Jul 10, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2567if nobody in all that time told you you were really, really good at it or that you made them smile, well. that sucks but at least i get to!!!

Someone probably has. I’m nearly certain that … when I performed as the Sword-Saint, people were appreciative. I just can’t particularly remember. And I know Iikka smiled a lot at my stories, even when I was eight and just making up the most absurd shit. It’s just … again, I don’t remember.

I hadn’t realized, you know, how much I still didn’t know. I knew all the important bits—who I was, the decisive moments that made me, all the knowledge I carry, but I’m realizing now, as I try to put together stories or make sense of things that … as the Sword-Saint, my sigil was a sparrow. We all get sigils eventually—Badri’s was the Sunbeam-and-Dog, for instance. I remembered that the sparrow was my sigil but I don’t remember who chose it, or why it was chosen. I have my guesses, but I don’t know.

Which is a lot of words to say that I’m still missing very many memories and I’m not sure I’ll get them back. I can remember a lot of how I felt, as the Sword-Saint. I don’t remember a lot about specific things that happened. I’m planning on asking Badri. I know I wrote him letters; maybe he kept some. I can’t imagine no one ever praised me. I know I never doubted I was good at what I did. But I don’t remember it regardless, so you get to be the first. Lucky you.

Thank you for the term ‘jernos’—there’s a larger mystery that crosses the five planes that having that term might help us unravel. As for what you wrote:

↩ angelsGuignol #2567it’s a burden i don’t want people to bear. but i do want to be the Hero. [...]. and i want other people to look up to that, and want to perform acts of bravery and be badasses and do the things that t

You know, I do think of what you told me, in response to Badri’s passing on of the Mask, about how you’d have died before you’d let that happen. I thought it was purely an emotional response, but. That’s precisely what you did here, isn’t it? Shouldering every burden you could find. And yeah, using it to fuel your own ego (I’m not going to pretend you don’t have one; I think that would be insulting to you) but I mean when you’re carrying that much, maybe you’re allowed a little ego?

One thing about the Mask that I haven’t told you is that the first bearer thought that it would be the only one. Its name was Bahamut, crystal-eyed, sleek-furred beast, strong and able, maybe even strong enough to leap from one side of Almachadta to the other. And it was supposed to bear the Mask alone and immortal for however long was necessary. But it couldn’t survive the end of the first cycle, and had to pass the Mask on. An echo of it still lives, in the depths of the Mask. I met it, and then Wolf and I visited again, and it was sad—mournful, that it failed.

It seems, to me, that you’re what would have been if Bahamut had been able to endure. It also …

There’s something perhaps ugly in me that’s joyful at the thought of my being the last Sword-Saint, or at least the last Sword-Saint to live with the reality of the cycles. I still. Again, I know I still might have to die. I know that maybe there won’t be a way out. I’m hopeful, I believe more than I doubt, but I refuse to embrace certainty when certainty isn’t a given. But I think right now, if someone challenged me for the Mask, I would die before I let them take it. The end of this particularly history will be mine, and whoever comes after can write a new one. I think. If I had been as magnificent as Bahamut or as strong as you, I’d have tried to make the same choice.

There’s a contradiction here, about trying to value myself more and also the assertion that I’d take on greater and greater burdens. I don’t even want to be seen as a hero—I’ve talked about playing the role of a hero, but it’s just that, a nice lie. I don’t even think I’m particularly strong, not anymore. But there’s something in me that feels well disposed to being the Sword-Saint, almost as if I were made for that role. As much as I have desires and wants, I also want to … serve, I guess? To give, as well as take.

Maybe I’m projecting. I probably am. I can’t tell you what the Reachers would think now—memory is such a fickle thing that shifts over time, and even trades that were fair can come to be resented by people who weren’t there at the time. I’m not particularly interested in judging one way or another. I want to understand the history, and I want to understand you. The rest of it is fairly immaterial to me right now.

Thank you for telling me, though. I am. Filled with questions that I am trying not to ask because I don’t want—I think [Libra] was violation enough, and I know you’ll want to answer me, even if you’re not ready to do so. I really appreciate it though. I hope you know that.

And I’m doing fine. I miss Queenstown, honestly, and wish I was spending less time in this cave system than I am, but. It is what it is. I’m a bit worried about Wolf and Jorule—they had some conflict and I’m not sure how serious it is—but. I’m not someone Jorule would go to with his feelings, and when I went to check on Wolf he was already asleep. It’ll probably work out. I wish, though, that they could see how lovely one another was, I guess?

Jul 12, 2026
↩ Salme #2574Someone probably has. I'm nearly certain that ... when I performed as the Sword-Saint, people were appreciative. I just can't particularly remember...

kinda feels like the memories that you kept the closest are all. pretty sad and fucked up ones, from where i’m standing. i’m sorry that’s the case, and i hope more of the better ones come back to you. and in the meantime i guess youll just have to make more good memories here on the beast with all of your new friends who DONT need to be fed to brontosauruses. probably. provided that jorule is still behaving himself, anyway

anyways

i do feel very lucky about that

Jul 12, 2026
↩ Salme #2574You know, I do think of what you told me, in response to Badri’s passing on of the Mask, about how you’d have died before you’d let that happen...

bahamut, huh? thats a lonely name. its one ive heard before. echoing through time and stories. before i ever even came here. a lonely name for a lonely creature. glad it sounds like you were able to… find it, remember it, keep its company. tell its story. i know that’s important to you and it should be

i don’t think that’s an ugly part of you at all. im curious why you think so? i think that part of you is beautiful. im also baffled at why you seem to think you are weak? like thats. insane to me but

id tell you to be careful about what you jump into feet first but i already know you’d look twice and do the math so im not worried.

Jul 14, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2591in the meantime i guess youll just have to make more good memories here on the beast

I’m working on it! You know. When I got together with Aurelius, he said something about him starting to think that the future might matter more than the past. And he’s got there already, I think. It was really lovely. And I’m still working on it. Sort of mortifying to think that I’m still trapped there when he’s worked through it so well and it wasn’t even a struggle I identified for myself but. It is what it is.

