Salme @ Aurelius

You never did tell me what you like on your burgers, assuming it’s a beef burger and not a tofu burger.

Hmm. Pretty open to most variants, really? Hard to go wrong with the classic mayo, lettuce and tomato though, it’s pretty general purpose and doesn’t need you to be in a specific mood like some others do.

Huh. Okay. Now do me a favor and forget I asked you this.

Seems Unlikely now that you have asked, but okay.

Was I too mean to your bird just now, saying he doesn’t exist? I got defensive of you, which maybe you didn’t even need me to do. Maybe you need me to do more of? Am I betraying you in spending so much time with him?

Aury I’m an idiot.

You’ve got stop finding new and creative ways to give yourself anxiety, Salme. If you accidentally hurt his feelings he’ll get over it though. Shockingly, I’m sure, I don’t have any particularly strong feelings on the matter so long as no one is claiming the action I’m taking are not my own, regardless of where the source of the power comes from.

You’re not an idiot, you just care more strongly than most. And this. Maybe. Makes you a tiny bit abrasive in certain circumstances. But I don’t think anyone would change that about you.

I just … okay. I’m sorry for the anxiety. And I think I maybe slightly misunderstood how he meant “mine.” I’m also always doing that. Whatever parts of his power you’re using, your actions and your choices are yours. I don’t … even think he’d disagree with that.

“Tiny bit abrasive.” Thank you Aury, that’s kind. Sorry to bother you again.

You don’t have to apologize, your anxiety isn’t hurting me. It’s upsetting you, which is the thing I actually worry about, silly.

And you are not bothering me.

Oh. You really don’t need to worry about me so much. As ridiculous as it might sound, I’m fairly resilient. I just. Want to do right, by you and your bird. But also I don’t ever want you to think you aren’t coming first, that it wasn’t you I chose and still continue to choose.

But, thank you for caring. You’re good at that, too.

<3

So … Jorule shared the Truth That Burns and it went … hm. Well. Things sure did happen, though at least I don’t think anyone’s going to be angry at you in particular. Let me know if you’d like to debrief?

Also I hope you’re okay. I thought, initially, that Jorule could manifest in the Void like he can in the Library and then I realized you simply weren’t there and realized I was mistaken. I don’t know … what happens to your consciousness when that happens, but it’s gotta be weird.

I knew it was about to happen, so it’s fine. And more or less saw what happened this time.

And yeah I’m fine. Kind of weird for sure, but fine.

Oh. You were able to see what happened this time? That’s interesting that you can.

I wish I could make this easier on people but. I think it’s something each person has to come to terms with in their own way? I can’t … expedite the process.

Does it ever still bother you? The Truth That Burns?

No. Well. Funny story, it turns out it actually didn’t… really bother Annarr that much? And there was a bit of a delay between hearing it and him getting spirited away? I think I might’ve been reading into another half formed ill understood memory at the time if I ever implied otherwise. And then ever since I’ve been… me… there’s enough of Jorule’s self-assuredness left over that I kind of feel above it…? If that makes sense.

But yes, this is probably mostly something that they’ll need time with, though certain be willing to offer an ear if someone wants to talk.

Oh. Well, I think maybe I got the impression more from Jorule than from you? I guess … if it wasn’t the Truth That Burns, what … did break Annarr so badly that Jorule was able to slip in? He said that Annarr was … empty? Or is that just a reference to us not being Sparks (en-Sparked?) at that point? Or did the Architect flub Annarr’s mind-wipe or something?

And I do think that it makes sense, that you’d feel above it. I’m glad you are. This isn’t something I want weighing on you.

And you absolutely know I’ll be willing to offer an ear if someone wants to talk. I’ll probably check in on Wolf once he’s had some time. I think he tends to prioritize other people of himself and he might need someone to prod at him.

<3

No clue! Judging from how the conversation went that sounds like as safe a guess as any though.

Ugh I guess another obnoxious question for the bird to clarify.

Also. Do use the same runes for magic that we have access to in our world? I’ve never looked too closely (don’t really do much runework anyway).

I mean… more or less? There’s differences between planes in the same way that regional accents might vary, where as - actually all things considered a language based comparison isn’t gunna work here huh? Okay it’s like. Apples? How they can more or less be the same red apple, but depending on where it’s grown it can be a little more or less sweet or whatever? And then there’s green apples, which are a lot more different - got those sour notes and whatnot - but it’s still… largely recognizable as the same thing, squinting from a distance? If that makes sense?

anyway, runes more flexible than you’d think, but the stuff I do more closely resembles the varlets in high circulation on Beast (slightly less sweet red apple) where as the stuff jorule does in his portals and gates and shit is more green apple-y.

Hahaha, yeah that makes sense, and I appreciate the metaphor though I have noticed that … there’s a shitton of runes in Samudra and they look pretty different from the ones I’m familiar with on Almachadta, though again I’ve personally never used them for gnosis-work. Of course, I never really … did the kind of gnosis-work we found on Samudra. That was everywhere.

That’s funny because Alamchadta/Samudra/Beast all look pretty similar to me and it’s the alien ones that seem uncanny to me, but I guess that’s familiarity with practical applications at work?

Yeah I mean rune-work was … I mean not my thing, obviously. I think if you’re confident and knowledgeable about it, though, it’s probably easier to see the similarities rather than just being mystified by the differences.

I know we’ve talked a lot about the … emotional and interpersonal pitfalls of the Beast, but is there anything I should be prepared for culturally? Also have you given Luĉja the glyph for burning resonance yet? I thought that could be your honor, since it’s your plane, though if you’d rather not I can do it.

I keep meaning to share the flourishing glyph with everyone because Archie asked but I keep never finding the time. I wanted it to be … well. Special. But maybe I should just write it in the library.

Nothing really comes to mind, other than bluntness not really being equated with rudeness there…?

Anyone can grab it from the library, really, but I did not personally bring it up.

…Which I guess preemptively give my opinion on the last bit I suppose.

What’s the Beast opinion on asking multiple invasive questions?

And yeah, I suppose that does answer that regarding the glyphs. I just seems like, if the story is the only thing we have, we should relish small moments of wonder and revelation where we can find them?

I’m glad we’re out if Samudra, truly, but sometimes I wish we’d stayed on Tulinsuojat eating burgers indefinitely.

Sadly, Samudra was probably the most welcoming place for that particular character trait to express itself with strangers.

I don’t think you really mean that though. You’d get bored after a few days.

Okay you’re right, and it would probably be less than a day, honestly, it’s just. Everything feels so awful right now.

I’m really looking forward to an evening in Almachadta. I hope it’ll be enjoyable for you too.

How hot is it on the Beast? I was looking at my clothes, and I’m guessing I don’t want to go back to what I wore on Almachadta, but I’m not sure if my sandals from Samudra are appropriate.

I guess I could ask this in general, but.

That could have made a decent topic, yeah. Oh well.

It probably depends? Queenstown is a bit warmer than outside of it. Warm enough that I didn’t feel the need for an undershirt, at least. Mu’s where all the unbearable heat’s going to be, I think. Your Samudra outfit probably would be fine, if a bit provocative (our fabric work’s not nearly that good) as would the sandals, provided we didn’t leave the capital? Your Almachadta outfit is probably fine, honestly? Especially for out of the capital where we’ll want tougher, more durable stuff anyway. But even inside of it it’s fine, you’ve seen the picture of Zaya, right?