That’s sort of why I think I’m not very strong? I keep getting caught on my past and I let it inform my present. I get sad or anxious and struggle to trust. I guess I keep getting stuck in the messy bitch mines and I can’t even have some decorum about it. And aside from that it’s—you know, I’m only human. I’m not Bahamut or the Scorpion Queen or the First Endjinn. And there’s nothing wrong with being human, but we are short-lived and easy to break.

↩ angelsGuignol #2592i don’t think that’s an ugly part of you at all. im curious why you think so?

I guess it’s ugly because it’s … I mean, of course it’s about sparing someone else, about ending the cycle, about the whole world not dying. But it’s also a little about me getting to be the last, getting to matter that way. About having a story of my own that people keep telling even after I’m gone. I guess … you wouldn’t see that part as ugly, would you? I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a hero; I think that’s a stretch. But being remembered? I guess that’s always been appealing to me. That’s one thing about the Mask—it feels like a way to honor someone, to care for someone, even after they’re gone.

Sometimes I think I’m too caught up on the past for this story.

↩ angelsGuignol #2592id tell you to be careful about what you jump into feet first but i already know you’d look twice and do the math so im not worried.

Hearing this means a lot. Thank you.

Jul 16, 2026

Jae, did you and V fuck?

Jul 18, 2026
↩ Salme #2613That’s sort of why I think I’m not very strong? I keep getting caught on my past and I let it inform my present.

but that doesnt have any bearing whatsoever on how strong you are? do you keep trudging forward step by step and confront yr shit and keep clanging away in the messy bitch mines or do you just flail around in it

and even if you just flail around in it. idk. that doesnt make a person weak. it means they use their strength in a way they might not want to but thats. mm. i really dont think thats weakness i think that just means youre a person.

↩ Salme #2613But it’s also a little about me getting to be the last, getting to matter that way. About having a story of my own that people keep telling even after I’m gone.

yeah

this is fucking important

its good and right

if its ugly then its good and right to be ugly

i think it’s beautiful though

Jul 18, 2026
↩ Salme #2665Jae, did you and V fuck?

that depends on your definition of ‘fuck’ probably it was pr. esoteric

is she telling calumnious tales about me? i hope theyre good ones and i hope i sound really hot and good and cool in all of them

Jul 19, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2680is she telling calumnious tales about me? i hope theyre good ones and i hope i sound really hot and good and cool in all of them

Mostly she told me you actually did successfully grab her ass and that the two of you butt heads when in the same room together. I think you came across as more “incorrigible” than anything else.

Jul 19, 2026

Did you know, Jae, that there are gates on each of the other four planes—Almachadta, Samudra, Mu, Valaïs—and they all lead here, to the Beast?

Did you know that you can view the Beast from afar, from space, and see her wreathed in burning gnosis, with metal jutting out of her skin? You can see Almachadta too, on the same azimuth, ripe and bursting with flourishing gnosis. Samudra stretches out below, an infinite expanse of water. We were not able to find Mu or Valaïs, not that first time, but I believe in us.

I think the Beast is alive. I think she eats Almachadta, will eat Almachadta, when all of the moons are gone. I don’t know why the moons are disappearing or what they do. I do know Almachadta burns, but it is also devoured.

I think of the Rite-tone [Inferno]. I think of your lack of written records on a world where paper is plentiful. I think of you, lashed to the world with chains of utter, unshakeable determination. I think of you tempering your own expectations about what you will and won’t be able to achieve. I know you don’t know how to stop it. I know if you could you would have already, because you are the kind of person that stops terrible things from happening.

I wonder if you tried to stop it, whatever “it” is. I wonder all the things you tried—we’ve tried so many, us Sword-Saints. I am an archive of failures.

I want to know what happened 1296 years ago. I want to know about the other bodies you’ve inhabited. I want to know why you can’t see the infinite expanse of Samudra from here, or why I can see the Beast sunlight from where the library sits in the Empty Space in the Sky.

I want to show you that the past matters and that the future does too. I want to prove you have more than the current moment.

I want to help you bear this burden. It’s a burden I know how to bear, at least I think.

I told myself I wouldn’t ask. I said I wouldn’t beg. But here’s this—how about a game? Tell me what you might consider answering, and I’ll try to earn those answers. Let the stakes be whatever you want them to be.

Jul 19, 2026

when ive said that failure doesnt mean losing, doesnt mean youre weak, it just means you have more information about what DOESNT work… i mean you learn a lot of things. in the messy bitch mines. i did not used to know that, about failure. i thought if i ever failed, idk that i’d curl up like a bug and die maybe. turns out that wasnt actually the case.

you are so good at using your goddamn eyes, salme, and it’s a real problem (affectionate. laudatory. kind of astounded.) keep observing. see what you see.

if i dont want to give you my own observations at this point… call it because i’m worried about them overriding your own. call it me being selfish and wanting to hear YOUR read on things because it’s different from my own in some way that catches a corner case i might have missed.

how about this, how about i make a promise

face the end of the world

and then come and find me

and if you can do that

ill tell you everything i know

Jul 19, 2026

and if you cant ill never forget you

and it wont have been because you failed or werent strong enough

and your sword will be in my throne forever, babe

Jul 19, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2735how about this, how about i make a promise face the end of the world

It’s a promise.

Jul 19, 2026
↩ angelsGuignol #2736and if you cant ill never forget you and it wont have been because you failed or werent strong enough and your sword will be in my throne forever, babe

But also. This is why we’re hanging out soon, because if you’re going to remember me you’ll remember me in a million different ways.

Also I just want to hang out but.

We never quite manage to remember people as whole people, do we? I recently … I used to remember Iikka as someone who loved me without reservation, and who I loved in turn. And that’s still true but I recently remembered times when they were impossible and stubborn. It’s a very funny story, actually. I’ll tell it to you sometime. But. It’s easy to focus on just the bright things, or the sad ones. But I want you to remember me as fully as you can. I want you to always carry the knowledge of who I was with you; I want it stamped into your very soul. And it still won’t be perfect but it will be enough.

I think it will be the latter more than the former, but even if we find a way through you’ll outlive me. I’ve been thinking about that too. End of the world aside, both Luĉja and you will have to lose again. And I hate that.

And I’m inspired by the strength it takes from both of you to not let your hearts grow distant.

Jul 21, 2026

Anyway I’m coming to the palace tomorrow unless you tell me not to and we’re hanging out in the library and weaving together. You’re also going to help me figure out a gift for Zaya.

There will be snacks.

Aug 01, 2026

Question: In the library, it seemed like you were able to … somehow see flows of gnosis? Is that something you can usually do? And is that a trick you can teach me?

Aug 01, 2026

i’m not sure if it’s a teachable skill or just. a really stupid amount of experience all things considered. i can certainly try, though. it sounds like archie’s boyfriend made him a thing that sort of shortcuts the whole procedure though so if all else fails, you and he are pretty tight, right? he’d probably make a pair for you.

also, i had a really, really good time in the library. it was really nice.

Aug 01, 2026

Hm. Well, it’s not something terribly pressing, Archie has his glasses, yeah. I was just curious how you’d do it naturally, or how you’d even begin to look?

I also had a really, really good time in the library. I’m glad it was nice. I was making several very effortful attempts for it to be nice. Hopefully it’ll happen again. Maybe even soon.

Aug 01, 2026

i’d like that a lot!

Aug 02, 2026

Hey, I just wanted to … you said, “I’d say you’ve gotten more of me than most people whose Queen I’ve been for their entire lives. You have all that I’m willing to give” and … I wanted to. I think I was going for more “playful intensity” and it probably came off as a demand, and then I got weird and defensive about shit, more for my sake than yours, honestly.

Well, you got to see me being a messy bitch in real time!

Jorule does this thing with the punctuation that looks like faces, but there’s not really a good one to express chagrin? Imagine that I found one that expresses chagrin.

That said, though … I was joking, with the “my Queen.” You aren’t my queen, you’re my friend, and I don’t want it to ever feel like I’m trying to chip away shards of you. I’m sorry if it did.

Aug 02, 2026

lmao it’s fine. like. wooo your friends all got to see me being a messy bitch and laugh at me without it starting a Rite they can coast on that one for a while more power to them. still all in the messy bitch mines together

a little bit before the soups situation luĉja came to the castle and we sparred a bit and. talked. and a) they’re pissed at me and i can tell b) it’s fine, we’re both adults, we can deal with it c) i told them kind of without thinking about it that this is a group project

it’s been fucking me up a bit. that i dont know. that i can’t be sure yet.

i’m supposed to be the angel of hope, damn it, not feel all of these stupid things.

anyways. if you can put up with my bullshit then you don’t have anything to apologise for, either.

Aug 02, 2026

Luĉja was happy when they came back from dueling you. I didn’t get much of a chance to speak with them, but they seemed satisfied with whatever transpired there. I don’t know if Luĉja is pissed at you; you can probably read them better than I can, but I do know they … believe in you. Maybe in ways you can’t believe in yourself?

That said. Sometimes I find Luĉja difficult. Sometimes I find all of them difficult, because it’s very easy to say that things are going to be different this time when you haven’t had the reality of things not being different this time hammered into you by experience. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe them—every day, every step, I choose hope. But I’m aware I’m choosing hope, and I’m aware it’s not a given.

Awa said something, about “what’s the harm in trying,” and I think there is a harm in trying. I don’t think it’s an excuse not to try, but … it chips away at you, when your efforts don’t yield fruit. Even if you learn from them. Even if you accept the loss. That’s also not a monster you can kill, and perhaps you struggle with it less than me, but. I have tried and failed at many things, and it did not leave me without scars.

You are amazing, Jae, and strong and powerful and skilled; ancient and vast. But you are also, at least a part of you, just a person, no different than me. I saw that in the library. I don’t know why I saw you in such a way, but—that was a true version of yourself too. It could not have been otherwise. Let yourself, sometimes, be just a person. Please.

At any rate, I suspect the Deepforge is where we’ll find the gate—if there is a gate between worlds on the Beast. And once we’re through—I don’t know, when next I’ll see you again. So before that I’d like to spend some time together, though you can choose the activity this time.

Also, did I ever tell you what my Angel is called? I don’t know who titled them thus, but—“The Angel of Tragedy.” You saw a facsimile of her when I showed you Tulinsuojat. I still don’t know what to make of that title, but I thought it might give you a laugh.

At any rate, I can’t do hope without caution. I will either live and we’ll save everything, or I’ll die trying. Let’s make sure every moment up until I find out counts.

Aug 02, 2026

when we were talking, aurelius said… “You’ve had how many thousands of years… and you’re not sure.” and i want you to know that if it wouldnt have made you sad i think i would have challenged him to a Rite to make him eat his words right then and there on the spot.

do they think. does he think that i havent tried.

and it’s… it’s fine. it’s fine! i dealt with my feelings like a goddamn adult. and he and you and wolf all had me dead to rights in a way that mattered and i can. be a reasonable goddamn person about that. but do they think i havent tried.

and that’s something i know i can say to you that. i dont know if ive ever been able to say to anyone else in my life, salme

and watching you, watching you find the tight wire between hope and pain, and dancing on it gracefully? i dont know. it’s helped me remember myself, a little, i think. not sure how that’s going to pan out for me but i’m committed at this point.

and for the next couple of days at least we can hang out and have a good time. that counts. grand soups count.

i think its pretty clear at this point that the clock is ticking.

tosch isnt going to get to open up his restaurant

im having the city draw up a charter for it anyways

because it still counts.

Aug 02, 2026

I mean, you can challenge Aury to a Rite if you want; it won’t hurt my feelings. Though I think your winning a Rite against him wouldn’t give you the kind of satisfaction you want. I’ve compared Aury to Auxanyr for me. He’s constant and he’s certain and he’s steady and that counts double for when he’s made up his mind.

Though.

I didn’t tell you about when I first explained the Sword-Saint’s secret, did I? It was early, on Almachadta. Aurelius was … early on, he was more Jorule. If you ask Jorule, he’ll say he was all Jorule, but Aurelius has always been Aurelius, even when he was also very much Jorule. Anyway, I had—feelings at that point, and there was potential for something between Aurelius and Awoken and I, and I was out of sorts and I came to them both. They had just finished about the truth you told Annarr, the Truth That Burns and I thought—I don’t know. I thought one of them might have had a way out of the cycles. So I told them about it, and then I—

I started instinctively grasping at methexis early on. I used a wave of flourishing gnosis to connect with both of them and to show them some of the memories kept within the Mask. It was not well-organized. It was me, hammering them, again and again and again with the hopelessness of trying to change the cycles, and my own … at first I was actually really, really scared, Jae. I knew everything ended, but I knew things also began again. I was terrified that if we tried to change things I’d destroy the part that promised rebirth, that it would just be the end of all things, full stop, and it would be my hand that wrought it. I was a coward.