Oh I guess she is wearing a lot of layers isn’t she?

I mean, I’m planning on changing to something world-appropriate once we get there anyway, so it’s mostly for the short term. Are people going to challenge me to a Rite for the fineness of my clothes if I wear my Samudran outfit?

no one is going to fight you for being hot. unless you stupidly agree to the stakes being you having to go on a date with them if you lose, then it might happen.

Give me some credit, Aurelius. I know how to set the stakes of a Rite. (I believe you complained about this once, even though you won anyway). By the way, I used your Void Flare trick earlier. Didn’t have it stacked with Tracer, but it was still a solid move.

And I thought the fabric work of my clothes was the provocative part, not how it made me look.

I was simply asking the question to its fullest limit.

Also a thing can be multiple things at once.

Answering

I see.

I was sort of planning on a more provocative outfit for the Beast. Though made of Beast-native materials. That’ll be okay, right?

I mean, you’ve seen what I wear. And what Lucja doesn’t. (only Really Old Endjinn walk around without cloths tho that’s not really a Normal thing)

Yes I’ve seen what you wear. I’m still a little agog at the denim outfit for the Septentrione. Not that it didn’t look good, but it was cold!

Wait. Luĉja is just. Weirdly naked? Like that isn’t normal?

That’s what the heat-stones were for!

Younger Endjinn are much better at acting like the other… … uh, humanoids? (humans/metahumans/monsters).

I love that instead of dressing warmer you just did magic. Which, respectable, but why bother to change your clothes at all?

You know, Truth That Burns and all that, but no one thought to warn us that Luĉja is an Endjinn nudist?? That seems more shocking to me!

A layer of denim over a layer of cotton was much warmer than a thin silk robe that generally was not even covering half my chest, I can assure you. And the work boots were several degrees better than wooden sandals that only had a thin cord.

I mean, if you’re not thinking too hard about it it doesn’t seem weird, since the plating gives the impression of armor. And they don’t get cold easily, so the older ones usually didn’t bother. The younger ones are better integrated into society though, so even if it’s mostly for fashion rather than warmth/comfort/safety, they’re more likely to be wearing a full outfit.

(And Lucja was, I feel I must remind you, The First. And it rather old to boot.)

is

Okay, well yes, the sandals would have been a bad move with all that snow. Where’d you come up with that outfit anyway? Raiding the Bird Wardrobe?

Yes, I am aware that Luĉja is the First and is fairly old. Though they do seem to get cold more easily than you’d think. I’d been contemplating trying to make something warm for them, but I haven’t quite gotten the hang of weaving non-enchanted materials, let alone enchanted ones.

I guess maybe I wouldn’t bother with clothes if I didn’t have to? Still seems … strange.

Yeah, was something another aspect wore. Figure it would have been weird if I just borrow Jorule’s outfit.

And I mean, it is strange, but at the time Lucja appeared, they didn’t even think Endjinn were people and were just some kind of bizarre fiend so I suppose they probably just… got used to it…? Who knows. You could ask them yourself, I bet that would me a funny conversation.

Can you share clothes with all your previous aspects or do they … resize? Also you know the Academy would’ve just … bought you clothes. I got a wholeass fur outfit. And yeah, I, for one, would appreciate it if you avoided dressing like Jorule as much as possible. It would be exceptionally weird at this point.

You know, next time we have some downtime I might. I still … need to sit down and ask them about themselves and what all they remembered. It seems like a lot?

Anything that’s still in the Inventory, at least, and most of the aspects are close in height…? For the most part. And yes I know, but I already had stuff on hand, so.

Probably, yeah.

Important: Is “smagg” a word that you’re familiar with and is it one you’d ever use?

Sounds like something SQ would say…?

You lost to a woman who says the word “smagg”?

Also, thank you for a lovely evening, especially with the gifts. Sorry I always get shifty when you’re quiet. I’m … working on it.

It’s fine! I just don’t feel the need to be the center of attention all the time, so I am a bit quieter in groups. And the gifts were no trouble at all.

Says Smagg, and can Quad Wield two-handed weapons while the stinger looms ominously.

You really don’t let yourself be the center of attention very often, actually. Only when there’s no one else to take the lead. Or, that’s my read on it. It’s very … radiant of you. I think I’m a bit more. Hm. Egotistical? That’s not a nice thing to know about oneself, but. Performer.

Okay, point taken. Light, she’s going to kick our asses while being really stupid about it, isn’t she?

Yes, yes she is. She kicks everyone’s ass. It’s a rite of passage (and also a rite of dragon)

I mean, it’s less the losing and more the unbearable stupidity that’s concerning.

Embrace it.

Well I don’t think I’m getting a choice in that.

So I guess consider it embraced.

Also, I was thinking … I’d like to apologize for something. I threw out a line about you not noticing the whole burger cookout, like your response was inadequate. I was trying to get a rise out of you, but in retrospect it was. Cruel, I think. You’ve never … you’ve been a really wonderful partner ever since we started this. I shouldn’t imply you haven’t been.

It’s fine, I remember how much you actually were smiling at the time and assumed it was something along those lines. Thank you for trying to get ahead of it in case I had not, though.

Hey, I just wanted to … see how you were doing, and if you wanted space or company or something else? If I could do something?

I also don’t know. Would you prefer to keep our relationship unspoken or …? I wasn’t sure, er, what you’d like me to do?

I think I’m going to take a walk on my own for a bit and try and figure that out. There’s… probably no reason to keep anything secret, though.

Have a good walk. Whatever you need, whether it’s space or … a lack of space, I’m here for you. And it’s okay to keep things a secret if it feels better for now anyway. It’s again whatever you need.

Zaya came and talked with me. She said you said I was your girlfriend, which. Thank you for saying that, and for listening when I said it; for taking care of me, even when I know you’re really going through things.

I like her, but I mean. I knew I would. Expanded on some of the stuff you told her about the worlds and Birds and such.

She also told me some things that … shockingly, the thing I was already launching myself into space being maybe, possibly anxious about was. Which. No comment on that required, I just mention it so you don’t feel like you have to mention it.

I hope you’re doing okay and I hope you’re being kind to yourself.

AG said something to me that meant a lot, actually, and I think it might mean something to you too? I was. Thinking about stuff with Badri, and my time before all this started, back on Almachadta, and they said:

you’re where you’re at because you’re climbing up a hill made out of dead moments you’re trampling underfoot! let them be dead. look to the future.

The past can weigh heavily. We both know that. Maybe it won’t be a useful thing for you to hear, but I thought I’d share.

Glad that went well for the both of you.

Hmm. I’d gotten the impression she hadn’t wanted to hear about that yet, but maybe she just didn’t want to hear about it from me, or changed her mind? Either way.

It’s still kind of weird having these feelings appearing seemingly out of no where and with the intensity they have, without really having an outlet for it but I’m fine other wise. Someone tracked me down and gave me a bunch of food? So hotwing were had if nothing else!

Oh. I don’t think that was it at all? About not wanting to hear about these things? I got the impression—I don’t know when she went from someone who felt she could act freely to someone who felt like she couldn’t, if that was while you and Luĉja were away, or if that happened a long time ago. Before she asked me about Bird Shit, she asked if it was a dangerous question to ask? And, of course, as someone who will always ask the question regardless of danger, I’m not a good judge of this, but she seemed … relieved when I was able to answer things for her?