And then Aurelius kind of ripped into me for being foolish, for not being willing to try, and threw some line out about being able to control the overgrowth of flourishing gnosis with controlled burns, like we hadn’t tried, like we hadn’t tried every possible cure to save ourselves. I was so fucking angry I—well. I could have challenged him to a Rite, but I think he probably would have won. It was more satisfying to cut into myself with words, to concede that I was a coward, that I was a wretched, pathetic thing.

It was not my finest moment. It was. In retrospect, a very bad moment. But I still … again, it’s easy to say these things when you haven’t lived it. And you’ve lived it more than I have. The memories in the Mask feel real—I can remember the heat on my skin as Almachadta burned—and there is a gulf of understand that cannot be bridged between someone who hasn’t lived it and someone who has. That’s why—I mean, I like to think we would have gotten along if we hadn’t be mining this same vein of messy bitch ore, but. It means something, to have someone get it. So yeah, you can tell me about these messy, awful feelings, the despair and the anger and the self-loathing for letting it get to you. We can tell each other that. And if you want to really throw Badri, can you tell him too.

Because I know you’ve tried. I cannot imagine the amount of absurd, hopeful, ridiculous things you’ve tried but I am certain you have. We Sword-Saints tried. Maybe not me, not at first, but I’m trying now.

↩ angelsGuignol #2929and watching you, watching you find the tight wire between hope and pain, and dancing on it gracefully? i dont know. it’s helped me remember myself, a little, i think. not sure how that’s going to pan

This means a lot. I’ve been trying to dance on that wire and I think it’s only recently I’ve developed any grace at all. And I know if I fall, if I falter, if I fail, it’s going to hurt you in worse ways than if you had kept yourself closed off. Your hope is a gift. And that’s another reason to try even harder. And I believe—I believe that if I fail it will still have counted, and that you’ll remember me, and that. Someday, someone’s going to win, and that having known me, having known all of us, you can maybe help those people really, truly reshape the world.

And yeah. It still counts. I want … I was going to ask about building a greenhouse in Queenstown, because it still counts.

Even if we only have … months or weeks, even if I don’t make it, even if, even if.

It all matters so much.

Aug 03, 2026

i dont think that being worried about breaking everything permanently makes you a coward. makes you a sane fuckin person in a way that im NOT, frankly. there are things i’ve done, things i tried, that i SHOULD have fuckin hesitated before trying. for all its sorrow this world we’re in is kind to fools, i think, salme. which is good for people who love fools.

also given that i flounced into a chair like a little bitch at wolf MYSELF literally yesterday i cant really fault you for not telling aurelius to stick it up his ass and give it a twist even if he deserved it. i get it, though. and like. he wants to make things better so much. he wants to win, far be it from me to begrudge him that, lol. you both do, and i’m glad for it

and. every time i say everything we do matters, i mean it

sometimes i feel like i was put here on purpose by some twisted motherfucker to learn how to not win with any modicum of dignity, and if thats the case then stop the blessings already. i think i learned my lesson. and, hell, maybe something out there was listening. can’t know until we know, you know?

in the meantime we just gotta keep doin what we can. even if it’s foolish, even if its absurd.

Aug 09, 2026

We made it through the Deepforge to the void. There’s … more stuff I don’t understand at the heart of the Beast. And more stuff I don’t understand in the space through which the Beast moves.

The moons are identical, smooth, and featureless. The Beast and Almachadta orbit … Aurelius called it a black hole? Awoken thinks that black hole extends into the Empty Space.

There are so many fiends in the center of the Deepforge that wait and mourn the mother of monsters. She’s mourning herself. We found a gate back to the void in a cathedral of meat and metal and blood. We looked into Her enormous eye. When the Beast lost its fifth moon, She writhed in pain. Or the Beast lost its fifth moon because she writhed in pain.

Everyone is well, at least physically. I feel like I know less and less every day. I keep trying to put together theories but I’m just not … I don’t know. I don’t feel very capable, and that’s making me a bitch.

Well whatever. Just wanted to give an update.

4d ago

the beast and almachadta orbit a fucking black hole????? what the fuck? what the fuck. thats news to me, how in the fuck did you figure that one out. you are full of marvels i guess!!! goddess what in the fuck does that even mean.

are you… ok? you don’t sound very ok and if you’re not ok i… well. remember that were both in the mines together. even if you’re continuing on your travels for the time being.

i’ve been feeling like i have almost enough pieces to put together the puzzle for- well. you know how long. i guess ive had the chance to get used to feeling like that without tearing all of my fucking hair out, welcome to the party, we have a fancy fuckin hat

anyways, i miss you, and i hope you get what you want soon. or find something to punch that crunches satisfyingly that always helps me? your mileage may vary

4d ago

Remember the telescope in the observatory? Awoken has … some techne that lets him work miracles finding things in the sky. We were able to see how all light, secrets, and signals are devoured by the thing Almachadta and the Beast orbit.

I’m … not okay, not really. Maybe I got arrogant, but I felt—I felt like even if I couldn’t fix things I could at least begin to understand them. But I—I think space is amazing, but I don’t know anything about it, and I don’t know how to learn. Maybe Jorule would teach me but I think he’s told me about as much as he’s able to explain himself? Awa and Aury will figure the space thing out, and I’ll find a way to. Do something productive.

As for the rest, I … I don’t know. I’m scared, mostly. Angry, a little. Frustrated, especially with myself. Messy, as you said. I don’t know how I went from … being so fucking happy and settled in myself on the Beast to feeling like this.

I miss you too. I don’t think … I’m getting what I want anytime soon. You know. I never managed to figure out something I wanted to make for Zaya until I was riding the train through the void, and then I knew exactly what I wanted to make. But I have no way of getting back. The gate is in the center of the Deepforge, and I don’t think there’s a way back up. I might … try? I’m making a trip there later. To try a couple things. (I’m still going to make it. It still matters, even if I can never give it to her. But. Still).

Can you tell? With the necklace I made you, when I shift planes, if I’m on the Beast or not, do you know?

3d ago

I’m not sure I got what I wanted—or, no. I got something that I wanted. I was able to use methexis, to sit with the Mother of Monsters, to meet Her in Her vastness, and offer Her some kind of small peace in return.

I also learned a little bit. She has thirteen eyes. Only one—the one that looks out into The Cathedral—is open. The other twelve are currently blinded by the light that shines down on her. I suspect it might be one moon for each eye? Or perhaps that’s too neat. At any rate, it’s the moons that serve to puzzle Her senses, to (possibly) stop Her from consummating Her terrible hunger. (Do you know where Her eyes are? Do they appear somewhere on the Beast?)

It was strange, joining with Her. I wish I could show you the memory of it. She thought She would destroy me, though I was some small, fragile creature for her to mourn, nameless. She did not understand that I have already given that task to you, and that I was not there for Her to mourn. Did you know you can withstand a lot of fire if you become fire yourself?

She is vast and I am very small, but I am also … you saw it, didn’t you? When we were in methexis in the library? I am vast too. The lives of the Sword-Saints, of all of us, not an unbroken thread—there are pauses and gaps—but we are so much, all of us together. And I showed Her that vastness and that sorrow, and it all fell away and I was able to see … a vision, one of Wolf’s visions, one of Zaya’s, of a holy mountain filled with beautiful fiends. But that wasn’t the point. The point was a small park, and this tiny wren hopping onto my shoulder. She was the wren in that moment.

It reminded me of many things. Of the butterfly garden. Of—when I decided on the sparrow for my sigil. I told you, I think, that I had forgotten, but I remembered then. Badri had told me I reminded him of a sparrow, and I hadn’t known how to take it, not at first—sparrows are common everywhere; they’re on all three planes we’ve visited thus far and they’ll probably be on all five. But then I saw him coax a sparrow onto his fingertip, saw the way he positively glowed at it, saw how happy it made him, this man who had suffered so much wearing the Mask. And I knew then that I wanted—that’s what I wanted to be. A sparrow, maybe common, maybe unremarkable, but able to visit joy (and, despite all that, still able to fly).

It’s nice, remembering things that are pleasant. Anyway, I think—I know, for at least a moment, She felt joy. And I told Her that I forgave Her, for whatever She might do. I spoke as all of Almachadta in that moment, which will be sort of darkly funny if I’ve theorized wrong and She isn’t what devours my plane.

I don’t. I am unacquainted with forgiveness, generally, but. She doesn’t want this—She doesn’t want any of it. And it felt awful, honestly, seeing someone with their volition denied in such a way. What could I do but forgive?

At any rate, I’m not sure I really understand anything more than I did before, but I think this, too, mattered.

2d ago

goddess damnit i had a reply to the last post mostly written and then a fucking cosmic ray hit the radio antennae strapped to my tits or whatever and i lost it. ugh. im sorry. it was a bunch of ranting and raving about how you shouldnt be so damn willing to sell yourself short tho. and also how you should be nicer to yourself when youre in a good mood and then something happens and youre in a bad mood that just happens it doesnt Mean Something other than that something happened in the world that twisted yr ass which. like. you were in the deepforge that place is ass twisting central. although.

reading the second post and. holy shit? thats.

actually first off: yes. yes, i can tell when you’re here. right now, you’re somewhere very very VERY far away, i assume somewhere in weird fucking kaleidoscope town? i hope youre comfortable there.

now that ive remembered to say that: holy shit, you joined minds with her? im not -surprised- by you doing incredibly bold and cool shit and having it work any more at this point but its still. do you know i spent about two centuries once trying to figure out if it was possible to start a rite against her? it was IMMENSELY frustrating. should have tried mind melding instead i guess!! that’s. wild. youre amazing. and. mmm. goddess, salme, youre gonna fuckin kill me one of these days. if anyone was gonna look her in the eye though it was always gonna be you, i think.

the eyes stuff tracks w/ my suspicions and what i know, though. i haven’t been able to find any obvious physical evidence of her presence aboveground though, no, and i HAVE looked. repeatedly. love a question i can actually give a helpful answer to.

anyways. idk. it feels weird to say thank you for being able to do something ive been wanting to try for a long time but never managed to pull off but i feel like saying thank you, anyways. ive always… its frustrated me. knowing that shes there but not being able to talk to her worth a damn.

but. i love her fiends. even the ones that try to eat everybody. maybe especially those ones. and i love the endjinn. every single time. and i resented her for a really really really long time but now i mostly just. would like to give her a hug and also duel her? so. idk where im going with this.

im glad youre ok.

2d ago

Sorry about your antenna tits failing you. Maybe you need to make the antennae taller?

At any rate, it’s mostly just that I wish I knew more? Both in terms of the mystery we’re trying to unravel and just generally, about the planes? I wish I understood Ancient or knew how space worked or … I don’t know. I do very well with intuition and empathy but it’s frustrating. And I know that’s what I have my companions for, to fill the gaps in my knowledge, but. I guess I wish there was more time for people to teach me? I really … I can learn by observation but I do really well with a teacher? I guess most people do.

Weird fucking kaleidoscope town? I suppose you mean the void, but yes we’re here, and we actually have beds so we’re not camping out on the floor. It’s kind of strange to not be sharing a room with Aury and Awa, but that hasn’t stopped me from invading their spaces.

↩ angelsGuignol #3063goddess, salme, youre gonna fuckin kill me one of these days.

I certainly hope not! I’m rather invested in us both living long enough we lose count of how often we’ve hung out, and I’m certain you can count very high.

At any rate, of course you tried to invoke the Rite against Her— that’s your favorite method of communication, correct?

Hm. I think the methexis only really worked because it was methexis, but also because of who I am? If I didn’t have the vastness of all the memory I carry while also being … human, I don’t think it would have worked? It’s also … Wolf and I have been talking about the importance of love in the world, and I am capable of a great amount of love for strange and large and lonely things—perhaps because I am one myself.

At any rate, I’m glad hearing about this meant something to you, and I will take your thanks only because I was more than happy to do it. I was happy I could. Give Her a moment of something other than sorrow.