Which is a lot of words to say I think she tries to be very careful as opposed to what she wants. And maybe I again took a lot of the initiative in imparting this information but I thought, maybe also, talking with a stranger with some emotional distance might allow her to ask more questions?

Anyway. Is there a kind of outlet that would be … helpful for you? I’ll always listen, and I’m happy to spar with you. Pretty sure there’d be no shortage of sparring partners. I can teach you how to string a loom if you want something that’ll make your back hurt like a bitch?

You’re also … ‘I’m going through horrible emotional turmoil with no outlet but I’m fine otherwise’. It’s okay to not be fine. Though. Not okay to not be fed, so I’m glad hotwings happened.

Though. Shit wait was that Jorule nonsense? I thought he was going to let me try.

…Well, there’s still some sauce at least so that ship hasn’t completely sailed?

Also I suppose we might define ‘okay’ differently. I mean, it was a lot worse before you and I talked, and I do feel better about that. And like I can still more or less act and functionally normally, as long as I’m not looking directly in her eyes. And even then, the conversation got less awkward as it went, so I don’t think it’ll be a long lasting problem. Thank you, though.

Suppose you taking initiative in the conversation for forcefully does make sense, too.

Oh yeah. I mean I am sure I will get a chance to experience this magical wing experience, I just thought he’d share. You can take the bird out of the angel but not the jerk out of the Jorule? That makes no sense.

Hm. Not sure we do define ‘okay’ differently. I think it’s just wanting to see someone you love thriving, not just functioning normally. I’m glad you and I talking helped. I’m glad your conversation with Zaya at least got less awkward as it went. And I do think it’ll get better with time, as she gets to know you, and as you resolve the dissonance between your remembered emotions and your current experience. I’m not chewing myself up with anxiety or anything (For once! Character growth!) I just … again, want to see you thrive. I also know you will, and I know I can’t rush it.

I don’t really think my conversation with Zaya counts as “taking initiative in the conversation forcefully” but I also know I can’t prove it. Unless you’re talking about me taking the initiative with you, which. I mean, duh.

… that last bit was a joke, in case it wasn’t obvious.

It was, yes! Sorry, wasn’t looking at my tomestone, not offended or put off by something you said or anything.

I wasn’t worried by the lack of response, just realized the tone wasn’t clear. Don’t apologize for not being glued to your tomestone, kulta.

This is where I’d steal your move and bonk my head against yours, just so you know.

Duly noted.

I’m sure you’ve got other things on your mind, but if you’d like, hopefully, a pleasant distraction … I’ve been thinking about how I’d like to update my wardrobe for the Beast for a while and I was wondering if you had any. Er. Preferences? Where you’ve particularly liked how I dressed? Or aspects of what I’ve worn?

Okay kind of embarrassed to send that but I stand by it.

I think the way you move lends itself to loose, flowing fabrics accentuating your form rather well. So, if we’re strictly speaking aesthetically, skirts and dresses are of course more appealing than trousers. The sheer layers in brighter tone over the more solid, slightly darker ones seem to work rather well, additionally? As did the top with a more open back. The sandals with the lacey straps that went up to your knees were nice too, compared to the boots. I can imagine a simple understated necklace in a lighter colored metal might look nice on you, as well as earring studs? Probably not loops or anything long and dangling. Your hair always looks lovely, and the braids suit you well, though I admit I’m a bit curious what it looks like when worn down.’

Though all that said, it might be more wise to prioritize something easy to move in that you won’t mind getting roughed up, or something sturdier that can take a beating as I suspect we will see more Rite engagement here than elsewhere. Also the tasting portion of an Iron Chef competition can get messy.

Well, one thing I got from Samudra was that gnosis-work can be used to all sorts of ends to make clothing durable and functional regardless of how it looks. Or, you know, warm, as you showed me. It certainly opens up a variety of sartorial pathways otherwise closed.

I … wasn’t really expecting to get that kind of in-depth input and I want to let you know how much I value it and. Okay. I needed a moment to. Collect my thoughts? I just immediately … You’ve said much of this separately, obviously, but hearing all of it together like that made me feel … beautiful. Also giddy and … very young. Um. So thank you that was … lovely.

Well, what else can I say other than I’m glad my opinions make you happy?

It was all just off the cuff though, and you don’t need to go out of your way to appease me. Though if it was just to help you generate ideas for something you’d want to make/gather yourself, then of course, go nuts.

It’s something I’ve been wanting to do ever since on Samudra? Actually wearing clothes that weren’t completely utilitarian, that made me feel cute (and that incidentally garnered certain reactions from certain people, yes) was really. It did a lot to help me feel more myself? I’ve been trying to figure out how I’d like to alter my clothes for Almachadta too. The amount of traveling required does want practicality but I’m sure there’s a way to get both.

By all means, continue to experiment and surprise us then.

But also don’t feel shy about reach out for help if you need inspiration… which… I suppose if what you just did. Excellent use of that trailblazer energy.

<3

<3 <3 <3

Also you figured out radios? Would you mind telling me what a radio is? I can always ask Jorule, of course, if you’d rather not. It sounds like it’s some sort of long-distance communication device?

Luĉja also made a discovery but considering how crowded it’s getting, I don’t know if it’s safe to do so here.

It’s a long distance communication thing yes, like an evolved farcaster… is I guess the best way to explain it? Though more ideal for sending messages from a single source and having several different things receive it, rather than paired communications (which does still work, sort of, even if the channels aren’t secure)

He didn’t mention anything when we were doing our experiment, at least?

Oh interesting. I hope you have a good time looking in to how to resolve that. I’m guessing you were trying to get in contact with Tasna et al?

Ah. Well Luĉja is surprisingly cagey about things unless asked directly, I think. We figured out how to access Alethic rites. Or rather, Luĉja, whatever weird asshole Angel thinks they can pilot Luĉja, and I. Invoking Libra against them yielded … a surprising amount of information. I’m not sure if invoked against the rest of us we’d learn very much useful at all, but it is something that I think could be worthwhile to those who consent. Additionally, I’d like to be certain everyone has access to these Rites.

The library might be a better venue to talk about it? I’m not sure.

Yeah, we made a farcaster after realizing the tomestones wouldn’t work, and unlocked a new song in the process. Guess we’ll be descending into the Deep Forge at some point during our stay.

Oh, that. Yeah it’s pretty easy to do tbh? Feels like we more or less know who we all are at this point, and when it was used on me last time it was my choice was secret to reveal, but. Yeah, certainly wouldn’t hurt to try it out and see if anything’s different now.

Ah. Did Luĉja talk about the Deepforge at all when the subject came up? I see the new song as well. That’s cheeky, with the lyrics.

Oh had you already figured it out? Of course you had. And I agree about we more or less know who we all are sans one very obvious person. I might ask him about how he’d feel if I cast it on him? I’m not sure.

I did receive significantly more information than the Omniclast got from you. Luĉja did not tell me the truth—the Glory did. I wonder if the Omniclast also heard the Glory’s take on you, or if his absolute devotion to autonomy limits his ability to know things people might not wish him to know?

Not really, but I’m vaguely familiar with the concept?

Don’t ask, just do it. He’ll chicken out otherwise despite desperately wanting to know.

But, hm. Fair enough, that’s why it’s always worth trying.

I would not just try to rip the truth out of Sininen with a Rite. I would not do that to you. I wouldn’t do it to any of us. I might want to, very badly, but I wouldn’t.

Perhaps I can have someone try to use it on me first to see if it’s even worthwhile? You or Sininen are the obvious choices, though I don’t know if letting Sininen see it used on me would make him more, or less likely to consent

nnngh I guess? It going to find a way to surface one way or another, this way seems like an easier, potentially more gentle way into it? I’m not gunna make you make him though.

You do make several compelling points I just. Feel weird about forcing it. Even it it might be better.

I do value your opinion though. Immensely.

Aury, are you someone who would rather know that something difficult might happen in a certain context, or would you rather not worry about it unless it does happen?

I feel like I should know you well enough to have an answer to that but unfortunately I don’t.

This question isn’t about me. I’ve been pacing trying to figure out how to tell people this, but I know you have enough on your mind right now as is.

Probably depends on the context? And intensity? And urgency? Hard to answer outside of any.

I don’t particularly need to know that a meteor might happen to crash into the world and kill us all tomorrow, but I probably would like to know that a T-Rex might attempt to breach the city gates tomorrow…?

Ah. I am. Of two minds, on whether to accession the memory, but there was more that the Glory told me about Luĉja, though it was something Luĉja already knew. They do not know when they will be unmade, but they know where it will happen: In the Deepforge.

I don’t think it will be the first time we descend there? Disc 2, if it even happens during our story. But in the event it does happen, or that they are more vulnerable when we head down, I wanted to let you, at least, know?

Is this something that is useful to tell the others?

Apologies. I am bad at decision-making.

Oh. Uh. Probably? But if it’s a hard decision to make… seems like the sensible thing would be to leave it up to him?

They said I could accession the memory, but they seemed unworried about people knowing or not?

I’m sorry I hope my saying that didn’t harm you. I should have probably waited to give you more time.

If they’re not worried, then you probably don’t need to be either?

Not sure why that would have harmed me either…?

I mean Luĉja has been ready to die for the greater good since they were made, I think. And if that is what it takes I will let them, but I’m not looking forward to seeing it happen, personally?

And I mean. It’s just another wretched thing when you have enough shit to worry about and sort through? I just. My instinct was that if something happened, and you had known it might have been something you could have prepared for, it would have been worse than not knowing? But I also could be wrong.

I think you are perhaps thinking a bit too much in general…? Lucja does not give the impression they are looking to die, particularly not now that they’re more animated than I have ever seen them before. We are going looking for answers, not coffins.

I don’t know if you can access these memories, though I could just use your expertise.

If I’m going to challenge Jae to a Rite 1 on 1, do you have any tips on … hm. The goal isn’t to win. But I have something I want to accomplish ([Libra]), and then I want to give her a run for her money. Do you have any tips? You’ve gotten the closest, right?

I know I’m not as skilled but. It seems sometimes like it’s the only language she understands.

Ivory blood early tbqh. Honestly, just make peace with accomplishing one goal and then be satisfied when it’s done.

I love you, but I’m not giving you tips on how to be the first victor over the SQ, as a solo attempt.

No. Again I don’t … even want to win. That’s yours, if it’s anyone’s at all.

I would like to get in one good hit though. But that’s secondary to [Libra].

Though. If she could make her own Alethic Rite we’ve got to be able to too, correct?

Oh, well, if you just want one good hit, Fang/War Monger’s Right There.

Maybe? Depends? On a lot of things? Something to consider for sure, though.

Yeah. Fang was my thought. Though breath does have Tracer and it’s glorious in my default deck. It’s mostly a matter of staying upright long enough to set up anything. I can … hm.

Aury I was going to cast [Libra] that first round during but then I hesitated because I thought she might be AG and didn’t know if that would be a violation, and then I thought we’d need anything I could to help us whittle her down … I overthought it.

Shocker.

As for making our own. I don’t think her bullshit card is inherently written into the metaphysical resonances of reality. Or. Well it is but I don’t think it always was.

I feel like. Hm. This is a thing if anyone could figure out it would be you.

That was very silly of both you and Lucja, yes, especially since Lucja should have known what would inevitably happen anyway… though I realize we have wildly different thoughts on the effect itself.

And maybe, but it could be baked into the Overseer role itself, or time gated, or any number of things really, but it’s certainly worth looking into.

I wasn’t going to … care, about trying to help everyone win, because I knew we wouldn’t, but then everyone seemed so serious about it and it felt unfair not to prioritize trying to help them.

Of course, not like I ended up being much help at all. I should have just done it. I guess that’s what being prosocial gets me.

And yeah I think there’s any number of reasons we couldn’t be able to access it yet but. Hm. There’s something there I think.

Hey wanted to … see how you were doing.

Also wanted to ask a couple favors since we’ll be in Queenstown for a while?

First, I asked Zaya for ideas for a date and she’s going to get us ticket for a play she says is pretty good. Would you still be interested in going with me?

Second, I’m … not sure. How you’d feel about this, or if you even remember, but I do need a new sword. I don’t need a masterwork weapon but. The sword I carried wasn’t made for me. Wasn’t even made for Badri. I’d like something that was made specifically for me. I was wondering if you’d consider being the one to make it?

That might be a lot, and I know that was Annarr’s thing, not yours, and you already got me the gun, which I love, this thing is a dream. But. I don’t know. I was just thinking. Again, feel free to say no.

Also thanks for. Keeping me from flipping my lid when I was talking about whatever is going on with Jae. I have a lot of complicated feelings about it and I kind of didn’t want to cry in front of everyone about the fucking Scorpion Queen.

Of course I would be???

Hmm… suppose a second one wouldn’t be that much extra work in the grand scheme of things, so sure. Any types of metal that have caught your fancy, or any particular gemstones you might like on the hilt?

ps if you place a finger on the indentation on the stock and channel some pellucid gnosis through it, it’ll create a sight line that shows where your shot should land.

No thanks needed, I’m always here for you.

Yeah I guess that was a little silly to ask about the play, huh? I hope it’s good? I don’t know what you like? I don’t know what I like even. But I think it’ll be fun even if it’s bad.

Are you making yourself something? Zaed did mention a prototype? And … I don’t really know. Something lightweight. My old sword was always slightly off balance—Sanna was taller than me, as was Badri. I’m not really sure what kind of metal options there are?

Oh. That is fucking amazing. Thank you for that. The gun is already a joy to aim and that just makes it better.

I know you are always here for me. I trust you are. But I still value it every time.

Yeah, we’ll find out together.

Was considering it, yeah. Also! I mostly just meant in terms of - color, or aesthetic. Can work on the weight and balance regardless of the materials. I can pick something if not, was just curious if something might’ve caught your eye in the bazaar or on the train.

♥♥♥

Oh! I greatly look forward to what you’ll come up with for yourself. And hmm. I think those blades with a slight curve are neat, and I think the metal of the blade being remarkable would be … cool too? I don’t … hm. My inherited sword was fairly ornate at the hilt. I’d rather something. Sleeker? I’m not really sure. I might have to think about it. Ideas are appreciated.