I’m glad, that you … I think. I think you both love each other? Her love is enormous and I don’t know, but I think She’d love you especially. You both love the Beast (while She is the Beast?) and the people there (I am including fiends here).

Though. Hm. Do you know … what are fiends? I’ve made two (birds, both of them) but I’ve seen the fiends Aurelius makes, and I’ve … Awa made a fiend, and then I’ve met fiends on the Beast. Gnosis and matter and intent but … it seems strange, when I think about it, to be able to craft life (or a facsimile of) with such such ease?

2d ago

its ok if you killed me id just get better

hey randomly i have a question. is there anything from the beast that you’d be into sharing with other worlds? idk if yall stocked your kitchen from spice row or what before you left. you probably did. but i’m considering schlepping something to the deepforge and trying to make sure it ends up where you can get at it. what an incredibly inconvenient place for the gate to be but w/e we can fix it later.

and yeah. i mean. thats what i meant. it worked because youre you and nobody else is you, babe

‘what are fiends’ is a great question tbh

so you know how, like, one of the biggest differences between something thats alive and, like, a rock, is that living things have gnosis actively flowing through them that you can see if you stare at it hard enough

it turns out that that works in reverse! if you make a pattern of flowing fucking magic that self perpetuates (there are patterns that do and dont self perpetuate, theres a bunch of. basically math but if math were a fun game to play that you can use to sort of visualise this but its whatever) and give it a physical substrate that… vibes right with the pattern, you can just. make something that’s sort of kind of alive, arbitrarily

and people have been doing this for a while

2d ago

Yeah I’ve been a little upset about the gate. Going back to Almachadta and Samudra is trivial but unless one wants to vacation in the Meat Cathedral, we can’t get anywhere on the Beast. I … suspected it’d be like that. It’s why I was so bullish about spending time in Queenstown.

Hm. I’d like more high-quality malpaca wool. Any forms of metal or gems—that maybe sounds greedy, but they’re rare on both Almachadta and Samudra. Oh some of the wrought metal jewelry and decor, and really finely-made all-purpose knives. Clocks too! We still use candlemarks on Almachadta. Some hides for leatherwork. Anything you particularly love. I’m not sure how you’d get it to the Cathedral—have you been there before? Annarr made maps, and between my memory and Aury’s skills we could probably extend those maps if you need. It would need to be in a very impervious container too, or one or more of us would need to be waiting there—it gets very hot.

↩ angelsGuignol #3072and yeah. i mean. thats what i meant. it worked because youre you and nobody else is you, babe

Oh.

Thank you.

I. Thank you.

As for fiends … that makes a lot of sense! Thank you. Do you know why certain substrates resonate with certain gnoses? And … hm. Seye told me once about a man from a different world who had you all fight fiends in order to … stop tyranny? The actual plan wasn’t clear to me. But is there a reason the fiends on the Beast seem to want to kill you? Is it just to generate burning gnosis?

Oh! Also since you mentioned not being able to find signs of Her on the surface of the Beast—when we were in methexis, I got the sense of the Beast’s skin binding Her almost like an eggshell. So I think it makes … sense that you wouldn’t be able to see anything.

I don’t suppose you know where the light of the moons come from, do you? From the observatory it’s sunlight, but I got the sense that’s not what it is on the Beast.

2d ago

hey, you’re welcome. just sayin whats true.

nooo idea about substrates. although like theres an aesthetic vibe to it right? if you make a fiend that looks like it might be about to pounce you and tear your shit out with its teeth theres good odds burning gnosis will be the play. theres a whole fiend categorisation situation that i’m familiar with from before, incidentally, and the five major categories of fiend i knew about correspond to the iconic fiends you can summon up during a rite trivially, for whatever THATS worth, figured you’d be interested in knowing that too.

zero clue where the light is coming from, glad it’s bothering you too. i mean not that im glad its bothering you, obviously, but were in the same confused boat i guess but at least we have good company. it has to be coming from somewhere, right? for a while i thought it was coming from the Beast itself but that makes zero goddessdamn sense, and

yeah i tried to laser one of them once just to see if theyd reflect light from the beast lol

it didnt work

2d ago

Yeah I am interested in that. Can you tell me more about that?

Actually … Jorule was able once to weave gnosis back into mana once, at least, and we’ve theorized that, at the root, they’re the same. Have you ever been able to use magic from your other worlds? (Once we tried Spark-to-Spark contact but something got in the way—I wonder if it’d work with you and Jorule?)

Okay so the moons are outside the area of the sky that can be acted upon. Could the light be coming from … inside the moons? Like weird round lanterns with … ugh, simulated phases? That makes no sense but what about this does! Glad I have a lot of hair so I don’t miss what I’m tearing out.

Also where the fuck are you keeping a laser, Jae? Aren’t those big?

2d ago
↩ Salme #3085Also where the fuck are you keeping a laser, Jae?

same place i keep the tits antennas when im not using them

(it was a gnosis laser. like. superannihilate that ate all its oatmeal)

anyways, no, i basically had to figure out magic from the ground up once i got here. i’m kind of… used to having to do that, though, honestly. lots of places have different rules you have to learn if you want to win at the game using its own rules. the Rite is fucking weird, though. i like it, obviously, but it’s weird. never been anywhere that felt this… strictly constrained in some ways but wildly free in others. wouldn’t be surprised if you can get back to mana from gnosis if you try hard enough, though.

i think the light almost has to be coming from somewhere, itd be way too hard and… pointless to simulate phases. why bother? who would it be trying to fool, me?? nobody else who’s here would even know anything different. so. hm.

absolutely insane idea: what if the moons somehow reflect. the light that the black hole WOULD have been casting if it were still a sun

2d ago

(Oh, well if was a gnosis laser that … still makes no sense to me but I trust you)

Yeah the Rite … used to drive me nuts. I think I said something about that, upstrand—that sometimes I wish I could hurt something, without all the Rite and ritual about it. You know, as a kid, I got really good at biting people with just enough force they couldn’t shake me loose without triggering the Rite, but without so much force that it triggered the Rite. I recently remembered I used that move on an uppity young yeresh apprentice who later turned out to be Wolf. At any rate, I … understand the ritual of it, but sometimes you just want to punch someone in the face, you know?