Silver, darksteel, dalmascan steel… wonder if Awa has any Rakaznar, that could enable some interesting highlights. Definitely thinking of some kind of scimitar, though,

Oh, all of those sound very cool, though the absurdity of having a Rakaznar blade for no particular reason is … well, the part of me that likes to be flashy and perform kind of likes it, but the part of me that has some sense of keeping things tonally appropriate things that might be a little ridiculous.

Well not the entire thing of course, just some accents. Beast is big on glowly weapons, of course, but I’ve always liked them a bit more, hm, subdued.

Yeah I can see that. The naginata that Wolf immediately fell in love with was one of the most beautiful pieces of work I’ve ever seen in my entire life. That’s kind of … why I wanted your opinion and your help.

I know I was being cute with the thing about you having excellent taste, but you really, honestly do—weapons, clothes, food. If the chicken farming doesn’t work out maybe you could sell fine wares in a weird liminal shop. It seems to work for Duškomira?

…Hmm… Definitely something to look into for sure.

I do have another question and it might be another thing where you’d be confused why it would bother you in the first place, but … would you be bothered if I invited Jae into the Library? I mostly want to show her my atelier but also the library is … ours. It’s something we made together and it’s something you’ve worked to make secure. I don’t want to violate that.

I guess, also, I want to make sure my friendship with her isn’t … weirding you out? Or at least not weirding you out in a way that causes harm? I know Annarr was her subject, and I doubt you feel the same, but I know you do sometimes do feel what Annarr felt. I also know you probably want to kick her ass, but I think that’s probably a universal feeling?

Ha I know that’s all probably very silly of me, and maybe if you needed me to change anything about how I’m conducting myself you’d ask, but I’m asking first.

Hmm… I don’t think it should cause any problems…? I don’t think there’s anything delicate enough it’d break is in there.

I mean, it’s definitely a little weird how much you care given how recently you became acquainted, but I suppose that’s not really much different from how you are with everyone…? So it’s fine, so long as you’re not really confused about why anyone else might not have Big Feelings about her. at this juncture. As for myself, hm. She was a good and trusted leader, if brash and impulsive. Though a lot of that also came from her being able to trust her underlings to do their jobs properly too. So. No particularly strong feelings either way, if my basing my initial impressions off memories.

Ah. We’ve talked a lot in DMs, mostly. And … I think. Well. The Big Feelings also come from … if I’m right about her enduring through the cycles, it’s also a lot of. My own big feelings about the Mask bleeding through. But also, yeah, I am kind of. Fast. About how I start to care for people I guess. I haven’t been wrong yet, though.

Okay. Well. I’m glad there’s no particularly strong feelings either way there. What about your impressions from when we met her? You seemed exasperated, though also in some ways that’s your default reaction when big, flashy things happen. (Which is funny considering we’re on the plane of Big, Flashy Shit Happening).

A shame of a rite for a greeting and then immediately leaving didn’t leave a great one, at least, but I can assume extenuating circumstances were probably in play.

I think the extenuating circumstances were “being a messy bitch” but yeah.

“Shame of a Rite” is a strong way to phrase it. Was it the Scorpion and the Frog card or something else?

Meant Sham, but yes. What point is there in engaging in a Rite with a predetermined outcome? With no satisfaction in victory or loss? Even if you’re overwhelmingly more competent than your opponent, there ought to be the slimmest of chance at loss. Angel of Hope my ass. If you merely mean to go through the motions, simply practice your forms without invoking it at all.

…Hm. That came out a bit stronger than intended but… Ah, well.

Arguably, I think “shame” and “sham” work interchangeably here, honestly. And I mean, I found a point in my 1-on-1, but it wasn’t about winning or losing. If you think about it sideways and go on with a different goal than winning it doesn’t feel so bad, but also the kind of Rites the Sword-Saint engages in are … very different than the Rite on the Beast, I think (it’s a lot more about a story and a lot of it is predetermined).

That said: I love you. I love your strong opinions and your loud frustrations as well as your quiet steadiness, you know. Reading this made me smile a lot.

Sure, like with the libra thing the ritual and ceremony of it all is important, but also, no one was really pretending like it was a real fight either.

Well, so long as someone got something out of it I suppose.

Yeah it was absolutely not a real fight.

Looking forward to fighting to Glass Land-Sharks? That’s at least going to be a real fight.

Should be a good time.

Up to you, but I was thinking Zaed might be a good choice for a tomestone holder. Zaya cautioned he might want to try to take it apart and see how it works, so maybe give him an inert one to fuck around with?

By which I mean a second inert one. I don’t know how precious we have to be with the tomestones themselves. The pearls, certainly, but Caion seemed lousy with tomestones when I saw him with them.

He implied there was no small shortage of them and it’s hard to imagine we’ll run into upwards of several hundred people we feel we ought to bestow one upon.

Hmm. It probably wouldn’t hurt to have easy access to one of the most brilliant engineering minds on the Beast, for sure.

You don’t know. Maybe when we get to Valaïs Awa will have a fan club and every single member will require one.

No I think it would be extremely useful and who knows, maybe he and Caion will hit it off and solve a couple problems we didn’t even know we had. And … well, I’m sure you’re still figuring stuff out, but I’m happy to interface with him if it’s ever too Weird for you (or him) to do it. Ditto with Zaya, though I figured that probably went without saying at this point.

An excellent example of shit I’m absolutely not subjecting myself to. But yes.

Hahahaha ♥

Maybe cobalt, actually?

Tell me about cobalt? I don’t actually know much about metals beyond “steel,” “brass,” and “bronze.” (And gold and silver).

Cobalt is… blue, and can be used to make blue dyes. But when you turn it into steel it’s more of a white-ish steel-y kind of color, with small hints of blue if you hold it just right in the light.

Was sort of imagining that with a ruby on the hilt, and then perhaps using some rakazanar for highlights, patterns or runes…?

Oh. That sounds … really lovely. I’m not sure what kind of runes would make sense, but I have always admired your rune-work. Even if the rakazanar isn’t doable, I think … the rune-work would be lovely to have anyway.

Also … I’m not sure … how clear the memory of Annarr’s last duel with Jae was, but … she said something that sounded weird about it and now I’m wondering exactly what happened. Is this something you’d be willing to … either tell me about or show me? I can also ask Jorule if you’d prefer not to relive it, or I can just keep pestering Jae.

What? The part where the burning certainly of truth was carved into the statement on a cosmic level? Because I’m pretty sure I mentioned that before? Couldn’t tell you how or why it happened, only that it seemed like what happened with Wolf and the Zosi-plankton.

Yeah you mentioned the burning certainty of truth but she said … basically:

“[I] had to scorpion and the frog him and. something fucking bizarre happened when i did that i still dont have an explanation for. pulled us both in a direction that isnt one of the normal ones. hasnt happened before or since. said some things i shouldn’t have to try and give him context for what the fuck happened and keep his mind from turning into soup”

And that … sounds like there was some weird space/time bullshit happening moreso than her just saying something to throw you (him?) off guard. Of course that could just be how she remembers it, but I thought it was strange.

I don’t doubt you about the certainty of the truth though. It’s just the circumstances that got you to hearing it that I’m curious about the details of. Not In a way that would hurt you, though, and it very well could be nothing.

The zoom out, glaxay brain expansion bits is the Cosmic Certainly

Like how directions stopped being directions when that static thing happened and let us know shit was Fucked.

Do you think you … touched something true about the world in that moment? That maybe you weren’t ready to touch?

Like Wolf’s explanation of the Zosi-plankton didn’t sound like his brain was on the verge of becoming soup in the way Jae sounds like she thought yours was. Or Annarr’s. I think if you had been you then it would have been … well. What might have happened isn’t a useful endeavor.

I guess. Jae makes it sound like directions stopped being directions and she told you the Truth That Burns as a result. As a means of … helping, in her Jae way. I guess my understanding was that the Truth That Burns came first, and then the weirdness. Maybe the order doesn’t matter, but it kind of feels like it might?

Like it kind of sounds like you got too close to disrupting the narrative shape of the story that was being told, the one where Jae’s the hero who always wins. I wonder … Awa said there was something we weren’t seeing, a player we were missing. I remember that weird static. I wonder if it’s there, in the spaces between our grounded reality and the knowledge that we are in story?

I really couldn’t say. All I know for sure is that the first time that rite was played things got Very Weird. It was sort of an all at once kind of thing? Time Got Weird as well so who knows.

And if I recall correctly the static was caused by trying to do Angel Shit that the ambient gnosis didn’t much care for…? Though, hilariously, the BBS signal seems to be reaching all sorts of ones we weren’t familiar with just fine so… hm. Could be, but I duno how comfortable I feel drawing that line between the two. For what it’s worth, nothing weird happened the second time I saw that rite being played (ie the other day).

There’s any number of reasons it might have gotten weird the first time (getting her close to defeat 1-on-1, the newness of the Rite, Annarr not being an Angel, a certain fate that it had to happen, something else). I’m just curious that it did happen.

Oh I didn’t really think the dizzying presence was an Angel. I thought it was. The something in-between that Awa had mentioned? Gnosis can become mana and vice versa. The way our world is organized is arbitrary and changeable. We’re constantly being watched. I just was wondering if these places and moments where things stop making sense, if there’s some truth we might find there.

I’m wildly theorizing again though.

There’s options, certainly.

I also did not say the static was an Angel, merely that it manifested when we attempting to engage in Angel Shenanigans. Though, I also don’t recall whatever thing Awa said that you’re referencing right now either. Also not entirely certain how much stock I’d be on ‘can become’ especially when the current natural state definitely trends towards rapidly becoming gnosis from what I can tell but…? hm.

Ah I’m sorry I think I might have gotten ahead of myself and not expressed myself well. I’m not sure how much the static has anything to do with Angel Shenanigans at all, is all I really meant.

Ah I’m referencing something Awa said while we were out on our date, which was poorly paraphrased on my part. He said: “I have multitudes of ideas, but somehow I think they’re all… just not quite there yet. There’s something they’re not reaching. There’s us, on the ground. There’s the Sages and Sparks, bearing witness from the peanut gallery. And then inbetween there’s something that neither quite knows. Something that I would wager even the narrator doesn’t know, until they see it.” I’ve been thinking about the something inbetween since.

And “can become” is … just that. Can. Jorule was able to weave it all back into mana when he manifested and did his gate bullshit. I think using liminal we could weave it all back into … pure gnosis too? It absolutely wants to take on the shape of whatever world it’s in. But it doesn’t have to do so I don’t think?

Apologies again for just. Throwing all that nonsense your way. I probably need to slow down and make a public strand about the whole thing, though it’s ill-formed and instinctive. Maybe I should wait until I can explain myself better.

What… do you think it did happen in response to then?

I’ll certainly agree that feeling like you should know the solution to a problem before we’ve even properly identified all the problems is a bit premature.

…”Pure Gnosis”?

Trying to do something that didn’t belong in this world? Maybe that’s what you meant by Angel Shenanigans anyway.

And “pure gnosis” is maybe the wrong word but I don’t know what the word would be? Gnosis that isn’t any of the five or six types? If there’s a version of mana that isn’t any of its eight elements couldn’t that be true of gnosis as well?

Uh maybe I should shut up I’m not. Saying much of use here and I’m a little embarrassed to be honest.

That is exactly what I meant, yeah!

I suppose it could be true, but I don’t think anyone’s ever encountered anything like that before. Apparently liminal wasn’t known on Samudra, even though most of us do it intuitively… Hm.

I don’t … know. If this is useful or not, but I don’t think you particular enjoy these kinds of surprises so I thought I should let you know a couple things regarding Annarr.

First, he was originally from a Reacher clan, so when we go glass land-shark hunting we might run into his old clan. They weren’t close, but he was still in contact.

Second, Zaya … figured out that Annarr had feelings for her. We talked about it a little. I let her know that Annarr never realized it, that it took you adding it up to make sense of it. I think that helped?

Third, I guess I hope you’re okay. I’m never really sure how much to talk about this stuff with you or not, but I figured you’d like to know these two things.

I had a really good time on our date, by the way. Even if you did throw the game and you had to save my horrible mess of fancy ingredients at the restaurant. Thanks for. Being you, Aury.

Ah okay. Thanks for letting me know.

The impromptu date was fun, yeah!

You didn’t maybe need to broadcast how weird and distracting you thought I was being to everyone on the linkpearl, you know.

I suppose I did not, but it’s not like I was aware this was a trick you’d done before, that neither Lucja nor myself knew about, and not you simply being mystified by a new environment.

Regardless, I apologize.

Thanks for talking again, Aury.

Question for you (I know this isn’t the kind of detail you care about, but I guess it matters to me) if you had to choose a sigil for yourself is there anything that feels right? I know I’ve used “fox” before but that feels sort of … I don’t know. Possibly cheap?

It isn’t particularly pressing or anything, I just. Thought I’d ask. (Okay, it’s because I want to make something silly and romantic for myself to carry, but it’s again not super important).

Hmm. I think in the way and context you’re asking about it, it’s fine? Not like anything else sticks out anyway.

Well I mean, I associate you with light and the color gold. I’m sure I could figure something out? But noted.

Question: How hard would it be to limit access to certain library volumes to just our group? Most things I don’t mind, but I feel. Weird. Having things like the Libra text out there for all to see?

Like Some Kind Of Golden Lion??? (that wouldn’t be confusing at all)

basically impossible wrt how tomestones are set up. For a work around, maybe instead of putting a book you’re funchy about back on the shelf, you leave it inside the game room or loom room (loom room…) or wherever, so that you have to be present inside the library to access it? Would keep it off the tomestones in general though.

Don’t see what the big deal about the libra text is though personally.

Haha, but no. More like. Erm. A star that you can always look to in order to find your way (there are stories about that even if I’ve only just seen the stars before) or the gold of the Centrelight as it drenches the room early in the morning, making you warm after you’ve grown really cold at night. Something like that. Hard to put into an easy sigil but. You’re a complicated guy. Not just the golden lion though.

Leave the gloom tome in the loom room? (I call it an atelier, though mostly because that’s what Iikka called theirs). That’s a solution, though yeah it not being accessible by tomestone, and not having it filed correctly would drive me nuts.