That … that makes sense. I had thought. Hm. Do you remember the folio about the cosmos in the library that I showed you? There was a bit about the light of the moons—“Round, wreathed in burning gnosis and thick atmosphere, shards of metal and rock piercing through the skin at angles you recognise, haloed with six bright, close full moons, the Beast in all its glory.” They were full from the observatory, which is located in the Empty Space, but they weren’t when Awoken popped back onto the Beast.

Again, silmät (You hear the narration, right? You have to—you laughed when I put that sausage in your statue’s hand) then said, “I described this as the day side of the Beast, and six full moons - and, looking up at the moons you can see, the lit face normal to the direction in which you know to look, light coming, obviously, from somewhere, to illuminate them, and thereby the Beast itself. But there is, of course, no source of light.” Does that line up with how they would look if the black hole were still a sun?

Wait. Black holes used to be suns?

2d ago

lmaoooooooooo what you BIT wolf???? does he REMEMBER. what. lol, comma, lmao

he probably deserved it tbh nobody is THAT polite and reserved while secretly being a huge battle pervert without having gone through a big weirdo phase

2d ago
↩ Salme #3087They were full from the observatory, which is located in the Empty Space, but they weren’t when Awoken popped back onto the Beast.

i… huh. huh.

that does imply that. the light they are reflecting is coming from the Empty Space yeah. that’s… weird though because it doesnt match– i had someone do calculations and angles to try and make some sense of things, once. and it SEEMED like… whatever the source of the light was would have to have been a lot closer than that? how could the light be coming from both the. black hole and ALSO the empty space though that makes no sense.

also yeah! that’s what a black hole is. sometimes suns can… die, and when they die they collapse into a single point thats. got the entire sun in it, all that weight, suns are fuckin chonky, but taking up like. a really, really tiny space that’s SO small and so heavy that it pulls everything around it in. even light. thats why its a BLACK hole, thats why light does weird things if it’s near it but not close enough to get slorped up.

but if the sun died then where the fucks the moonlight coming from????

2d ago
↩ angelsGuignol #3088lmaoooooooooo what you BIT wolf???? does he REMEMBER. what. lol, comma, lmao he probably deserved it tbh nobody is THAT polite and reserved while secretly being a huge battle pervert without having g

I absolutely did bite him, and I—hm. I’ll write up the story for you. I’ve been trying to compose sonnets while I work and it’s not going well, so I’ll work on composing that story and then type it up for you later. It’s … a good story. Funny, but also meaningful.

2d ago
↩ angelsGuignol #3089i... huh. huh. that does imply that. the light they are reflecting is coming *from* the Empty Space yeah. that's... weird though because it doesnt match-- i had someone do calculations and angles to

So the second time we were in the observatory, Awa did some liminal portal nonsense to send a fiend out through the mouth of the telescope in the observatory. The fiend was able to find me in the Empty Space—it saw, specifically, “a rainbowed cross made of fractally-inverted, bright, vivid eyes, gazing out from the Empty Space” where I was, but when Awa called the fiend home, it was showing my gnosis signature coming from both the Empty Space and the black hole.

Awa proposed the following theory … give me a moment … ah here: “wildly riotous idea. the annex is within a deep cavern of space, folded in on itself. the folding is occurring at the black hole. it’s one big length, compressed at the entrance, ballooning out in the empty space. the empty space itself IS space that is folded in on itself. it’s all one space. but it looks like two spaces.”

I … think he’s right? He sounds right to me, but, as silmät noted, “it relays its flight data to you– including, bafflingly, that it detected Salme’s homing signal coming from two locations simultaneously. Which must have been why it was confused as to which way to orient itself…

One vector, pointing straight at the annex. The other?

Points towards the space around which the Beast and Almachadta orbit.

In half of all possible worlds, it pointed towards the Empty Space. In the other half of all possible worlds, it pointed towards the middle of the system; the fiend seems confused about which half it found itself in… BUT, you know you saw the blackness of the Empty Space behind the shimmering lens-sigil, and not stars or Almachadta or the Beast in the far distance.”

Anyway, I think that’s why there’s two light sources. As for why they seem to come from places where there is no light—the Empty Space isn’t empty, right, it’s full. I’m not sure what that cross sigil is, but it’s on the stained glass windows of the gates we make as well. It shows up in my mind’s eye when I unlock Alethic Rites.

Anyway, either it’s something obscured, or the sun that was there somehow exists and simultaneously does not exist at the same time. Sort of like how the central library windowpane looks out on two suns—the True Sun that loves, and the White Sun of Mu that seems to only be able to harm (there’s a switch; I didn’t flip it to show you the second sun because it’s generally not an enjoyable experience). If there’s two suns, why not a sun that both does and does not exist? (Or … Wolf had an idea about time being … flexible, in its flow. Maybe past/present/future are colliding there?)

How do suns die? Do they just … can you kill a sun, or do they die of … what, old age???

2d ago

oh shiiiit

2d ago

i need to think about this for a bit, thats really interesting. thank you.

i think the two of you are probably right, though

2d ago

You’re welcome, though …

Be sure to tell me what you think when you’re done (rotating) it.

I guess the next question I’d ask is if the light shining off the moons feels particularly hateful or particularly loving to you. I don’t think I noticed anything on the Beast, but now I wish I had checked.

2d ago

the light shining off the moons is fuckin mid

it doesnt have opinions about anything

no gnosis signature to speak of when light sources almost always do

its something the moons are doing TO it, i’m 100% sure

2d ago

Are they … filtering it? Like you’d filter befouled water with charcoal??? What the fuck Jae. I thought my inside-out melon world was weird but what the fuck? Those smooth cueball-ass moons are so fucking baffling I can’t deal with it.

2d ago

theyre pretty fucken wack yeah

4h ago
↩ angelsGuignol #3088lmaoooooooooo what you BIT wolf???? does he REMEMBER. what. lol, comma, lmao he probably deserved it tbh nobody is THAT polite and reserved while secretly being a huge battle pervert without having g

The first story I ever learned was the story of the house I grew up in. Generations upon generations upon generations ago, when Oaretsch itself was less village and more a smudge on the road between larger towns, my ancestor Kaleva planted a pomegranate seed.