I guess I wasn’t sure how much Luĉja wanted some of their stuff to be known, or … I guess. I kind of feel weird blaring Jae’s truth out there considering she was so leery of my casting Libra on her anyway. I guess I also … as I was working on writing up my primer for new tomestone holders, I felt. Sort of. Like maybe not everyone needed to know about Annarr and Jorule with regard to you? Like maybe they could just meet you on your own terms without knowing all that backstory? (Which is … I know you probably don’t get too bothered about it so maybe I’m being silly, but. I don’t know).

And the libra text kinda gives it away?

If the Scorpion Queen did not want you using something that you earned, she would have said so. Or simply not given you the opportunity to gain it in the first place. I don’t think “the rulers of the Beast is damned near immortal in some fashion” is really going to come as a shock to anyone with basic knowledge of the plane, though. She’s a big girl and perfectly capable of being handled without kiddy-gloves.

As for myself. I mean. Name a single person with a tomestone that doesn’t already know? … Izaak and Silver-throat, I suppose. But if they decided to do a deep dive and read literally everything in the library… more power to them, honestly? People in general have been very kind and good about meeting me where I’m at, and I have a hard time imagining the sort of person I’d want to have a tomestone whom I also do not trust enough to know about our origins? If that makes sense?

In my opinion it won’t hurt anyone or any thing, other than potentially being a little confusing and raising some questions. But you have to go looking pretty deep to find that stuff, and not even Caion or Zaya’s read over everything, so it’s not really a big concern. Anyone that does feel the need to really dig in that deep would find other avenues to the questions regardless.

Okay. Thanks for clarifying. Sorry. Protective instincts I guess.

No need to apologize; there’s nothing wrong with erring on the side of caution and asking when you’re unsure about something.

♥♥♥ Thank you. I guess I felt. Maybe a bit … hm. Bad? About maybe forcing you to articulate something that didn’t need to be articulated.

But I guess I didn’t force you, and while you’ve commented on my habit you’ve never really complained, precisely. Is that a fair read of it?

Anyway, thank you for the further reassurance.

You did not, and that is basically correct. Can’t change the past, and there’s no compelling reason to hide it, so it’s fine if people know about it. Not going to go out of my way to bring it up either, though. Looking ahead instead now.

I know you already said as much but I’m really, really, really glad to hear it.

You’re pretty amazing, you know. ♥

You are too!

Kind of a bummer of a question but … can I ask why you don’t seem too bothered about us seeing the end of a cycle? I’m not freaking out about it particularly badly but I’m also. Hm. I’m curious what you’re thinking?

It’s fine if this is a conversation you’d rather have in person, I was just hoping to drag you out on another date soon and “what are your feelings on the end of all things” seemed like a mood-killer.

I’m thinking we’re still missing a lot of context and there’s not much reason getting worked up before we even know what problems, exactly, we actually need to solve.

Also because the threat of world destruction has been looming me over my entire life so it’s, I don’t know, basically just another tuesday at work?

Oh you know. I hadn’t considered what it would mean that you never did have a moment where you weren’t dealing with … this. I told you almost immediately after you started to exist.

I guess. Well my instinct is to ask how you feel about it, and you’ll probably tell me you don’t feel any particular way, but the space is there in case you do want to talk about it.

And you’re right about context. Even if my theories do turn out to be true it doesn’t tell us much. Really it’s as I said; there’s no where that’s safe, not really. I think Jae’s just so certain it’ll happen, and the tracklist … again I think we’ll find a way through in the end, I’m just not sure what we’ll lose in the process of getting there.

But having more people fretting about it doesn’t help, especially when there aren’t clear solutions.

Yeah, basically. Worry about the things directly in front of us that we know we can effect, not “what if a meteor suddenly crashes into me tomorrow out of no where”.

And even if you’re right about the shape of things so far, it still doesn’t account for anything Mu or Valais side which… can’t imagine why 2/5th wouldn’t be involved. We’ll figure something out eventually, but yeah. Need the rest of the context before thinking too hard about practical solutions.

I think my frustration is that we just don’t know much of anything. We get tiny pieces with every step we take but very little actionable information.

And you’re right about Mu and Valaïs, but I think my concern is that by the time we know we won’t be able to act, not yet. And I guess, maybe this is an over-correction from my own previous passivity, but I’ve been trying to do the things I can to guard against … the harm that will come at the end of all things. Right now these things are small, and I think I will try to content myself with them.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, as always. I value—to be very Samudran about it, but your Counsel is so important to me.

Hey Aury, two questions I just thought of:

First, the way you took pictures of the Septentrione expedition … is that something you could teach me how to do? I was thinking of seeing if Archie would like me to send some pictures to Caion during his big Iron Chef debut.

Second, I know it kind of got lost in the feelings-discussion, but when Jae was in the library, she had a completely different form—human, young. She said it wasn’t a form she’s ever taken in our world. I’m also going to ask Jorule if he has any Bird Insights, but since the library is ours I didn’t know if you had any particular … thoughts about why that might have happened?

Uhhh. It’s literally just embedding a single image from your memory into a folio, rather than a moving one. There’s no way you won’t figure it out now that you know it is in fact something that deceptively simple.

I’d assume it’s an extension of - you know how when you enter it, you can change the outfit you’re wearing, or if you do something silly like remove clothing then walk out with it in your hands and then you’re still wearing it outside? An extension of that. At a guess, that’s probably the form she arrived in, and/or one she still thinks of herself as in her mind/heart. (Which is also probably why Jorule can appear as himself without me around there, as well?) It make a kind of intuitive sense, at least.

OH! That is … I mean, deceptively simple, sure, but also I certainly didn’t think of it. That’s brilliant. Thank you.

Don’t pretend like you didn’t enjoy that particular bit of silliness. Anyway, she said it wasn’t the form she arrived in, but … if she still thinks of herself in that way in her mind/heart that makes a lot of sense. I hadn’t connected it with Jorule, but he certainly can control … both his appearance and the way he moves through space.

Didn’t say it was bad, simply was referencing things you’d experienced first hand!

I didn’t say you said it was bad! I was just reminding you that you had seemed to have a pretty good time, sir.

Aury, I made the mistake of trying to gently suggest to his highness that, based on what Duškomira told me, he might be one of the Valaïs undead. He seemed to consider it briefly then doubled down on the impossibility and now I’m faced with either arguing with him or … just agreeing?

It might be my fault. I may have explained poorly?

What should I do?

Do… whatever you feel is best…? If we can survive several loud disagreements I’m certain he’ll be fine, too. Truth that he’ll accept you speaking your mind, as you do his.

Trust

It’s less that I’m worried about him being okay if I speak my mind and more that it feels like a ridiculous thing to be arguing about in the first place? I don’t want him to be undead, I just think being certain he isn’t, with what we know, is foolish.

Though I guess if he wants to decide a thing is true then he’s allowed?

Er, sorry for bugging you.

For what it’s worth, seeking opinions on “is this too ridiculous of a thing to argue about” on a topic I do not particularly have much of any context for seems, itself, fairly ridiculous.

But also, he is a ridiculous person at heart anyway…? So it ought to be fine.

I was maybe also exasperated by the whole exchange and needed to vent a little, but I can see where I was unclear.

It’ll be fine and I’m being silly.

Fair Enough.

Are you okay? Didn’t realize your field trip was going to be more Annarr stuff. I hope it went all right.

Also didn’t. Mean. To get weird and snappy in front of Jae. I hope … if we need to talk that’s … I’m here for that too.

Anyway.

Yeah, it went fine. Planning on uploading a folio with some of the stuff I saw once I got a second to sit down.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much, it got a little tense but then it defused itself, so no hard feelings… I think? None on my end, at least.

I’m excited to see what you found out. I know Annarr stuff can be … loaded, but you also seem to have got past that pretty well. Your ability to process things is outstanding.

No hard feelings from me either, though man you really do not like her. I don’t think I’ve seen you get this irritated since you got frustrated at silmät in the void that one time. (And that might’ve been Jorule? You can always blame it on Jorule I guess).

Zaya also finally slipped me the tickets to the play she recommended. I would like a chance to go on a fancy date with you before we leave Queenstown, if your schedule allows.

Oh, I almost forgot about that. If it’s soon we should be able to slip it in before we leave for the deepforge?

(and, well, it seems obviously to me that nothing going on has a one man solution, so…)

Zaya gave me three sets of tickets for the next three evenings, best seats in the house, so I think we should be able to slip it in. It’s apparently a forbidden romance between two talented hunters from rival clans. It promises a shocking amount of very convincing explosions, very witty dialogue, and “an ending that should satisfy everyone.” The two hunters are, of course, both played by beautiful women, because I did get the rec from Zaya.

(What do you mean by that?)

I mean no one is going to be able to save the world, much less all the worlds, by themselves. And it kind of pisses me off hearing her talk about it like she should be able to do it all by herself, and because she can’t it’s all doomed to oblivion, and if it’s gotta go to oblivion, well, might as well be her that has to deal with the worst of it. No. No!!! That’s not how any of this shit works. you need a mother fucking group to watch your back and your sides, and cover the things you’re bad at and the things you can’t see coming, not to sit there sighing wistfully as you fail to shoulder an entire goddamn planet on your shoulders because of some fucking ego trip you’re on and failing because you can’t accept you need help and

hm.

well.

Thoughts and feelings along those lines, I suppose. Not that there’s any point in really going off on you… as you’ve taken those points to mind rather well in the last few month and…

Anyway! The play sounds like it could be fun.

I mean you can rant about it to me if you want? I love you and I like listening to you, even when you’re just ranting about something you’re passionate about (And this is a good thing to be passionate about). I could argue, certainly, and say that there are probably extenuating circumstances we don’t know about, that I don’t think it’s all ego, not really, but at the end of the day I think you’re right in the most basic way possible.

This isn’t something you do alone. And sometimes it takes a very bizarre kidnapping to give you the people you need so you don’t have to do it alone. And … I guess I kinda hope we can give that to her, too? Proof, that she isn’t alone in this. Of course, it’s easy for me to be very empathetic about it because you met me in a very similar place, so take that as you will.

I did want to ask if you’d be comfortable giving her a tomestone so she could access the library, but also I know she drives you nuts so that one is legitimately up to you.

And I think the play should be interesting at the very least, and I have a dress I want to wear, and we can gorge on street food beforehand.

id really rather not give her the satisfaction since she can already access the linkpearl if messages need to be relayed directly tbqh but part of that is just me being petty

… Aury are you … pouting? Are you okay?

(You can be petty! That’s why I asked! There’s not a practical function in giving her one.)

maybe? But yes, I am okay, I just do not like interacting with her it grates

I didn’t know if I had written something that had gotten your hackles up (when you dropped all capitalization and punctuation it almost felt like you were curling up into a defensive ball).

Well, we’ll be headed into the Deepforge soon and probably unlikely to see her for some time. And Luĉja or I can always take point when communicating with her otherwise.

Just. If it’s ever anything more than grating or annoyance, know that … I’m here for you? To listen to anything you need to talk about, or might need?

not any more than they already were, no.

But yeah, noted. I’ll keep you posted

I apologize if I’m confused but … did I do something to get your hackles up, or is this still holdover from interacting with Jae?

I … can also give you space if you need it.

No, you didn’t do anything other than hold a different opinion on a person than I do and then double check that there wasn’t a problem, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of those things.

Okay. Thank you for the reassurance. And the … just thank you.

And also for being yourself with me. I always value that a lot.

You asked me to tell you from now on when I’m going to do something potentially dangerous so.

I’m going to do something potentially dangerous. I think … I don’t know, maybe nothing will happen, but I’m going to go back to the cathedral on the Beast and attempt methexis with Her.

I don’t … I think we were too caught up on communication, on words, but I found my way to methexis for when words fail. And I think maybe … there’s a way of thinking about it that might yield more information. And I know maybe the best way is to keep going forward, but that’s your way. This is mine.

If you want to come with me you’re welcome to. But I thought I should let you know, at the very least.

I think, when you ask someone for answers, and they can create creatures which can understand and communicate their intent (and indeed had JUST deployed one), and you choose not to do that and instead scream incoherently, perhaps, you do not actually want the asker to know you intent at that precise moment.

So. I do not think this is a course of action you should take, as is is likely to be fruitless and frustrating at best, or painful if worse. However, I also know well enough to realize that it is highly unlikely I am going to dissuade you from attempting to do so. So, I won’t try. All I will ask is that you keep in mind you will likely not receive… whatever is it you’re looking for out of this.

I know. I absolutely know I probably won’t get any kind of answer.

I still have to try.

And it’s not even answers, really. I know Luĉja was made to communicate, and if Her child could not speak with Her, I don’t think I possibly could. But I still want to try to understand, anything that I could possibly understand.

If I could even understand the shape of Her pain I think … I don’t know. That might help a lot? But. I don’t know. I still have to try. I’m tired of not trying.

I guess it might be frustrating to get this kind of message. I’m sorry I’m … like this.

It’s fine, do what you feel you need to.

Is it actually fine?

I can’t very well encourage you to start being more proactive and not simply wait for the end of the world and then get upset when you do, in fact, start taking action.

I do not personally feel there is any merit in spending more time attempting to engage with the giant eyeball that doesn’t give the impression it wants to communicate. You, however, are a much different person with a rather different background, personality and skill set from myself. So if you feel like this will help you in some way, or that not doing it is something you will regret, then by all means. Poke away.

The only thing that gives me pause it thinking about how much getting no solid results might bug you, but if you’re aware going in it’s a long shot and don’t have your hopes too high, there’s not really much more for me to add other than good luck

Trust me, I don’t have my hopes up. I—I’ve been struggling with it, you know (you probably do; I’ve been obvious about it). The lack of solid answers—of any appreciable answers, really. I feel like I keep getting tiny pieces that don’t tell us anything, keep hoping that someone smarter than me will put them together into something useful. Keep … coming up with theories that are missing huge chunks, that are probably wrong.

The thing is I don’t … I’ve learned a lot, I think, from everyone, but in terms of an appreciable skillset I don’t … I’m not … the only thing I seem to be able to do is to ask questions and listen for the answers. And even then I’m not great at the listening.

But I just think. If I can hold myself open long enough to understand anything at all then it’ll be a win. And if I can’t, well, the trying will have mattered.

I know we still have 2 planes left to go. I know I need to be patient. But Aury, I’m really, really scared all the time. I’m scared about what’s going to happen to us, what’s going to happen to the world, between the first half of this and the second. And all I can do to combat that fear is to tell myself it matters. That everything I do matters, regardless of if it yields anything.

And, you know, to stay busy.

Anyway, thanks for well-wishes.