Why it was a pomegranate I couldn’t say. By the time I lived in the house, entire walls were woven of espaliered fruit trees. Pomegranate, apple, fig, and lemon intertwined made up much of the southern walls. It was always pomegranates, though, that we ate when we celebrated that first seed, and from that seed multiplied many others. Kaleva loved amply, and his love built many rooms in the house, and his children in turn loved many people, and as the house grew, new seeds, new trees coaxed to make room for them all, so did Oaretsch as well.

By the time I was born, Oaretsch was one of the largest towns in Almachadta, though I still call it a village. It sits not exactly opposite where the Centrelight tethers to the earth, but near enough. It is a village of weavers and spinners, of dyers and tailors. Most members of Kaleva’s family were weavers. My grandparent, Iikka, was no different. What was different is by that time, it was only Iikka and I in this sprawling house that had once been brimming with people. Many of the rooms were full of items whose stories hand been lost; we lived in only a very small part of that house—the hearthroom, the atelier, the open-air atrium where we collected rainwater in a shallow pool. Later on, I would realize how strange it was to live in such a large, empty house. At the time, it was simply how it had always been.

However, sometime, around when I was nine, something had started to shift. The village headwoman, Marjaana, was always over at our house. This was nothing new. Marjaana was one of Iikka’s friends, and Iikka had few friends in Oaretsch. I never understood why, at the time, because they treated me as if I were something precious, but in retrospect they were difficult—stubborn, proud, and sharp-tongued. Marjaana was one of the few people who seemed to find delight in that. She would come by and play cards late into the night. But Marjaana wasn’t coming by to play cards anymore—she mostly came to scream at Iikka, and Iikka screamed back.

It was about the house. It was about the village. Marjaana wanted us to move, said there were families that needed the space, and the Iikka was too frail to manage a house of that size on their own. This was not untrue. Iikka was the best weaver in Oaretsch, skilled enough that they received commissions from all over Almachadta. Iikka also had a bad back and worse legs and it had been getting worse. By this time, they needed my help to stand.

I don’t remember the details, really. I was young, and I’ve lost many of my memories, and much of this was overheard conversation. I do remember understanding enough to be scared. I do remember Iikka biting out threats, saying if Marjaana forced the issue they’d burn the entire house down with themself inside. I remember wondering if I was meant to burn along with them. I can’t remember if I asked anyone that, but I might have.

At any rate, they requested a yeresh come and manage the situation. Diana and her apprentice came in response.

I don’t know if anyone explained the yeresh to you. They are carriers of memory from the world that was, and they are peace-makers and wayfinders and warriors. They keep the balance. The yeresh that came was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in my life—not just because she was lovely, though she was that, but because she was patient and kind and thoughtful and, occasionally, quietly funny. She was a strange contrast to her glowering apprentice, who spent most of the time sneering at anyone who dared look at him.

I only spoke directly to her once, when she asked me what I wanted, and what I needed. told her I wanted to stay in our home. I told her I needed Iikka to let the healer do deep gnosis-work on them at least once a week. She made both of those things happen.

And for the rest of it, well. She helped us sing life back into an abandoned home with walls made of dead, rotting wood so the overflowing family would have a place to live. She did not wield a hammer as ably as she wielded words or song, but no task seemed below her. Her apprentice also assisted, and though he did not grumble about it terribly loudly, if you were observant it was impossible not to notice.

The whole thing was stupid to him. The village, the problem, the solution. It was just the same thing, over and over again, he said, stupid people arguing over stupid things. He was above us stupid villagers, you see. He was special and could be doing something more valuable. I can’t remember what insult I finally threw at him to make him call me an “uppity little snit” but it must’ve been a fairly cutting one, by nine-year-old standards. At any rate, I bit him.

And then I didn’t let go, no matter how much he yelped and yowled and tried to shake me off.

Diana lectured us both, though got the worst of it—he was significantly older than I was, though I think he was still only in his teenage years. She managed to say something to get me to let him go, which is impressive in and of itself. He huffed and he puffed and eventually they left Oaretsch and I never thought much about him again.

Until, of course, I told this story to Tasna and Duškomira and Xilai, and Wolf recognized himself in Diana’s surly apprentice.

4h ago

The rest of it is more Wolf’s story to tell than mine. The mortification of being lectured for feuding with a literal child made him do something extremely rash. He only lived because Diana saved him, and after that he was ready to listen—to become yeresh properly. To become who he is today. And I think the arrogance and rashness is still in him, just as my tendency to anger and to biting is also still in me, but. When I told this story, when he told his part in it, he said, “So I suppose, my friend, my sister, I should thank you. For, unknowing to both of us…without you, I would not be the man I now am”

It’s a bit silly, how my heart sang at those words. But also I … for the longest time, I thought that who I was before I became the Sword-Saint didn’t matter. To realize I had set Wolf on his path, even in such a small, silly way—that mattered.

It also mattered because Iikka did get better. Marjaana came over to play cards again. There was an agreement, that if Iikka passed, our house would pass on to a family that would cherish it, and that I would stay with that family if my parents wished me to. Not even two years later, Iikka died and Marjaana’s family moved into my home. She had three wives, and countless children, and they filled a place that had been very still with so much love and sound and joy.

I hated it. It was loud, it was cloying, it was busy. I had spent so much time caring for Iikka, weaving with Iikka, I didn’t know how to be around other children. I knew all the criticisms of my behavior—I played too rough, I spoke too sharply, I had boundless energy that only Iikka had been able to constrain. I tried instead to be good for Marjaana and her family; I was polite and thoughtful and deeply offputting for being both of those things. Even Marjaana kept looking at me like I was some kind of changeling, like she had expected one child and got someone totally different.

I think, in retrospect, I was grieving and scared, but I didn’t know how to be grieving and scared. Instead, I just became small. I think that even if my parents had given permission for Marjaana to fully take me into her family, it would have only lead to sorrow. As it were, I asked to be placed with a different family while I waited for my parents, and Marjaana obliged.

It doesn’t make a huge different, that I asked for that, but I hadn’t remembered until I told this story and it makes some kind of difference.

At any rate, that’s the sad coda to the time I bit Wolf so hard he had to reevaluate his entire life.